Sounds like it's time for therapy. You're overreacting, but since this is still pretty new for you, and you have a negative partner, maybe that's why.
Herpes isn't that easy to get. Use condoms and take the medication. Since you're in your first year of infection, I'd use condoms AND the medication until you are at least 1 year out from your initial infection. Many infections occur during the first year a person is infected, and also during the initial stages of relationships.
Your partner will be fine. In the meantime, get some therapy.
It just seems so scary. You can get it when you have no signs or symptoms, slight rubbing, 90 percent of people don't know they have it etc etc. It's very frigtening to me. My partner wants to move away from condom use. I'm on Valtrex and like I said, am pretty careful and try to be aware of what's going on with me down there, but am so scared he may get it. I know statistically the chances of him getting it without a condom while I am on Valtrex is 98 percent a year that he won't and that just jumps to 99 percent with a condom which really isn't all that different, but I just feel scared. We've talked about it and he is reassuring, but I feel like everytime something happens that I spend the next two weeks dreading that somethng is going to come up. We are having sex more often now and the worry is just hard to deal with. I hate this.
no one ever said that your partners were doomed to get it at some point. Not sure what makes you think that.
grace
So basically whoever I am with is doomed to get it at some point most likely if we move away from condom use, get married, try to have kids etc.
Just what she said. It would take twice as long to get infected with a partner who has HSV and knows it v. having a partner with HSV who doesn't know they are infected.
e.g, say you are with someone who doesn't know they have it. You screw on a regular basis, and 6 months later, you are infected. If said partner had known they had HSV (thereby being able to protect you by refraining from sex during symptoms, etc.), it would take you a year to get infected.
What do you mean it "actually doubled the time until the uninfected partner was infected in one study"??
The virus doesn't sit on the skin and sink down in to infect you - it's forced into the skin thru the heat and friction of sex. Washing up after sex just makes you smell better. It's already too late at that point from a standpoint of reducing transmission of herpes.
Washing your hands with soap and water ( not hot water btw - the soap is what is important - not the water temperature and using hot water just dries out your skin and makes it more vulnerable to all sorts of issues ) helps from when you've touched your lesions if there is any active virus on them that could be transferred to other body parts immediately afterwards it's killed before you can spread it elsewhere.
You are using the stats for discordant couples that HHH I know likes to use. I prefer to break it down by gender ( herpes handbook at www.westoverheights.com ) but yes the stats you are using are correct. Just the infected partner knowing they have hsv2 has been shown to reduce the chance of transmission to a partner. It actually doubled the time until the uninfected partner was infected in one study.
grace
If using soap and water after sex does not decrease chances of it spreading, then how come everywhere says to make sure you wash your hands with hot soap and water in order to prevent it from spreading to other parts of your body? In theory, wouldn't a shower work in somewhat of the same way??
Are the statistics I hear correct?? If a couple does nothing but avoid sex during an OB and use no condoms or medication the chances of it transmitting from a female to a male are about 5 percent a year? If taking Valtrex and no condom is used then the chances are about 2 percent a year? Condom and Valtrex then about 1 percent chance per year??
1) No
2) No
3) No
4) It's possible for both men and women to have herpes and not know it. And, yes to the second part.