Infidelity

I have been married to the same woman for 18 years and have been monogomous for 25+ years.  Resently, she developed herpes on her upper lip.  In the 25 years I have been with this woman, she has never had a herpes outbreak on her lip.  I know herpes can lay dormant but for 25 years?  Has she been cheating with someone who exposed her to the herpes virus or am I being paranoid?  What should I do to protect myself from contracting the virus?

[gracefromHHP]

have you been tested yet to know your own status?  you don't have to have a history of cold sores to be infected and transmit the virus to others.

grace

[gracefromHHP]

have you been tested yet to know your own status?  you don't have to have a history of cold sores to be infected and transmit the virus to others.

grace

[MKlett]

I have not been tested, I have never had an outbreak of any kind.

[MKlett]

I can have my doctor test me.

[MKlett]

Other information, is we have not had sex in almost a year!  No with her outbreak, I'm not sure I even want too.

[petal130]

Cold sores are not an STD, to begin with. Many of us get oral herpes in childhood from that big smooch from Auntie. More than 1/2 the adult population has it, and most of us won't make it to the old folks home with out it.

To not consider having sex because your partner has oral herpes is definitely a huge red flag; I feel very bad for your wife. Consider counseling - herpes is nothing but a pesky skin condition, nothing more. And realize, as grace said, you very well could have it too.

[MKlett]

You feel bad for my wife?  I am not the one who doesn't want to have sex!  She is the one that always has excuses why she doesn't want to have sex.  Now that this herpes outbreak has presented itself, I am the worried one.

[Mistakeguy789]

Not that we are on the relationship forums but if my partner is making excuses for not having sex I would say its time for marriage counseling.  

Yes Herpes can go 25 years without a symptom in some people.  Before you start thinking she cheated find out your own status first.  No way to know if hers is a new or old infection honestly.  But the counseling will help you find out some other bits of information I am sure and working to make it work.

[gracefromHHP]

odds are that neither of you have ever been tested for herpes to know your status prior to this.  Have you talked to her about  all of this?  Are you sure this is even oral herpes ? did you ask her if she can recall ever having had cold sores when she was younger ?

Certainly sounds like there are multiple issues in your relationship that are more than we can deal with on a herpes forum. We will gladly help you with any herpes test results or herpes questions but if there are questions about fidelity or marriage issues, perhaps a marriage counselor is the best next step to start putting things back together.