Im so afraid

Well...I just got back from a clinic and was told it looks like I am having a primary outbreak.  They did a swab and started me on Acyclovir.  They also ran blood test on the man I was with and wont have any of our results until end of week.  Im writing though...because I am so afraid of what lies ahead.  Right now...Im grieving in a way.  I cant stop the tears...and I have so many fears.  My biggest one...is being alone :( .  I have a couple of friends who have herpes...and they are being wonderful...but is there any online support groups?  Anywhere else I can turn too?  I feel like my life has spun out of control...and I need to somehow grasp ahold of this...and move forward.  Not fall into a dark abyss of hopelessness...

[bleau1999]

I know the feeling! I had a blood test done, and found out that i have the herpes virus as well. It hurts, and ive cried for days so you are not alone.

[canitbe101]

Im sorry bleau1999 :( .  Im this see-saw of emotions.  I cant sleep, think straight...have called in sick from work for a few days..just so I can gather myself emotionally.  I know its not the end of the world.  I know its just a virus...kind of like a cold, that will come and go.  BUT...I just cant wrap my mind around it... Did the man I was with knowling have it?  He went to the clinic with me today and had blood drawn...but will he be honest with the results?  Im soooo lost....

[bleau1999]

We will be ok.  It took about 3 days for me to gather my thoughts and stop crying. So it does take time to mourn and heal. Trust me ive cried alot. But when i woke up this morning and  i feel a lot better.  I know its important to keep the immune system strong, so dont stress out too much because it will make matters worse.  

Ive never felt so hurt before in my life.  Ive always been careful about my health, but now this happens and i feel really betrayed.

My boyfriend knew he had the virus, and he was honest afterwards and told me about the colds sores after i confronted him.  He really was unsupportive, and he claims that it isnt a big deal. He should have told me though! Im more hurt that he didnt think of warning me.

[jenddp]

I was diagnosed in january for hsv2.( had my swab done on new years eve, just how I wanted to spend my day!!) It does get better I promise. I don't cry anymore, im back to feeling pretty normal again. Yes it can be hard to adjust but you will. Heck now I even make jokes about it. Anytime I have a itch I joke and say oh its a herpe! So keep your heads up and talk on the forum if you need friends!

[canitbe101]

thanks you two...  Today is a new day.  I've cried...but not as much as I had expected. Maybe it hasnt fully hit me yet?  But I learned alot about hsv 2 a few years ago...when a friend of mine was going through it.  I researched it for her to help her through it.  But now being on the other side...I have so many questions. I am finding myself complelty freaked out...thinking I can pass it on to my 15 yr old son.  I am finding myself wiping everything I touch down with clorox wipes.  Even the computer keyboard :( . And what about the bathtub?  If i take a bath do I need to scrub it down everytime while Im having a outbreak?  What about the soap???  Should I buy seperate soaps?  What if I leave a towel accidently on the floor after getting out of the shower and he picks it up?  I think thats my biggest fear right now...is somehow accidently giving it to him.  Can I?  What precautions do I need to take?  

[gracefromHHP]

no need to wipe down anything because of herpes. it's transmitted through intimate contact, not surfaces. your 15 year old son is of no risk at all from your herpes!

herpes is easily killed with soap and water. the fats in the soaps break down the virus so it dies. no need for separate soaps. he's also not going to contract herpes from picking up your towel off the floor either.  

grace

[canitbe101]

Thanks Grace...
I feel like I know so much about it...yet so little.  I went from having a tear and a couple sores...then over a week later ( sunday evening)  a full blown breakout.  The opens sores...scared me.  I dont mean to be naive...your answer helped alot and put my mind at ease....  Baby steps!  Now though...time for a girls night out and LOTS of drinking!  Come on friday...get here!  

[gracefromHHP]

keep asking questions as you have them :)

drink one for me friday night!  I'm supposed to be  chaperoning an all nighter at the high school ...must've had one too many when I volunteered to do that.

