Was I misdiagnosed

Almost 20 years ago I was dating a guy that was diagnosed with herpes. I went to a medical clinic that claimed to test for herpes (I was too embarresed to go to my Dr). They tested me positive. I never had signs. I met my now husband and told him and he stayed with me. I never showed any signs and we have been married 17 years never having protected sex. He has never had a sign. When I decided to get pregnant I finally discussed it with my Dr in 1999 and he said not to worry about it because the blood test would come up positive on almost everyone because anyone that has ever had a cold sore would test positive and they should not have tested that way. He said I need to have sores to test and if I had never had them he didn't think I had herpes. Well, I have had 2 children and never had a problem. But it still always in the back of my mind. Do I or don't I? Any time I get razor bumps or skin irritation I worry. Should I be tested with one of the new tests and if so what do I ask for?

[gracefromHHP]

You need a type specific herpes igg blood test done. 20 years ago you weren't tested properly most likely so why not finally get the right blood test done and put this issue to rest for once and for all?

grace

[curious676]

What test exactly do I ask for? I have seen some websites that say you can order the test online and just go to a lab? Are these as accurate? I seen on one where it said they offer an Elisa or Immunobot test. Which would I need to know if it is HSV 2? Thank you

[gracefromHHP]

www.healthcheckusa.com you can order up the herpes igg blood test as well as from www.tstd.org.  Your regular doctor can do this for you too.

grace

[curious676]

Well, it came back positive. Now here I am upset about it all over again. I guess I had convinced myself I did not have it. Dr.s really should be more eduacated. My Dr. almost acted like it was silly that I thought I had it. Almost like I didn't fit the profile or something. My results were over 7 for hsv2 and 4 for hsv 1. Every now and then I get a tingling crack in my butt crack but that is really it. Sometimes I wish I did not know. I just want to cry all over again like when I thought I had it 20 years ago. And if 1 in 4 have it how come I feel alone. Why don't we hear more about it. I guess I'm not out talking about it to others either. But if it is a virus and I never have side effects why does it seem so bad and make me feel so nasty? I mean I see people with cold sores all the time and no one thinks anything of it. This just sucks!

[gracefromHHP]

You are letting the idea of having a sexual infection make you feel nasty - no one else is!!  It's really no different from any other infection just you have it genitally.  Don't let society's stupid notions about sex make you feel any less about yourself!!


do you have a regular partner? Have they been tested yet?

grace

[curious676]

Yea, I have been married for 17 years. He has not been tested. He has had cold sores since he was little but never any OB down south.

[gracefromHHP]

He'll need tested too so that you know what his status is so that you two can decide if it's worth taking any precautions at this point.

I encourage you to read the herpes handbook at www.westoverheights.com and watch the patient counseling video there. Terri's video is very laid back and I think it's helpful in learning to deal with knowing that you have genital herpes. Even though you've kinda known you've had it for all this time, doesn't mean it's not ok to still be a little down about getting better testing done and knowing for sure now.

If you want to post your test results here, I'll gladly look at them for you too - ie hsv1 igg 4.4 and hsv2 igg 6.5 or whatever they are.

grace

[curious676]

HSV2 7.12
HSV1 4.31

We have never used any protection because like I said years ago the Dr. acted like he did not think I had them because I had no lesions. Sometimes I wish I had never tested or even brought it back up. I was so depressed years ago when I found out the guy I went out with had them. NOw I feel like I am reliving that feeling again.

[gracefromHHP]

looks like you were properly tested and your hsv2 igg is in a range that isn't likely to be a false positive.

Are you talking to your partner about all of this?  What is he saying about knowing for sure now?  Is he being supportive for you?  This definitely is a time when you need him to lean on to support you.

grace

[curious676]

No, haven't mentioned it to him. He loves me and would be supportive. We just haven't talked about it in years and I do not want to bring it up again. Not because of him but me!!

[gracefromHHP]

he's your shoulder to lean on - why wouldn't you talk about how you are feeling ???

grace

[curious676]

I guess I just still feel so shameful about it. Why I do not know. So many have it. But why do I feel all alone. Why does the media just portray it as people that sleep around that get this.

