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not dealing with genital hsv 1 very well
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not dealing with genital hsv 1 very well

hi anyone out there with genital hsv 1? im having a very verrry hard time with having this, i am very depressed and dont know if i am gonna get over it. its been a while i dont know why im so upset now. im having suicidal thoughts because i cant see myself getting out of this depression or living a normal life at only 20 years old with this.  someone please help
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101028_tn?1348750963
no  real difference between hsv1 orally or genitally in the big picture.  It actually is more contagious orally than genitally so you wanted to get it genitally, not orally ( I know it's hard to look at it that way! ).

In your age group, 70% of the people who have genital herpes have hsv1 genitally. it's still very common genitally too.  

You have to learn how to deal with life on your own. It's part of growing up.  Would you want someone to want to be with you just because it's easier and not because they really wanted to be with you?
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Avatar_n_tn
i dont know what your situation is but i really doubt it can get any worst than mine. the only thing i can tell you is that is not the end of the world. i know exactly what it feels like when i first found out i might have it (because i still dont know my results) more like HSV II i staryed locked in my room 6 days only ate about 3 times. i've lost like 10lbs already. I started reading so many different websites because i was loosing it. when i came to realize more people than what you know have it :s i mean is really hard to deal with it. im not only dealing with this now but my bf of almost 4yrs dumped me after finding out i might have been the one to transmit it. neither of us have accurate results but it's been 2 weeks and we are facing the idea the we are part of a different community now. If you need someone to talk to let me know because i am also finding it very difficult....
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Avatar_f_tn
Hey guys,
Its definitely not the end of the world.  I totally understand what you are going through.  I've had the virus for about 7 or 8 years now.  At first, I had outbreaks like two to three times a year for the first couple of years and now usually only get them once a year.  And during the times that I don't have the outbreaks I feel pretty normal and as if I don't have it.  But when I do get an outbreak, oh my god...I get soooo depressed.  Which is probably what you guys might experience too.  So keep in mind that you will get better emotionally in between out breaks, but during them you may get a little depressed again.  I think the scariest thing for me is the idea of possibly spreading it on myself to different parts of the body, but from what I'm learning thats really unlikely.  Just don't touch the area that is infected mainly during an outbreak, and of course wash your hands if you do.  I haven't yet spread it to any partners that I have had.  And the one that I'm with now I've been with for just under 7 years I guess and he knows I have it.  I'm very lucky there.  
I'm a little sceptical about the possibility of spreading it when there are no signs or symptoms.  You know how they say its possible to spread it even without signs?  Well, I guess thats possible but I'm not sure I believe it.  I think the people who say they had no signs are people who just didn't realize that "itch" or that "tingle" was a sign of herpes.  So as long as you become aware of your symptoms, then you should feel mostly non contagious during the times that you have no obvious symptoms.
Another thing that I've learned that more women than men have herpes.  In other words its a little harder for a women to spread to a man than a man spreading it to a woman and thats because women have more body fluid down there for the virus to get in.
Anyway, I don't know if any of this helped at all, but I'm here if anyone wants to talk.  Don't hurt yourself over this because eventually it will become manageable.  
One more thing, the best way to be tested for herpes is through a blood test, that is how I was diagnosed.  
The best website to go to for information that is most accurate is cdc.gov
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Avatar_f_tn
how can someone break up with you after 4 years, that is my biggest fear . you cant turn love off because of a common virus. i just dont understand. i have type 1 and didnt get another outbreak for 3.5 years, i thikn thats why im so upset because i almost forgot about it. im having suicidal thoughts and im really scared im not gonna pull myself out of this.
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Avatar_n_tn
i really appreciate you telling us your story it is very inspiring at a time like this. im still not sure if i am hsv + or not i mean my x bf showed some symptoms of it. he hasnt gotten tested yet. at first it hit me pretty hard because i wasnt aware of anything. only when his 'outbreak" came out. i then confessed to him i had cheated on him about a year ago. he didnt know how to handle the situation and just broke things off with me. so not only did we end our relationship but now i myself and him as well might be hsv + he claims he never cheated on me. so i guess it makes me feel worst and guilty ... now my question to you since you have been with it for a few years now..... How did it affect your social and dating life?  did you tell your partners? how does the one that you are with now knows??

To LovesYou, yes almost 4 years. I dont want to say wasted because i love him very much it;'s been 2 weeks since this whole thing broke out. so it has been very hard for me thats why i tell you you will be ok. From what i have been reading i would suggest just try taking medication for the outbreak and think positive. Read all these stories i mean you are not alone. I think he didnt turn it off because of the virus but mor because i was unfaithful.  I told you before if you need someone to talk to just let us know.  
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101028_tn?1348750963

please contact your local suicide hot line for support!!  I know I reported your status update to the moderators last night - please follow up with their recommendations if you haven't already. this really isn't a herpes issue - it's a depression issue.  