[canitbe101]

Your more brave than me.  No way could I chaperone but then again...I dont think my son would let me!
I finally got out of bed...and have showered!  I have told everyone I had the flu.  Took three days off to gether myself but now its ttime to pick myself up and carry on.  I do have a couple more questions if thats ok?  I have been reading a lot on suppresive therapy.  What I dont get is...why is it a option?  Wouldnt one want to be on suppresive therapy or am I missing something?  The doc I saw at the clinic prescribed acyclovir 400 mg to be taken 3x a day for ten days.  She did mention suppresive therapy and that if I wanted to do that to call her within 2 weeks and she would change the perscription.  Im thinking suppresive is the way to go...right?  And secondly...she told me not to shave down below NO MORE.  Ummm Im starting to look like amazon woman...and its killing me.  Cant I shave after the outbreak heals?  I want my normal v-jay jay back and that is not looking normal!  Why wouldnt I be able to shave?  Oh...which brings me to one more question.  If i do shave...would I have to use a new razor everytime?  

[gracefromHHP]

at this point find out if you 1 - have genital herpes and 2 - what type it is. then you can better make decisions about what precautions to take and how to treat your herpes.

do you have a regular partner? if so, have they been tested yet to know their status?

definitely don't shave while you have active herpes symptoms!! once this ob has healed, if you prefer to shave you can do so.  just a reminder dear - pubic hair is normal....lol.  also I do recommend using a different razor on your pubic area than you do for your legs and pits to err on the side of caution.

[canitbe101]

Im back.  I just got the call this afternoon with my results.genital type 1.  She swabbed/cultered the sore.  How accurate are those test?  She said it was the gold standard of testing.  I guess what Im asking is...how accurate is it in giving the correct type of infection?  Ive been trying to read up on it...but Im so confused so I do have  a few more questions.  If a future partner has hsv 1 orally already...can he get it down below as well from me?  And can I get it orally as well?  Do you shed the virus as much as I would if it had been type 2?  
Again...thanks for your help.  This web site...and all who help on here are a God send.  Right now...I would be lost without....

[gracefromHHP]

A lesion culture and typing is accurate testing and the best way to give you a definite what and where diagnosis.

if your partner has hsv1 orally, it's very unlikely that you'd give it to them through sex. Of course err on the side of caution and don't have sex when you have obvious symptoms.

even if your partner doesn't have hsv1 orally, it's low risk of transmitting hsv1 to their genital area.

no way to know if you have hsv1 orally too unless you get an obvious cold sore. What few studies we have show that anywhere from 1/4 to 2/3's of folks who contract hsv1 genitally, also contract it orally around the same time. odds are if you don't have hsv1 orally now, you won't get it later on but we don't have good research to back that since it's too hard to study.

hsv1 genitally for 1/2 the folks who have it, never reoccurs again. Of those who do have recurrences, the average is 1 additional ob the first year and then 1 ob every other year. Only a small percentage of folks have more ob's than that.  Hsv1 genitally on average only sheds about 3% of days - less than a dozen days out of the year total.

keep asking questions!

[canitbe101]

Thank you so much.  All this information is so helpful.  I couldnt think straight enough to ask questions when the doc called with the results.  I did speak to her about daily therapy and since I am tolerating the acyclovir I am going to go ahead and give the 2 a day thing a shot.  Does being on daily suppresive therapy lesson the 3% of days of average shedding?  Or does it just help in preventing outbreaks?  

[gracefromHHP]

we don't know if daily suppressive therapy reduces transmission of hsv1 or not. since you don't have many ob's with hsv1 genitally, not a lot of bang for your buck either.  

do you have a regular partner?  if so, have they been tested yet to know their status?

[lottoqueeniebee]

Hi,
I have been reading your posts and I am glad for your questions. I am on the cusp of a diagnosis, and I am still getting lesions- First symptoms started last Sunday, 1st visible lesion on my genitals Wednesday. The doctor put me on Valtrax, but I am seeing more lesions each day. I was hoping the meds would stop them.
I have been divorced for 19 years, and my partner and I have been together for 4 years, and this has knocked me off my rocker. I am 50 and I feel so crappy about this, and the second guessing and depression is all present.
I am trying to be patient and wait out the results, but I don't know if my privates will ever feel the same again. It's been a week and I cannot believe that they don't have something to help with the burning and itching or a cure.

