This forum is an un-mediated, patient-to-patient forum for questions and support regarding herpes issues such as: Herpes symptoms and treatments, causes, diagnosis, and herpes in men, tests, telling your spouse or partner.
I am a 27 year old. Just got out of a marriage. Last night, for the first time I had a one night stand with an older woman. Maybe it is the guilt of a ONS and general anxiety, but I was concerned with odds of catching herpes, or another STD for that matter.
I received oral sex twice. We had intercourse, but I always wore a condom and there was no contact without a condom. We also used lube. I don't know her status. I did ask her if she had herpes or anything before sex and she said no, but I have read that 80% people don't know if they do or not. I felt around and fingered her for a while, so I am assuming there were no exposed blisters.
This happened last night, and maybe it is in my head, but today I feel like I am getting itching and etc.
What are the odds I got herpes from her, not knowing her status?
What are the odds I got anything in general?
A one time encounter is considered a low risk for STD's. For herpes it is the same. The condom only provides about 30% of protection for HSV when having sex. The oral sex was a low risk in general with her having no symptoms.
Herpes won't show up in a day. The earliest is 2 days.
If you get symptoms be seen within 48hrs for a proper work up including a lesion culture if the doctor feels it is warranted. Otherwise just move past this.
I have a question. If single exposure is rare, then how come it seems like Herpes is such a rampant and general STD to get?
I realize that some of the "symptoms" are all in my head and it is the anxiety of having sex with a stranger. Although, I do applaud myself for using a condom.
I read that there is a 1% chance of getting it from someone who does have it. Is that true? And if 1 out of 5 women have it, I guess chances are really low. But again, why does it seem like it is so common and easy to get?
I read that that single exposure is considered low risk, but does that pertain only if she knew she had herpes and was taking precaution to not sleep in active?
My problem is, and what is driving me crazy is she may be one of those asymptomatic people. It has been 20 hours since contact but I feel like I am getting tingling in my pelvic region. Could this just be my mind playing tricks?
So many of my friends sleep around and it seems so common. I'm just really stressing, probably since it was my first sex partner since getting divorced. Please anything to clarify what the odds could be if she has it and doesn't know, thus making her more "contagious".
Also, would the pre-syndroms start 20 hours...the tingling.
I have never been tested before, however I have never had cold sores. I do have HPV and so I do check myself thoroughly and regularly to ensure I don't have any warts that need to be removed.
Also, my exwife and my long time partner before her never displayed any types of cold sores or outbreaks while we were together. I've read the only sure way to know is testing, but it is very unlikely.
Day 2 and so far no symptoms other than the ones in my head. I think because I have been in mostly long-term monogamous relationships is the reason that I am so anxious about this one-night stand. I keep playing odds in my head and I have to think to myself, #1) there is a 25% chance she even has herpes. #2) I used a condom which can help reduce the chances of getting it #3) a one time exposure with no obvious lesions is rare to get.
Am I right in my assumptions Grace. I'm trying not to go as crazy as Hochee was ;) but it is hard. I keep feeling a tingle or something and I'm like "oh, great, I got it". haha, oh our minds
Speaking to a divorced guy to a divorced guy I want to be honest with you. I have had my share of a going through what you are going through.
Being married and divorced I know what its like that first time you go to have sex with someone. You afterwards feel sometimes like you messed up because you had sex with someone other than your wife. This was really my deal too when I started getting sexual because I didn't want my marriage to end (even though it was for the best).
You asked some questions earlier that I didn't see a respose to. Let me try and answer a few. Herpes is a problem and one time encounters do lead to transmission. Does that mean it happens every time? Let's put it into a perspective. A regular here petal130 has posted in her case her partner had HSV-1 orally. It took 5 years and what she said was a active oral sex life before she got genital HSV-1. Yes the virus does shed and yes it can (and does) happen. But likely? No not really.
You are in the mindset as I was a long time ago. It came down to Guilt vs Risk. I was guilty of doing something wrong. I was feeling bad and fearful that I didn't take the time to look things over and slow down. I was guilty of thinking with the wrong head.
My risk was low. Yes I had a risk but you have to remember what it takes for transmission. Heat and friction. You need to have those things in order to have it. Yup you can get things going pretty good in oral sex but again what else does it take. The core ingrediant is she has to be A) Positive for HSV (about half the adult us population has it) B) If she does have it, she would need to be shedding the virus at that moment. C) You have to have the other factors play into it.
