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Is he lying?
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Is he lying?

My fiance died 9.5 years ago and with the exception of one night, I've had no sex since then. I have been celibate for 9 years.In early February of this year, I reconnected with an old HS flame after 37 years. I asked if he had any STDs, had he been tested, and was he clean before we had sex. His answers were no, yes, and yes. I believed him because I thought I knew him, and he's worked in the medical field for nearly 40 years. In May, I had an outbreak of something I've never experienced. I suspected it was herpes, but was in deep, deep denial. I went to my ob/gyn and had cultures and a blood test done. I tested positive for both HSV-1 and HSV-2. I expected HSV-1 because I've had fever blisters my entire life. The doctor told me that the HSV-2 could be an old infection. I believe it came from the HS old flame. I had a classic, text book example of a herpes outbreak. I believe if I had been infected before this guy, I would have had an outbreak sometime over the course of the last 11 years. It seems suspicious that I have an outbreak after dating him for 3 months. He claims he's been tested for HSV-2 and it's negative. I'm positive he gave it to me. There's been no one else! He wants to continue seeing me, but that only makes me believe he knows he has it and has had it because what sane person would want to take the chance of contracting it. What do you think?
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3149845_tn?1415046551
Having a negative culture and a postive blood is very charactoristic of a recent infection but if you waited to long a low number score would be assumed recent and an old a high number like 5 and above could be considered old where 3 and below would be recent. This is generally speaking.
16 Comments Post a Comment
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3149845_tn?1415046551
Hi, what was the hsv2 number involved for the blood test and did the culture come back positive.
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Avatar_f_tn
The culture came back negative. The doctor said I had waited too long. I am getting a copy of my test results tomorrow or day after. They called and told me over the phone, but didn't give any specifics.
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3149845_tn?1415046551
Having a negative culture and a postive blood is very charactoristic of a recent infection but if you waited to long a low number score would be assumed recent and an old a high number like 5 and above could be considered old where 3 and below would be recent. This is generally speaking.
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Avatar_m_tn
We could talk about "Could be's" and "maybe's" forever on this.  

No one wants to speak definitively about who may've passed what on to whom. Because, with this virus, it's impossible in some cases to know for sure.

Mainly because of the fact that your outbreak was so "classic", I think the odds are that this is a new infection.  

Regarding whether or not he knew he might've had something before you hooked up is anyone's guess.  You have probably read that most persons infected with HSV1or2 genitally have symptoms so mild that they mistake them for something else and literally don't know they have it.

Personally, I would tend to agree with your (very keen, in my opinion) assessment of his story about being tested negative and wanting to be with you despite finding out that you were recently infected with an incurable virus...one that is particularly heavily stigmatized.  In any case, you can be almost certain that he lied somewhere in that line of testing questions.  

Just my thoughts.  I'm sure some will disagree.  I think you and I are leaning in the same direction on this.
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Avatar_m_tn
Heavily stigmatized for a skin infection was part of the drug industries doing in the 70s.

HSV2 should not ever be stigmatized especially when 80% of the people who contract it are asymptomatic and of the 20% who do have outbreaks they become less and less over time.

If this was such a horrible virus it would have wiped out significant portions of the human race long ago. Lets imagine HIV making an appearance 100, 200, 500 or 1000 years ago and what that would have done to the human race.

Instead, Shakespeare wrote about it in Romeo and Juliet. It was well known and common place even then.

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Avatar_m_tn
Excellent points.
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Avatar_f_tn
This sound like he was lying and this is a new infection due to the outbreak. As far as why would he date you he could be interested in you.

I have Hsv2 had it since 2007 by a rape however I'm currently in a relationship. I told my boyfriend that I had herpes and let him make the decision to be with me or not, my boyfriend doesn't have herpes at all and we do use condoms.

I was also married and told my ex husband my situation and he accepted me as well. You can still have a very productive and normal sex life. Just be responsible and inform the individual your situation and let thme make the decision. I find that by telling the person and letting them make the decision the person will respect you more.
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Avatar_f_tn
Thank you to everyone for the feedback. I should pick up the copies of my test results tomorrow so I will have some exact numbers to give you then. I agree that herpes is highly stigmatized and I think that's part of the reason I'm freaking out. I'm also angry, hurt, and disappointed that I wasn't given the chance to choose whether or not I wanted to risk contracting herpes by being with this man. He chose for me. I'm doubly concerned that he's a nurse with 30+ years of experience, and should have known better. (That is, if he knew.) I wonder who else and how many others he has infected over the years.
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Avatar_f_tn
Got a copy of my test results:

HSV 1/2 IGG, Type Specific AB Herpesselect

HSV 2 IGG     4.59     H

Is it possible to have a number this high if I became infected on 2/2 of this year?



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Avatar_m_tn
Yes this is just possible, but let's confirm timing. I'd suggest it would be about 6 weeks from the first sign of sores until the test, is this the case? If so then yes this would be consistent. Any less and there may be a question.

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Avatar_f_tn
There was roughly 2.5 weeks from the first signs of an outbreak to when I had the test done. We were first intimate on 2/2 and and the last time was on 5/3.
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Avatar_m_tn
This is now too close to call. The sores normally appear on average 4 days after infection. Hence your test looks like it is about 20 days after infection. A reading of 4.69 seems very unlikely in that timeframe.

Could you have been infected earlier and had a delayed outbreak? This is possible, but I suspect a longer term infection is more of a chance.

The only way to know is ask him to test before proceeding with the relationship. He needs to show you an IgG HSV2 test result.

Does he have it? Is he lying? All this is a 50/50 call on the basis of what you have put forward.
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Avatar_f_tn
I saw his test results tonight. They showed <.90 which means he's negative.

As he was leaving, he made an odd comment asking me if I had noticed that the paper used different inks? "I wanted you to know I didn't make a copy. This is the paperwork I picked up."

I hadn't noticed, but after his comment, I said, "Unless you made a color copy."

Before me, he was in an on again, off again relationship with another woman for six years. What he or she did during their off time is a mystery to me.

Could he be one of the few with a false negative? I just haven't been with anyone else since Feb 2005. I've gone through a lot of stress and would have thought that would have triggered an outbreak long ago.

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Avatar_m_tn
If the test has his name and date on it and its IgG HSV2, then he's negative. Well at least up until 12 weeks before the test date with a high degree of certainty.

Although it seems of low probability. It appears that you may have been infected some time ago and experienced an outbreak after all this time, maybe sex triggered. This is not necessarily unusual for a person with an oral HSV1 infection at the time of infection.

His behavior may be a little odd, being in the medical field you'd think he may have raised the prospect of antivirals for example.
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Avatar_f_tn
Are the antivirals the prescription the doctor ordered for me? I haven't filled that prescription yet since I've been abstaining and heard there were some side effects. I thought I would wait to see if I have another outbreak before starting them.

I did check the date on his report, but honestly didn't even look for his name. I guess I'm too trusting or naive to think he would have brought over another person's test.
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Avatar_m_tn
The counselor on herpesdatingfree.org said he must be lying to you.
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