I have been together with a man since about News Year's or a week after. We've been having PROTECTED intercourse since around that time. He went in to get tested because he needed his medical card for work and the results tested positive for HSV2. Here are the factors -
- He has had a cold sore once in his life according to him, which I'm assuming is HSV1. His son also gets cold sores.
- We have only had protected intercourse.
- He has never had an outbreak, ever. The only possible KNOWN symptoms he's had is back pain, but he does construction work so it may not even have been.
- I have never had an outbreak or symptoms that I know of and the last time we had intercourse was last Sunday morning. Again, it was protected.
He feels so terrible and thinks he is dirty, ect., and just wants to be alone. I believe our relationship may end because of this though it will be on his part because I still want him.
What is the risk of transmission? What is the risk I have it? I cannot afford a blood testcurrently and have no insurance.
I recommend you both read the herpes handbook at www.westoverheights.com. it has all the info the both of you need to know.
I can best help him if he posts his blood test results here - ie hsv1 igg 5.5 and hsv2 igg .34 or whatever they are to see if he was properly tested or not and to see if he needs further confirmatory testing.
Well, I FINALLY just now got him to tell me what the deal was. To make it all worse, his father died last Wednesday. He got the diagnosis that Sunday. I kept trying to ask him specific questions because I have studied STDs when I had to take anatomy and pathology, but he was just like, "he said I have genital herpes. I don't know what else to say" and that "I was so distraught that he could have said a lot and I not know. I know he said something about 'img'" and I'm assuming that 'img' was that 'igg.' Is that significant by any means? I don't know anythin about the tests specifically because I have never been tested for any blood STDs except HIV and AIDS.
Is it at all notable that he hasn't had any outbreaks and that neither have I?
Okay, apparently the test used was IgM that from what I've been reading isn't reliable. I don't want to gt my hopes up or delude myself, but I do find it peculiar that he hasn' had an outbreak ever, I have been with him two months having protected intercourse and haven't gotten an outbreak, and he hasn't gotten a cal from his las girlfriend with whom he had unprotected sex where se says she has genital herpes. Again - I KNOW he has had cold sores so with all this info about the unreliability of IgM, I'm doubting it though I'm scared to lest I get my hopes up. But for what it is worth, the guy told him that I should be safe because of consistant condom usage. I don't know though...
See, he went and got tested onlybecause he needed by law to get his medical card for work. He decided to get all the STDs covered because we were moving along so I do not believe it was a place that used the best methods for STDs. But what the heck do I know, right?
He is going to get retested Monday and will request the most reliable methods. I'm just a bit shaken up. I'm scared that tomorrow herpes will show up. It's the anticipation moe than anything. But why would it now and not before?
condoms reduce transmission of herpes by 30-40%. they help but aren't foolproof.
it's not unusual for folks to think that they've never had an ob and then start taking notice of things once they find out they are infected. happens quite a bit actually.
At this point, even though I know this is far easier said than done, try not to over think this. Support your man while he grieves the loss of a family member and deal with his testing next week. if he can get his last results to post here, he might not even need additional testing done.
Is it not unusual for folks to think they haven't had an outbreak or is it common for folks to be in denial about the outbreaks? I ask because he isn't a 20 year old kid who's new to everything, he's a 32 yearold man who has had bacterial STDs in the past thus is conciensious and would freak out about anything, hence taking this so badly. I can't even get him to call me back; that is how down he is right now. I doubt I'll be able to get him to give me the exact results if he even remembers anything aside from the IgM thing. I'm not trying to deny it is a possibility he missed something, but it is the same with me - he has had no outbreaks and neither have I (assuming it's been passed to me, which freaks me out!). Apparently neither has his last girlfriend with whom he had unprotected sex? I know I could be completely off and wrong, but again, I am just trying to get everything out there. I just had my yearly pap and didn't get a call back to boot. I had it last Tuesday.
Most folks assume that herpes presents as painful and obvious blisters that reoccur frequently. Reality is it's more likely to be itching and redness or mild rashes. Most folks can come up with other reasons for symptoms and never think herpes. over 90% of folks with hsv2 have no idea they have it until tested according to many, many studies.
A pap test doesn't test for std's. you shouldn't expect it to be abnormal when you have one other than a long term hpv infection that has progressed to obvious cervical cell changes.
When he spoke to the guy, the only symptom he could think of was a sore back. He works construction-related so it would be difficult to distinguish something herpes-related from just having a sore back. I suppose I could ask him if he's ever had any mild rash or itching, but based on what I know of him that would have freaked him out and assumed not only herpes, but AIDS. What if he never has? Also, he shoots testosterne; does that have an affect either way? I'm a sexual hypochondriac because of a past chlamydia diagnosis and have the medical bills unpaid to prove it when I've gone in because of a cebacious (sp?) gland, a scabbed-over hair follicle, etc. I look into everything as far as I know.
Also, what are the chances of neither of us having outbreaks if we're infected? If condoms reduce transmission by 30-40% (though I read in the expert forum 50-60% and even upwards to 90%), what is the original risk from somebody who has never knowingly had an outbreak and with whom I've been having protected intercourse for two months?
Also, the Westover Heights Clinic said that lesions can be found on the cervix so that is why I mentioned my pap smear.
In addition, I'm confused about symptoms. What are the symptoms before an outbreak or in an "aborted" outbreak if one already has HSV1? My bf (well, maybe not anymore) said he's had a cold sore in the past, plus it is just likely he has. I've read that if one has had HSV then flu-like and lower-back pain/butt pain symptoms are less likely to occure. What would that say about his back pain being chalked up to HSV2 then?
Also, ever since I heard about this earlier today, I've had pain in my lower back and also other places that feels better when I stand, that isn't all unusual for me. This is annoying me because now I'm paranoid and thinking I'll breakout in herpes tomorrow! I'm near my period and have had eating problems which has resulted in digestive issues, plus I didn't eat much last night until late when I downed a personal pizza with some spicy and heavy toppings. Additionally, I had two alcohol drinks and one shot before having to take three doses of Nyquil just so I could sleep cause I hadn't heard anything from my bf the whole day when he said he wanted to tell me something (now I know)!
I'm sorry, I'm just freaking out. It isn't made much easier with his dumb*** shutting down. I know I'd feel the same way though but he is getting a second opinion.
http://archinte.ama-assn.org/cgi/content/short/169/13/1233 is a recent study that supports the 30% reduction that I stick with using.
once you are able to get your partners blood test results to post here and we see if indeed he was properly tested and doesn't need additional testing, I'll gladly answer more of your questions. First things first though :)
This isn't very fair. He went up north and turned off his phone. There is nothing I can do. I already had to wait nearly a week just for him to tell me what as up, then spend an entire day thinking he could be dead, then have him run off yet again because he is convinced I'm safe since that is what the practicioner told him. He said he was distraught and tuned the guy out a lot, but that he kept saying something about 'IGM.' That is all I have and I'll go ahead and assume there is a good chance that is all I'll ever have. Yet here I am, sitting here scared, having to depend on him when he doesn't even have his phone on and I don't even know when he'll be back, when no hotlines are open, I have no money or insurance, and I don't know his exact blood test results. What I do know is I never had a known outbreak and I'm overly meticulous about that type of thing. I've been with him two months and we always used potection. The same with him - no known outbreaks. So I just have to sit her ein Limbo before he decides, if ever, to answer or call me so I can get the blood test results he probably doesn't even have or remember.
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