If you want an interesting read you can read over my journal entries. You can start here:
I feel better and worse at the same time. Haha. I totally agree that a lot of it is the guilt vs new territory thing. You get used to having guilt free sex, the way it was intended. Then you go out drinking one night and BOOM.
I keep having slight tingling and itching here and there on the tip of my penis. One side of my lymph nodes are sore, but I am sure it is because I keep pressing on them to see if they are swollen.
I asked her right before we had sex if she had herpes or anything I should know about. We talked about HPV earlier that night and she told me she was vaccinated but didn't specify anything about when.
We had pretty rough sex. She got on top and was pretty rough. I remember after wanting to get up and wash off. Just this little nagging feeling, but I was so tired, I passed out right after and boy, do I regret that.
So Mistakeguy, I read your post. So it turns out from you encounter, despite the "symptoms" you turned out ok? So are you free and clear right now or do you have an infection.
I am hoping that I don't show any signs by day 20, and then I can probably let this all go and forget about it. It is crazy because I just know so many of my friends who sleep around like it isn't a big deal. When I was younger, I had casual sex with girls I dated and never worried about anything, but I guess a big part of being older changes thinking.
Oop, the tingling and itching is coming back. Must be the anxiety...I hope.
HPV for the most part isn't something to worry about that much. We guys can get the guardisil shots but again it's not that much.
It in a way is sign of how much people really know but I was talking to a guy who is currently in college. A smart guy (wants to be a chemical engineer) and he and I were talking one day. He told me he hates getting cold sores. When I told him yeah herpes can be a pain and dampen kissing he stated "I don't have herpes I have a cold sore". 10 minutes later needless to say he was shocked he had herpes.
Some people don't know it is herpes and some do. But when you talk about no signs or symptoms the risk at that point is shedding. But in your case you are right your body wasn't meant for pocking and prodding. You did the best you could you discussed it and she said no. Getting up and cleaning afterwards might not have changed much one the virus is on our nerves it is gone. Cleaning it wouldn't gotten to it anyway.
When you read about tingling you hear it as a prodome symptom. You can't have a prodome on an inital infection. The virus isn't established yet.
I still have a fungal infection that I have personally been fighting for awhile now. The dermatologist and I have been back and forth on things and he is not ready to use a pill as he still wants to try a few creams. At this point I have worries about it. Sure I get the feeling every now and then that what if it is herpes and I am the unlucky few that will never test positive. But I have learned one thing and that is most people test positive. Since I haven't won the lottery yet I am sure I am one of those majority that loses.
Symptoms are what we make of them sometimes. I can tell you personally I had the little "tingle" in my lips, or my legs. I would FREAK out. I got to the point where you know I had to sit back and start to think about the sources of my information. If you break it down in all I have had 2 STD Experts respond to my questions here at MH. I had Grace answer my questions and I think even petal responded to me. Now I have had the pleasure of speaking to grace for a while now. I had to trust her and that I do trust her that she wouldn't tell me I had nothing to worry about if I did.
Grace's personal attitude on this and I am sure the other forums she is on is that one of I will tell you if you have something to worry about. She is good about guiding and helping us out. It's one of those good attitudes that many people could learn a thing from. I have been here a year and a half almost and in that time I have seen many of her, Dr. HHH, Dr. Hook. and Terri Warren's responses. I have seen the 3 of them agree with grace and even suggest people to come to here to the Herpes community forums. I know a lot of people and doctors and reputation is everything. I know that Dr. HHH recently won an award at an STD Conference and so I doubt that those 3 experts dare have their reputation marked bad if they suggested someone speak to grace and her provide flawed or incorrect information.
One of the reasons I spent my time writing that journal entry and the ones I have written was because it helps in my eyes to put things into perspective. The big thing was that being I have gone through this I can share my insight and tell you yup I have been there. I have seen that fear and that "game" (I have several journal entries if you haven't read them you might want too). Once it was said in done grace was right to being with. It was guilt vs risk. Dr. Hook was right he agreed with Grace.
I don't know why your change in fear of Herpes. Honestly it's a skin condition. But I think its not that of "being older" its that you are looking for new partners and this isn't something you want to discuss with them (the stigma of herpes strikes again). Even if you got herpes does it make you a bad person? No it doesn't.
