This forum is an un-mediated, patient-to-patient forum for questions and support regarding herpes issues such as: Herpes symptoms and treatments, causes, diagnosis, and herpes in men, tests, telling your spouse or partner.
I was diagnosed with herpes fifteen years ago. I had a horrible initial outbreak. They did not tell me which type it was, one or two. I have always told my partners before engaging in intercourse with them. It never seemed to pose a problem in any relationship. None of them have ever contracted the virus. My ex husband of ten years never contracted the virus. However, no blood tests were ever done. I haven't had an outbreak since the first one and do not take medications. I have recently developed a new relationship and having being married for ten years herpes was the farthest thing from my mind. I had unprotected sex with this new partner without telling him about the virus. What would the chances be that he has contracted the virus from me? Is it possible that I don't even have type 2 since I only had the one outbreak? Which tests would we need to be absolutely sure?
One encounter with you if you didn't have symptoms was low risk for transmission.
Get a blood test so you know what you have. If all you have is type 1, you can be assured that your initial infection was HSV1, and over 60% of the population already has HSV1, so there is very little risk of transmission.
Your current partner should also get type specific blood testing as well to know what he has or doesn't have. (Might as well both of you do it for all STDs while you're at it.) If it turns out you have HSV2 and he doesn't, you can discuss with him using suppressive therapy to help protect him. And/or using condoms. Both of which work great in preventing transmission.
But you both need blood testing before anything else. You should also tell him you had a herpes diagnosis years ago and let him know you are concerned.
I have told him. I am not really that concerned about him contracting it. I don't think he did. I am concerned about his emotional state after learning this after the fact. He is distraught and wants to test immediately. He also no longer trusts me. To me, him being upset and the trust issue is total understandable. I felt I made the right decision in telling him although inconsiderably late, and I knew that I might in fact lose his friendship and that makes me feel terrible.
Like Waring suggsted - at this point you need to take the bull by the horns and pursue a type specific herpes igg blood test on your part. You can not be making educated decisions with partners about what precautions to take unless you know what you have. Condoms are not 100% protection either so just relying on them isn't foolproof either.
Your current partner is probably having a total knee jerk reaction to hearing the word herpes. It's really a shame most folks don't know how prevelant it is along with how easily transmission can be averted. He'll need to get a type specific herpes igg blood test himself too to know his status. The risk of transmission is incredibly low from a one time encounter like this but convincing him of that probably won't be easy. Keep talking about all of it and see if you can work thru it in this relationship.
He is struggling with two issues..... the reaction to the word and I think the bigger issue he is having is why I didn't tell him and he trusted me. He seemed pretty rational the other night when I told him but now I think he has had time to think about it and has gotten pretty upset. We plan to get the blood tests done. I don't know how to deal with the results and remorse if I did transmit it to him. How does a person do that? I don't know what else to say besides I'm sorry. Sorry isn't helping.
Same thing happened to me. I was told after a one time encounter and I am convinced I contracted it. You should be ashamed of yourself for not disclosing and don't say you didn't think about it. My life right now is ruined from the anxiety from this.
Listen she was worng for not saying anything but at the same time it takes TWO TO DANCE... So for you don't put all the blame soley on ur partner, you made the desicion to not protect yourself... Don't ever leave protection to chance and assume that someone is STD free, you love you and you should protect you. An ex also gave it to me and to be honest I am more upset at myself for having unprotected sex with him. I made that choice as did you, so don't throw salt on NAEL24 WOUNDS, that's really not needed!
I am sorry you feel that way and that happened to you. And I don't want to come off harsh but, this is just a simple site and you do not know me or my life. Everyone's situation is different.I suffer from intense anxiety, major depressive disorder and have had a very bad life. I have serious medical conditions in which I forget many important things which reflect my life. This situation is very devastating to me as well, as I see others happiness before my own. If this person has contracted this from me, it is unforgivable. Living with myself won't be easy. It will be imperative that I do whatever I can in my power to make it up to him. I will never live it down. Ever. I did, however, contract a disease from him. A month ago when all this came about. Again, it wasn't about the disease. It was about the trust. I am thinking that I should ask a doctor for the prescription medication. That way, I can remember on a daily basis and prevent this from happening again. Thank you though, for your response.
