This forum is an un-mediated, patient-to-patient forum for questions and support regarding herpes issues such as: Herpes symptoms and treatments, causes, diagnosis, and herpes in men, tests, telling your spouse or partner.
For decades, my HSV2 was limited to a small area on my perineum next to my vaginal opening, and through scrupulous care, I never spread it on myself or gave it to anyone else. My ex decided he did not want to use condoms any more and preferred the risk of infection, since we had planned to be together for good anyways, figuring it would happen eventually, and he would rather just get it over with than keep worrying about it. He's a veterinarian, with an internist brother, so he knew the risks. I also have a medical background. After much discussion, I reluctantly agreed. We had no pregnancy risk as he had had a vasectomy. Although my outbreaks by then were exceedingly rare, I always tookhttp://www.medhelp.org/posts/new_with_new_subject?forum_id=195# prophylactic Valtrex to protect him when we were together.
Unfortunately, it wasn't enough, and the poor man contracted it, developing severe and frequent outbreaks despite ongoing Valtrex use. I felt (and still feel) absolutely horrible, much worse than he did, actually, and may never forgive myself, but I digress...
After a while, I became aware that he was initiating sex with me before his outbreaks were fully healed, when he still had a scab, however pinpoint tiny. I had started having outbreaks again myself, which I didn't really understand, but now the reason seemed apparent.
We were always, shall we say, very vigorous, and his size and refusal to use real lube in favor of saliva caused me other problems on more than one occasion. We were also both under a tremendous deal of stress for various reasons.
Then I developed lesions in new locations, which after nearly 30 years of never having had this happen, was particularly upsetting, especially because it's now on my clitoris and clitoral hood in particular, which has rendered me almost unable to even masturbate since the end of the relationship.
Since he didn't seem to grasp that having sex with a not-yet-fully-healed lesion was an issue, and had other issues with lack of truthfulness, I have to wonder how often he'd lied before about the outbreak being over, as he had this time.
I've been in the past with other partners who also had herpes, with no problems, albeit always using condoms, and despite years and years of being very sexually active, mine had remained consistent until this.
I know that autoinoculation is rare but can still happen (which he refused to believe), but what about this sort of apparent reinoculation with one's own strain from a partner engaging in sex before full healing of an outbreak?
It seems to me that this is one of the highest risk things one can possibly do, and if breaking open one's own lesions can spread it around on one's own self, this would seem to be the same thing.
We're talking about active lesions that would have *had* to have been reopened during intercourse, with the exudate being spread all over the place.
TIA for your thoughts. This is hands down one of the best and most informative venues I've seen on this topic.
actually it's not spreading it to new areas - you were infected from the waist down when you were originally infected. It's also not unusual at all to have ob's in new areas over time.
it's not an issue having sex during obvious symptoms either. You won't make it "worse" for either of you. It also doesn't trigger recurrences in you.
I have to wonder if it's more than just herpes going on with your description of your symptoms and also of his. If you had herpes lesions on your clit, once healed, you should be fine. what sort of work up have you had done? have they been testing you for yeast and bacterial infections vaginally when you are seen too?
are you currently taking valtrex suppressively at all?
I can't fully grasp this. Everything I ever read or was told when I researched the question when I was first diagnosed and later always indicated that it was important to avoid rupturing one's own lesions to avoid spreading the sores. It's what I've based 30 years of herpes-conscious self-care and hygiene practices on, as well as management of protecting my partner when in a relationship. If this isn't true, the implications for the history of this relationship are staggering, to say the least...
I have, however, a history of frequent recurrences when under stress, at least of the oral herpes (I went for several years at one point having nearly constant outbreaks with little time between them, at *least* 2-3 per month), so repeated recurrences genitally didn't surprise me once they started showing up again, very, very clearly tied to the situation above, which is why it's been so upsetting. I've had this a long time, documented visually by my doctor and by testing, and never bother going to the doctor about it because it has always been such a minor deal after the first bout of outbreaks. It's the exact same lesions, just in a different place, and then stirred up again whenever I tried to masturbate for a couple of years.
Nothing else has turned up on vaginal exams, and I have had no other signs of yeast infections, which used to plague me badly in my teens, but that was many decades ago. He went to his own doctor when he contracted it and it was confirmed then as well.
And no, I don't take Valtrex now, even a lot of the time when I get an outbreak, which have thankfully mostly retreated again. I don't have insurance, and it doesn't usually shorten the outbreaks by enough to be worth the cost or the bother, although I do use it upon occasion. Usually, though, I only use it prophylactically when I'm in a relationship now, to protect my partner, along with condoms, and then only on the days we are together.
you can have more than just herpes going on. this is certainly well worth further work up for you both. definitely make sure you get properly tested for yeastand bv. bv especially can be present without symptoms and it's known to make herpes more active.
acyclovir is far cheaper than valtrex. you can get a round of episodic therapy for as little as $4 and daily suppressive therapy for under $20/month.
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