[curious676]

Boy what I would do to go back and change things. And what gets me is I see ppl all the time that sleep around like it is no big deal. I did not have that many boyfriends and I am plagued with this. If 1 in 4 or 5 have it and every body is sleeping around why don't we hear more about it. Also if I have had it this long without OB am I as likely to be shedding and able to transmit it.
Thank you for your time

[curious676]

And if so many have it and do not know why do we not routine test? Maybe way more people have it and are spreading it and don't know. Do Dr's just not see it as a big deal? And really is it a big deal other than the stigma. I sure have had no problem with it other than the emotional part and why is it that way. Of course when I see pics of really bad outbreaks it scares me to death and I can see why the stigma. It is just so sad that there is not a cure.

[curious676]

I am sorry to keep going on and on but another thing I am confused about: If the chance of transmission is only like 5-10% if you have sex without an outbreak why are so many people infected? And I have been with my husband for 18 years and as far as I know he has never had any sign.
Ok the real reason for all this. I ended up having an affair with a guy. (And please do not throw stones cuz I know it was wrong! I still talk to the guy and would actually still enjoy seeing him) When it started I really did not even think about me having herpes. I hadn't thought about it in years. After having sex with him a few times I started thinking about it and worring about it. That is how I come to start reading about it again and realized I could have it without symptoms and realized there is now test to confirm which type. I could never tell this guy and now worry. I know it sounds awful but if the results had been negative I would probably continued but now know I can't and just hope to God I didn't give it to him. Of course after reading how many are infected who knows maybe he has it and doesn't know. And I do love my husband and family very much! I have just had so much passion with this guy. I am so sorry to put all this on here but could never talk to ANYONE about this!

[gracefromHHP]

well part of your recent posts are preaching to the choir around here!!  medical providers just don't like dealing with testing for herpes and telling folks that they have it more than anything. A conference I was at 2 years ago, a speaker said that it was harder to tell folks they tested + for herpes than it was to tell them that they tested + for hiv in their study they had been conducting for several years.  Makes no sense does it?

So why if so many people have it do we say that it's such low rates of transmission?  Well most folks who have herpes, have no idea that they have it. don't know that you have it, you aren't going to take steps to reduce transmission to a partner.  Just knowing you have hsv2 has been shown in 1 study to double the time until transmission to a partner even.

If you are still involved with this other fellow, definitely you need to talk to him about your herpes. if the affair is over, it's probably best to just let it go unless he comes to you asking you about std's you might have.  Also remember if it was unprotected sex, you need to think of your own health and cover testing for all other std's too if you haven't already.

don't worry too much about the "bad" ob's you find online. they aren't going to put the "typical" ob's on for folks to look at and play "where's waldo" with finding the herpes lesions. they put the very obvious ob's on so that it's easy for folks to see the herpes lesions. most folks don't have severe ob's like some of the pictures you find online.  

grace

[curious676]

Thank you so much for your answers. I am breaking it off with this other guy and do regret it. Thank you for not preaching to me about it. I haven't seen him since I was tested positive. But now I just worry. The sad thing is I would still like to see him. So maybe finding this out is good cuz it will make me stop. I do love my husband. I am just way too embarressed to tell him and wonder what he would then think of me or who he might tell. And if I wasn't so convinced thru the years that I didn't have it I would have never had sex with him. Thank you very much for your time. It still truly sucks now that I have to go back and revisit the fact that I have this. I really wish the media would shed more light on it in a positive way. Now after reading 1 in 4 have it I am constantly looking around and thinking who else has it. I mean the comedians that are making fun of it are probably infected. And my gosh the movie stars. Of course I sure am not talking about it. And I see some of my friends that have had several relationships and think I should warn them but don't. I mean how do some ppl sleep around so much and not have this. (I guess I am feeling the why me) But maybe they do and just don't know. I mean really I have never heard people getting STD test before dating.
I slept with this guy about 5 times with protection but he also slid it in a few times before the condom. I just pray I didnt give it to him.
Again thanks!

[curious676]

But why after being with my husband for 18 years has he never had signs? One question I really want answered: Do you think I am less likely to have spread it since I have no symptoms and it has been so many years? That confuses me; cuz I will read the chances are low if your asymptomatic then read another article that says 80% of the time it is transmitted is by ppl with no symptoms or that do not know at all. Then some articles act like you are only shedding about 5-10% of the time in a year without symptoms. What is the truth?

