herpes questions

Hi.   This question is focused on Herpes.

I hope you are well.  I have a series of quick questions I am hoping to get some insight on.  I am a gay male in a relationship with another gay male.  My BF and i do have unprotected sex and have always been monogomous. 10 days ago i had a very brief 'cheat' with another guy.  He was a massage therapist.  He very briefly (~10-15 seconds) gave me fellatio.  He then rubbed his penis against my rectum, pushed against but didnt go in.  If it did, it was perhaps a very brief 1/4 inch, but i kept ensuring he didnt go in.  Then, i just freaked and we stopped, jacked-off and that was the end of it.  I decided based on this, not to tell my Boyfriend and to just let it go.  I am now RIDDLED with guilt because i am worried i did put my BF at great risk, even though i thought this was safe enough sex.  Here are my questions:

1.  THIS GOT ANSWERED ON HIV FORUM.   Now 5 days after sex with my BF and 10 days after my cheat experience (with my BF, i was insertive top, no cumming), he has some inflammed lymph nodes in both armpits.  He has no other symptoms or fever or other inflammed nodes.  they look like ingrown hairs, the size of eraser tip and are a bit red.  He said it is tender.  I AM FREAKING OUT.  Could this be ARS based on what i did sexually with this other guy?  Is this too soon for ARS for him?  I feel fine and have no symptoms.

2.  I already have HSV1 (on my butt), and assumed it would be highly ulikely to get HSV2 from the oral i received.  Is this true?  could I have given HSV2 to my Boyfriend from this cheat episode?

3.  How soon after you receive herpes can you give it to someone else?  ie, i have no signs of herpes myself, but in this 5 day window  - could i have given it to my BF?  ie, shedding?

4. Do you transmit herpes from the place where you have the outbreak?  ie, if if have HSV1 on my butt, he cannot get it from me on my penis?

5.  I have no sign of gonorrhea, assuming this issue has passed, but ill test at some point.

[gracefromHHP]

If you have hsv1 on your butt, then you have hsv1 genitally. It infects the entire anogenital area regardless of where your ob's are located in the "boxer short" area as we refer to it as.  Hsv1 genitally doesn't shed very often so typically just avoiding sex anytime you have obvious lesions present is all you need but it's not 100%. Has your partner been tested to know his hsv1 ( and hsv2  ) status? I assume you two covered hiv testing and other std's long ago.  

Not many folks have hsv2 orally to contract it thru oral sex.  Many gay males do have hsv2 ( I've seen figures as high as 60% rates of hsv2 infection in gay males in the US ) but most of them have it genitally. Could you have contracted it genitally from the encounter you had? Well in theory yes but in reality odds are that you didn't. Honestly I wouldn't even continue worry about std's from this encounter you had.  You slipped up and had contact with someone else, use it as a reminder why you seem to  prefer a stable and loving long term relationship and learn from it  :)

grace

[alittleworried36]

this is so sweet.  thank you, grace.  

[hope4learning]

I very much appreciate all of your responses and sharing of knowledge. I am hoping you will take a moment to address specifically the following question in alittleworried36's post:
3.  How soon after you receive herpes can you give it to someone else?  ie, i have no signs of herpes myself, but in this 5 day window  - could i have given it to my BF?  ie, shedding?
Since blood tests are not necessarily accurate until 3 months after exposure/contraction of HSV, many people who are afraid they MAY have been exposed may be wondering how soon after exposure they may risk transmitting to someone else, even if they have had no outbreak or symptoms.
Many thanks!