I was a virgin when I got married and my husband does not have Herpes - where did it come from?!

I would SO appreciate any insight.  I was a virgin when I got married and did not have Herpes then, as far as I know.  My husband and I are completely faithful - no doubts about that at all.  I never fooled around with anyone before marriage, no touching genitals, oral sex, etc.  My husband has been tested twice and does not have Herpes.  When I was a couple months pregnant with our first child, I had a teeny sore and was tested, and I do have herpes 2.  I was depressed and scared to death until months after the birth of our child.  Ever since, I have had a few outbreaks per year, usually when I am menstruating, or when I was pregnant.  I usually have only one to three teeny sores that are hardly more than a mere annoyance.  I always know before an outbreak because I begin to have throbbing in my leg and foot, and what feels like poor circulation in that leg.  My husband and I have unprotected sex all the time (not during an outbreak) and he has never become infected.  I am afraid to perform oral sex on him just in case I actually did contract it from him and even though he shows up negative in tests, somehow he has it in his body.  That is kind of a downer in our relationship - just feels as though we can't be as free.  Thankfully, herpes has not been a big deal in my life, but I sure would like to know how I contracted it.  Does anyone have anything that can help me understand this?

[bobrope45]

Ok, first of all - was the swab typed for hsv2? Make sure it was, as some medical providers assume it's hsv2 just because it's in the genital area. Ask for a copy of the swab results.

Second, was your husband tested after the swab results or before? It would be also good to double check his results as many medical providers do not request the right testing. If you want you can post his results here so we can help you out.

If you were a virgin and had only one sexual partner (your husband) and you indeed have hsv2, you certainly caught it from it. no question about that. he might be one of the few that do not test positive in the tests or maybe not enough time had passed. he also might have been infected before your marriage, not necessarily during it.

when you give us the above info we'll be able to better help you.

[bobrope45]

as for the oral sex - considering that you have herpes and that you caught it from your husband, there's no much risk of contracting it orally. your body has already built antibodies against new infections in a different site.

[tomlydia]

Yes, it was definitely type 2 HSV, and he was tested after my test came back positive.  We were both in shock at the time, so he went to be tested, and he was actually tested twice, because we had a hard time believing that he did not have it, since we had no idea where I got it from.  He tested negative for both type 1 and type 2.  I tested negative for type 1 and positive for type 2. He has never had any symptoms either.  Thanks for your help.

[bobrope45]

So your first outbreak was not swabbed? You were only diagnosed with a blood test that was HSV1- and HSV2, correct? Am I missing something?

It could be ideal to get a copy of all your results and post them here, with the numbers associated with it. A few people don't test positive in the HSV2 IgG test (around 5%), which might be the case of your husband. Still it would be better to double check those results - many providers order IgM tests, not IgG, for instance, or order the test too soon.

If you had a positive swab SPECIFICALLY for HSV2, you certainly have it. And as I said above, even though your husband is not showing positive results, it must have come from him, as you were a virgin before him.

There are issues with false-positives with the HSV2 test as well. So if your diagnosis was not through a swab, but rather through a blood test, it would be best to investigate a little more, since it's unusual not to develop detectable antibodies (as I said, only 5% of people deal with it).

[tomlydia]

Yes, I did have a swab originally, because I had a tiny sore.  I had a midwife because I was pregnant, so she did the swab.  Later, after the positive swab result, I had bloodtests, and so did my husband.  My results indicated that it was NOT a first outbreak, although I did not remember any previous outbreaks.  My outbreaks are very minor.  At the time of this first swab test, I had only been married (and sexually active) for maybe 5 months.  He had tests a second time just to verify the result.  I don't have a copy of the result to post, but I do know for sure we both had the IgG.  The doctors were very good and we asked a million questions.  So I know that I am HSV2 positive, plus I have outbreaks a few times a year.  I guess I just have to assume that he is an asymptomatic carrier who tests negative.  We were told by many different doctors that you can't test negative and have HSV2, but I believe that that is false information, and that he is a carrier.  Nothing else makes sense.  I guess it's also possible that I have had this all my life somehow and never had an outbreak until after marriage?  Maybe pregnancy brought it out?  I certainly have no history of abuse, but maybe I don't remember something that happened in infancy.  Who knows.  I just have a lot of unanswered questions.

[tomlydia]

I actually just dug into our file cabinet and found his results. Ordered HSV 1/2 QAUL.  
HSV 1 IGG QUAL   negative in normal zone, reference negative, site mml
HSV 2 IGG QUAL   negative in normal zone, reference negative, site mml
HSV IGM QUAL   negative in normal zone, reference negative, site mml

At the time of this test, my husband's doctor told him that it wasn't possible that I didn't pick up my HSV 2 from a previous partner.  That was very angering and discouraging.    

[gracefromHHP]

had you ever been naked and fooling around with anyone prior to your husband?

are you in the US?

grace

[tomlydia]

No, I hadn't.  No touching under clothes, either.

[tomlydia]

Yes, I am in the U.S.  Just curious - why does that matter?

[gracefromHHP]

I'd repeat your husband's testing with a herpes WB just to err on the side of caution and go from there.  

I asked if you were in the US because of the herpes testing you posted. It's not one of the better tests he had done :(  

[gracefromHHP]

also I'll gladly take a look at your blood test results and your lesion culture results if you can get copies of them too.