Sounds complicated. Again, you did everything you could that was appropriate in this situation. Unless you have some desire to get back together with him, I would just quietly remove yourself from this situation.
Terri
he told me after he had had it for about a week...i asked him to show it to me and it looked like a small blister that had popped... so i don't know maybe it is it? But I'm thrown by the fact that it was supposedly his first out break and his results came back negative. I wanted to go with him and talk to the dr regarding safe sex practices and he didn't care to do that with me . The break up came after this whole incident. He wouldn't talk to me about it and i was feeling pretty terrible about this whole thing, he didn't want anyone to know and he told me that. I spoke to someone close to me and i let him know that i did that because he didn't reach out to me (granted i should have given him time..) Which is when everything happened and he became extremely angry at me that i told someone about this which is where the verbal abuse and manipulation came..
Most people with genital herpes don't scar. However, people of color will depigment the area though the pigment does return after a while. So did he not say anything to you about the genital lesion until you told him you wanted to break up?
Terri
thanks for the reply Terri,
im not sure if he has had a test for hsv2 in the past. Ive recently found out that that type of testing isn't normally in the lineup of standard std testing. I question whether he does have it or not. The week that he supposedly had this i didnt note him to be in pain (unless he hid it very well) and I'm sure not everyone has the same symptoms with and outbreak but i would have thought if it was an outbreak and the first one then there would be some pain along with it.... He also told me that the site scarred and again I've gotten sore on my lips for 10 years and I've never had a scar left behind. Again maybe this is all speculation and perhaps part of the guilt that i have over this whole thing.
i wish the Dr. had at least done a blood test for herpes to see what his baseline was..
and yes they did a syphilis test and it was negative.
It is possible to transmit oral herpes to someone when you do not have a cold sore, yes. And the location on his body where it shows up probably has little to do with how you gave him oral sex. However, I don't think there is any way to know for certain at this point what is going on. Before he started having sex with you, did he have an antibody test for herpes that would know whether he was infected prior to have sex with you or not? Do we even know if he has HSV 2 infection?
If the culture came back negative, we don't even know if he has herpes, do we? Herpes and a cyst are pretty different things! I'm assuming he had a syphilis test done at the visit as well.
If he does have HSV 1 genitally, the transmission rate through intercourse to someone else from him is quite low but not zero
Regardless of all of this, I'm glad you terminated the relationship. There is absolutely no reason to be in a relationship with someone who is verbally abusive, even if you did give him herpes! And you told him about your cold sores ahead of time so your responsibility ends there (and with being careful about giving oral sex when you have a cold sore). You did the things you needed to do.
Terri