[canitbe101]

No...I dont have a regular partner.  I was married for 18 yrs...divorced for 5 and have only been with a couple men.  Was negative for both hsv's up until this last guy...who totally played me. I texted him to let him know what was going on...and he pretty much ignored me.  Sadly...I had to threaten him in a way to get him to acknowledge me...and dragged his lying ars down to the clinic with me and made him get tested for all and everything.  I will have his results tomorrow...and have asked to actually physically see them.  LOSER.  Just my luck too!  So for now...I have decided to be with just myself :) .  But when I do find someone special...I will have him tested.  Because correct me if Im wrong...but cant I still get hsv 2 down below on top of hsv 1?
And to lottoqueeniebee :) . I had my first symptoms 2 days after sex.  Itching and a very large tear or two and a open "wound" .  thought it was yeast.  Everything stayed pretty much the same until over a week later when it turned into a full blown breakout.  The medicine they put me on...helped right away.  I dont know if theres a different in perscritions?  I am taking Acyclovir three times a day and am complelty cleared up...and have been able to shave again :)!!!  Yay!.  But dont be so down on yourself.  This doesnt define you as a person.  You know who you are...and herpes doesnt make you any less of that.  We can make it through this.  YOU will get better and start to feel normal again.  Take a look in the mirror, look at you...your heart and soul.  Thats who you are :) .  I will be your friend through this.  Email me if you want.  We can support one another...

[gracefromHHP]

correct, you can still get hsv2 genitally so knowing a partners full std status is just as important for yourself as it is to make educated decisions with a partner about what precautions to take together.  

[lottoqueeniebee]

Thanks, I appreciate your kind words. I have not really had any relief in my outbreaks or healing of the initial ones. I am halfway through my Valtrex, so if and when the doctor calls today, I am going to ask for the alternate drug as the 14 dose Valtrex was 99.00. I am unemployed and that is adding to my stress, which of course compromises my immune system.  I would be happy to be your friend and offer each other our support.

[canitbe101]

Well...the man I was with who is no longer around...texted me with his results.  Hsv 1 only.  His text was...if you had any open sores that could have been why it broke out and you obvioulsy did so Im sorry.  End of story.  Such a sweetheart.  The anxiety had finally become to much so I went to my primary yesterday and told him what was going on.  Im a bit confused though?  What he said doesnt really sound ethical...yet in a way it made sense?  He said...for potential partners...all the need to know is I have hsv 1...which is the oral type.  He said...theres no reason to tell them genital?  Since Oral herpes sheds more than genital 1 type?  Im so confused..and really want to do whats right.  In the mean time...I have been perscribed klonopin for anxiety...and have finally gotten a good nights sleep.  First time...since this all started.

[gracefromHHP]

why be dishonest from the gitgo with a partner?  

you know what you have and where you have it - that's what partners need to know. your doctor is just continuing the unfair stigma against genital herpes by telling patients that.

[canitbe101]

Your right Grace... I would never knowling want to put someone in the position I am now in :( .  Hsv 1 is just really confusing... I search the web...but there are no real answers...just lots of guessing.  I dont understand why so many in the healthcare community are either naive and tell me one thing...and others dont have a clue.  The doc I spoke with didnt even know if hsv 1 shed as much as 2 down below?  Thank God for this website...and for you and the others who help out us lost souls.  
I have been on Acyclovir for 9 days three times a day.  I finish my 10th day tomorrow.  I still have one red area that is slightly inflamed and irritated.  Doesnt really itch much anymore but from time to time I get a sharp pain from it.  Is that normal?  Will that go away eventually?  I just want to be back to "normal" down below.   I think having it complelty cleared up...will help my mentality.  I am also mmmm afraid to touch myself sexually?  If I masturbate...do I risk irritating myself and causing another outbreak?  Ugh!  Sorry...still so many questions running amuck in my mind.
Thank you for all your help...

