how can i of gotten genital herpes type 1 if my partner has never had sypmtoms or an outbreak???

hi ive been disgnosed with genital herpes type 1 about a year ago but it has affected my relationship in a very big way and we are are on the verge of make or break so i wanted some advice and help and didnt know where to go, i have only ever been wih one guy who i was engaged to, i was with him for almost 3 years, i had my first outbreak of genital hsv 1 after 1 year of being with him, the first time he gave me oral sex i had an outbreak ten days later, i also had a cut at the time on my genital area and also there was alot of friction from rubbing,well now my problem is 1 year later i am now being accused of cheating or lying about my past because he has never had an outbreak, he has never had a cold sore and i also have never had a coldsore so the herpes has never shown on both of us orally, he seems to think because hes never had a coldsore he didnt give it to me through oral sex, what i wanted to double check as my doctor said is that it is possible for him to transmit the virus even if he hs never had symptoms orally or in the genital area, isit possible to give hsv 1 thorugh oral sex even if youve never had apparent sores, i.e asymtomatic shedding so he might have caught hsv 1 ages ago as he has had many girls from the past but the virus just never showed any symptoms and passed it on to me? or could it be when he got the virus on his genitals and passed it through asymtomatic shedding even thought hes never had an outbreak or any apparent symptoms, sorry for writing this long essay but this has really afected my life i feel like i have to prove myself when all the facts are there i just wanted to double check with other people as i cant talk about this to anyone..  

[gracefromHHP]

it's my understanding you have to pay out of pocket from a private doctor in the UK for type specific herpes igg blood testing. the gum clinics only offer the non-specific tests which are of little use.

The rates of hsv1 oral infection in the UK are similar to those in the US - about 60% of adults have hsv1 orally. Of those, only about 20-40% of them ever get obvious cold sores to know that they are infected.  Everyone who has hsv1 though, sheds the virus periodically both with and without obvious cold sores present.  Most people know not to perform oral when they have an active cold sore - most cases of genital herpes due to hsv1 are from asymptomatic shedding of the virus.  

the herpes handbook at www.westoverheights.com is free to read or print out at home. If you haven't both read it together yet, might be worthwhile so he better understands asymptomatic shedding of herpes in general.  

This probably isn't as much a herpes issue as a relationship issue and a relationship counselor would probably be the best thing to do at this point. If your partner thinks you are cheating on him, working together with a neutral 3rd party is usually much more beneficial than trying to work it out on your own together. If you love each other enough to get engaged, counseling is worthwhile to see if you can work this out :)

grace

[miss_s90]

i also wanted to ask about testing in london, i am pretty sure u cant get a test on the nhs because its not available as a part or normal sexual health screening, if anyone knows this for sure please answer asapppppp i am  in a very fragile situation

[gracefromHHP]

it's my understanding you have to pay out of pocket from a private doctor in the UK for type specific herpes igg blood testing. the gum clinics only offer the non-specific tests which are of little use.

The rates of hsv1 oral infection in the UK are similar to those in the US - about 60% of adults have hsv1 orally. Of those, only about 20-40% of them ever get obvious cold sores to know that they are infected.  Everyone who has hsv1 though, sheds the virus periodically both with and without obvious cold sores present.  Most people know not to perform oral when they have an active cold sore - most cases of genital herpes due to hsv1 are from asymptomatic shedding of the virus.  

the herpes handbook at www.westoverheights.com is free to read or print out at home. If you haven't both read it together yet, might be worthwhile so he better understands asymptomatic shedding of herpes in general.  

This probably isn't as much a herpes issue as a relationship issue and a relationship counselor would probably be the best thing to do at this point. If your partner thinks you are cheating on him, working together with a neutral 3rd party is usually much more beneficial than trying to work it out on your own together. If you love each other enough to get engaged, counseling is worthwhile to see if you can work this out :)

grace

[miss_s90]

thank you so much grace that helped me alot, yeh i guess its becoming more clear to me that its a relationship issue more then the herpees (herpes) issue, as i discovered today for sure no gum clinics offer the herpees (herpes) test unless your a woman who is pregnant and at risk of getting her first outbreak otherwise they only diagnose you when your outbreak is active, asi requested to get a blood test done on the nhs no gum clinic would offer it to me i would have to get it done privately. Would you know any kind of advisor or clinic i could go to or speak to in london (if your in london) that could help me out because this situation has really bought me down i wasnt bothered about the herpees (herpes) at the start now i feel its going to affect the rest of my life

[gracefromHHP]

I'm in the US so I really don't know what support is available in london. You can try searching yahoo groups to see if there is a london herpes group there. Also google it - I know there is a group in the UK for herpes but can't recall the name of them at the moment.

If you had to get genital herpes, hsv1 genitally was the type you wanted to get. It tends not to reoccur very often and you can't shake the proverbial stick without hitting someone with it orally.  When a partner has it orally, it's not an issue except for if you have a recurrence genitally, avoid sex until it heals to err on the side of caution.  

keep asking questions/venting :)