Many of the question you ask can be answered in the Herpes Handbook, found at www.westoverheights.com. Be sure to read it.
You can read about this topic in the transmission chapter. No reason to at all worry about this at all as it's rare (I know I don't worry, and I have genital herpes). "Autoinoculation almost always occurs during the first outbreak when the immune system has not yet produced an immune response to the herpes." And again, it's rare even then.