not dealing with genital hsv 1 very well

[LovesYou]

hi anyone out there with genital hsv 1? im having a very verrry hard time with having this, i am very depressed and dont know if i am gonna get over it. its been a while i dont know why im so upset now. im having suicidal thoughts because i cant see myself getting out of this depression or living a normal life at only 20 years old with this.  someone please help

[s98]

I know you posted a while ago, but I know EXACTLY what you are going through, and while I'm sad you're going through it as well, I'm also comforted that I'm not alone and I hope my message will bring comfort to you too.

I'm 20, and my first boyfriend (fist sexual partner as well) gave me genital hsv 1 when I was 17, and he treated me badly and all he gets is an occasional cold sore. I've had anxiety and depression since I was 15 and getting hsv really made my mental health worse and I was having suicidal thoughts for the first time. I still get depressed about it, even though I have since found a lovely boyfriend. I would die if I ever gave him anything, I would hate to make someone go through what I went through. I used to cry myself to sleep but I deal with it better now because I have a nice boyfriend, and (most of the time) realise it has a stigma to it and it shouldnt be that big of a deal and from reading about other people who go through the same thing. It's not the end of the world although it can seem like it. I wish you all the best, thank you for sharing your story, it has helped me.

[KnockKnockitsLife]

Imagine getting this disease from your spouse, I did. We had been married for thirteen months. He didn't care @ all. I was depressed, suicidal, never thought my marriage would turn out that way. His sex wasn't even good, I did it out of obligation. I divorced him. The hardest part about this disease is the fear of giving it to someone. I'm scared that a guy will kill me if I give him this disease. My now ex-husband should go to prison for assault; he assaults me everyday w/this virus. I am careful w/partners, I always was their penis w/soap and rinse it when we're done w/sex, I don't know if they wonder why. I try & be as careful as I can be w/someone else's health w/o condoms because I like sex better w/o them. No point in sex if you have to use a condom. I pay attention to my body, by doing this I think my sex partner has no more than a ten percent chance of getting this disease. I always shower immediately before sex, I don't want to give anyone this disease. The stigma is bad. A lady connected to my ex-husband's family happens to work in my department & told everyone @ my job. That hurt, stressed me out & I gained about thirty pounds after she did that. Makes me cry now because all I asked for was a marriage, not his disease that he never told me about. Upside to herpes, it may be the most painful std but it does not have the potential to be deadly like HPV, H.I.V. syphilis, it can't cause infertility like gonorhea or chlamydia may. It gets better from what it used to be. The worst part for me is the mental anguish of possibly giving it to someone, I'm scared he'll kill me.

[waterwater]

could you please start your own thread? otherwise it gets very confusing. thanks.

[andre197]

I just wanted to say that I'm a 21 year old male. I'm gay and i think i have hsv 1... hopefully its just that.... i keep getting outbreaks on the edge of my lips.. and i definitely knew something was up when it went to the other side... i havent got tested but i would like to so i just know. ive been soo depressed and i just want to kill myself. even though i dont have an  outbreak.. without makeout on one side, you see a red area and it just really depresses me... if i push the side of my lip out with my tongue you can see a white area that looks like an infection... i got the tingling and everything that they say is common with hsv 1. im soo sad and i feel as if my life is meaningless now and no one will want to be with me. my roommate i think knows but im just soo scared to get tested. i think about it everyday all day and i wish i would have been smarter about my sexual life. the cure will be here one day, we can only hope. please pray for me that one day ill wake up and ill have no aftermath scares of this "fever blister" . i pray to god all day everyday and cry on a daily basis. I'm lost and i like this boy but i kind of dont even want anyone to be involved. ive changed my life and what is done, is done :(

[yogini3]

One other thing:

I sort of mentioned this a few posts up. But sometimes what you think is an OB is NOT. Before I knew about what I had, I blamed every itch, mark, cut on the vagina on herpes. But it isn't the case.

