Aa
what are the odds?
I seem to have gotten herpes out of thin air. No one I have ever been with has it. That is really irrelevant, except that it makes me feel I will never be sexually active, again. What are the risks (for my partner) of having protected sex if I am not broken out? (I do take meds to prevent breakouts) I have a significant other and want to know the facts. If we decide to have children, what then? Will he get the virus if we have unprotected sex?
I just want to say that after reading these posts I got a few laughs and I feel better about my current situation. I just found out I have HSV-1 and took it really hard at first. It is very true that if you don't know very much about the disease, it's easy to fall into the stigmatized thought processes that plague someone who finds out they have it. I can't tell you how many sleepless nights I've had since I found out. Now that I know I can still have a sex life, I feel like I can be myself again and just GET OVER IT. And yes, life is too short to dwell on things out of your control. You will simply go crazy if you do.
COMMUNITY LEADER
LOL waring. I'm proud.
Seriously, I didn't mean to offend. You have to laugh at life or you'll go crazy.
AJ
Seriously, I didn't mean to offend. You have to laugh at life or you'll go crazy.
AJ
I need to brush up my on technique. Not being the most offensive poster in a thread ... sounds like I'm slipping! :^p
Yeah, I think the westover book is a better and easier read than the forums here. It gives you everything you need to know, it's short, and condensed and all in one place.
I really despise these misogynistic stereotypes about women and their sexuality. It's appalling enough when men do it, but when women do it, it is truly a sad statement about our cultural beliefs. :( You can have 15 different sex partners every day, day in and day out, and never get an STD, depending on what sexual BEHAVIORS you are engaging in. You can also have sex with one person, one time, and contract one or more STDs, again depending on the behaviors.
It's not about people, per se. It's about behavior.
Yeah, I think the westover book is a better and easier read than the forums here. It gives you everything you need to know, it's short, and condensed and all in one place.
I really despise these misogynistic stereotypes about women and their sexuality. It's appalling enough when men do it, but when women do it, it is truly a sad statement about our cultural beliefs. :( You can have 15 different sex partners every day, day in and day out, and never get an STD, depending on what sexual BEHAVIORS you are engaging in. You can also have sex with one person, one time, and contract one or more STDs, again depending on the behaviors.
It's not about people, per se. It's about behavior.
How were you diagnosed as having genital herpes? What testing have you had?
Even if you got all your prior partners tested for herpes prior to being intimate with them - it still doesn't mean it didn't come from one of them. Depending on if they were properly tested or not and also depending on how long before their last partner they got tested they still could've had herpes and it didn't show up on the tests.
At this point what's important to know is what type you have and what type your current partner has. You two are your biggest concerns at this point. If you don't have the same type then you can discuss what precautions are needed in the relationship.
So why aren't we doctors but we know so much? Well so far everyone who's responded to your post has genital herpes themselves. All of us have taken the time and the effort to fully educate ourselves on the pesky virus we've picked up along the way. We are now here helping others get educated too so that you can live a full and happy life and make your genital herpes the mere footnote in life it deserves to be. It doesn't take a medical degree to understand herpes - just some reading and practice at talking about it :)
grace
Even if you got all your prior partners tested for herpes prior to being intimate with them - it still doesn't mean it didn't come from one of them. Depending on if they were properly tested or not and also depending on how long before their last partner they got tested they still could've had herpes and it didn't show up on the tests.
At this point what's important to know is what type you have and what type your current partner has. You two are your biggest concerns at this point. If you don't have the same type then you can discuss what precautions are needed in the relationship.
So why aren't we doctors but we know so much? Well so far everyone who's responded to your post has genital herpes themselves. All of us have taken the time and the effort to fully educate ourselves on the pesky virus we've picked up along the way. We are now here helping others get educated too so that you can live a full and happy life and make your genital herpes the mere footnote in life it deserves to be. It doesn't take a medical degree to understand herpes - just some reading and practice at talking about it :)
grace
COMMUNITY LEADER
What did I say that was so offensive?
