One for the record books

Recently my wife of more than 25 years and girlfriend for more than 5 years before we were married developed a vaginal infection which when tested turned out to be HSV-1.  Apparently as of the time of the test her body has not produced antibodies, which I guess  was indicative that this was a primary infection.  I was also tested and my results came back positive for HSV-1.  The result was a complete and devastating shock to me because I have been absolutely faithful to my wife for as long as I have known her.  In fact, other than my wife I have had a total of two sexual encounters, both one nightstands and much before we were married.  Further, to this day, I have never had any symptoms whatsoever that could be confused for an STD.

Incidentally, my wife also insists that she has never had sex with any other man.

Our medical professional is convinced that one of us must have been unfaithful.

Here are my questions:

Assuming that I am telling the truth about my sexual  contacts (or absence thereof) with other partners, what are the chances that I was the culprit?  

In addition to the test for Herpes she was also tested for Candida, Trichomonas Vaginalis, C. Trachomatis DNA, SDA, Gardenerella Vaginalis and N. Gnorrohoeae DNA, SDA are the latter typically included when Herpes is suspected?.  Or, must there have been indication of another STD as well?

Thank you



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[gracefromHHP]

your medical provider is greatly misinformed and their ignorance is causing you and your wife unnecessary stress :(


Odds are your hsv1 is oral and when you performed oral sex on your wife, she contracted the virus genitally from you. Why now and not  before this?  Well a negative hsv1 igg result isn't always accurate, even the best blood tests we have for herpes still miss 1 out of every 10 hsv1 infections. She might've had symptoms previously and never realized it or this could be newly transmitted from you to her.  Either way, absolutely no reason to think either of you cheated!!!  She could've contracted hsv1 genitally from you the very first time you performed oral on her or 50 years into your relationship even - it's as much about bad luck as anything - you were actively shedding hsv1 orally, performed oral on her and her body was vulnerable to infection.  

I"m guessing her provider is convinced that one of you is lying and really has had other partners hence all the other std testing too.

grace

[bert49]

What are the chance that she could be infcetd by me agian or vice versa by ny performing oral sex on her?"

Since this episode she absolutely refuses to allow mw to perform os on her, because she thinks she will have another outbreak or infcetion.

[gracefromHHP]

no, you performing oral on her won't cause her to have more recurrences. it doesn't work that way. odds are she'll have very few recurrences overall.

I highly recommend checking out Terri Warren's book "the good news about the bad news". It's under $20 on amazon and goes into much more details than her free herpes handbook does. It's a terrific resource for the both of you and will help clear up a lot of misunderstanding in general I think!

keep asking questions!!

[bert49]

I am a little confused.  I just read the respomse from one of the expert Drs, in your staff, to someone who was concerned about the possibility of acquiring herpes because he was exposed to someone who definitely had it.  The Dr. assured the concerned individual that he need not worry because most exposures to infected partners do not result in infection.  in fact, he cited a statistic tha only 1 in a 1000 exposures result in in fection.

So here I am, who has had sex with someone other than my spouse, once 25 years ago and 25 years later my wife develops an hsv-1 infection and it turns out that I was the one who was carrrying the virus, and in the interim no signs whtasoever of any std.

Am I crazy in thinking I have to be the nluckiest chump in the world?  What are the odds?

[gracefromHHP]

actually you can consider yourself lucky, not unlucky. Think of all the times in the 30 years you've been with this partner and have been actively shedding the virus and never managed to infect her either orally or genitally up until now.  You were actively shedding the virus on average over 60 days out of the year and with all that kissing and oral sex you two have had over the years, it took until now for the virus to be transmitted to your partner.

[bert49]

Lucky???

Let me see if I got this right.  The chances of acquiring herpes from an infected are 1,000 to 1.  Right?

I have premarital sex once, with someone other than my wife once more than 25 years ago.  Between then and now there is not even a hint of a symptom. In those happy go lucky  25 years I make love to my wife literally thousands of times, again without even so much as a suspicious symptoms.  Then suddenly, "Houston we have problemP  She devekops an infection and I am the carrier.

I dont know why but somehow I don't feel so lucky.  

  

[Mistakeguy789]

You are assuming that your one sexual encounter before your wife was what had you infected.  You could have HSV-1 as a child from that kiss from your aunt or one of your girlfriends in school.