[gracefromHHP]

give yourself another week and then you can go back to masturbating :)   sounds like things are still irritated at the moment so I'd just wait a little bit more before pleasuring yourself.  remember a little lube is a good thing too!

if you are still red and irritated a week from now, return to be properly tested for yeast and bacterial infections vaginally. both are pretty common with a newly acquired genital herpes infection in us gals. even with treatment, a newly acquired herpes infection can take 2-3 weeks to fully run its course. Things will be back to normal soon for you :)

hang in there and keep asking questions :)

[canitbe101]

Thanks :) As always sooo very helpful!   I know I have a yeast infection going on at the moment.  Ugh!  No sores inside or out...just the white thick discharge.  I REALLY cant afford another doctors appt so I have been eating lots of yogurt and take acidophilis tablets once a day...and watching what Im eating.  It seems to be getting better? Is there any other natural treatments?  In the past...I have steered clear of over the counter medications because they have caused more irritation...

But...I did just get home from having a BAZOOKA margarita :) so feeilng happy as can be!  Herpes at the moment can kiss my booty!  Im going to bed without a stress in the world.
Have a great evening!

[lottoqueeniebee]

I agree with you about the cavalier attitude. I have come across the same sentiment. Do you think it is because it is becoming so common, 1 in 5? I never in my life imagined I would be dealing with an STD. Some of the information I read indicates HSV1 doesn't affect you down below as often, because it likes the mouth and vice versa , #2 doesn't flare up as often in the mouth.
I have had the same type of sharp pain, I think it is the nerve endings that the virus affects.
As far as the yeast infection, I think you are on the right track, but I would think that at this point you could call your clinic and they would give you a RX for difuclan. This is a one dose pill for yeast infections, and when they prescribed it for me they didn't even do an exam, (this was all before I got the accurate diagnosis). Again, more cavalier attitude!
You sound like you are on the right track and letting the stress go. Hang in there.

[gracefromHHP]

yogurt doesn't colonize the genital tract. all you are doing is giving yourself much needed calcium and helping to keep your gi tract healthier.  

give your provider a call and ask them to phone you in a diflucan to take for yeast. they are general and pretty cheap and 1 dose usually takes care of things for you :)    if they won't, buy the 7 day monistat - it's less irritating and works better than the 1 day or 3 days.

[canitbe101]

Thanks.  I remembered I had been on Diflucan awhile back while on antibiotics...so called the pharm and had a refill available.  So refilled and took yesterday...
Im sorry to bother with another question though.  Today...while driving I got this weird tingly feeling around my mmmm anus.   It lasted for a few seconds and was then gone.  A few hours later...I got the same tingly feeling on the right side of my labia majora ( most my outbreak was on the left side. )  Everything has finally cleared up...and I am starting to feel back to my old self.  Is that a symptom of a possible pending outbreak?  I feel my period getting ready to start as well.  The first breakout was so traumatic for me on a emotional level...having another one so close would crush me :( ....  Im scared all over again....

[Onlytime]

Hi Ladies, its great to read your stories. I was diagnosed with HSV1 Genitally just shy of a year ago. I received this wonderful present on my 22nd birthday. I had to have 2 different doctors and 2 different nurses look at my lady parts and was also given a wrong diagnoses by the first doctor because my visible symptoms are small. The outbreaks are frequent, maybe because i travel alot and dont have a normal routine. I get so tired and short of breath, not to mention feel like total crap. Anyway, its been almost a year now and i still have trouble coming to terms with this virus. I am single and being young and alone does not help!

Your stories make me feel human again! :)

[gracefromHHP]

tingling for a few seconds probably isn't anything.

do you have antivirals at home to start if you do get a recurrence?

[canitbe101]

Yes...it was only for a few seconds...and so far all still looks "normal" .  But I am finding myself thinking every itch, tingle is something new.  What are symptoms leading up to an outbreak?  Is tingling one?  And if so...does it stay longer than just a few seconds and how long after until you would notice an outbreak? And yes...I have a bottle of antivirals.  