[curious676]

Oh, also how come some websites say blood tests aren't accurate? Or are they just talking about the older ones. I have read several websites that say the only way to be accurate is swab and then some say igg test? Could things like having mono or chickenpox as a child make the igg show positive.

[curious676]

Anyone?

[gracefromHHP]

as long as you aren't sleeping with me, I don't care who you are sleeping with.  not much preaching goes on on this forum trust me.  I'm here to help with the herpes parts, the rest is up to your priest or your therapist to deal with :)

no, you not having frequent recurrences has no bearing on how likely you are to transmit the virus to a partner. Studies have shown that most folks shed about the same amount whether they have 0 ob's a year or even 10 ob's a year.  

So could you have been with hubby for 18 years and he have not gotten it? Yes it can and does happen.  could he have contracted it at some point from you and not realized it? yes that can happen too. Until he's tested, no way to know if he has it or not.  

The newer type specific blood tests can be up to 98% accurate in detecting hsv.  The older ones and some of the less accurate ones are the problem for the most part.

Terri warren's book "the good news about the bad news" is a terrific resource. it's under $15 on amazon. I really recommend it if you can afford it.  It really goes into details about herpes.

grace

[curious676]

Ya know if I had not dated a guy almost 20 years ago I would never know I had it! I just happened to be nosey and looked in his wallet and seen a appt. card for the health dept and started asking. Then he told. Well, I was only 19 and was stupid and assumed when he found out I had to have it. So, I continued the relationship. I was too scared to even go to the Dr or talk to anyone. Who knows at the time I may not of have even had it. We hadn't dated very long. But I figured who else would have wanted me. I am just so mad now. Yes 20 years later!
I guess if I had never started this affair it would have never been brought up. And yes as bad as it sounds I still want to see the guy! If the test was negative I would still be seeing him. Now I just worry what if? And I could never tell him. It is funny cuz he made me feel so sexy and told me how "hot" I was all the time. Now I think well if you only knew. You would just see me as gross. I think that sometimes when I notice a guy checking me out too. "Well, you wouldn't see me that way if you knew"
And some ppl I read on the net act like its not that big of a deal and they learn to live with it. Well, 20 years later I have not. Of course forever I was convinced I didn't have it. I still can't even stand to say the word, herpes! Why has it effected me like this.
It just gets me all the ppl that sleep around like no big deal! I just wonder how many have it and never know. Cuz like I said I really would not know. Funny how something that doesnt even cause me to be sick can upset me so much!
And as far as the book I have read alot on the net! I think I just still want to be in denial. I still talk to this guy and he is always asking when we can get together and I  so bad want to but know I can't. Why me? I know probably everyone that has this thinks that?
And why can't they come up with a cure? That is just crazy? And if it is like chicken pox why do ppl have recurrences? And why are they always contagious?
Sorry I am just ranting. Thank you so much for your responses. You are probably busy and tired of me. Just need some where to vent!!
Even my sister who is 48 is recently divorced and is having fun dating and I have asked her if she is afraid of catching something and she says no! Of course I don't even tell her. Then she was telling about a friend of ours that has been having a few affairs and I just think ppl do not even know.
Why did I only have a few serious boyfriends and I have this and others are just out enjoying sex like no big deal?

[gracefromHHP]

I contracted hsv2 20+ years ago from one of my first couple of partners. It happens. I've never let it be a big deal for me. It's just one more thing about me. I can control it fairly well . I haven't transmitted it since the first year I was infected ( first time I didn't even know I had it, 2nd time I was just 19 and stupid ).  I"ve never, ever, ever let myself feel that a std makes you "gross". It's just something I have and certainly isn't the heaviest of my baggage at this point in my life.  To me it's up to you how you decide to look at it. If you want to look at it as something disgusting, ask yourself why and try to work through that.  It obviously  hasn't changed your life very much has it? You still got married. You haven't been debilitated by recurrences - heck you haven't even been treating them right?  Why should you let this be something "awful" about you or about your life?  

grace

[curious676]

