Herpes from getting fingered?

My boyfriend has oral and genital herpes (type 2). We have never had sex, only kissing, and we were making out tonight. Well, while we were making out he got, um... excited, and reached into his pants to adjust himself. He did not wash his hands after doing this. About five to fifteen minutes later he stuck his hands down my pants and tried to finger me. I couldn't BELIEVE he would do that. I told him to stop and demanded he go into the bathroom and wash his hands immediately!

He never touched the inside of my vagina, but he did touch the skin around it and the outside of my butt near the crack.

Is it possible that he could have been having an outbreak, reached down, touched the outbreak and then passed it on to me?

And if he wasn't having an outbreak, is it possible that he could have been shedding the virus from his genitals, touched it and then passed it on to me?

I am livid! I tried to find the answers online but none of them seemed definite. Please help!  :(:(:(

[gracefromHHP]

I'm pretty sure you also asked this on the asha site and I've already answered it there ( under my betsy nickname ).  I'm sure the other person who responded there just scared you to death but I'm not aware of their situation to comment on the validity of how they think they got genital herpes.


Manual stimulation is not a risk. You don't need to worry about this.

Are you sure you are up to being in a relationship with someone who is hsv2+ if you are this concerned about such a low risk contact as this one?

grace

[MichMgork]

"Are you sure you are up to being in a relationship with someone who is hsv2+ if you are this concerned about such a low risk contact as this one? "

I think I have always been somewhat wary but I entered into the relationship anyway because I want to be with him.  But I do get worried sometimes which isn't fair to him.  You're right and I guess that's a question I need to ask myself and think about.  Thank you Grace/Betsy.  

[MichMgork]

And yes she did scare me.  I posted on two different message boards after I read her response!

[gracefromHHP]

You can just call me grace - I answer to almost anything any more...lol.

Is your bf on daily suppressive therapy?  Do you know how he was diagnosed with both oral and genital hsv2? what testing he had done etc?

Have you been tested for herpes yourself?


Just put it into perspective - if he's on daily suppressive therapy , you avoid sex whenever he has genital symptoms and you use condoms, your risk is about 2-3%/year of contracting hsv2 from him. Even if you just do nothing but avoid sex during obvious symptoms, your risk is 8-10% over the course of a year. His just forgetting to wash his hands and then fingering you is such a low risk that it doesn't even make a blip on the radar screen. It just isn't that easy to transmit genital herpes to a partner. If it was, it would be 80% of us infected with hsv2 instead of 20-25%.  

Finding a partner who you are compatible with and want to be with is probably the hardest part of dating.  I'm sure you kissed quite a few frogs to find this prince right?  But if you don't think you can deal with the herpes part of him then just be honest with him and yourself and move on.    How long have you been dating him?

grace

[MichMgork]

He is not on suppressive therapy because we are not having sex at the moment.  But he was very open about both of us going to the doctor and getting tested and him going on Valtrex.  He was diagnosed with genital herpes when he was having his first outbreak.  The doctor looked at it said it looked like herpes and gave him a blood test that came back positive for 1 and 2.  He said he had one more outbreak the following month and then nothing for the last four years.  He told me that his doctor said that since it's been so long since his last outbreak that as long as he uses a condom during sex the risk of him transmitting the virus is nearly impossible.  I remember him telling me this then looking at me and sayig, "But that's not what the internet says." lol

I have been tested for herpes and I do have type-1 and get cold sores every few years, especially in the winnter/if I'm stressed.  Tests came back negative for HSV-2.  This makes me feel even worse.  What right do I really have to be this paranoid about genital herpes when I already have it orally?

It breaks my heart that this one thing is causing me so much strife (though I have NEVER revealed this around him) because we are so good, he means the world to me and I can't imagine being without him.  We've been friends for years, I've known about hishsv status for years, but we've only been a couple for two months.

Thank you for the information.  I just read a study on google about suppressive therapy and condom use and it seems to be extremely effective which is consoling.  

[MichMgork]

Oh and his oral herpes is type-1 not type-2.  i made it sound like he had type-2 both orally and genitally which isn't the case.  :)

[gracefromHHP]

Whoever said our minds were logical about everything?

Yes valtrex suppressive therapy and condoms are very effective. Thankfully since I've been on suppressive therapy ( I use acyclovir ) I've never transmitted the virus to any of my partners.  I believe in it whole heartedly myself.

grace

[MichMgork]

If you don't mind my asking, how many parters have you had and for how long?

[gracefromHHP]

I've had hsv2 for 22 years now. I decline to answer the number of partners but it's been more than 5 ;)

grace