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Avatar universal

Do I need to tell?

Hi all

I have recently been diagnosed with HPV low risk. I am a 24 year old gay man and I only found out because I got warts around my anus. I am currently taking cream to get rid of them. Before this, I used to enjoy some casual sex (I was in a long term relationship for 3 years but don't want another relationship right now.) I am scared that having genital warts will put an end to my sex life as I will have to tell all my casual partners that I have it and most will probably be frightened away.

So I have several questions:

Do I need to tell casual partners? I have read a lot of stories on the internet and it seems that most doctor's say you don't have to tell and that it's a personal choice. At first I thought I was ok because most people get HPV at some point in their lives anyway so it's not like I'm giving anyone anything they probably wouldn't get anyway. And, even if I did pass it on, very few people develop syptoms anyway (at least that's what I read.)

But then I began reading more into the subject and found out that, of the 80% or so people who get HPV, only half of those get the wart-causing variety. And, just because you have had one type, doesn't mean you can't get a different type. Also, I have read some sites that say very few people who get low risk HPV even get warts and others that say about half do. If the chances of me giving warts to someone I sleep with is 50%, it's obviously gonna make a difference in whether I tell someone or not. Anyone know how high the chances are of a man with low risk HPV developing warts?

Also, I would like to know how long I need to wait after clearing the infection before I have sex again. My doctor said I just need to get rid of the warts and then just use condoms. But I have read some people saying that you can keep getting outbreaks for six months. If I were to give myself regular examinations and only have sex when I was sure there were no visible symptoms present, would that at least lower the chances of me passing it on? Do I have to wait for a certain amount of time after having an outbreak? I can't wait six months to have sex again and, if I am going to tell every sex partner that I have it, I might as well because no one is going to want to have sex with me.

I don't have anal sex but I do have a lot of oral sex and I don't use a condom. I have read that it is very hard to pass on to the mouth via oral sex. But it can be passed on by close bodily contact? So what are the chances of passing it on just from oral sex and a bit of rubbing aginst each other, for example? