in a well done study of folks who tested + for hsv2 but swore that they never had any symptoms of genital herpes, once they were properly educated, 80% of them were able to start identifying signs of their herpes being active. It's not that folks aren't having symptoms, it's that they aren't recognizing
the symptoms they do have as being possibly due to herpes.
indeed yes you can be married for that long and not realize one partner has hsv2. Terri Warren, our herpes expert here on medhelp, has said many times previously how she gets elderly women in her clinic who haven't had sex