Married 15 years now herpes?

[Usualmadness]

I have been diagnosed with HSV2.  Doctor said it was my first outbreak.  Symptoms were really severe, body aches, fever, ...... And all the rest.  Lasted  6 weeks.  Had to go on Aclovir.

  I've researched till I'm blue in the face but I am still concerned as to how on earth I can be faithful for 15 years of marriage and all of a sudden this happens? I mean really?  My husband refuses to be tested and is not even concerned about all this.
Can someone give me an honest answer - did he cheat?  Everything I read says no way of knowing

[Usualmadness]

Thanks Grace,

I'm back to the doctor on Tuesday.  

Off antiviral therapy and abstaining until my husband has his results and we work this out one way or the other.

I have antivirals at the ready.  I'm on a health kick now lol

[gracefromHHP]

it's a strange virus sometimes!!  People assume that herpes is very contagious since we've pretty much been taught that herpes is awful. reality is even the simplest of precautions can significantly reduce transmission and sometimes it's literally bad luck that results in being infected.  I had one of my worse ob's ever 16 years into being infected while on suppressive therapy.  my gyn and I laughed about my herpes forgetting to read the rule book ;)  

have you read the free herpes handbook yet? Terri Warren's book "the good news about the bad news" is also terrific. She goes far more into the psychological side of having herpes in her book than she does in the handbook.  

how are you treating your herpes now?

[Usualmadness]

Thanks gracefromHHP for responding.

I am and have been demanding that my husband go for testing and after a lot of pressure he now says he will get some bloods done.  I stopped taking Acylovir about a week ago now to see how I go.  I am not having sex with my husband until we resolve this issue.  

He is maintaining no infidelity by him.  

My Doctor did not see the need for bloods when I was diagnosed.  She said all my symptoms pointed to first outbreak.  First 3 weeks were hell and I was quite ill in myself let alone the pain of the blisters.  I was actually too sick to care about my husband's lax attitude at the time.

It is very very hard for me to get my head around understanding this virus.  It's strange that it has the ability to lay dormant and not be transmitted for 15 years or, alternatively, infect someone - cause no symptoms and then that person has their major first outbreak 15 years later....  

How common is it for the virus to behave this way? Or the odds?

All I can do right now is hope my husband gets tested soon so I know if we both have it..  If he doesn't then that means it laid dormant in me for about 17 years before my first outbreak.

Emotionally this is difficult for me to say the least, so I really appreciate the help you are giving me.

[gracefromHHP]

sounds like you had a pcr swab done of your symptoms which is the best lesion culture to get.

would I allow my spouse to not test when something like this happened? absolutely not!!   The normal reaction is for a partner to run out and get tested.  trying to brush it all off and act like it's nothing isn't a normal reaction at all and you should be firm with him about what to do next!  you have red flags raised and you deserve answers as well as you two can't move forward until you know who has what for sure.

could he have had hsv2 since before he met you and just now transmitted it to you? yes indeed.  odds are that neither of you were ever tested for it before this and it really can go untransmitted to a partner that long.  

is it possible that you had this previously and something else triggered a humdinger of a recurrence? yes. did your provider order type specific blood testing for you when you were diagnosed or just the lesion culture?  if hubby tests and is negative, that would also answer that question if you didn't have blood testing done when diagnosed.  recurrences that last 6 weeks aren't the norm but they can happen.  been there, done that myself even!

could he have had another partner at some point during your marriage and contracted hsv2 from them? yes indeed. I always recommend folks not be naive and when it pops up like this in a long term relationship, cover all your bases with full std testing too.   Don't give yourself more what if's to think about, both of you get the whole shebang of testing done so you can move forward.

so what about you and your herpes now?  well totally up to you how to treat it. transmission to your spouse might not be an issue - it's quite likely he already has it from the sounds of things but confirm his status to know for sure.  having a first humdinger of an ob can really scare you into wondering what the future holds but thankfully recurrences won't typically  be like this at all.  if you want to just control the herpes at this point, by all means consider suppressive therapy.  it's also ok to just take the wait and see approach and treat ob's as they occur.  if you continue to have recurrences frequently, regardless of how you chose to treat it, be sure to follow up regularly with your gyn for testing for yeast and bacterial infections vaginally too. Not unusual for those to complicate herpes :(

keep asking questions and make him follow up with testing!!!

[Usualmadness]

Thanks for responding. Yes it was a swab test ... DNA something I think was done. Anyway conclusively typed as HSV2 from the lab results. I was told it was one of the most accurate tests.

My husband does not get nor has never had cold sores.  He says he has not got herpes but also refuses testing.  

My doctor confirmed it was my first outbreak, which would tie in with the timeline of sex with my husband and when symptoms occurred.  
I am sorry to report sex is not so common in our marriage so I was able to pinpoint that.

Once again I absolutely appreciate your candour in response regarding the issue of fidelity.

[Fleetwood20]

Are you 100% sure its HSV2? Was it a swab test? Many of them are not typed and assumptions made based on location. Check your doctor hasn't made the assumption and it really is HSV2.

Does your husband ever get oral cold sores? You see where I'm going with this. HSV1 may be a possibility. Under these circumstances.

If it is HSV2, then there are a few possibilities, either you or he had it unknowingly, seems unlikely given the outbreak you had that you've had it very long. The question of fidelity would indeed be there if it is truly HSV2.