Sorry to hear that your partner and you broke up.  heart break hurts like hell no matter what the reason for the break up  :(    Depression needs dealt with and isn't something to take lightly. If you haven't been to your regular provider yet, give them a call in the  morning and make an appointment to be seen to talk about your depression.  Do you have a therapist? If not, you really need to find one. Call the hot line tonight, speak to someone and they can hopefully get you an appointment with a therapist soon to start talking about this. Killing yourself is NEVER the answer.

grace
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Avatar_n_tn
sorry grace I think you misunderstood who was having the suicidal thoughts.
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101028_tn?1348750963
I addressed my post to the person I was responding to who is indeed having suicidal thoughts.   please reread the op's posts.

grace
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1579589_tn?1296366790
i'm in your shoes right now, i've had the virus for alittle over a year now, i get so ashamed, embrassed & depressed from time to time, i am ashamed to go pick my medicine up from the pharmacy & i'd die if someone found out, i'm now taking Valtrex once daily & it's been keeping the outbreaks at bay. Trust me i have my days where i still can't believe that i have this ? I feel so alone in this
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Avatar_n_tn
hello, well i mean is just difficult i guess. At least you have been dealing with it for a year. im still in the "denial" stage hoping those results come out negative. So you are taking valtrex now once a day? How are your outbreaks , if any?
I have told a couple of people whom i trust and they have been very supportive about it. i dont' want to keep spreading the word tho. i still have no results at hand, even tho my x thinks he has it because of the signs and symptoms. He sort of like hates me right now. but you are not alone. it can be devastating but life goes on, hopefully the find a cure for it soon,. even tho, they say they make too much money off of medications for that which is sad.
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Avatar_f_tn
im feeling a little better right now, i seemed to have gotten my physical symptoms under control by taking ativan ( crying, shaking, vomiting). I am trying to think clearly about having genital hsv 1 but im having a hard time grasping it. im upset that my ex has cold sores and goes on with his life with no second thought. im scared im going to start panicking again. this site is really helping me..
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Avatar_m_tn
I think I may have herpes even though my doctor told me it's balanitis. I don't know but something inside me tells me it might be herpes. I feel completely lost and bad about myself. It's very hard for me to have this fear constantly in my head. I compare myself to my friends (which I suppose they are healthy) and feel awful and all because of my bad decisions.

Anyway, I try not to think about this and try to live my life as normal as possible. I've dicovered that prayer helps me feel better. Also telling my mom helped a bit. If I have herpes I'll do everything to be strong and happy. Please LovesYou, don't kill yourself, instead love yourself and try to make good decisions from now on. There is more to life than genital herpes, sex and embarrasment. Try to live each day knowing that you are not alone. There are millions around the world with this problem and many learn to cope with it. Be one of them.

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I would like to comment on a few things here and I say this with all the heart in me.  I am thankful that I do not have Herpes.  Though while I am saying that I can also speak to the fear and the way I would have felt had I been told that was the case.  

Herpes has a social stigma about it because people get the GENITAL side from having sex.  We all have sex.  Some people don't want to admit it and some do.  LovesYou your ex-boyfriend was wrong with what he did.  He found it easier to just move on and anyway you go you are ultimately as cliche as this may sound better off without him.  I know herpes only because I have been here.  Let me tell you if I was dating a girl right now and she said "Hey I have HSV" I would seriously look her in the face and go "Who cares? We just avoid sex during your outbreaks but there is more to our relationship than herpes and sex".  Why would *I* do that?  Because I know what this virus is.  Its a cowardly for the most part harmless skin condition.  Genital HSV-1 is of the two genitial types the "better" of the two to have.  Because the virus for the most part doesn't shed that often and the risk to your partners is really low.  

LovesYou the key to remember here is that you get to move on too like nothing happened.  You get to look for a guy that is going to look and be with you not for a virus in your body but for who you are deep down.  Which from my perspective you seem to be rather nice and friendly.  You get to find the guy that is worth going forward in life and having a great life but you have to move past this stigma.  You had sex with a guy you loved.  You got a virus big whoop.  Some guys can't take that.  That's fine let them go.  Not worth it because they won't be there when the tough gets going.  In a partner we need the stability and knowing that the partner is going to be there for the rest of our lives.  When the good times are rolling and when the hard and tough times are hitting us hard.  

Finding someone will be easy in time.  Right now you need to look up.  When one door closes another opens.  You need to smile.  Smile now!  Someone right now who doesn't know it yet will be touched by you.  You never know who is looking at you.  