Thank you for your resonse. I know you are not a counselor. But I just need someone to talk to. I don't know what my problem is. I have been crying about it today. And I do have a good life. My husband is the guy most girls dream of having. He would do anything for me. And loved me when we first met and I told him. He tells me every day how lucky he is and how in love he is with me. I have 2 children. I even just graduated nursing school. But for some reason this just really bothers me. Even when I read some ppls post about how a boyfriend handled it and got mad about it it just upsets me. It is so stigmitized. Even in nursing school we discussed all the STD's and most are curable. But I had to get the one that isn't. And no I do not even have complications. My husband and I have had a really great sex life.
I guess my bad judgements by having this affair is what has brought all this up. I am going to turn 39 in a few days and guess am going thru kind of a midlife thing. I even sometimes wonder if the reason I married my husband is because he was the first person I told and he accepted it so easily! I have still been chatting with this guy and he keeps asking when we are going to get together again and I know it sounds bad but I want to bad. I guess sex is just so good because it is something new. And it is really bad: he is married too. So now I worry what if and what if he gave it to her. I really could never live with my self. I think about having sex with him all the time. We have been friends for 2 years going to school together and it should not have happened. I never thought of myself as someone who would go out on my husband and for sure not sleep with someone elses husband.
And it is sad that it makes me feel that way (nasty) I really think ppl would be shocked to know who has herpes. But why do we not hear more about it. I mean I do not know anyone other than the guy that gave it to me. Of course who would suspect me? I am the home room mom who has been married for 17 years with a wonderful husband who has a good job and goes to church. But am I going to put my face out there? NO
It is really sad but I think the main reason it is bothering me is I still want to see this guy and know I can't! He just makes me feel so good about myself and now bringing this all up makes me feel cruddy again! God I hope there is no way he got it.
Are you saying you did infect 2 ppl? And how did that turn out? You have been so helpful in just talking to me. I wish I didn't feel so shameful and could just talk to someone.
Thank you!!!

[gracefromHHP]

trying to raise a family and get thru nursing school is very stressful. Now that you are done, hopefully you can work through this.    Don't hesitate to talk to a counselor too about it all.  Where you are working should have some resources for you to utilize too.  

grace

[curious676]

Hi Grace,
Me again. I was talking about this on another site and several ppl are saying I must tell the guy. Well, I have never had an outbreak and it has been like 20 years since I was exposed so I keep thinking the risk is so low that it is not worth it. I have been so worried about all this. The bad thing is, is he is still my friend and we still talk. And I would love to see him again but won't. I am just so mad that I brought all this back up. I just knew that getting retested would come up negative. I mean I didn't even realize until about a month ago there was a more accurate way to test. Sometimes I wish I had never brought it back to light! I just want to feel normal again.

[forever44444]

Hey!  I read through some of your posts, sorry I'm too tired to post more, but I think you should tell the guy.  But, do it anonymously.  Have a health care worker call him anonymously for you, and just tell him that one of his prior partners has been tested + and wants him to know.  There is a good chance he didn't catch it, but also at your age, there's a good chance he had it already, and you'll never know.

[curious676]

I am praying everyday he did not get it. And I told him I could not see him anymore. I told him I feel to guilty about it and love my husband, which is true. I would die if I gave this to him and his wife. But I just keep thinking I have been married for 17 years with neither one of us showing anything so hopefully the chances are low.

[gracefromHHP]

It's totally up to you whether you talk to him about it or not. if you know if you don't it will just eat you up inside and you won't stop thinking about it then by all means do so.  

You both took chances. I think you probably both made assumptions about each other.  You are both grown adults.  Life is never as simple as the tv shows make it seem - meet someone, have sex and everything ends easy.  It's far more complicated than that.  

concentrate on the things that you need to now. Work on improving your relationship with your spouse if you aren't happy.  Did you find a job after nursing school?  Get involved at work with committee's ( ick ...he he he ) or even now that you probably feel like you have more time on your hands , start volunteering somewhere in  your community.  Keep yourself busy so you are concentrating on the important things while you heal yourself inside.  

grace

[forever44444]

Hi again.  Look I agree with you that the chances are low, since you become less infectious over time, and do not experience outbreaks, plus you were only with this man a few times.  I do, however, disagree with grace.  I don't think it was right for you to have sex with him without telling him you have genital herpes.  You should tell him in order to make it right.  Try and figure out a way to tell him anonymously, like asking a medical worker to call him for you anonymously, or even making up an email address to tell him.  He just needs to know, just say that one of his previous partners has tested positive for HSV-2 and he should get tested, as a precaution.  You can even wait a month or two so that he doesn't suspect you.

btw, as for your husband catching it, well I would guess that either (1) he already has it, and does not have outbreaks or (2) you are not very contagious at all.  with the transmission statistics, I'd say that he would have caught it after 17 years of unprotected sex if you were as contagious as the average person.  anyway, I also disagree with grace on this one, you don't have to talk about it with him again unless you want to, for support.  he already accepted you and your herpes many years ago.  he does not care that you have herpes, and there's no point, after 17 years, to go back and start taking valtrex every day and having sex with condoms.

