Transmitting HSV-1 via Oral Sex

*Unfortunately I do not have sufficient means to post directly to an M.D. I'm hoping, however, in reading through their responses and posting to the community that I can find the sufficient evidence that I need.

My girlfriend and I have been together for a while now. I have HSV-1 and she's never been tested. I've done quite a bit of research on the subject and found varying results related to asymptomatic shedding, prodromes, and likeliness of transmission. We've decided not to stop kissing simply because of my condition and she enjoys receiving oral sex. My question is this:

Is it reasonable to discontinue oral sex due to HSV-1 or are we worrying too much?

We know this much - I should never kiss or perform oral sex on her when I'm experiencing prodromes or breakouts. It is still possible to transmit asymptomatically. We're just having a hard time knowing how much we should let this influence our love life.

[waringblender]

You're worrying too much. Nobody would be kissing or having sex if they did what you are suggesting. More than 60% of the population has HSV1. Plus, you don't even know your partner's status.

[WithoutWax]

Grace, can I have your thoughts on this?

[waringblender]

Next time maybe ask for the person specifically who you want answering your questions. I wouldn't have wasted my time otherwise. Yeesh.

[gracefromHHP]

My thoughts are similar to waringblenders.  Stopping kissing because of hsv1 orally would mean that there's no reason to stay in this relationship wouldn't it? I mean who's going to be content with no smoochies?

Approach this with some common sense. Get your gf tested to see what her status is. if she's hsv1+ herself - then little worries. Just don't perform oral sex on her when you have an active cold sore present or feel like one is about to start.  If she's negative for hsv1 - same thing. If you two feel more comfortable then utilize barrier protection for oral sex.

Not many of us make it to the old folks home without hsv1 orally.  With the rates of hsv1 genital infection rising - not many of us are going to make it there without it genitally too!

grace

[speedmamma]

I know for a FACT that you can infect someone genitally with HSV1 even if you DONT have a cold sore resent.  It happened to me personally, it took many years but it finally caught up with me.  My hubby has been getting cold sores since a child, I was tested many many years ago and was negative for both types hsv1 and 2.  So we were always under the same impression no cold sores no worries.  Well this past December he went through a bout where he was getting cold sores quit frequent.  Sept Oct Nov and December.  The last in Decmber being the biggest cold sore he ever had.  We waited 8 days after that cold sore was healed and no signs he ever had it.  Had oral sex and 3-4 days later I had my primary outbreak.  We have been married 24 years so yes it took time to finally get me BUT it did.  My suggestion to you is the same as Grace get your G/F tested find out her stautus, get knowledge of the transmission rate and my Number 1 suggestion is get yourself on Valtrex it can cut the shedding rate by almost half which at least would give both of you a better chance of not passing it to her if she is negative for HSv1.  I wish I would of had that info before it happened to me.  Would of saved me alot of heartache and pain.  Take care,, Remember knowledge is power!!

[WithoutWax]

Waringblender, I appreciate your comments! Please know your time is not wasted. I wanted multiple people's perspectives. Thank you too, grace, for your reassurance. speedmamma, your testimony almost makes me want to follow our original plans and abstain from the behaviors all together. =( I knew it was trasmittable without signs.. "It is still possible to transmit asymptomatically." You kind of scared away all the reassurance waringblender and Grace built up. I hope this wasn't intentional.

[speedmamma]

No it was not intentional believe me, it is only MY testimony because it happened to me and i know it can happen.  You have to remember when you ask a question on here you may not always get the answers you want but you will get the answers you need! These are the statistics like grace said HSV1 transmission from oral to the genital area is on the rise those are just facts, they may not be what you want to hear but it is what it is. Sorry,  i DO NOT want another person to go through what i did.  The more you know the better It was devastating for me and my hubby and to this day it is still hard.  i am only telling you what can happen.  if you do not have the facts then it will bite ya in the butt.  There is no such thing as safe sex,  the only safe sex is no sex and because that is just not how we are programmed the more knowledge about this virus the better you will be.  Take care!  

