buttock burning

I slept in bed in my underwear and dry humped for 4 months someone who has hsv 2. I have now had burning and tenderness of my left buttock and vulva for 4-5 days with out any obvious lesions. just some roughness on the surface od the skin.  Might this be herpes.  

[slacker101]

no

[mable200]

If you did not have skin to skin contact you do not have anything to worry about, but if this person has herpes you better not have sex while him if theres has an outbreak because your chance of catching herpes is higher. please be careful and safe. Herpes can outbreak years later after intial exposure. If you are expose it usually start with an itch at the effected area

[sarahcruz]

Probably not a good idea to dry hump for 4 months straight...leave you feeling a little irritated in the vaginal area, you know...because your underwear is rubbing up against your skin and rubbing it raw...kind of like rug burn...

I recommend laying off the dry humping for a while, see how your skin feels after that..

[whatdidido869]

I had a similar experience. I dry humped someone who I much later found out has herpes. We were both in jeans and i did not ejaculate but did have have a spot in my jeans where pre-ejaculation was through. Could it be possible that herpes can be transmittd due to my prejaculation? I hear about how herpes is direct skin to skin contact. but can herpes linger in my clothes?

I am worried now because my penis is sore from grinding and well I guess I'm afraid that its symptoms of an outbreak. I happen to also shave my testicles with a razor blade that same night after and the bumps seem to just be from my pubic hairs on my testicles. Is it also possible I opened myself up more that way too even though I shaved after dry humping in jeans with an infected person?

[sarahcruz]

Skin to skin contact.  Not clothing to clothing contact.

The bumps are razor burn...after you dry humped someone, you caused irritation on your testicles and your penis.  You ever notice the more you play w/ something that is all ready irritated, the more irritated it becomes?

You're fine.

[whatdidido869]

Thank you! Yeh I woke up this morning realizing I was just paranoid. Well at least I got to make a new friend out of it (almost too good of a friend) but luckily we both agreed this shouldn't go any further. That was very responsible on her end as she knew she had it and very much appreciated by me who did not know.  We will still be friends.

[auntiejessi]

Just have to add that herpes isn't as easy to transmit as you might think.

If you are male, and your partners are female, then your chances of getting hsv2 from them over the course of 1 year, assuming its a monogomous relationship, is about 4% as long as you are avoiding sex during symptoms.

For a female to get it from a guy under the same circimstances, its about 8%.

If the infected person is on suppressive therapy, such as valtrex or acyclovir, it cuts that down by half.

AJ

[whatdidido869]

thank you for the info. It's occuring to me now that my time with this infected person has been a very emotionally satisfying time. In all honesty, the only thing keeping me from wanting to date this gal is knowing she has herpes. And that is so shallow because I know I can be a bigger person than that.

And I'm sorry to turn this post to love advice, but I want to know how life can be lived if you are commited to someone with herpes? Surely relationships are not all about sex. If there are other forum topics about this please help guide me to those post as I am new here.

[waringblender]

How can life be lived with someone with herpes? The same way it is lived with someone without herpes! What makes you think people with herpes don't have other problems, issues, relationship challenges, or other conflicts in their lives? There are all kinds of discordant couples out there - not just HSV- and HSV+ couples. There are discordant relationships out there involving HIV, hepatitis, other illnesses like one person having cancer or diabetes or heart disease and their partner doesn't have it.

Bottom line? There are challenges in every relationship. You can go ahead and wait for that "fantasy woman" to come into your life who is perfect and has no problems, but good luck on that one. That's magical thinking. Nobody is perfect.

All sex has implied risks. The chances are probable anyway that you've already had sex with somebody who has herpes and you just didn't know it. Do you even know your own herpes status? Why would you assume you don't have it yourself if you haven't been tested?

My herpes never even played into any decisions about break-ups or staying together when I've been out dating. And I've had both casual and more formal long-term relationships. And a few of those guys have called me back after we've broken up to see if I wanted to hit the sheets with them. It just didn't matter to them.

The risk is quite small that you would be infected, and if you can't handle that small risk, perhaps you shouldn't even be out having sex.

