Hsv1 Moral obligation

I have been reading forums and books for months maybe years and I am still confused.  Recently tested positive for HSV1 per Igg antibodies.  Believe I had a cold sore or two on my lips when I was pre-teen, now 50 years old.  Recently divorced.

Questions: Should I inform potential partners?  Must I inform potential partners?  Before kissing?  Before sex?

[petal130]

Considering about 70% of the adult population your age has oral herpes, it's really not a big deal. There's a good chance that the person you'd be dating has it too. That being said, my opinion (which may differ from others) is yes, I believe you should tell them, especially if you plan on engaging in oral sex with them. I now have genital HSV1 via oral sex from my partner who has oral HSV1 - yes I knew he had it, but did not know that he could transmit it to me through viral shedding.

[daisy315]

This is indeed a personal issue but for me I think to tell every single person you are liable to kiss in your lifetime would be a bit ridiculous since transmitting HSV1 orally can happen to anyone at any time from a simple friendly kiss it doesn't have to be deep kissing as is proved by the fact that a huge % of the population have Oral HSV1 long before they reach adulthood,however I do think once you start having adult relationships where a lot of kissing is involved it would be a good idea to tell your partner that you suffer from Oral cold sores from time to time,it is also important to be aware and make any potential sexual partners aware that because of this indulging in Oral Sex can be risky as far as transmitting it to the Genitals is concerned ...... I do think most people are not as  concerned about contracting HSV1 orally as they are Genitally,Oral HSV1 is so common few people see it as any big deal since the likelyhood is that they have it anyways ...... but I think people do have  a moral obligation to inform partners before the oral sex issue arises, everyone has the right to know what risk they are taking where their Genitals are concerned because it's a lot more unpleasant in that area an less acceptable   ......
This is just my personal opinion on this subject and I'm not open to being critisised for it  at the end of the day it's entirely up to the individual and how strongly they feel about it all ....... I don't ever remember anyone telling me they had Oral HSV1 before kissing me either as a teenager or an adult and I've had it since long before I had a "proper" kiss if you know what I mean ..... I don't think fear of HSV1 is something that should become obsessive to the point of depriving oneself of love and affection of which kissing plays a  very large part ...... however Oral sex between oral HSV1 sufferers should be discussed so that both parties are aware of what may or may not happen down below  ......
The up side is that if you both already have Oral HSV1 it's not very likely to change site,but it CAN happen all the same ....

Daisy

[gracefromHHP]

I'm also a fan of if you know you have something that can potentially be transmitted to someone, you should talk about it. Personally I don't disclose my hsv1 oral infection prior to kissing but I do talk about it when I'm having my "talk" - talking about stds and testing, condom use and birth control. It's the way I've chosen to deal with it in my own life.  Obviously if I'd have an obvious cold sore present, I wouldn't kiss anyone and would chose that time to talk about my hsv1 oral status though.  It's up to you to decide how you want to handle things.

grace

[crossing_the_bridge]

well, i am in the minority of the population.  i don't have oral hsv1, and i'd prefer not to get it. so, i think you should disclose before kissing, as a courtesy.  think about it - if you do it at the beginning of a relationship, you get to the safe sex talk, pretty darn quick.  

in the past, i never kissed anyone with an evident cold sore, but i didn't ask if they were prone to them before kissing them, either.  now that i know what i know, i may just ask their status prior to kissing.  or not - as the former method obviously worked. but i would think quite highly of someone that was forthright enough to take my health into consideration before putting me at risk.

obviously, i think disclosure must occur prior to sex.  having the safe sex talk and undergoing std testing ensures that everyone knows everyone's status, and any risks involved.

[fc_hat]

crossing the bridge,
I'm just curious; have you confirmed this with blood test?

I'm still confused if it wasn't for my blood test I would have sworn I did not have it.  

Then I see everyone in my office gets cold sores and they think it is no big deal.  

Being new to dating I have been mentioning it, although the women say they don't care it seems that they do, and they run at the mention of herpes but in my age group they are more likely than not to already have it.

[petal130]

I personally think the issue is getting it genitally, not orally. Most of us won't make it to the old folks home without oral herpes; it's incredibly common.

[fc_hat]

I have read over and over that if you have antibodies for HSV1 you are immune to cathing it again.   So if so many people have it so many people are immune?????


I just read this in a book published in 2009.  That if your blood test is pos and your partners blood test is pos there is nothing to worry about because you can not pass it back and forth.

So why doesn't everyone just get a blood test?

[gracefromHHP]

In more industrialized countries, the rates of hsv1 oral infection have been slowly dropping over the last 30 years as the rates of genital herpes infections with both hsv1 and hsv2 have been increasing steadily.  When my grandparents were growing up, rates of hsv1 oral infection in childhood were probably closer to 50%. Now they are closer to 25-30% in the US.  By the time we hit our 40's, about 56% of us has hsv1. By the time we hit our 70's - it's closer to 80%.  Because less people are getting hsv1 orally now as kids, by the time they are sexually active and having oral sex, they are more likely to contract hsv1 genitally thru oral sex.  Since testing for herpes with blood tests is still on the low side and most folks think no obvious cold sores, no chance of hsv1, lots of folks who have hsv1 who have no idea.  Don't know you are infected, you can't take even the simplest of precautions to reduce the odds of transmission to a partner.

grace

[crossing_the_bridge]

yes, it has been confirmed by multiple blood tests over the years.

[fc_hat]

Sorry I just re-read this after months.  Got my curiosity up.  Why have you had multiple herpes blood tests?  I'm 53 years old and only have ever had one, and I didn't ask for it, but told my doc I was in a situation whereas I may have exposed myself to STD's.