I get the chance to talk to a lot of people on these boards. I always am surprised that some of the people (male and female) are so scared to talk about this skin condition. Being that I am once again now single I look at things and would honestly say if I met a nice person someone who I liked their having herpes wouldn't concern me. Would I be so accepting of HIV? No. But to me (while this may sound wrong) there is a difference in the two. My personal opinion is that I don't think less of the HIV person but I do not want to go through the challenge of battling something that will kill me as opposed to something that may be really annoying. I wouldn't mind it at all if some woman said "Hey wanna grab dinner. " and then "I have HSV". Doesn't matter.
I am a grown adult if I get lucky enough to be with a good person and should I get herpes oh well. I will be able to tell future partners that I was committed to the relationship and would let nothing stand in my way of being dedicated to my partner. The other side at least I would get to quickly learn if they could truly be with me no matter what happened in our relationship.
You made me feel a lot better knowing I really shouldn't worry since it was a one time encounter. It is especially good to know that I can't experience the prodone systems. When I read that, they almost went away completely. I honestly don't know why I am so worried. I hadn't thought of the guilt vs risk aspect yet. I guess I hope that things will work out with my ex someday but I know that is all shot if I had something, and yes, I would hate to try to find a new relationship and explain I had this.
It is sooo strange that people seldom experience more severe outbreaks the first time. Just shows the ignorance and stigma people have. Everyone believes that it needs to be some gross, painful ***** thing to be herpes. I was one of them until this weekend ;) Makes you wonder how many people have it and just discount it. And the fact they could have it and it is so mild that it may not be more than a pimple, makes me really sad it has the stigma that it does. Really, it is a skin condition and won't kill you like HIV. Or even HPV for that matter. I told my wife that I had HPV when I found out, before we got married and she wasn't that concerned. But really, that has more of a health impact than HSV.
The anxiety had really gotten to me. My whole body (back, arms, face, feet) are actually burning, which being familiar with my own stress, is something that occurs. I can't think of an STD that causes the whole body to feel warm after 2 days. haha.
I'm stepping back and relaxing and realizing I can't worry about it. If I get it, I can deal with it and have enough knowledge to let future partners know it is not a big deal. But I am still praying I don't have any blisters or bumps show up in the next 20 days. 18 to go ;)
I try to avoid the comments on relationship advice (we have a forum for that here)... I don't know why you divorced or anything like that. I sure hope it wasn't as bad as mine (the stories I could tell it was enough that even the people who knew about what happened thought it was a story). Divorce's prove one thing in my mind... Once the tough gets going and someone leaves it is hard to get them to see the error of their ways to get them to come back. Just a generalized thought on the subject.
Herpes typically has a severe outbreak. Typically means most people have that. Yes, we do see those that just have a pimple and don't think it is herpes. It is sad those that have it and don't know or don't care. What can you do about that? Nothing.
HPV (what little I know) does cure itself and go away. It isn't something that will keep comming back. Sure it is a little worse than HSV but it does cure itself and move on.
Anxiety will do that to you. Ever rub a partners back after they have had a stressful day. You can feel how hard the muscles are and how tense the body is. Now think of when you work out in the gym (or if you are like me and avoid them think of when you move lots of groceries) how your body was burning because of the hard work you just did... Your body reacts to stress and anxiety. It causes the muscles to tense up and as they do that it starts to hurt.
You are doing the best you can right now by having that attitude. Get off the internet for the next 18 days as much as you can. If you have to be on it, stay away from HSV related sites and focus on things that you need to do for your house. Sort all your receipts for taxes or go to your local animal shelter and spend some time there. I speak from experince believe me. Been there and done that. Funny thing is you and I are about the same age.
I just cleaned and organized my kitchen and felt great. I actually am not too worried that I contracted herpes. I have a Ph. D and I know about stats and after reading from some medical journals I do see how low risk it is after one exposure in men. One study (1992) looked at men and of 76 men who had females partners, only 3 actually got it. And of the people at risk who wore condoms, which was 42, only 2 transmitted it, but does not say if it were females or males. However, of the 101 people at risk who did not, the number was 12. All in all, out of 144 couples, only 14 got HSV (11 were females) over 334 days. An additional study (2005) suggested that the median time of duration in a relationship before contraction was 3.5 months. This of course does not mean that single exposure impossible, but certainly rare. Once you get over the emotional stigma of "I might have gotten an STD" or "****, I did something I knew I shouldn't have" and you focus on the facts, it is easier to chill out.