A great example is that I wear pads, giant ones because of heavy flow. Lol. They sometimes rub my skin raw down there. It's very sensitive skin and thin in some places. Well, I always thought that was an outbreak because it was painful and a paper cut.

Took me yes to realize that it was from the pad! Of course before I figured that out I would use a mirror to look and poke and prod and make it worse than it was. Then I'd freak out even more!

Now I expect it, and leave it alone and get air down there after my period and all heals quickly and is not an OB.

[yogini3]

Get a type specific HSV test ASAP. Knowing what you have is important, and gives you back a sense of control. Once you are aware you can takes steps to deal with it.

I went through a period of having what I think was a small OB or two because I was stressing over it. Since then, 9 years and no OBs.

Something like 70% of people over 50 have HSV1 already. It's so common. It's the same as having a cold sore. Neither are gross or a big deal. It's more just a virus and a skin condition. :)

[yogini3]

Just got your PM. I haven't been on the boards in so long. It is harder finding someone with HSV1 gentially, I agree. Not a lot of data for us.

I've now had 13 years experience. 11 years I was disgusted wih myself. Until I got properly tested and found these boards.

I am actually glad to have HSV1 genitally now! That might sound strange, but having it there is the least contagious place you can have an HSV infection. Most people already have ot orally anyway.

Let me know if you have specific questions. I used to think I was getting outbreaks all the time and I over scrutinized it, and that area, and made it a worse.

Sometimes it was razor burn, or a yeast infection, or even one poison ivy! Try to stop focusing on the HSV because stress may trigger a small OB.

[gracefromHHP]

I'd try a barrier cream around your anal area several times a day to help protect and heal the skin. Aquaphor, desitin ,zinc oxide or any sort of baby butt cream is fine to use.  Also are your bowel movements nice and soft too? ( no privacy here!!! )

it's not likely you are still shedding the virus at this point but hard to tell.  did you do a round of antivirals when it started?

should you get a recurrence again within the next few months, be seen within 48 hours of their appearance for a lesion culture to confirm it's still your hsv1.

[LovesYou]

my last 2 obs were on my anus, looked like paper cuts to begin with, formed sores, and then turned back into paper cut lesions, they were very small ( and i know they were obs becaue i got 2 in the same spot and leg pain) they last a long time before they completley heal becaue of where they are, its been over two weeks now, and even though the actual sore was gone after a few days, its still sensitive and can stil bleed a little bit. is it still shedding this long after the ob....or is it just trying to heal...i know the whole thing shouldnt last this long, any thoughts....

[gracefromHHP]

maybe tell him you were expecting a bigger reaction and would be happier if he did the hand slap on the face "home alone" reaction? he he he

It certainly is worthwhile bringing up again in a week or so I think if he doesn't. Ask him if he's thought of any questions since you last talked about it. Also if you didn't talk about all std's and testing, good time to cover that base too - also don't forget birth control and condom use :)

[LovesYou]

thanks grace, i feel as though i didnt explain enough, but just because everyone online is freaking out about genital hsv 1, doesnt mean the general population wont see it for what it is, (a cold sore down there). im not sure what to do now, i dont want to bring it up again, he also said that he thinks most of the population has that type, and that he had a friend who got it in his eye, so on that note, i feel as though hes not completley clueless and i should just let it go now. im confused, i feel as though i should have gotten a bigger reaction.

[gracefromHHP]

certainly worth going to confirm that these current symptoms are actually your hsv1 going on.  

there's no perfect way to talk about your herpes with a partner as far as I"m concerned. you do the best you can and work together to make sure a partner understands it better. also asking a partner to get tested is always a good idea because you can't make educated decisions about what precautions to take until you know their status. Also if they have hsv2, you need to be protecting yourself against that too.

