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Now who will I date?
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This forum is an un-mediated, patient-to-patient forum for questions and support regarding herpes issues such as: Herpes symptoms and treatments, causes, diagnosis, and herpes in men, tests, telling your spouse or partner.

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Now who will I date?

I have had Herpes for over 10 years. I am petrified to date. I am on daily meds to prevent outbreaks, but I feel that my only option at this point in time is to date someone who also has Herpes. I could not bear the rejection in telling a possible partner about my condition. Are there support groups and/or communities where I can meet others? I have told no-one about my condition in all these years and I feel that it IS something I need to talk about with someone who will understand. This is such a lonely condition.
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Okay, that's a long time to avoid dating because you have herpes. 25% of the population has genital herpes. Did you know that? It's really common. I've been dating more than I haven't since having been diagnosed, and I can tell you it's not a big deal to a lot of people. My partners are always negative when they test out for herpes, and they don't have any problems dating me, screwing me, and wanting relationships.

There are dating websites out there (MPWH comes to mind) that are specifically for people with herpes and that's one option.  But keep in mind that it's so prevalent that you will either meet someone with herpes already out in the general population, or you will meet somebody who has had experience with it (past partner, friend or family member with it), and that many folks who don't know much about it are simply open to learning about it and still will desire you (those are the majority of partners I've had).  

I'm in the dating pool seeing men who are in their 50s and older, and many of those guys are coming out of long marriages and are absolutely clueless about STDs and herpes. Completely clueless. And yet, I've had several of these guys who not only wanted sexual relationships with me but wanted even more than that.

You should consider therapy if you are this anxious about it, though. A good therapist can help you work through these issues and get you back on your feet. Stop depriving yourself of being loved and appreciated for who you are! You deserve a warm loving mutually satisfying relationship, if that is what you want. And there are people out there - with or without herpes - who would be willing to have that with you if you would just get out there and meet them.

Rejection isn't easy, but if you never try, you won't know. I was dating long before I ever had herpes, and I was out there rejecting guys and they were rejecting me for all kinds of reasons. Herpes is one more thing you have to throw out there to see if they will reject you, but it's really a minor thing in the context of a loving relationship. Really. I wish the biggest issue in all of my relationships had been my herpes, but it just hasn't been anything but a slight blip on the screen.
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Google australian herpes support network - it's a non-profit group in your country that has support groups. I highly encourage you to find someplace you can start getting support from. Wasting the last 10 years of your life because of something as commonplace as genital herpes is far too long!!!  It's time to reclaim your life and get back to living your life to the fullest!!!

grace
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