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1562866_tn?1297190771
good reply mistakeguy !

ive been with my boyfriend nearly two yrs and hes known from the start that i have hsv 2 hes really accepted it and looks for cures or helps more than i do it does effect or sex life but we both just know to not have sex when there are signs or symptoms and we always have protected sex {using a condom} dont get me wrong it can be pretty stressful at times and we do argue over it but because we love eachother we just move through it, i hope things get better for  all of us soon im still suffering regular outbrakes one of which i got cultivated by my dr a few days ago so its a long ten days before i get some results and hope to be refered to a specialist, i find this site really has helped my alot over this last to weeks and for that i am truly grateful to all the herpes community and thank you all xxxx
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Avatar_n_tn
i really appreciate your advice and i see that many people surprisingly are very supportive about this. which makes us feel better; however i don't think my x really cared too much about the "herpes" it was more like i was unfaithful to him and i lied to him for a whole year before his crazy "outbreak" which lead me to confess that yes i had cheated on him approximately a year ago. i guess sometimes is not about being there thru thick and thin is more of the loyalty. I have told him im sorry about the cheating. i mean we all make huge mistakes in our lives. Probably one of the biggest i have made. We tend to fall and get back up. I think im also not that affected if it turns out that i do have HSV , but more the break up. I guess it kind of all happened at the same time...

I really do appreciate your advice i have to say i totally agree. and if me and him don't fix things hopefully in the future i could find a guy that says: " who cares?" (lol)

And to LovesYou, i am glad you are feeling better about those thoughts.. remember you are not the only one in this situation. it might feel like you are alone but you're not!
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Avatar_f_tn
Have you had any signs or symptoms of an outbreak?  If not, then I wouldn't stress over it.  There is a good chance that you don't have it.  
I knew instantly when I had the first sign of hsv that I had it.  It started out very small.  But I knew what it was.  I was in a little denial over it for the longest time.  I didn't ignore it, but inbetween outbreaks I would feel so normal that I would say to myself "well maybe I don't really have this".  I was tested twice with the swab test during two different outbreaks.  The first time, it came out negative, I was so relieved but at the same time I knew it was wrong.  That was during the first out break.  About a year later I went and got swabbed again and never went back for the results.  I was just embarrassed and in denial.  I didn't want to be told that I had this even though I already knew.  I didn't want it to be confirmed.  Anyway a little over three years ago I found out that I was pregnant, and was so freaked out.  I was freaked out because I didn't want to risk passing it to my baby and I didn't want to risk having a c section.  So I told my new dr that I thought I might have this virus and so they gave me a blood test which is where they look for antibodies for the virus.  And sure enough it was positive. I knew it but somehow was in hopes of being told different.  I ended up miscarrying, but they assured me that it had nothing to do with hsv.  I tried to get pregnant again and did, the time before was accidental not planned.   This was the first time I ever went on meds for hsv, and that was at the last month of my pregnancy.  I was able to give birth to my now 1 and a half year old little girl naturally and was able to breast feed too.  So there is hope to having a somewhat normal life.  
I’ve been with two guys since getting this virus.  The first guy, I never told.  We dated for almost 2 years and he never said anything about anything funny going on, so I think he was ok.  I mean I don’t think he ever got it.  I always felt guilty not mentioning it, but its so hard to tell someone that you have this.  I made sure to pay close attention to my signs and symptoms and just stayed away from the guy during my outbreaks.  My outbreaks don’t tend to last very long.  
The other guy is my now husband.  I’ve always been honest with him about it right from the get go.  I had actually contracted this virus during a 2-3 year break in our relationship, so when we got back together I told him about it.  It was important to me for him to know because we had history together already.  The funny thing about it though, I stress over the whole thing more now since he does know than I ever did with the guy who didn’t know.  With the other guy I just felt confident that I wasn’t spreading it.  I would never knowingly pass it to someone.  I think also because I love my husband very much, and it would really upset me if I knew I spread this to him.  He says he doesn’t care, but I think that’s cause he doesn’t know or doesn’t understand what it is to have to deal with it.
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Avatar_f_tn
That was a good post!
I totally agree that there is stigma attached.  I feel like if people could just be more opened to learning about it and telling about it, then maybe it would be a little less embarrassing and stressful.  
Having this makes you feel yucky about your self.  It makes you feel like no one is going to want you.  And it kind of makes you affraid of yourself and your own body too.
You are a good guy!
Thanks for that post!
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Avatar_f_tn
hey, thanks everyone. mistake guy- my boyfriend didnt break up with me because of this, he has it to. i gave it back to him during my first strong intial outbreak. he wants to be with me but i dont love him anymore. i am really considering going back to him because im having a hard time dealing, hes coming home this weekend and staying with me because hes worried about me- hes a good guy, just not the one for me. would it be terrible if i just settled? seeing as i have no coping skills for this?

(he also could care less that he has it which makes me a little stronger, he gets cold sores too so hes not going to tell anyone he has it genitally, he knows if someone gets it from him its 90% chance they got it from his oral hsv.)
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101028_tn?1348750963
never, never EVER settle because of your herpes!  You have hsv1 genitally. it doesn't shed much and in your age group, 1 out of every 3 people you walk past on the street every single day has it too either orally or genitally!  It's incredibly common!!  

do you have a therapist? I highly recommend getting one. they'll help you develop good coping skills as well as work with you through the feelings you are having right now.  This is not going to be the worst thing that ever happens to you in life. If it turns out that it really was , then you lived a truly blessed life.  By the time we make it to the retirement home, 80% of us has hsv1, not many of us make it through life without it.  it really isn't the biggest problem you have right now, it's just something very easy for you to focus on  while you are feeling low because of the break up.  