[LovesYou]

i beleive i got it from oral sex from my partner when i was 16, went in to my doctor and they swabbed my anal area and sure enough, ghsv 1. i went almost 4 yrs without another one and then 2 in 7 months, im shocked to say the least and frankly, scared.

another thing i wanted to say is, i recently randomly told the guy i was seeing that i  had a coldsore on my bum once or twice since h school, he looked at me like i was insane and kinda like i had given him too much information, i said 'if it ever comes back we have to avoid sex for a while, and if i ever get a cold sore i cant kiss u or give u oral sex for a while' he kinda nodded and said 'oh, makes sense, okay'

and that was the end of our conversation, i feel like i should of explained it more, but at the same time, it is what it is. it seemed too easy.....your oppinon would be greatly appreciated,

[gracefromHHP]

how were you originally diagnosed as having hsv1 genitally? I quickly glanced through your posts but didn't see if we had ever asked you that.

also never a bad idea to go back to be seen to find out if you have any yeast or bacterial infections going on as well as to try to see if this is indeed all herpes going on.  

does having 2 ob's in a few months mean you are going to start having them more frequently? Not at all. It sometimes just goes that way - you don't have ob's for awhile and then have a few in a row.

[LovesYou]

hey grace

I ended up having another outbreak last week it was in the exact same place (like a paper cut on my anus) but it was muuuuch more mild
its only been 7 months and im really worried that my outbreaks have started to pick up if thats possible

i didnt have an outbreak for 3.5 years now i have 2 in 7 months
im really worried

thanks a lot

[gracefromHHP]

we don't know if daily suppressive therapy reduces transmission of hsv1 - we have no studies on it.  

[LovesYou]

Another question for Grace! I have been reading through the herpes expert forum, and the doctor there reccomends condoms and anti viral therapy for people with ghsv 1 who have negative partners. My question is, considering most cases are from oral sex...why dont doctors adivse people with cold sores to use anti virals and dental dams?

is this because people have intercourse more than they do oral?

thanks

[gracefromHHP]

you can get type specific herpes igg blood testing done in canada. it's my understanding that you need to pay for it out of pocket.  

if you search around, I believe there is a good post here on blood testing for herpes in canada. totally blanking on the name of the poster who wrote it though.

[LovesYou]

thanks grace, you have saved me!

i have another round of questions for you. I have made the decision that when I get into a relationship, and I get to the point of wanting to have sex, I am going to get tested with my boyfriend prior to telling him I have this.  

Since clinics dont test for herpes on an std test...How do I get it done...Do I just ask? and do you know if they even offer it in Canada....especially small town Canada? I heard they test you and then call you back if your postive for HSV 2...which is good to know, but irrelevant in my situation.

thanks in advance grace

[gracefromHHP]

you can have ob's anywhere in the entire boxer short area. they aren't always in the same place. if you aren't sure if this is your herpes at this point or not, go and be seen and get a proper exam done. I know it's annoying to have to do so but pain lasting month probably means it's a non-herpes related issue.  

the only way to know if this is definitely whitlow or not is to have it cultured within 48 hours the next time it occurs.  whitlow is only an issue as far as transmission to others when it's present.

[LovesYou]

thanks so much for stopping by petal130, as you can see i was freakin out to put it lightly. so now that im single im trying to gain the most knowledge possible. so I have a few questions for anyone who knows the answers!

1. I read in the doctors forum that recurrent ob's of either type occur in the same location as the first. i had a second outbreak about 3.5 years later and it seemed to start on the inside of my anus (soo painful), and then was kind of a cut like sore down to my vulva. my first outbreak was a few bumps at the top of my vagina, and maybe one at the bottom? but not near my anus....typical? and also its been a month and its still kind of painful to go to the bathroom. I was wondering if maybe I cut myself there and then that brought out an ob?  and the injury still isnt healed but the herpes is?

2.I also get one little herp whitlow on my finger or thumb during outbreaks...and by outbreaks i mean the first one and this last one. that seems to be rare, its like my little warning sign of an outbreak to come. Have you ever heard of this? im worried i might spread it to my eye or something?