It sounds like you have a great life -- don't let something like this ruin it.  Trust me, you have been with your husband so long, you forget what it's like.  Once the passion fizzles on this affair, it will still have happened, and you still have to face the facts.  You should just come clean to your husband and move on with your life so you can be happy and feel normal again.  I know both of you will get through this, from your posts I can tell he loves you and will be sad about the affair, but he will love you the same as the love of his life and the mother of his children.

[gracefromHHP]

If he has only had her as a partner recently, even asking someone to call anonymously is going to make it pretty obvious who it was. I recommended against telling because it's over and sometimes it just makes things worse in the long run. the odds of transmission were low because in general the odds of transmission are low. They don't get lower over time either ( except for after the first year of being infected that is ).  He's a grown adult who is also married. If he isn't covering his bases to protect his wife by getting full std screening done now that things are over, that's his decision.  I always recommend talking about herpes prior to sex. Contacting someone after you are no longer involved with them, sometimes is just too complicated to be worth it to be honest.  

grace  

[forever44444]

grace, with all do respect I disagree.

"They don't get lower over time either ( except for after the first year of being infected that is )."

Well, it's a known fact that outbreaks decrease over time, for most people with herpes.  So, since an infected person is 75% contagious when they are having an outbreak, and not outbreaks are recognized, then I would say just by that fact a person is less contagious as the years pass.  As for whether shedding decreases over time, from what I've read there has not been a lot of research done in this area, but it seems like it varies by patient and decreases a lot after the first year, and reaches a plateau after 5 years or so.

http://www.myracoon.net/pdfs/Shedding%20-%20Importance%20of.pdf

Look for the paragraph under "duration of infection."


"If he has only had her as a partner recently, even asking someone to call anonymously is going to make it pretty obvious who it was"

Maybe, but as you pointed out they are grown adults, he probably would not say a thing, and despite any suspicions he may have, he could not prove anything.


"If he isn't covering his bases to protect his wife by getting full std screening done now that things are over, that's his decision."

A full STD screen does not usually include herpes.  So even if he did this, he still might not have found out if he was infected.


"Contacting someone after you are no longer involved with them, sometimes is just too complicated to be worth it to be honest."

Since 80-90% of the people with herpes don't realize, he could have caught it, not realized, and then pass it on.  If he knows he has the infection then he can take the steps to prevent spreading it.  But he has to know he has it first.

I know this sounds like really bad news, but I'm just trying to give you the facts.  I have herpes too and I know exactly how you feel :(

[gracefromHHP]

A recent study showed that folks infected with hsv2 10+ years, are still shedding as much as someone only infected 2 or 3 years.  It specifically only looked at folks infected longer term and did daily pcr swabbing for 2 months.  It was not like some of the older studies where folks just popped into clinic 4x/year for a regular viral lesion culture.  

As for ob's decreasing over time, a good study a few  years back found that after 5 years of being infected, 1/4 had less ob's, 1/4 had more and the rest all had about the same amount. The bendetti study that used to be frequently referenced ( as is in the duration of infection section of the study you referenced ) is no longer referenced because it has since been redone with much better methods and shown to not be the case. We've also learned since then that viral shedding is just as important as the number of actual ob's.   Also we've found that you shed just as much virus when asymptomatically shedding the virus as you do from actual lesions too.  Explains part of why so many folks contract hsv2 when the infected partner had no obvious signs.  

obviously we've gotten off track here in the original poster's post. If you wish to discuss this in a separate post by all means do so or course the tech folder at HHP is also a good place. The gracefromhhp nickname was chosen for good reason :)

grace

[forever44444]

Grace, I have a post on Terri Warren's forum which you posted on too, she said "If the symptoms are from herpes, they will decrease over the coming years, yes."  What you are saying is going against a lot of what I have read.  It seems like many people have decreasing symptoms over time.  No, I have not read any scientific studies, but I would like to believe what Terri says, as it is the better news, and she is also an expert nurse in the topic.

