Not necessarily a a question

For anyone dealing with the dreadful news that you have recently been diagnosed with HSV, I want to share this story of a bizarre twist of fate.

Two months ago I met a very nice woman and we began to get close.  At a comfortable point in our relationship, and well before entering into sexual intimacy, she disclosed to me that she had contracted genital herpes about a year earlier.  

Upon her initial breakout, she confronted her former partner who claimed he "used to" have genital herpes.  "Decades ago," he claimed, and asserted that none of his partners had ever contracted it or exhibited a breakout.  He thus determined that he "must not have it," any longer.  Understandably incredulous and mortified, and suffering from her own outbreak at the time, she dumped him immediately.

A year later, when she disclosed her infection to me, I regretfully told her that I was unwilling to proceed in any relationship that included HSV, but we remained still friends.  Since my divorce in 2007, this was the second single woman whom I encountered with HSV infection, so I began to research the subject online.  After reviewing my own sexual history, I came to believe that sometime in my  past there may have been a small chance that I might have been exposed, so I had myself tested. To my surprise, the test result came back positive for HSV-2, but negative for HSV-1.  Believing the test result was a false-positive, I sent for a second test, the Western Blot, and it also came back positive.  

I was shocked to learn that I must be HSV asymptomatic, because I could not recall an outbreak throughout the 29 years I may have carried it, and none of my (three) partners ever had an outbreak that I could recall.  

Back to the beginning of my story, I returned to the woman who told me she had genital herpes.  As two infected "herpes compatible" people, we started an intimate relationship with near-complete freedom.  The only protection measures we used were a condom.  

Meanwhile, she had had blood drawn for an HSV for confirmation. Irony of ironies, her test came back NEGATIVE for HSV-2 but positive for HSV-1.  But she received her test results AFTER we had started our sexual relationship, but BEFORE any incubation period from our sexual encounter.  We still don't know if she contracted HSV-2 from me, we believe at this point it's unlikely.

From this discerned that a year ago her former partner passed on HSV-1 to her and it manifested in a one-time HSV-1 GENITAL outbreak.  From her former partner's post-facto confession (thanks a lot, a@@hole), and from her primary health provider's diagnosis, she was told she had "genital herpes."  Like most people, she thought that "genital herpes" was equivalent to being HSV-2 positive.  It is not.  Most people associate HSV-1 strictly with the oral type, but HSV-1 CAN cause outbreaks in the genitals, although genital outbreaks occur in only 30 percent of all HSV-1 infections, and the outbreaks are much less frequent.  Specifically, we have deduced that she must have had HSV-1, with an initial, one-time genital outbreak.  This would explain why her former partner had successfully deluded himself that he no longer carried the virus.

So now I find ourselves back in a discordant relationship with this woman.  One of us is HSV-2 positive and the other HSV-1 positive--each of us NEGATIVE for the other's specific strain.  Our situation is the complete inverse of where we originally started.  It was I who dumped her for HER for her virus, only to discover later that I am one who has the "bad" virus, while she is negative for the "good" HSV.  Now it is I who must protect HER from the virus I carry.   However, in our joint research, we are busting the common myths and discovering there is no "good" or "bad" HSV, but that they both have their own particular hazards.  (Her health professional actually said, "This is GOOD news! You don't have genital herpes.  You are only positive for HSV-1.")  

I share this anecdote to illustrate how little sound information there is about HSV, and how inaccurately health professionals are advising their patients.  Further, to illustrate how the knowledge and disclosure of HSV infection to partners is always uncomfortable and is prone to affect relationships, positively or negatively.  

Regardless of my positive HSV test result, and her negative status, she so far has decided to stay with me, and has given me a gift that I was unwilling to give her.  I cannot express the beauty of her gesture, or the humility it has brought upon me.  When treated with a positive outlook, there is growth in the discovery.  

[yi3o8]

Thank you for sharing your story.


I have to agree that the misinformation/lack of sound knowledge is beyond frustrating.

[Mistakeguy789]

Depending on where the "breakout" occured maybe important.  You can have HSV-1 genitally but majority of cases are Oral (though this appears to be changing as majority of new cases with HSV appear to be genital due to an oral sexual encounter.).  

I would recommend that you reivew http://www.westoverheights.com/ it has a free handbook which is very helpful in giving lots of information.  The owner of the clinic is Terri Warren who is on MedHelp's Herpes Expert forums.  She also has a published book which you can buy off her website.  

It is amazing what love will do.  :-)

[gracefromHHP]

wonderful story and I'm glad you shared it with us :)

When I started dating my current partner, he got tested for herpes to know his status. he too was very surprised to find out that he had hsv2.  Routine testing is always a good idea.

grace