3. I had a white spot inside my vagina that wasnt painful, lasted a few days, could this be an ob?


thaaanks guys!

[LovesYou]

thanks so much for stopping by petal130, as you can see i was freakin out to put it lightly. so now that im single im trying to gain the most knowledge possible. so I have a few questions for anyone who knows the answers!

1. I read in the doctors forum that recurrent ob's of either type occur in the same location as the first. i had a second outbreak about 3.5 years later and it seemed to start on the inside of my anus (soo painful), and then was kind of a cut like sore down to my vulva. my first outbreak was a few bumps at the top of my vagina, and maybe one at the bottom? but not near my anus....typical? and also its been a month and its still kind of painful to go to the bathroom. I was wondering if maybe I cut myself there and then that brought out an ob?  and the injury still isnt healed from the herpes is?

2.I also get one little herp whitlow on my finger or thumb during outbreaks...and by outbreaks i mean the first one and this last one. that seems to be rare, its like my little warning sign of an outbreak to come. Have you ever heard of this? im worried i might spread it to my eye or something?

3. I had a white spot inside my vagina that wasnt painful, lasted a few days, could this be an ob?


thaaanks guys!

[petal130]

This week (and month/year) is a good example of how I NEVER EVER even think about my genital HSV1. There are about zillion other things that populate my brain and life that trump it from taking any control of my life.

That being said, I've had genital HSV1 for almost 3 years, acquired through oral sex with my oral HSV1 positive boyfriend. My first outbreak was horrific, painful, the works, and it lasted a good 2-3 weeks. The GOOD news is, the couple of subsequent OBs were VERY mild in comparison, and taking Valtrex nipped it in the bud even faster. There's a good chance I may never have another outbreak, although statistically I'm falling pretty much into the "norm" as to what's known of genital HSV1. So even if I have an OB every other year, I know it will be just a mild nuisance. Quite honestly, I've dealt with other issues like yeast and more recently a dermatitis that were more challenging! We gals sadly can have all sorts of things going on down yonder (another reason why we also say don't chalk everything up to herpes just because you have herpes!)

As to the psychological part, of course my initial reaction played right into the genital herpes stigma. But THEN I became educated, shared my situation with the couple of good friends in my life (who were like "big deal" once THEY were educated), and realized that this really was incredibly manageable in ANY relationship. I've dated since then, as I'm single again, and for the couple of men who I needed to share it with, neither had an issue with it (one had oral herpes so that makes it really a non-issue). Could I possibly date a man who might not be able to deal with it? Sure. But then I can think of many other issues from baggage to personalities as to why relationships fail - herpes is the easiest of them all to manage, I think!

As to talking to friends about it, well I'd say no reason to broadcast it. I'm not ashamed of my herpes, but my sister and close friend know and beyond that again it just doesn't play a part in my life TO discuss it. Doesn't mean it may not come up with other people whose path I cross, but I just don't think about it. It really is up to you, but just like sharing anything personal with other people in your life, I know if it's something that you feel you need trust and compassion from that person, then choose wisely. Having a friend/relative to talk to (and educate!) can be a HUGE help in dealing with herpes!

Feel free to ask me any other questions. Life is good! Don't let herpes play ANY part in negating that fact - you are a wonderful person, and no different than the person you were before you acquired herpes!!

[gracefromHHP]

petal is going to stop in as soon as she has a chance. sent her an email but she's been swamped at work this week :(

I tell everyone I have herpes...lol. It's no secret!  It's not an issue for me at all.  I talk about it at conferences, I talk about it when appropriate with patients, I talk about it when appropriate with my friends and my family knows too of course.  I've met many online folks with herpes over the years and become good friends with several of them ( and gotten to meet them in real life too ). Also because I"m so open about my herpes, several of my friends/coworkers have come to me to talk about their herpes too.