[waringblender]

As far as I'm concerned, the woman with whom you did the dry humping didn't do anything wrong. I hope you are not putting any kind of blame on her for not disclosing her herpes sooner. She didn't put you at risk. There was no reason for her to disclose her status to you if you both had your clothes on. Or even if one of you had your clothes on. I wonder who it was in your conversation with her who actually "decided" that things shouldn't "go any further." Was it you - out of fear? You yourself said you've had paranoid ideation around this issue.

[whatdidido869]

I respect your heated response as you are absolutely correct and I agree with you. Please re-read my question. I didn't say "how could you live with someone who has herpes", I said "how could life be lived"...and I think it is you who made an assumption, for I have been abstinent.

I wanted to know about the hardships specifically dealing with herpes and ways to get around them specifically. But your input is much appreciated and you are blessed with such wonderful people in your life.

[auntiejessi]

I agree with Waring.  Totally.

Herpes isn't an issue in my life.  I avoid sex during obs, take my supression like a good girl, and let my partners know I have it.

We don't do anything different than anyone else does, except there are a few times a year that I can't have sex.

Seriously, in relationships, there will be many more things than herpes that interupt sex, ya know?  Kids, other illness, fights, stress, periods, visits from in-laws... the list goes on and on.

If herpes is your only reason for avoiding this relationship, then I'm sorry for you for missing out on a good thing.  If you truly feel you can't handle a 2% chance of getting it per year if she is on suppression, then let her go find someone who can.

AJ

[whatdidido869]

I will discuss it further with her amongst other things to see if we are compatible. It is very encouraging, though to be a little more educated about it. I will continue to research and most of all get to know her. Thank you all kindly.

[waringblender]

Well said, AJ. To the dry humping OP, first off, if you read me as angry, I'm not. This is words on a screen. Take it at face value.

Second, if herpes ends up being the biggest issue in your relationship, you should write a book about it. Because if it truly is the biggest issue you'll have, you'll be damn lucky. And I'm talking from experience here. I'm probably older than you, and I've had my share of relationships, both casual and long-term. And that is both since before having herpes and after having it. I honestly wish I could say that herpes was the issue that was the downfall in ANY of my relationships, but it wasn't. It would have been much easier. Because human beings are complex. Throw 2 of them together in a committed partnership, and you've got a boiling cauldron full of issues, emotional history, and baggage, and it is a challenge (often an emotionally gratifying challenge) to deal with your partner's emotional issues.

Don't string this woman along. She deserves to find a partner who will accept all of her - her body, her emotional stuff, her intellectual stuff - all of it. Those guys are out there for her to find, so just release her and work on your own issues.

But why don't you tell us what you feel the issues would be in having a relationship with somebody with herpes? You seem to have come in with some misinformation and assumptions, as well as some acknowledgement that you suffer from paranoid thoughts and fears around something you know very little about. So why not tell us what you feel the problems would be?

N.B.: No need for any "blessing" here. I'm not a magical thinker, don't believe in gawd or other fantasy characters, and don't operate on faith or "blessings."

[whatdidido869]

lol neither do I, I'm atheist. I forget that "blessing" originated from that "magical" thinking. I came to ask so that I could be educated and have inputs like this so I could make a mature decision. ANd I understood that I would get responses like this, but the important thing is that I am learning.

If I was knew anything about it, I wouldn't be here. And if I didn't care about her I wouldn't be researching and putting in all this effort. I sincerely do appreciate your input and will use it to much consideration.

[auntiejessi]

You should read the herpes handbook at www.westoverheights.com for more info on herpes.  

And Waring - no kidding.  I wish herpes had been the reason for relationships not working.  That's so much easier to deal with than other stuff.

AJ

[whatdidido869]

Thanks AJ, I'll look into that. Thought I'd update in case anyone cares or anyone else in my situation can learn anything from. I called my friend today to arrange another date today. I told her I wanted to be something more and after dinner and long convos she brought it up. She cried when she saw I wasn't shocked and I told her I already knew thanks to our mutual friend (ofcourse she was a little upset with the friend but got over it). Seeing her cry out of joy because guys have dumped her over it before and yet she continues to try to love in hopes that someone will except her, that really hurt to see. What a horrible thing to go through. I told her I had spent time researching as much as I can and educated myself as well as recieved some advice from "online" people. Another great site/articles I came across are:

http://www.webmd.com/genital-herpes/guide/genital-herpes-reentering-dating-scene

http://www.webmd.com/genital-herpes/guide/genital-herpes-partner

I feel a lot more informed about herpes now, and though I understand the seriousness of it, I think you all were right, it is over hyped. They teach us since grade school that STD's is a thumbs down and I suppose it really is, but the reality seems to be that it's very common due to many factors.