Oh well, this is really not helping with my sad feelings about having herpes....I don't think I will post here anymore.  Good luck to all of you.

[crossing_the_bridge]

am i the only one sitting here thinking, hmmm, op's tests from long ago were really false positives (due to testing validity at that time), and she is now testing positive because she was infected by her married lover?

it may be moot to ask the question now, as op professes she is not returning.
-------
the more interesting bit of this post, for me, was the discussion of potential infectivity as time passes.  i'd always understood that shedding decreases over time, certainly slowing down after the first few years.  now, i find myself wondering if the studies incorporated some fallacies.  such as, how they quantified amounts of shedding - - eg, "x" is detectable as shedding, but "x + 50" is detectable as a lesion.  we all know lesions are more infective, so just how lesions are defined in terms of molecules or mmols could make a difference in terms of transmission rates.

just thinking out loud, here...

[curious676]

I never claimed that I was not returning. I have been reading everyones post and just haven't had time to respond.
I am still sick over my situation and have felt nonstop nauseated due to it.
But I know some would think I am wrong I still do not plan to tell my friend of my status unless he comes to asking me about my history. If the chances are just so low I am taking my chances and hope to God I did not infect him. I truely do not think he is going to tell his wife of 19 years, "Hey, guess what I slept with this girl and now she is telling me she has herpes. We are going to have to use protection and get tested" I think it would just ruin our friendship and make him think different of me.
I also do not ever plan to tell my husband about this. And it is more to protect him. He probably would forgive me and we would work thru it. But it would devastate him. He is always telling me how he could not be happier and he is just so lucky to have me. It would truely break his heart. And the man I had an affair with has become friends with us. It would do nothing but cause problems if my husband confronted him. I do not want to ruin his life with his wife and family!!
Thank you so much for everyone listening to me. This is something that I am just keeping inside and this is the only place I feel I can come and talk about it. I would never even tell my closest friend or sis about my status or the fact that I stepped outside my marriage.

[gracefromHHP]

Thank you for understanding that the posts got a little off track. Hopefully from this point forward, it will stay on track and be all about you in this post :)


Keep posting and talking about what you need to talk about to help you work through all of this. It is hard to put all the peices back together again.  Don't hesitate to talk to someone just for you too professionally.  

grace

[curious676]

I am back. I am so mad about all of this. I just have no where else to talk about my feelings. I went out with the girls for drinks to day and my friend happened to call. I know this sounds horrible but I want to see him so bad. I know because of this damn diagnoses I can't.  If you had asked me before I would have thought what  a horrible person. But I really have a connection and if it wasn't for the herpes thing I would definitely have a little midlife affair. He is so good in bed. And I am missing that. I won't! I know better now. It just pisses me off that I am not just a norma healthy person.

[gracefromHHP]

You really need to talk to a counselor about all of this at this point. It's going to be impossible to work on your marriage if you are still surrounded by the temptation of this man.  He'll be on your mind all the time.  He'll be in your bed with you and your hubby ( not literally ).  Your herpes has absolutely NOTHING to do with this.

grace

[curious676]

Oh and he is! And he is on my mind all the time. I know alot of ppl would see this as bad but it is just such strong feelings. I love my husband and believe it or not have a good marriage. And believe it or not have always had good sex. Just lately things just have not been exciting. And it does have to do with the herpes. I am pissed pissed pissed that I am positive. And yes it is because I would love to see my lover. And no not because I want a relationship. Just awesome sex. Thanks for not condeming; just the way I am feeling. And I wil work thru it! HOpefully

[curious676]

I am still just blown away that me and my husband have never had any signs!