Why is this virus not talked about more?  In schools?  Commercials?  By our healthcare providers? How come the majority of people with hsv 1 have no idea they can spread it to someones genitals???  I cant believe nothing has been done :( .  I suffer from anxiety already...and this has just made it ten fold.  Im not kidding...every itch wakes me up and has me second guessing.  When will I feel back to my old self again.  When you first found out Grace...how long did it take you to come to grips with it?  Please tell me this gets easier...

And to...Onlytime.  What do you mean by frequent outbreaks?  Are they back to back?  And do they look like the first outbreak?  Myself...before all of this, I already had a very sensitive vagina.  I would get little tiny tears not only above but also around my anus.  I was swabbed and type specific blood testing more than once...all negative. And saw specialist in both areas.  Just turned out I was sensitive to soaps, bubble baths, toilet tissues.  once i stopped over using products down below I no longer tear.  maybe thats whats happening to you?  have you gotten the "outbreaks" checked out?  Because from what i have read...gential (genital) hsv 1 shouldnt break out so often???  Or maybe Im wrong....

[gracefromHHP]

I'm pretty pragmatic so it really has never been a big deal for me.   It's always been that it's just herpes to me to be honest.  I take care of patients every single day who would kill to have herpes be their biggest problem in life so it keeps it in perspective too.  That's part of why I do what I do here on the boards - to help others see that it's really not as bad of a thing as you think it might be :)   No one educates us about herpes, they teach us to fear it instead which only keeps us even more confused when we find out it's a part of our life.

[lottoqueeniebee]

Good Evening,
I have tingling as well and since they were unable to get a determination from my culture I have to wait 12 weeks or more before I can identify if it is 1 or 2. My biggest hope is that it is 1 and I received it from my partner shedding during oral sex. I too, am exasperated with the nonchalance attitude I received from my clinic. More or less, like a shoulder shrug and "it is what it is".& " Here are anti virals for future outbreaks". I too have anxiety over how to identify future ob's or whether or not if it is 1, they are not as frequent.  I appreciate the support that others have an share in this forum. Here's to our healthy V's in the near future and that some how some way a CURE will be foun for something like this.

[lottoqueeniebee]

Sorry, forgot to add you to my post above as well. Sisters we can be in dreaded outbreaks

[canitbe101]

Hi Grace..its me again :)
I just re-read through my thread and have one more question.  You mentioned "1/4 to 2/3's of folks who contract hsv1 genitally, also contract it orally around the same time. odds are if you don't have hsv1 orally now, you wont get it later on "  So since I only had sores down below...and no noticable ones orally am I safe to assume I didnt contract it oral as well? Wouldnt I have broken out orally by now if I had?  I was negative via hsv igg type specific test for both...before being diagnosed just recently with ghsv 1.  
Dang anxiety!!!!  Grrrrrrr....I am gonna beat this!  :)

[gracefromHHP]

most folks who contract hsv1 orally, don't get obvious cold sores to know that they are infected so it's really hard to tell. it's a grey area with hsv1.  

[brighteyes1984]

Hi reading these comments have been helping me alot I went to the doctor tuesday with what I thought was just a really bad vaginal tear. When she told me that she thought it was herpes I just could'nt believe it! At first I did'nt believe it!! I started taking the Acyclovir that day the next day I woke up and had several sores. At that moment I knew that she must be right. This has been so hard for me considering that I have been in a faithful relationship with my husband for 7 years I just could not understand how this could be happening. I have not got my lab results yet and it is driving me crazy. I have been having the same questions running through my head and I too have been cleaning EVERYTHING so terribly afraid of passing this to my children. It is so comforting to find the answers to some of these questions.I have been on the Acyclovir for 3 days and it has not seemed to get any better how long does it take to see some results? It is SO painful I have found out to only drink water and LOTS of it that really helps with it not KILLING me to go pee. Is there anything else to help with the itching/burning though? This whole thing is just so confusing and scary I just have been so depressed about not know how this will affect me in the future. Like not knowing how many more OB's I will have and if they will be anything like this. I'm scared me and my husband will never have a regular sex life again and even though he has told me that everything is ok and there is no reason to feel gross and depressed about this I just can't help but think that he will not look at me the same anymore ( because I sure don't), also is it possible or us to have oral sex anymore? I'm scared to even have sex PERIOD when this is cleared up at the risk of this coming back again! I just have so many fears and questions! :(

[Mistakeguy789]

The best thing is to start your own post here.  Just click the post a question button on the main forums page.  