We both agree to not do anything sexual until marriage (be it with each other or whom else) in the far far future. Which will be good as that can help ensure our relationship will not be based on strictly sexual emotions. She's in college with me and she has her regrets but is an amazing person today. I've dated quite a bit and been in great relationships but have not been with someone who I connected with on this level. And you called it Warring, another thing, we talked about is she is deeply religious, and well..I'm not..lol I suppose I'll look into the forums on "dating opposing beliefs" next...*sigh* one hurdle at a time. This isn't a promise for a happy ending love story, this is just my encouragement to those out there in my boat to do some research before letting herpes(or whatever) be your excuse to not be with someone. wish us luck!

[auntiejessi]

Oh I'm glad you talked to her about this, and she should be mad at her friend.  Its her business to tell, not someone else's.  Although it worked out to her advantage in this situation, it could have gotten quite ugly if you were a jerk, ya know?

If she hasn't been typed, she should find out what type she has, and you should also be tested.

If she likes, she should visit the herpes home page, www.racoon.com/herpes.  Click on support forums from the home page.  There's no reason she needs to feel this badly about herself because of herpes.

And good luck with the different belief systems.  That could prove more challenging than herpes, by far.

AJ

[waringblender]

I always think of people who "wait until marriage" as some kind of alien life form. It never made any sense to me. What if your partner is bad in bed? Has deep-seated psychological  issues around sex? Is repressed and/or non-orgasmic? It just seems like you'd want to take the car out for a test drive before you buy it.

This is just my opinion, but I also think there is some kind of weird control issue going on with these people. Once you're hooked in a marriage, it's more difficult for some folks to extract themselves emotionally. (Practically, of course, applying for divorce is quite easy.)

Incompatibility between the sheets can make or break relationships. A couple's sex life is often a barometer for other issues in the relationship. To cast aside a sexual relationship until "death do us part" automatically puts lots of emotional baggage in the sexual arena. How could it not? You've waited and waited, and in that time period you've probably fantasized and projected like hell about having sex with your partner. The longer that fantasy and projection are allowed to take place, the worse the reality actually ends up being. That's when the problems start.

It's especially surprising to hear a so-called atheist discussing this. This no-sex-before-marriage routine is usually the purview of the magical thinkers and people who operate on faith and irrational thought.

[michelle39]

Thanks for this forum, it has helped me feel alittle better. I am pretty sure I have Herpes and was tested last week and am going through the dread of waiting to the results.  I should know by the end of next week. I have all the symptoms, itchy pimply rash, sore in buttocks area, etc. I also just met somebody that I fell the potential for a relationship and he made a comment last week how deathly afraid he is of getting an STD and that is why he doesnt have multiple partners or is very selective when looking for a women to have a elationship with... this all adds to my frustration... I am so scared of eventually telling him I have Herpes, even though I dont even have the results yet!!! We haven't had sex yet but he is going to want to soon, I think and I dont want this issue to reuin it... then again I think if he cannot be understanding about it then I guess it just isn't neant to be...

[waringblender]

I would have a problem dating a man who makes emotionally immature comments like "I'm deathly afraid of getting an STD." It's usually ignorance driving ridiculous remarks like this. I would wonder how "selective" he is - does he insist on getting himself tested and having the woman get tested? Or is he "selective" because he can just tell by what a person looks like, or their background, or their financial status, or some other arbitrary, subjective, and irrational basis?

You should explore this more with him if you are interested in the guy. If he says he's afraid, ask him if he's been tested. Ask him what he bases his fear on. Has he met someone already with an STD?  What exactly are his fears? Does he have OCD? Using language like "deathly afraid" indicates there might be  some other emotional issue going on, like a phobia about germs or contact with other people.

Me personally? I'd bail. You deserve somebody who is a little more rational than that. Also, if it ends up you do have herpes, you need to be comfortable with it before you can talk to anybody else about it. So  you might want to wait on a sexual thing with this bozo anyway.

