have you read our free herpes handbook that we recommend in our read before posting post on the forum? if not, by all means, be sure to give it a read through when you have time.
oral sex isn't safe sex. have you talked to this partner about his own std history and testing? You have to remind yourself that this is so not all about the herpes you know you have, it's also about what he might have that you need to be protecting yourself from!! always have protected sexual contact, including oral sex, until you are sure a partner is trustworthy and you are aware of their std testing results!!!
You guys have been naked together, It's past time to be talking about all std's, including the herpes you know you have. You also should be discussing birth control and condom use too :)
grace
He's extremely unlikely to get herpes from rubbing your vagina with his fingers...he'd have to have an open sore/cut on his finger and you'd have to be shedding. Herpetic whitlow isn't too common, and you really don't have anything to worry about in regards to him getting this on his fingers. You should discuss it with him prior to sex (including oral), but until then you really don't have an obligation to.