I'm glad you are feeling better today :)  Lean on your friends right now - they understand that break ups aren't easy , even if you did the break up . It's actually a sign of maturity to realize that you don't want to stay in a relationship that isn't right for you :)  focus on the positives of that instead of looking at the negatives.

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Avatar_f_tn
I know i shouldnt settle grace, but even being content and safe is a better feeling than im experiencing right now. I also know that about 50% in my age group have it? but they dont have it on their genitals, which means they dont need to tell anyone, and they dont carry a stigma. I am so angry I didnt catch it orally, so angry. my three best friends had it orally in highschool, so did my mom and my dad. I just feel really down and really really angry that i got it this way. i have never not used a condom, i wish i wasnt so ignorant and knew a cold sore could cause this.
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LovesYou:

you shouldnt use your ex for comfort either its not fair on him and you have to consider his feelings, you should ask if ye can just be friends and tel him how much you appreciate him and love him but that your not in love with him anymore and hope for the best, i know its hard telling ppl but if you think there's one friend you can trust with this info then thats what friends are for dont lean on your ex lean on a friend x the herpes community will always be here to support you also x
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101028_tn?1348750963
no  real difference between hsv1 orally or genitally in the big picture.  It actually is more contagious orally than genitally so you wanted to get it genitally, not orally ( I know it's hard to look at it that way! ).

In your age group, 70% of the people who have genital herpes have hsv1 genitally. it's still very common genitally too.  

You have to learn how to deal with life on your own. It's part of growing up.  Would you want someone to want to be with you just because it's easier and not because they really wanted to be with you?
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1174003_tn?1308164419
Regardless of who did the break up you never settle.  I settled for a wife because I am fat and ugly.  I thought who in the world would want a guy that wears size 58 jeans and weighs over 380 pounds?  No one would want that.  This girl that wants me is all there is out there.  I was married for 4 years before she went bi-sexual on me and left me for another woman.  

I then dated a girl for about 2 years who went through and was always telling me how wrong I was because I didn't want to drive over to her house every day and see her and how I was the worst person in the world because I left her at home to deal with her ex-bestfriend by herself while I had to move a family member.  Yeah... I can go on and that would be a long story.

The point here is you don't settle for anyone.  If you can't love the person and the person can't love you back there is no reason to be with that partner.  Just isn't worth it.  Not for any person or any age group.  You deserve to be happy and being happy isn't with that guy.

So 50% have HSV and they have it orally.  Guess what?  People know when they are having an outbreak and it is apprant that they have herpes.  That makes them highly resistant to getting it genitally (for his case it is rare that he would get it in a new spot and the only way to know if it was really herpes was via lesision culture and typing).  You have herpes it isn't the end of the dating world.  People have it genitally too.  Some don't and their risk is low to getting it.

You need to find the guy that accepts you for you.  If I had a girlfriend or a girl I liked who said "I have herpes" so what.  Doesn't mean you will love me less and doesn't mean we are not going to be happy down the road.  That partner is the one you want to be with.  Not the guy that just because you got it from him then he is the safest bet.  You aren't a walking biohazard for goodness sakes.  Trust me there are people out there that once educated they know what to look for and how unserious this is.  It isn't like HIV that will eventually lead to some serious life changes.  It is a skin condition.  Maybe I am weird but you know if I was your boyfriend and I ended up having the virus transmitted to me at least I know I got it from doing something I love to do with the person I love doing it with.  Would make it worth it.

Furthermore I strongly agree with grace.  This is the time your friends pick ya up.  If not you always have us.  We will leave the light on for you and grace keeps the fridge stocked with pies and cookies.
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1174003_tn?1308164419
Thank you for the compliment to my post to you and the others that read it.

The stigma in my view is of sex.  We are taught growing up that sex is reserved for "Mommies and Daddies that love each other and are married."  As we grow older we learn that for some people Mommy and Daddy played outside of the sandbox before they got married.  Even if not we are grown adults and the people we choose to have sex with we are going to have sex with.  Until sex is made un taboo (Think of playboy centerfolds) then people will continue to see the stigma attached to it.  Slowly people are starting to change because more and more of our younger generations are having sex (see teen pregnancy on the rise).  

Let's face it sex is now a part of the pre-marital relations now days.  Granted I was engaged when I first had my sexual encounter.  However, after my divorce I dated a girl who was 28 and a virgin.  We had sex for the first time for her.  We ended up breaking up because of other issues but sex is now more a part of dating and compatibility we look for.  The other side to it is... It's great (not trying to sound like a perv but).  