And I can't speak for anyone else here, but I have worked in the std field for a long time, and have ghsv2. I can promise you that I wasn't a "wh*re" or any word with a similiar definition when I got herpes. I find it offensive that you would think only promiscuous people get stds. You are assuming things about me that you don't know. In case it matters, and it shouldn't, I got herpes while in a long term relationship. We lived together, if that helps put a spin on it. I've slept with 3 men in the last 10 years. Not exactly sl*t material. Two of those were relationships that lasted longer than 4 years.
Not that it matters. Anyone can get herpes.
I know its overwhelming at first - I get that. I also know its not easy to have a sense of humor about itright now, but you will, I promise.
You should read the herpes handbook in the meantime for more info on herpes - www.westoverheights.com (its free too)
Here is also a good article about hsv1 vs hsv2 and locations - http://www.herpes.com/hsv1-2.html
AJ
And I can't speak for anyone else here, but I have worked in the std field for a long time, and have ghsv2. I can promise you that I wasn't a "wh*re" or any word with a similiar definition when I got herpes. I find it offensive that you would think only promiscuous people get stds. You are assuming things about me that you don't know. In case it matters, and it shouldn't, I got herpes while in a long term relationship. We lived together, if that helps put a spin on it. I've slept with 3 men in the last 10 years. Not exactly sl*t material. Two of those were relationships that lasted longer than 4 years.
Not that it matters. Anyone can get herpes.
I know its overwhelming at first - I get that. I also know its not easy to have a sense of humor about itright now, but you will, I promise.
You should read the herpes handbook in the meantime for more info on herpes - www.westoverheights.com (its free too)
Here is also a good article about hsv1 vs hsv2 and locations - http://www.herpes.com/hsv1-2.html
AJ
You need to know what type you have, and so does your partner (if his blood test is not recent). Once you two have that information, you can go from there.
Start reading the doctor side of this forum (and this side, too) for more information. This is probably one of the most accurate websites on the Internets as far as information about herpes, treatment, transmission statistics, and all of that. The 2 guys answering questions over there are at the top of their game, professionally.
The more information you have, the more comfortable you are going to be with having it. Herpes is really common, and people with herpes have active sex lives despite what you believe about how your sex life is going to turn out. What brings people down is not having herpes - it is their attitude about having it.
Start reading the doctor side of this forum (and this side, too) for more information. This is probably one of the most accurate websites on the Internets as far as information about herpes, treatment, transmission statistics, and all of that. The 2 guys answering questions over there are at the top of their game, professionally.
The more information you have, the more comfortable you are going to be with having it. Herpes is really common, and people with herpes have active sex lives despite what you believe about how your sex life is going to turn out. What brings people down is not having herpes - it is their attitude about having it.
that is why i clarified. i was angry at and hurt by a few of aj's comments and made a dumb one myself. it isn't something i can laugh off yet. I just found out that I've got it. So please, info is fantastic, but no sarcasm.
I dont know. I thought it was pretty funny. :o)
Does ***** by any chance stand for wh**e? In other words, a misogynistic and debasing word for a woman who has a lot of sex, or a sex worker?
Sex workers actually don't have higher rates of STDs than the general population. In fact, they might even have better safer sex practices because of the nature of their work. :)
You sound angry, though. A good therapist can help you work through this if you are having a hard time with it. I agree with AJ, though. It sounds like HSV1. Somebody with a cold sore went down on you. That's pretty much how it happens. It's not rocket science (or thin air science).
Does ***** by any chance stand for wh**e? In other words, a misogynistic and debasing word for a woman who has a lot of sex, or a sex worker?
Sex workers actually don't have higher rates of STDs than the general population. In fact, they might even have better safer sex practices because of the nature of their work. :)
You sound angry, though. A good therapist can help you work through this if you are having a hard time with it. I agree with AJ, though. It sounds like HSV1. Somebody with a cold sore went down on you. That's pretty much how it happens. It's not rocket science (or thin air science).
I was always careful is my point. I know plenty of careful people still wind up with std's and it is tough for even those who aren't careful...
nevertheless, it has been difficult for me, not my partner, to get over it. Trying not to play the "poor me" but your facetious comments do not help.
nevertheless, it has been difficult for me, not my partner, to get over it. Trying not to play the "poor me" but your facetious comments do not help.