If you have a genital infection you aren't going to pass it to your kids.  You aren't a walking biohazard.  It takes intimate contact to transmit the virus.  If you even have it.  

You may want to pour water over your genital area while urinating.  This will help you as well.  

If you haven't had any partners other than your husband chances are he has it as well and precautions aren't needed.  Best thing to do is have him get tested using a type specific igg test.

[canitbe101]

I started off with a tear and one sore which got worse...and wasnt healing.  I thought for sure a yeast infection as well.  But the day I finally gave in and went to the clinic...all sorts of new things popped up.  I have finally healed...but it took a good three weeks.  And as for using the restroom...what I did was take a squirt bottle with me evertime and while urintating I would be constantly squiring the water until finished and then some.  Ahhhhh it was heavenly not having any pain.  
It gets better though...or at least I think it does?  I have days where Im sad and have major anxiety...and others when I dont feel bad at all.  I look at all the people I know with hsv 1 oral...and why does me having it down there make me any different?  Im not...and your not.  We will get through this.  Plus...you have the support of your husband...
And as for sex and it coming back again.  I had the same fear.  Im not in a relationship...except with myself at the moment :) and was so afraid to even "touch" myself in fear of irritating myself....and bringing it back...but, I have and it didnt do a thing...and having that pleasure once again...made me feel normal all over.  So dont be afraid...and when your cleared up...make love to your husband and let him give you that feeling normalcy once again....

[brighteyes1984]

thanks It helps being able to talk to someone going through the same thing!! I'm dealing with it a lil better. I aslo talked to my sister about it and found out she has herpes and found out last year. She said she did'nt know why my doctor did not give me difulcan or something to treat incase I have a yeast infection, so she called me in a perscription for it (she works for a doctor) I took that and the next day I woke up and most of the spots had gone away that was on sunday today I am feeling SO MUCH better and the initial cuts are almost healed up and not nearly as sore. So now I'm really confused could this have just been a yeast infection? Do herpes sores just go away? I read that they scab over and fall off. I don't go to get my test results until tomorrow night and I DOUBT they will even have them! My sister went to they same clinic and she said she had to go back twice for them to have them almost 2 weeks.

[canitbe101]

I think we would all be suprised....how many people actually have herpes and know it, but have chosen not to share.  Case in point...your sister.  
I got a yeast infection as well...that cleared up with Diflucan.  And my cuts and sores...didnt scab up either...just cleared up and went away.  Faded I guess you could say.  And they never really itched either?  No flu symptoms.  I hope...in your case...that it does turn out to be nothing...  Ya never know :) .  Gotta keep some hope.  Here for ya though if ya need to talk once you get your results.  Hope they are in tomorrow...so you dont have to wait anymore....

[brighteyes1984]

Well called the doctor's office to see if the results were in because I did not wanna go sit there for nothing and of course they are not ready yet.This wondering is driving me crazy, also I started itching on my outer labia today everything finally looked fully healed today could this be another OB coming right after the first?? :(

[canitbe101]

Personally speaking...I think its the anxiety that is making you itch.  When Im not thinking of "it" I am perfectly fine...but as soon as it comes to mind...I swear I start itching.  Whether its my vaginal area..inside my nose...my eyes, my lips!  Ugh!  When I get like that...I just remind myself...its not real, its stress/anxiety...do something to take my mind off it...and it goes away in seconds. Every day gets easier though...or so I think.  I know...I will fall down a few more times....before completly coming to terms with this.  But Im getting there.  Im sorry your results arent in yet...hopefully tomorrow :) .