It makes you feel the way you describe because you let it.  Did your body change on the outside when you found you had herpes?  No ma'am with all due respect it didn't.  You were no different the day before you got it and the day after.  The difference is now you get some bumps (painful but isn't having a partner who will help take care of you great) and that is really it.  They heal and go on their way.  You didn't lose your personality during this time... You lost nothing.  Your body didn't get forever mud on it.  You are still you.  Your body is still your body.  Nothing changed.  You got a skin condition to which you go through a "bumpy" period a few times out of the year.  But the end of all things life changes nothing in who you are.

Mistakes happen (look at my name).  We all make them.  The difference in a mistake and a personality flaw is what you do after the mistake.  

That was a good post!
I totally agree that there is stigma attached.  I feel like if people could just be more opened to learning about it and telling about it, then maybe it would be a little less embarrassing and stressful.  
Having this makes you feel yucky about your self.  It makes you feel like no one is going to want you.  And it kind of makes you affraid of yourself and your own body too.
You are a good guy!
Thanks for that post!
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Avatar_f_tn
70% of people my age with herpes have type 1 genitally? i never thought about it like that. there must be so many people with type 1 genitally living and dating without telling their partners. I ran to my boyfriends house right after i was diagnosed.

i also never thought about having hsv 1 genitally would be better than orally, because of tranmission and occurence rates. its just the stigma of having it genitally thats killing me. the statistic that says 1 in 4 women have genital herpes...is that women who test positive for hsv 2, or women with any form of genital herpes?


but ya, im still sobbing and not getting out of bed, but im feeling a little better, and you guys are helping me so much you dont understand. I know one other person other than my ex with ghsv 1 and he doesnt care he has it eitheir, so he doesnt get why im upset.
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Avatar_f_tn
i honestly love you guys right now, i would be so much worse if it wasnt for reading what you have to say.

and by the way, i tried calling some help lines. the ONE of about 10 i called answered, and said to me...and im not joking here... that if my ex has herpes and i know it, then i should probably just get back together with him....i had a nervous breakdown over this becuase she just confirmed every feeling i was having. so having a website like this really saved me.
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101028_tn?1348750963
oh good grief - I can't believe that is the advice you were given!!  Such crappy advice :(  


The 1 out of 4 has genital herpes stat applies to hsv2. We don't have a good way in the studies of tracking who has hsv1 orally and who has it genitally to break hsv1 down further.  

I totally 2nd mistakeguy's comments on the stigma of premarital sex in general. We are all doing it but we are supposed to pretend we aren't.  Not going to get on my soapbox about that one....lol.  

Like I said earlier, this is just something you can focus on for yourself. Focus on the positives instead and realize that this break up is a way for you to make yourself get out there and find the man who does totally rock your world :)   You might not find him this month or next but he is out there waiting for you to find him. You can't find him if you are wasting your time with someone who is just easy for you.  
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Avatar_f_tn
ok thanks a lot.

one more question, the doctors on here say that most people only get a few recurrences or none. thats a lot different ,than one every other year like it says on here as well, say your first outbreak was when you were 16...thats a lot of outbreaks over a lifetime...not a few....im only asking because my reoccurence was verrry painful.

im sure you have talked to a lot of ppl with ghsv 1, whats the concensus?
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Avatar_n_tn
at age 20, i was dx with genital herpes as well. i was very very sad, depressed, angry, etc.

it is not the worst that can happen, it isn't deadly nor should it affect your daily life.

i have managed to go outbreak free for 6+ months. i take lysine (purchased online @ amazon or the vitamin shoppe) and vitamin c. find something to relieve stress-- mine is exercising, running particularly.

the way i see it, having this dx makes you picky and special on who you have sex with and date. if someone doesnt understand or is upset- you shouldn't be wasting time on them.

best of wishes.
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1174003_tn?1308164419
The first initial outbreak will always be the worst one.  Thats because you don't have the anitbody to fight the virus off.  Majority of people don't have reoccurances that often.  And if they do they are fairly mild for genital HSV-1.  Everyones different when it comes to the virus.  You may never have one again or you may have one that is really mild.  Not much we can say in terms of what you might have.  Though it will be less painful.

The previous poster states lysine helps.  There is no research that states that it does anything at all for Herpes.  No proof.  More than likely just people thinking it does them good.  The placebo effect.  Stress is also another misconception of causes of outbreks.  No proof there either.  
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101028_tn?1348750963
One gal I know, went 17 years in between obvious recurrences of hsv1 genitally. Another friend of mine has hsv1 genitally and had ob's maybe 4x/year for the first couple of years and then they went down to 1 every few years.  I think she was early 20's when she contracted hsv1.  I think petal who posts here periodically has said she's had a total of 2 ob's of hsv1 genitally. her first one was a total killer too but her recurrence wasn't bad at all she said. I'll ask her to  stop in here when she has a chance to comment for you :)  