[WithoutWax]

I don't feel like you addressed my post. I came here for opinions, not information. My girlfriend and I have done an extensive amount of research and read countless statements from various medical doctors, even done research on Valtrex. I think you should know that they don't perscribe Valtrex as a preventative daily-dosage medication for Herpes Labialis, only for HSV-2 (Genital Herpes). My girlfriend and I have talked about this extensively and we've acknowledged the possibility and consequences for these actions. Your concern and upset comes as a surprise to the both of us. It sounds to me like you were more hurt by the unexpected nature of your contraction and not the disease itself. I can't speak for you, but if the two of us were married monogamously for your duration, I think we would expect it to happen at some point and we'd be prepared.

My question was simply this: How much should the disease rule our lives?

I'm sorry if my response to you is harsh, but I feel like you're talking down to us as if we are completely unaware. If it wasn't for Grace and Waringblender's firm reassurance, your "truth" would have turned us off for good.

[speedmamma]

Well again you are wrong about Valtrex it is prescribed for more than just HSV2.  For your info, alot of people take this meds for cold sores.  The valtrex website is one source of that info.  SO I guess your research is not 100% accurate.  And as far as you both being so educated if you have all the facts why bother wanting to know how this virus can rule your lives?  You would of already had those facts given to you and answered!!!  And I want you to know DO NOT ever again talk down to me about how I feel , YOU do not have that right!!!  And as far as your response sounding harsh.  I am a big girl and I can handle your so called harshness.  

THE DISEASE RULES YOUR LIFE IF YOU LET IT!!
MOVE ON!!

[speedmamma]

I will respond no further to you.  Your not worth my time!

[waringblender]

Wax, it really does sound like you are getting this rule your life. You are considering abstaining from oral sex because of this. I can't speak for you, but I'm not a person who would be comfortable or happy in a sexual relationship without mutual unprotected oral. If the two of you are, though, knock yourselves out avoiding it.

Get the girlfriend tested. That's the first thing. Don't go down on her or kiss her, or anybody else, if you have prodromal symptoms or a cold sore. It's not rocket science. LIke speedmamma said, there are inherent risks with sex. If sister-girl is not willing to take that small risk with you, either use barrier protection during cunnilingus if you want to protect her further, or find another girlfriend.

If she decides she doesn't want to kiss you because of this, you definitely should find another girlfriend. I can't imagine that would make either of you happy. Don't make such a big deal out of this. She has a much higher chance of not contracting it from you than of getting it. Also, is it you with the anxiety around this? Because if she senses how anxious you are about this, it could change her perceptions about how she wants to proceed.

You jumped the gun with this entire post since you don't even know her status. She needs to get tested. You might as well get tested for both types while you two are at it.

[WithoutWax]

speedmamma, I never stated that Valtrex was not perscribed for Herpes Labialis. Your accusations follow your failure to analyze. In testing done by Valtrex, they concluded patients with HSV-1 should take two doses over the period of twenty-four hours at the first onset of prodromes. They also admitted in their own study that people who took it more often than this showed no variations in results. Facts and opinions are completely different. I didn't come here to get educated. I came here for opinions, a point you obviously missed. How dare you judge me in such a fashion. It is YOU who first talked down to me. Your description of Herpes and how it affected your life is comparable to the black plague, a walking death. You detail it as the worst thing that's ever happened to you and it's not an un-safe inference to say that you support abstinence when you claimed "...i DO NOT want another person to go through what I did..." You have been extremely unhelpful, offered facts that we already knew, and failed multiple times to address my concerns and analyze my post properly. I'm terribly sorry that I've "wasted your time." I appreciate the effort that you gave - but I want you to know from an outsider's perspective - your testimony scares the **** out of me and, had it not been for waring or Grace, is enough to push me to abstinence, as unneccessary as I think it is.

waringblender, again, your reassurance is comforting. In fact, my warriness comes from my girlfriend's concern, not to say I go without. We have decided not to let it affect our lives in such a way and will continue to have oral sex. Thank you for your concern and your efforts are well taken.

[speedmamma]

I cannot let you post here and make me look like I did anything wrong.  You asked if this virus should rule your life.  All I did was let you know that this can happen and it does happen.  I was being helpful to let others know that oral transmission of hsv1 is possible and does happen even to us old married folk.  But for you to ASSUME you know how I feel and know ANYTHING about my life is not your right.  I am devastated by this virus and it has nothing to do with how I caught it.  I wanted to spare you and your women the chances of this pain.  That was all my intention ever was.  So if you cannot see that then you have the problem not me.  I made a new year promise to be more compassionate I guess you just cannot help some people, they always seem to see the negative and not look at any of the positives.  I will keep that promise I made to myself and wish both you and your girl good things in your life and hope you find the OPINIONS  you seek!  Take care

[waringblender]

Speedmamma, haven't you had this virus for a while now? You might want to  consider psychotherapy to work past your "devastation with [the] virus." It would be difficult to believe that your feelings don't impact the quality of your relationship with your partner. If your partner already has type 1, then there would be no worries about anything physical between the two of you. But you probably already knew that.

