STRESSED ABOUT HAVING HERPES WITHOUT HAVING POSITIVE TEST RESULTS?
This was my answer to one of posters here. Thought I would share my story, may be it can help someone else.
You might ignore this comment just like you ignored the many negative herpes tests, but I pray that maybe, just may be, this can bring you back to living your life. I will post this for others like you and me.
I was just like you, found that cold sores are caused by herpes when I was in college, and freaked out so badly. The cause of all this was the Internet, and the fact that herpes has been associated with SO many different symptoms such as having flu like symptoms, pain etc. I kept examining my self and finally got a bump on my nose, which I knew 100% was herpes. I went in for antibody test and it came back positive for HSV 1. I was in tears over the phone but the lady did not even seem to care, she said it so casually. I said, is this serious? She laughed and said no, and that the bump on my nose is probably not even herpes related. She continued and said you have antibodies for HSV 1 because you most likely got it as a kid and almost all of your friends are likely to have it, then the call ended. I was devastated, all from getting a bump on my nose. I did not share drinks or any contact; did not kiss anyone for 2 years because of that. I was a student in college living in constant fear and depression. It took those 2 years to finally accept that it is no big deal as I saw cold sores on so many people, including my dad.
So after 2 years, one drunken Halloween night, I had protected sex and unprotected oral with a girl. This was the first time I had sex. The morning after was one of the worst mornings ever, because fear kicked in that I might of caught herpes. I imaged thousands of scenarios. What if I kissed her, and I was shedding HSV and then she gave me oral, so it got transferred to genital, and I was drunk, so my immune system was probably weakened so BAM, I MIGHT of TRANSFERRED it to my genitals. See, during or before this encounter, I remember having a little open sore on my scrotum. I did not hurt nor itch and did not even notice until I peed. That was only time I saw it, didn't worry, never looked for it again. 2 weeks after this encounter, I RANDOMLY remembered this sore and had a heart attack thinking it was from herpes but it no longer was there. There is actually a very good chance that I dreamed this because I honestly would have worried my self to death and went to the doctor and not just casually ignored it. Also the fact that it randomly popped in my head makes me suspicious. So I honestly think it was a dream or happened way before in my life. BUT that did not stop me from googling and reading. I felt so many of the symptoms you described, twitching, tingling, pain, soreness, discomfort in the region, burning sensation and every other symptom. I went to the doctor and described the sore and all these symptoms and he assured me that it did not sound like herpes. I went back six times; to the same doctor and 3 more times other doctors who all said nothing I descried sounds anything like herpes. But I could not take that, I kept reading forums, many on here who were like me, and kept "feeling" these symptoms and associated it with herpes. The seventh time I went, the doctor took my hand and walked me up to the university counseling center and stood there until I made an appointment.
I will now cut to the point. I lived my life like this for the past 4.5 years, in constant fear. At different occasion through out those 4.5 years, I convinced my self I transferred it to my eyes, anal area and even buttocks. Went to so many doctors, spent so much time and money. Caused so much constant stress, it is unbelievable, until one day I put an end to it.
I got a little tingle on my lower lip and I went right to the mirror suspecting a cold sore, a incredibly tiny spot, that was crusty. I do remember cutting my self at that spot from shaving 5 days before that. But panic started to sink in and I kept pressing on the area to see if it would hurt, and guess what it started to hurt a little. More nervousness took me over. But for some reason, I decided to start rubbing and pressing on my UPPER lip. I did it for a while and focused on it and guess what? IT STARTED HURTING. Just like the bottom lip. I shut my eyes took a deep breath and finally pressed my bottom lip, at that spot, this time with an open mind, NO PAIN. I had moment that wasn’t like any other. I finally saw the power of my brain.
I wrote this in detail so it can leave a lasting impression and help you get out of the hell you are putting your self through. See we have severe herpes anxiety, which made us hypochondriacs, that is the worst and a trillion times worst than having a herpes outbreak every hour. The Internet became our downfall. We are so powerful in our thoughts and beliefs that we make the mind start feeling symptoms. If you focus on an area in such a deep way, you WILL, and I repeat YOU WILL notice symptoms. WE ARE NOT A MACHINE that stays still, we are a living thing. There could be millions of OTHER reasons that can cause these untypical symptoms we associate with herpes. And herpes having so many common symptoms, you can always associate one or 2 with them and then the CYCLE STARTS AGAIN. Doctors know what they are talking about, they dedicated their life to help, trust them. What you need to do is tackle your anxiety and I promise you this will all stop. If there was a machine that scanned your genitals and had a proven accuracy of 100% of detecting ANY herpes EVER, and you tested negative, then may be that could ease your mind. But guess what, YOU WILL MOVE TO OBSESSING OVER ANOTHER STD. The problem isn’t the symptoms, it’s your mind. It is so extremely powerful, you make almost make it do what you want. Go look at the symptoms for anxiety, many of symptoms you describe such as twitching, pain, burning are ALL PART OF ANXIETY. It is the stress that is doing all this, the fact is we are HERPOcondriacs, and you testing negative both times on antibodies and still worrying completely confirms this. The .0000000000000000000000000001 chance that it might be herpes, who cares? Not caring is easier said than done, I KNOW. But understand that you will never know for sure and guess what, SO MANY PEOPLE HAVE IT. It is a skin nuisance that rarely causes anything serious what so ever. If it happened anywhere else on the body, we would not care as much. Big part of fear stems from thinking we are going to spread this and that causes extreme stress. THIS FEAR STARTED AND ALL CAME FROM THE STIGMA OF HAVING HERPES CREATED BY THE OUR SOCIETY AND NOT FROM THE ACTUAL HEALTH PROBLEMS ASSOCIATED WITH IT. Why do you think cold sores and genital herpes are viewed SO DIFFERENTLY when they can come from the SAME exact virus? SOCIAL STIGMA. Ask yourself, is this really something I should be loosing sleep and peace of mind over?
LIFE IS SHORT, go live it, it is beautiful. Your life is at the top 1% of the world, living in a country like this. Billions of people suffer from REAL problems. There might be a time when you have to deal with REAL problems such as death of a loved one or a serious illness, imagine how you would react then, when you react like this to something that causes no real health problems. You are making a living hell for yourself. I know it because I was you for 4.5 years. There is going to be a time, when we all pass this short life, it could be years from now or it could be tomorrow or it could be the next hour. At that last waking moment, your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it’s worth watching.
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