Have you gotten into counseling or therapy yet with a professional to work through all this better?
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Avatar_f_tn
Thanks for that!  You definitely helped to make me feel better.  
I guess what makes it tough is that its always in the back of my mind, whether I am in the middle of an ob or not.  I'm always aware that I am contagious at least sometimes.  Plus I think that it is really pounded into the minds of people who have this that they could be contagious even when no symptoms are present.  That makes it seem scary.  I have to say I don't totally believe it, but I have to keep it into consideration always, just incase.    
I guess I am the same person after getting this, but minus some self confidence.  I just don't feel as sexy as I used to.  
People now a days just have sex without hardly a thought.  I guess its one of those things that is more accepted now, and no amount of education seems to help much.  I think we get caught up in the attractions we have and the trust that we have in others that we just rely on that.  Live and learn I guess.  
The guy who gave me this, I trusted.  Not sure why.  Maybe he didn't know he had it?  Some how I don't believe it, if that was the case.  I think he just ignored it.  
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17 years eh!? ...heres hoping.
i would be ok with every few years too.
ya if you know anyone on here who has ghsv 1. let me know!

thanks a lot grace
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do you guys have friends that tell you they have herpes? or do you meet them in support groups, or on here? i think maybe i feel so alone because no one my age talks about this unless they are mocking it or something.
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petal is going to stop in as soon as she has a chance. sent her an email but she's been swamped at work this week :(

I tell everyone I have herpes...lol. It's no secret!  It's not an issue for me at all.  I talk about it at conferences, I talk about it when appropriate with patients, I talk about it when appropriate with my friends and my family knows too of course.  I've met many online folks with herpes over the years and become good friends with several of them ( and gotten to meet them in real life too ). Also because I"m so open about my herpes, several of my friends/coworkers have come to me to talk about their herpes too.  

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This week (and month/year) is a good example of how I NEVER EVER even think about my genital HSV1. There are about zillion other things that populate my brain and life that trump it from taking any control of my life.

That being said, I've had genital HSV1 for almost 3 years, acquired through oral sex with my oral HSV1 positive boyfriend. My first outbreak was horrific, painful, the works, and it lasted a good 2-3 weeks. The GOOD news is, the couple of subsequent OBs were VERY mild in comparison, and taking Valtrex nipped it in the bud even faster. There's a good chance I may never have another outbreak, although statistically I'm falling pretty much into the "norm" as to what's known of genital HSV1. So even if I have an OB every other year, I know it will be just a mild nuisance. Quite honestly, I've dealt with other issues like yeast and more recently a dermatitis that were more challenging! We gals sadly can have all sorts of things going on down yonder (another reason why we also say don't chalk everything up to herpes just because you have herpes!)

As to the psychological part, of course my initial reaction played right into the genital herpes stigma. But THEN I became educated, shared my situation with the couple of good friends in my life (who were like "big deal" once THEY were educated), and realized that this really was incredibly manageable in ANY relationship. I've dated since then, as I'm single again, and for the couple of men who I needed to share it with, neither had an issue with it (one had oral herpes so that makes it really a non-issue). Could I possibly date a man who might not be able to deal with it? Sure. But then I can think of many other issues from baggage to personalities as to why relationships fail - herpes is the easiest of them all to manage, I think!

As to talking to friends about it, well I'd say no reason to broadcast it. I'm not ashamed of my herpes, but my sister and close friend know and beyond that again it just doesn't play a part in my life TO discuss it. Doesn't mean it may not come up with other people whose path I cross, but I just don't think about it. It really is up to you, but just like sharing anything personal with other people in your life, I know if it's something that you feel you need trust and compassion from that person, then choose wisely. Having a friend/relative to talk to (and educate!) can be a HUGE help in dealing with herpes!

Feel free to ask me any other questions. Life is good! Don't let herpes play ANY part in negating that fact - you are a wonderful person, and no different than the person you were before you acquired herpes!!
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thanks so much for stopping by petal130, as you can see i was freakin out to put it lightly. so now that im single im trying to gain the most knowledge possible. so I have a few questions for anyone who knows the answers!

1. I read in the doctors forum that recurrent ob's of either type occur in the same location as the first. i had a second outbreak about 3.5 years later and it seemed to start on the inside of my anus (soo painful), and then was kind of a cut like sore down to my vulva. my first outbreak was a few bumps at the top of my vagina, and maybe one at the bottom? but not near my anus....typical? and also its been a month and its still kind of painful to go to the bathroom. I was wondering if maybe I cut myself there and then that brought out an ob?  and the injury still isnt healed from the herpes is?

2.I also get one little herp whitlow on my finger or thumb during outbreaks...and by outbreaks i mean the first one and this last one. that seems to be rare, its like my little warning sign of an outbreak to come. Have you ever heard of this? im worried i might spread it to my eye or something?

3. I had a white spot inside my vagina that wasnt painful, lasted a few days, could this be an ob?


thaaanks guys!
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thanks so much for stopping by petal130, as you can see i was freakin out to put it lightly. so now that im single im trying to gain the most knowledge possible. so I have a few questions for anyone who knows the answers!