Most people aren't but I was always paranoid. where do you get all of this info if you aren't a doctor....and no--i realize it wasn't out of thin air but that is the way it feels....finding out you have an std is tough, so when you can't explain it and you aren't a *****, its a little upsetting.
your advice is good. your humor sucks.
your advice is good. your humor sucks.
COMMUNITY LEADER
"My current partner has oral herpes but not genital. he's been tested since I found out and still does not have genital herpes. "
Ding ding ding - we have a winner. You need to find out what type you have, and if its type 1, this is your source.
You can be infectious without an outbreak, due to asymptomatic viral shedding.
AJ
Ding ding ding - we have a winner. You need to find out what type you have, and if its type 1, this is your source.
You can be infectious without an outbreak, due to asymptomatic viral shedding.
AJ
COMMUNITY LEADER
No one in this forum is a doctor.
Seriously, most people are not tested for herpes when they go for testing, and a blood test will not come back as "negative for genital herpes." It would say antibodies not detected, or detected, for type 1 or type 2.
Only about 20-40% of those with oral hsv1 ever get cold sores, and about 30-50% (depending on the source) of new genital herpes infections are type 1.
Most people aren't bothered when their partners have herpes, but you do need further testing to find out what is going on with you, and I wouldn't go with the "herpes out of thin air" explanation to partners. They probably won't take you very seriously.
AJ
Seriously, most people are not tested for herpes when they go for testing, and a blood test will not come back as "negative for genital herpes." It would say antibodies not detected, or detected, for type 1 or type 2.
Only about 20-40% of those with oral hsv1 ever get cold sores, and about 30-50% (depending on the source) of new genital herpes infections are type 1.
Most people aren't bothered when their partners have herpes, but you do need further testing to find out what is going on with you, and I wouldn't go with the "herpes out of thin air" explanation to partners. They probably won't take you very seriously.
AJ
Actually I am sure that the only two people i had been with before the person I am dating now were tested. I went with them, and was tested each time--both negative for genital herpes. My current partner has oral herpes but not genital. he's been tested since I found out and still does not have genital herpes. I realize that a person can get genital herpes by having oral sex with someone who has oral herpes, but he has never had an outbreak during the time that we have been together. (I was negative for herpes, both types, before our relationship). I have been with this person for some time and we would like to continue having sex. I just wanted to make sure, for my own sanity, that it would not put him in danger.
Thanks for the info. Now my mind is at ease. Perhaps, next time, be a little less condescending in your reply.
Thanks for the info. Now my mind is at ease. Perhaps, next time, be a little less condescending in your reply.
Has the current partner been tested for herpes? You might want to make sure he gets tested. For both types.
You didn't get it out of thin air; you got it from having sex with a person who had it. Was every partner you ever had tested for herpes before you started the relationships? I'm guessing not. In which case you have no idea who had it or not.
People with herpes everywhere are sexually active. Why would your significant other stop having sex with you because of this? If they do, you might want to find another S.O. The odds are in his favor that he won't get it, by a huge percentage.
If you are taking the medication daily and not using condoms, his risk is about 2% per year of becoming infected. That's not 2% with each sexual episode; that's 2% over the course of a sexual relationship in a year. He takes a bigger risk of dying getting into his car every day and driving out on the road.
People with herpes everywhere are sexually active. Why would your significant other stop having sex with you because of this? If they do, you might want to find another S.O. The odds are in his favor that he won't get it, by a huge percentage.
If you are taking the medication daily and not using condoms, his risk is about 2% per year of becoming infected. That's not 2% with each sexual episode; that's 2% over the course of a sexual relationship in a year. He takes a bigger risk of dying getting into his car every day and driving out on the road.
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You are reading content posted in the Herpes Community
Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.
Millions of people are diagnosed with STDs in the U.S. each year.
STDs can't be transmitted by casual contact, like hugging or touching.
Syphilis is an STD that is transmitted by oral, genital and anal sex.