[waringblender]

Oh, LOL, I love this part:  "We haven't had sex yet but he is going to want to soon..."

Mr. "Selective" is itching to get into your pants! These guys are unbelievable.

He might be able to take a tip from "dryhumper," who is somewhere around this thread: Just get your groove on through your jeans. That'll keep it safe (and "selective"). Jesus H. Christ.

[auntiejessi]

Wow - I agree.  I am always leery of people who make statements like that.

In my years of working in this field, I have seen more people who come in with symptoms of something, because they weren't using protection, but claimed to be "selective" of their sex partners.

They were still buying into the old stereotype that only "certain people" will get an std.  Meanwhile, they had never tested, or even talked about stds before having sex.

I would certainly explore that more even if it turns out you don't have herpes.

Aj

[michelle39]

Thank you all for your comments and I really appreciate it!  I tested positive but the Dr says she doesn't know if type 1 or 2! That makes no sense to me, doesnt the blood test how? Or do I have both if it doesn't  differentiate! I called back and the nurse says both but she did nt sound like she really knew what she was talking about.. Anyway I told the guy I have been dating about the result and he dumped me because he is not in love with me and it is not worth the risk...so in the future do I even tell the guys I date upfront BEFORE things become sexual or do I ait until we decide to have sex. If I wait wont the guy feel like I was decieving him by not saying anything earlier? But if I say it right at the beginning. it will prob scare men off before they really get to know me and feel an attachment.. what do I do????

[waringblender]

People are comfortable telling at different times in the relationship. Some people want it on the table right away, and some people wait until it looks like the relationship will be sexual.  It depends on what you are comfortable with.  

I tend to wait until I know the guy a little better and we are talking about having sex. You have to talk about testing and birth control anyway at that point, so you can throw it into the same conversation.

You deserve better than this clown you were seeing. Most people you meet and date are not going to have a problem with this.

[auntiejessi]

Your doc probably didn't do the correct test.  Ask to get a copy of your test results.  If it was type specific, you will have a seperate result for each.  You can post the results here and we can help you with them.

You probably had a non-type specific test done, which as you know now, is pointless.  You might just have type 1 and its an oral infection.

I agree - you deserve better than the dude who dumped you flat with no information.

AJ

[michelle39]

I called the lab and they said they cannot provide me the results.. I will not pay their bill then!  I think I want to be retested anyway at Planned Parenthood as don't they specialize in STD testing? I think I might do that.  Thanks for your advise, if I do get my hands on the results, I will let you know...

I do know that I continue to have that tinging feeling and new little bumps now in the thigh area anhd I havent had sex since before my initial symptoms on March 15th! Is it normal with an inital outbreak to take so long to clear up? I was on Valtrex from approx March 24 to April 2 and Aclomivir now... The suppressive therapy doesnt weem to be doing anything. I want the tingling and bumps completely gone! They arent even sores just little tiny pimples, that is why I didnt think it was Herpes a first, just razor irritation.

Is there a preferred cream that helps clear these up? I know there are several thins out there. I use Abreva on my son's lips, he is 5 with type 1, of course, but it only works if I get it on his lips right away and his sores scab and look horrible... mine dont look like that at all. just tiny little pimples, the only time they got sore and hurt was after the Dr squeezed the to do the  culture...

Okay enough rambling if anyone has any answer on what will help heal this faster, please let me know! Thx

[auntiejessi]

The lab doesn't report the results to you, your doc does.

You need to call your doc for a copy of the results.

If this is herpes, then you need to up the dose to the treatment dose when you get symptoms.

AJ

[michelle39]

Well maybe that is why my symptoms are lingering so long, What is the treatment dose for acyclovir?  I think I am only on a suppresive therapy dose... My Dr obviously does not deal with Herpes often... she delivers babys, prenatal care... She has the lab results and doesnt know if I have 1 or 2.  I emailed here tonight and asked her if we can do another test that differentiates cause I feel I need to know EXACTLY what I have and it is stressing me out... Thx AJ for your advise

Chelle

[auntiejessi]

http://www.westoverheights.com/genital_herpes/handbook/view_the_chapters/treatment.html

The treatments are listed there.

You do need a type specific test.  If you have to pay for these tests, you shouldn't have to pay for a re-test.  All testing and treatment guidelines now say that type specific testing should be done.

AJ