1. I read in the doctors forum that recurrent ob's of either type occur in the same location as the first. i had a second outbreak about 3.5 years later and it seemed to start on the inside of my anus (soo painful), and then was kind of a cut like sore down to my vulva. my first outbreak was a few bumps at the top of my vagina, and maybe one at the bottom? but not near my anus....typical? and also its been a month and its still kind of painful to go to the bathroom. I was wondering if maybe I cut myself there and then that brought out an ob?  and the injury still isnt healed but the herpes is?

2.I also get one little herp whitlow on my finger or thumb during outbreaks...and by outbreaks i mean the first one and this last one. that seems to be rare, its like my little warning sign of an outbreak to come. Have you ever heard of this? im worried i might spread it to my eye or something?

3. I had a white spot inside my vagina that wasnt painful, lasted a few days, could this be an ob?


thaaanks guys!
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you can have ob's anywhere in the entire boxer short area. they aren't always in the same place. if you aren't sure if this is your herpes at this point or not, go and be seen and get a proper exam done. I know it's annoying to have to do so but pain lasting month probably means it's a non-herpes related issue.  

the only way to know if this is definitely whitlow or not is to have it cultured within 48 hours the next time it occurs.  whitlow is only an issue as far as transmission to others when it's present.
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thanks grace, you have saved me!

i have another round of questions for you. I have made the decision that when I get into a relationship, and I get to the point of wanting to have sex, I am going to get tested with my boyfriend prior to telling him I have this.  

Since clinics dont test for herpes on an std test...How do I get it done...Do I just ask? and do you know if they even offer it in Canada....especially small town Canada? I heard they test you and then call you back if your postive for HSV 2...which is good to know, but irrelevant in my situation.

thanks in advance grace

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you can get type specific herpes igg blood testing done in canada. it's my understanding that you need to pay for it out of pocket.  

if you search around, I believe there is a good post here on blood testing for herpes in canada. totally blanking on the name of the poster who wrote it though.
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Another question for Grace! I have been reading through the herpes expert forum, and the doctor there reccomends condoms and anti viral therapy for people with ghsv 1 who have negative partners. My question is, considering most cases are from oral sex...why dont doctors adivse people with cold sores to use anti virals and dental dams?

is this because people have intercourse more than they do oral?

thanks
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we don't know if daily suppressive therapy reduces transmission of hsv1 - we have no studies on it.  

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hey grace

I ended up having another outbreak last week it was in the exact same place (like a paper cut on my anus) but it was muuuuch more mild
its only been 7 months and im really worried that my outbreaks have started to pick up if thats possible

i didnt have an outbreak for 3.5 years now i have 2 in 7 months
im really worried

thanks a lot
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how were you originally diagnosed as having hsv1 genitally? I quickly glanced through your posts but didn't see if we had ever asked you that.

also never a bad idea to go back to be seen to find out if you have any yeast or bacterial infections going on as well as to try to see if this is indeed all herpes going on.  

does having 2 ob's in a few months mean you are going to start having them more frequently? Not at all. It sometimes just goes that way - you don't have ob's for awhile and then have a few in a row.
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i beleive i got it from oral sex from my partner when i was 16, went in to my doctor and they swabbed my anal area and sure enough, ghsv 1. i went almost 4 yrs without another one and then 2 in 7 months, im shocked to say the least and frankly, scared.

another thing i wanted to say is, i recently randomly told the guy i was seeing that i  had a coldsore on my bum once or twice since h school, he looked at me like i was insane and kinda like i had given him too much information, i said 'if it ever comes back we have to avoid sex for a while, and if i ever get a cold sore i cant kiss u or give u oral sex for a while' he kinda nodded and said 'oh, makes sense, okay'

and that was the end of our conversation, i feel like i should of explained it more, but at the same time, it is what it is. it seemed too easy.....your oppinon would be greatly appreciated,
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certainly worth going to confirm that these current symptoms are actually your hsv1 going on.  

there's no perfect way to talk about your herpes with a partner as far as I"m concerned. you do the best you can and work together to make sure a partner understands it better. also asking a partner to get tested is always a good idea because you can't make educated decisions about what precautions to take until you know their status. Also if they have hsv2, you need to be protecting yourself against that too.
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thanks grace, i feel as though i didnt explain enough, but just because everyone online is freaking out about genital hsv 1, doesnt mean the general population wont see it for what it is, (a cold sore down there). im not sure what to do now, i dont want to bring it up again, he also said that he thinks most of the population has that type, and that he had a friend who got it in his eye, so on that note, i feel as though hes not completley clueless and i should just let it go now. im confused, i feel as though i should have gotten a bigger reaction.
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maybe tell him you were expecting a bigger reaction and would be happier if he did the hand slap on the face "home alone" reaction? he he he