I'm staying busy and keeping my mind. I will probably continue to post here to let you all know how I am doing and also help out any other people who are in the same position as I am. I have never used forums before, but communicating with you all has been helpful and much better than I communicating with friends or family about a problem that may or may not occur.
My HPV outbreaks are less frequent. Actually I had one right before the wedding and got it removed and didn't have one for a year after. It had been years since I had one before that. There are over 60 strains so it is different in one person to the next. But, it doesn't just go away like you said. It stays in your body forever. See, I taught you something you didn't know. haha.
Divorce, well, it is life. I am still hopeful that one day we can reconcile and maybe remarry. I guess that is why I have the guilt I do because I am still holding onto the past rather than moving forward and trying to date in a healthy way. Sure would have been a lot better than getting drunk and tricked into sleeping with someone though. I am too afraid to get back into a relationship, but after this...I can clearly see that I am not built for one night stands like my friends. Way too scared still.
Still going to pray that I don't see any pimples, blisters, bumps, sores, etc and like you said in your first post, if I don't see anything in the next two weeks, I am going to learn and move on.
wait, cleaning your own kitchen? I thought the accepted method of keeping yourself busy so you don't go crazy with anxiety over encounters was to come to my house and clean, walk the dogs and help me get the garden ready to go in? lol
It's accepted at this point that if hpv doesn't reoccur in a year after having it removed, that it's cleared from the body. Lots of decent recent research on this thanks to the gardasil vaccine trials. In studies, if you get warts again after that, it's because you contracted a new hpv infection with a different type. there are some exceptions to that but in general, that's the way it goes.
Glad to have your input on this and glad to hear that. When I was diagnosed years ago, they basically told me that once I had HPV, I had it for life and to tell my partners. But I guess that is for another forum.
So Grace, since we have you here, would you agree with mine and Mistake's assessment that I have very little to worry about?
I will add that literally about 10 minutes ago I got a burning sensation in my scrotum. I also scratched my area then had a scratch on my eyelid, which is now burning too. Is this anxiety, possibly something related to a possible herpes initial outbreak, or something completely different. I know, I know...nothing can be know until you have blisters that can be swabbed or a blood test, but I am wondering what you opinion on this is. If I wake tomorrow with a blister, I will be pretty sad. But #1) at least I will know for sure and #2) I can learn to deal with it.
Grace, would love hear your input on my situation. Mistake has offered some good points on the possibility of contraction, but given your expertise, would love to hear your thoughts as well.
Okay, it has now been exactly 48 hours since initial exposure. And although I said I wasn't going to worry, I am getting a burning skin sensation on my testicles. Could this mean a herpes blister is about to form?
I checked myself this morning. Last night I scratched my scrotum pretty hard. It was itchy, however it usually is so I wasn't concerned at all about the itch. But today there is a area that looks and feels slightly raw. It is irregular shaped, no blisters or sores. The area around it is not red or inflamed.
Is it possible that this is just from me scratching last night. Does this sound like any type of herpe outbreak to you. I highly doubt it is since there are no blisters or sores or anything that could even be swabbed.
I'm 21 I found out I have herpes 2 I'm so scared and depressed doesn't explain how I feel I recently got engaged and I'm so scared 2 tell him what if he leaves me I want to just die all I keep asking is why me?
What if you have unprotected anal sex with a woman not for a very long time...i have this small red patch on the bottom of my shaft theres no liquid comeing from it no itching or burning no pain at all
The Content on this Site is presented in a summary fashion, and is intended to be used for educational and entertainment purposes only. It is not intended to be and should not be interpreted as medical advice or a diagnosis of any health or fitness problem, condition or disease; or a recommendation for a specific test, doctor, care provider, procedure, treatment plan, product, or course of action. Med Help International, Inc. is not a medical or healthcare provider and your use of this Site does not create a doctor / patient relationship. We disclaim all responsibility for the professional qualifications and licensing of, and services provided by, any physician or other health providers posting on or otherwise referred to on this Site and/or any Third Party Site. Never disregard the medical advice of your physician or health professional, or delay in seeking such advice, because of something you read on this Site. We offer this Site AS IS and without any warranties. By using this Site you agree to the following Terms and Conditions. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your physician or 911 immediately.