How to tell him if we've already had sex...

I tested genital HSV1 positive for a couple months and so far am non-recurrent with the intial ob being extremely mild (one sore). I recently started re-dating someone that I had dated before I was infected and we were previously sexually active with eachother.  I did not intend to sleep with him again until I told him about my diagnosis. A week ago, we went out with a group of friends and had a couple of drinks and ended up having sex. I did try to resist but he was persistant and the alcohol didn't help my will power.  It was not vigorous and we used a condom with spermacide so I know the risk of transmission is extremely low, but I am very mad at myself. I refuse to do it again without telling him.

My question: How do I inform him of my diagnosis now that we have already had sex once?  I am afraid he will be mad that I didn't tell him before and that I possibly put him at risk, without him having all of the facts first.  It has been over a week and he hasn't had anything out of the ordinary so I'm pretty sure he wasn't infected.  But still, if I were in his shoes and was informed after the fact, I would be mad. Any suggestions??

[gracefromHHP]

spermacides do not help to protect against the transmission of herpes.

I'd just be open and honest with him.  It's not likely that you transmitted hsv1 to him for starters so I wouldn't worry too much about that part.  Just sit down with him and talk about the "changes" in your life since the last time you two dated and also ask him about his own std status and if he's had any testing. This is so not just all about what you know you have!  Be honest and tell him that you really had no intentions of being intimate with him the other week but the alcohol impaired both of your judgements.  

grace

[Lee1008]

Thank you for your response.  You're right, honestly is always the best policy.

About the spermicide, I read somewhere that spermicide can kill the virus on the skins surface. I also read that regular soap and water can do the same. Not true, i assume?

[gracefromHHP]

soap and water do kill the herpes virus.  

spermacides can actually increase the risk of acquiring herpes - they irritate the skin and make it easier for the virus to infect someone. Not sure where you read that spermacides were helpful but it was erroneous info.  

grace

[MikeJones411]

I have been diagnosed having genital HSV 1. Very worried and lost.

Can I be your friend?

I have PM my email to you. Please contact asap.

Thanks

Mike