It certainly is worthwhile bringing up again in a week or so I think if he doesn't. Ask him if he's thought of any questions since you last talked about it. Also if you didn't talk about all std's and testing, good time to cover that base too - also don't forget birth control and condom use :)
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my last 2 obs were on my anus, looked like paper cuts to begin with, formed sores, and then turned back into paper cut lesions, they were very small ( and i know they were obs becaue i got 2 in the same spot and leg pain) they last a long time before they completley heal becaue of where they are, its been over two weeks now, and even though the actual sore was gone after a few days, its still sensitive and can stil bleed a little bit. is it still shedding this long after the ob....or is it just trying to heal...i know the whole thing shouldnt last this long, any thoughts....
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I'd try a barrier cream around your anal area several times a day to help protect and heal the skin. Aquaphor, desitin ,zinc oxide or any sort of baby butt cream is fine to use.  Also are your bowel movements nice and soft too? ( no privacy here!!! )

it's not likely you are still shedding the virus at this point but hard to tell.  did you do a round of antivirals when it started?

should you get a recurrence again within the next few months, be seen within 48 hours of their appearance for a lesion culture to confirm it's still your hsv1.
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Just got your PM. I haven't been on the boards in so long. It is harder finding someone with HSV1 gentially, I agree. Not a lot of data for us.

I've now had 13 years experience. 11 years I was disgusted wih myself. Until I got properly tested and found these boards.

I am actually glad to have HSV1 genitally now! That might sound strange, but having it there is the least contagious place you can have an HSV infection. Most people already have ot orally anyway.

Let me know if you have specific questions. I used to think I was getting outbreaks all the time and I over scrutinized it, and that area, and made it a worse.

Sometimes it was razor burn, or a yeast infection, or even one poison ivy! Try to stop focusing on the HSV because stress may trigger a small OB.

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Get a type specific HSV test ASAP. Knowing what you have is important, and gives you back a sense of control. Once you are aware you can takes steps to deal with it.

I went through a period of having what I think was a small OB or two because I was stressing over it. Since then, 9 years and no OBs.

Something like 70% of people over 50 have HSV1 already. It's so common. It's the same as having a cold sore. Neither are gross or a big deal. It's more just a virus and a skin condition. :)
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One other thing:

I sort of mentioned this a few posts up. But sometimes what you think is an OB is NOT. Before I knew about what I had, I blamed every itch, mark, cut on the vagina on herpes. But it isn't the case.

A great example is that I wear pads, giant ones because of heavy flow. Lol. They sometimes rub my skin raw down there. It's very sensitive skin and thin in some places. Well, I always thought that was an outbreak because it was painful and a paper cut.

Took me yes to realize that it was from the pad! Of course before I figured that out I would use a mirror to look and poke and prod and make it worse than it was. Then I'd freak out even more!

Now I expect it, and leave it alone and get air down there after my period and all heals quickly and is not an OB.
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I just wanted to say that I'm a 21 year old male. I'm gay and i think i have hsv 1... hopefully its just that.... i keep getting outbreaks on the edge of my lips.. and i definitely knew something was up when it went to the other side... i havent got tested but i would like to so i just know. ive been soo depressed and i just want to kill myself. even though i dont have an  outbreak.. without makeout on one side, you see a red area and it just really depresses me... if i push the side of my lip out with my tongue you can see a white area that looks like an infection... i got the tingling and everything that they say is common with hsv 1. im soo sad and i feel as if my life is meaningless now and no one will want to be with me. my roommate i think knows but im just soo scared to get tested. i think about it everyday all day and i wish i would have been smarter about my sexual life. the cure will be here one day, we can only hope. please pray for me that one day ill wake up and ill have no aftermath scares of this "fever blister" . i pray to god all day everyday and cry on a daily basis. I'm lost and i like this boy but i kind of dont even want anyone to be involved. ive changed my life and what is done, is done :(
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could you please start your own thread? otherwise it gets very confusing. thanks.
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Imagine getting this disease from your spouse, I did. We had been married for thirteen months. He didn't care @ all. I was depressed, suicidal, never thought my marriage would turn out that way. His sex wasn't even good, I did it out of obligation. I divorced him. The hardest part about this disease is the fear of giving it to someone. I'm scared that a guy will kill me if I give him this disease. My now ex-husband should go to prison for assault; he assaults me everyday w/this virus. I am careful w/partners, I always was their penis w/soap and rinse it when we're done w/sex, I don't know if they wonder why. I try & be as careful as I can be w/someone else's health w/o condoms because I like sex better w/o them. No point in sex if you have to use a condom. I pay attention to my body, by doing this I think my sex partner has no more than a ten percent chance of getting this disease. I always shower immediately before sex, I don't want to give anyone this disease. The stigma is bad. A lady connected to my ex-husband's family happens to work in my department & told everyone @ my job. That hurt, stressed me out & I gained about thirty pounds after she did that. Makes me cry now because all I asked for was a marriage, not his disease that he never told me about. Upside to herpes, it may be the most painful std but it does not have the potential to be deadly like HPV, H.I.V. syphilis, it can't cause infertility like gonorhea or chlamydia may. It gets better from what it used to be. The worst part for me is the mental anguish of possibly giving it to someone, I'm scared he'll kill me.
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