[gracefromHHP]

Ok everyone back to your corners!!!

grace

[speedmamma]

No I have not had this virus that long.  My diagnosis was New year Eve 2007.  And my feelings do impact my relationship with my husband.  I do not enjoy sex as i used to because I am in constant fear of another outbreak.  It has not stopped us from having sexual relations i just do not feel as comfortable and i am not as easy to try new things in the sack anymore.  And one more thing I do see a head doc for all this.  But being only 2 months since I was diagnosed still makes it quite fresh.

[gracefromHHP]

Maybe I can help you put this back into some perspective. Statistically in the US - 1 out of every 2-3 people your gf has kissed in her lifetime has had hsv1 orally.  If she's had say 5 partners in the past who have both kissed her and performed oral sex on her - then statistically she's been exposed to herpes both orally and genitally by 2 of them at least. If she tests negative for hsv1 on her blood test now then you both know just how much it is about bad luck ( being in the right place at the wrong time ) that folks contract hsv1.  Look at speedmamma's situation even - she was with a hsv1+ man for many , many years.  Was it that she had never, ever, ever had contact with him either orally or genitally before she became infected a few months ago when he was actively shedding the virus? Nope. It's just that conditions weren't right until then for the virus to infect her.  She'd  come in contact with it many times before that night -  it's just that for whatever reason he was shedding the virus actively and when he performed oral sex on her she was more vulnerable to contracting it from him.  To me that's just the breaks of the game - not a reason to abstain from kissing your partner and performing oral sex on them.  Just like perhaps you and your gf will both stop off at the grocery store tonight on your way home from work.  You both buy 10 items and the same gal checks you out.  3 days from now - you end up with influenza and are knocked down on your butt for the next week sick as can be because the check out gal was sick and was spreading the virus to everyone who was near her.  Your gf - she breathed the same air from that gal and touched money that was handled by her. She probably even shared your drink and kissed you during those 3 days until you got sick. Just you got sick though. It's just the way these pesky viruses in general work.  Also I assume that this isn't your first gf ever?  Has this been an issue for your past gf's?

So let's say - worst case scenerio - you and your gf make out for hours at a time both with and without lovemaking.  You perform unprotected oral sex on her. Of course all of this is when you don't have obvious cold sores present.  Still - let's say 2 years from now she wakes up with a cold sore on her lip. What's so bad about that? Haven't you been fine all these years with hsv1 orally? Let's just say she wakes up with a killer genital herpes ob too.  Statistically 50% of folks who have hsv1 genitally don't get recurrences.  Of those who do the average is 1 additional ob the first year and then 1 ob every other year. If you two are still together - it's not an issue for you. Yeah that first ob is going to suck royally.  It'll heal though.  Recurrences won't be so bad if she has them at all.  Because she's with you - it's not even an issue since you both have it. You just avoid sex during her genital recurrences which should be few and far between.

Yes you can take daily suppressive therapy for hsv1. We aren't sure just how effective it is - it reduces viral shedding but enough to make a difference in transmission we have no idea. Even though it seems like everyone is getting hsv1 genitally nowadays - it still doesn't occur enough to make studying it in discordant couples easy to do.  If you need the peace of mind though - it's certainly something to consider. If nothing else - you should have less cold sores so less times that you would have to avoid kissing your woman.  

By the time we make it to the old folks home - 80% or so of us have hsv1 orally. Very few of us make it to the old age home without oral herpes.  I should hope that you two don't let your hsv1 become a big issue in your relationship and it keeps you from experiencing the joys of close intimate contact of all kinds.  It's just a pesky lil virus. For most adults - it's a nuisance and nothing else.  

grace

[WithoutWax]

Thank you so much Grace. I think we can finally let this thread die. You've been such a help. God bless you.

-WithoutWax