[PABM]

In advance...Im sorry grace no disrespect, I know you are here to offer your professional and non bias advise but I am not, Im sorry but I am also going to vent,... curious..Do you know how lucky you are too have a great husband and fam. You should be more concerned about transmission to your husband than your lover! What happens when you are left alone and your familiy falls apart! AND about you and your husband never having outbreaks, consider yourself lucky and move on!!! You are taking your husband for granted and being selfish and what if this lover gives you yet another incurable disease that you pass to your husband....trust me, things CAN get worse. This diagnosis should have opened your eyes and yet you remain blind. I 2 am HSV2+ and a medical professional and am blessed to see what really matters after diagnosis. I suggest you try and do the same! I dont mean to be so harsh just really bothered by what I m reading and if the diagnosis should do more than anything is make you aware and more careful about your health and others. Do you know HSV2 makes you more susceptible to contracting HIV? No "exciting sex" is worth an incurable std!I hope you open your eyes soon.
........only venting like you...

[curious676]

Well, I am glad that you are able to throw stones. I am sure you are perfect. And trust me all that you said is probably true. I would have never thougtht I would have myself in this situation either. A few months ago I would have felt the same way about anybody cheating on their spouse (herpes or not). Trust me I have guilt but I just have uncontrollable feelings and needed some where to talk about them.

And that is great that some of you have learned to accept having herpes and not let it eat you up like I have. Maybe being the fact that forever I believed I didn't and now to find out yes I do is just to much to take.

And of course I would not want to infect my husband. But we have already had sex all these years and neither one of us have ever shown signs. And yes I am also going to worry about giving this to the lover too. I do not want to be responsible for making ANYONE feel the way about themselves that I do!!!

And yes I guess I should be just greatful that I have an STD that is incurable with all the stigma that goes along with it cuz I do not have outbreaks. The only reason I say I just do not understand that we do not have outbreaks, is I guess it would maybe be easier to believe if I had had outbreaks. NOt saying I want them and I do feel for those that do. It just makes it hard to believe! Maybe it is the fact that I have been a vegetarian my whole life and a health nut who exercises daily. Maybe I have a strong immune system because I honestly cannot even tell you the last time I got a cold.

[gracefromHHP]

Actually from what we know, it's as much your genes as anything as to why some folks have frequent ob's and why some don't.  

Hang in there - it's a tough time on many levels for you right now.   You can get through this and you can be happy again.

grace

[curious676]

Thank you Grace.

[curious676]

Well, I just scheduled to take my NCEX test and need to really start studying and I think I may have a job working in ICU as an RN. So maybe this will help me get my mind off everything. Thank you for listening.

[curious676]

Ya know I just keep reading up on herpes now. It has kind of consumed me. Just wish I could go back to not thinking about it. It still just completely confuses me how you can read that with couples where one has it and the other doesn't the chance of spreading it only like 5%. Then right after that you will read it is highly contagious and 70% it is spread thru asymptomatic symptoms. I have read so many things that say ppl have gone for years without protection and just avoided sex during outbreaks without giving it to partner. Well, I have never had symptoms that I recognize so have me and my husband just lucked out. So, why do some articles say that they now think it is spread more during asymptomatic symptoms? I am confused!!!!!!

[gracefromHHP]

Some of those stats are like the proverbial comparing apples to oranges.  You can't really lump them all together because they have completely different meanings.

Of folks who do transmit the virus ( which overall is low if the infected partner knows that they are infected and can avoid sex during any obvious symptoms ), 70% of them according to one study transmitted it when no obvious lesions were present. Now it's been awhile since I read the study but I think it was just a questionnaire where they asked someone newly diagnosed - did your partner have any symptoms.  Most folks would say no unless they saw an obvious lesion present. If their partner didn't mention they were itchy or had some redness or something or even anal itching, they wouldn't know that their partner really was having symptoms but just didn't realize it. Make sense?

Good luck on your nclex!  ICU can be very rewarding and stressful at the same time. It's a great place to start though for future jobs in other places too. of course the money is awesome too :)

grace

[curious676]

I even read one place where it said they didn't think people should have blood tests done routinely. Why? If it is really so contagious why aren't more people tested? And I was thinking everything you read says that like 1 in 4 already has it but like 90% don't know it so basicly only like 1 in 40 KNOW they have it. How can they actually come up with figures like 1 in 4 if only like 1 in 40 have been tested positive.