Thank you toni22 for seeing both sides. No matter what, condoms should have been used. I did tell him as soon as it was triggered in my memory. First thought, "Oh no, what have I done." But I knew at that very moment I had to tell him as soon as possible because it was the right thing to do. And I did.
He doesn't hate me. He's upset with me. We are very close friends and care a lot for each other. He appreciates that I told him. He just wishes it was before we had sex. It's a difficult situation but we will get through it. I am actually talking to him in between posts. It makes me feel better to know that he's feeling better. Research and knowledge makes all the difference I think.
So true Research and knowledge makes a whole heap of difference, when i use to hear the words gential (genital) herpes, I use to put it in the same set as hiv, it's only after being told I might have the virus and stressing and bawling I started to research it and by talking to a few people here found that it wasn't all that bad, IN FACT compared to the others it's mild... YEAH YEAH no body wants a virus but at the same time i see where it could be a whole lot worst....Now it's a complete different me, No longer do i just throw caution to the wind and nobody should either.... wish u the best dear..
You have no clue what I do so don't you dare say that's what I do. First off i just got infected, haven't had sex in six months, with a new partner and as soon as I was told that was what I MIGHT HAVE I TOLD HIM. Now what do u want me to do, sit in a corner and hate someone for what could be prevented if I HAD ASKED HIM ALL THE TIME TO WEAR? I think that's a waste of time. It's incurable, you have hiv that also incurable, So you make a deisicon to put urself at risk, you can't take someone's word for anything. TO MAKE IT SIMPLE AGAIN,PREVENTION IS BETTER THAN CURE, WRAP IT UP AND YOU WON'T HAVE TO WORRY!
Yes toni22. Back in my teenage years and when I was diagnosed, I told my partners beforehand and gave them all the knowledge and they were okay with it. Having one partner for so long, only having one outbreak, and having memory impairments complicated things this time. Also, I have no idea if it's type one or type two. I am working on that now and will work to better and prevent this situation in the future.
I've been there, done that myself. I was dating someone and found out from a prior partner that he had been diagnosed as having genital herpes and he was pretty sure it came from me. Suddenly a lot of things that had occured over the course of a few months made sense and I knew I had it. I was young, very immature and stupid at the time and thought well no need to tell my new partner because if I just avoided sex when I had symptoms ( which at that point I hadn't even realized I was having ) it would be enough. Actually 22 years ago that was the general thinking - how very wrong it was :( I did end up transmitting hsv2 to my bf of that time too. I had to tell him that I knew I had had it and that I had given it to him. Totally sucked to be honest. I carried around that guilt for a long time until I finally dealt with it. Making peace with the situation was one of the best things I could've ever done for myself. I haven' t transmitted it since then but I still am sure it would give me negative feelings for awhile even though I take every precaution I can to protect my partners and I do inform them that I have genital herpes ( and oral herpes ) prior to sex. I think there's no avoiding those feelings no matter who you are - it's just a matter of how you decide to handle it and how you let it affect you in the long run.
To the other posters - please - this is not the place to be trying to make someone who already feels bad about themselves to feel even worse!! this forum is for education and SUPPORT. Save the lectures for another time - they really aren't appropriate for someone who is looking for information and support for a tough time in their lives. No one here is perfect by no means. any further unsupportive type posts to this thread will be removed.
Your story makes me want to cry for your friend. I was 14 when it happened to me and I wasn't given a choice of knowing beforehand either. Obviously, I shouldn't have been having sex, but I did and I paid for it. I was depressed for a long time afterwards and I couldn't even tell my mom because I knew she wouldn't understand. I'm almost 32 now and at first I was like you not having many outbreaks. Once I became a mom I got them very often.
I would imagine that I do know how it feels to contract herpes without someone telling me they have it. Uh.....I have it!!! There was once a time when I didn't. I, myself, had to go through the shock and frustration. I do not know from whom I contracted it. Maybe they didn't know they had it. It didn't matter really. I could only go from what the fact was and that was that I had herpes. So after the frustration, shock and feelings of disgust, I said to myself, "well I have it now might as well make the best of it, I can't change it". So I researched and made myself become informed. I have three kids. I still have only had the first initial outbreak. I have a doctors appointment next week for female reproductive problems that I suffer. My intention is to ask for the blood test in determining the type that I have. Thanks for your thoughts.
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