Thanks for your time

[gracefromHHP]

they do more questionnaires like offering to test folks for free for herpes. asking them before hand if anyone had every diagnosed them as having genital herpes. when they test +, that's how they come up with the how many folks knew they were infected and how many didn't before testing.  

also the NHANES studies are done by our government. they test for zillions of things, one of which is herpes. Our 1 in 4 stats comes from those tests actually.  

grace

[curious676]

Grace,
Well, I got the job in ICU. I go for my physical Wednesday. Just curious when they draw blood they will not be testing for herpes will they. I mean that should not be anyone elses business. Am I right?

[gracefromHHP]

oh congrats on the new job!!!

typically they do not test for herpes with the blood work for jobs.  You have the right to ask EXACTLY what you are tested for.

grace

[curious676]

Well, I didn't really figure they did but was just wondering. I guess this just has me all freaked out now.
And thank you.

[curious676]

Is that even legal. I just wonder since it is in the health care field if they feel like that is something they think they should know. Like if you have had chicken pox.

[gracefromHHP]

your employee has the right to test you for anything they want. it's up to you to ask what you are being tested for and why.

grace

[curious676]

But do you know if that is common practice in the health care?

[gracefromHHP]

no one tests for herpes.

some insurances might but typically with group policies through employers you don't get insurance blood work done.

grace

[curious676]

Thank you!

[curious676]

Well, went today and she said she was just taking a titer for hep b since I hadn't recieved my 3rd hep shot but had record for all other immunizations.

Well, I have another question. It is so weird that I have not even thought of this for 20 years and now I keep worrying about it. Well, sometimes when I shave down there I break out a little but goes right away but for the most part have always been real smooth. Well, right now I am broke out every where. It looks like pimples everywhere I shaved. Could this be an outbreak? It does not hurt or itch. Just looks like little pimples every where.

[gracefromHHP]

sounds more like irritation or folliculitis than your herpes reoccuring. avoid sex while you have the rash though because both can trigger hsv2 shedding too.

grace

[curious676]

Grace,

Just wanted to drop you a line! I passed my NCLEX! I am on cloud nine!

[curious676]

Grace

I have another question: You said you haven't transmitted it all these years. I was just curious if you always use protection or is it really possible to never be shedding. Because my husband has never shown any signs. Of course I really don't think I have either.

[gracefromHHP]

oh congrats on passing your boards!!!

I transmitted twice in the first year I was infected. First time I had no idea I was infected. 2nd I was just plain stupid. Haven't transmitted it since then that I know of. all my long term partners tested negative for it and none of my short term partners ever came back to say they got it from me.  I use condoms most of the time with new partners in the beginning and for the last 14 years I've been on suppressive therapy almost non-stop.  

everyone sheds - even folks on suppressive therapy. It's as much bad luck as anything when you do transmit the virus as long as you are avoiding sex during obvious genital symptoms and anything going on down yonder.

grace

[curious676]

WEll, you seem to have had no problem dating or letting this keep you from getting on with your life. Did you always tell the guys? And how was their reactions? I just wonder why such stigma?

[gracefromHHP]

didn't tell one man about it and that turned into a disaster :(  I had been diagnosed while dating him and was stupid enough to think as long as I avoided sex when I had symptoms it would be ok not to tell. Needless to say you can't have your period THAT often each month and I had sex when I shouldn't have and he contracted hsv2 from me. Needless to say the relationship ended soon after I told him I knew I had it and had never told him. It was a hard lesson I learned but one that's stuck with me for the last 23 years and I've always told before sex since then.  It's just become a part of me now and I really don't think much about talking about it even to complete strangers now.    I've only had 2 fellows ever decide it was too much risk for them.  Had plenty more men decide my dogs , my kids and my crappy work hours were far too much to handle than my herpes believe it or not!  Can't control many things with just a pill or two a day like you can herpes.

grace

[alone111]

I know it has been a long time since the last post, but I am in the same, identical situation as curious676 was in and need someone to talk to. If not, to find out what happened since then? The ONLY difference is that I am not in a happy marriage as curious was in. Everything else, the 20+years no symptoms, affair with married man, never transmitted in prior relationships are all similar. I do not want to tell the affair man, yet want so desperately to continue seeing him. Did curious' "friend" ever find out? Did the relationship continue or stop? I feel so ashamed and don't know what to do.

[gracefromHHP]

most folks don't come back to read their posts. you can try sending a private message to see if they still check in periodically to medhelp to get an update.

feel free to start a post of your own if you want help with your own situation.

grace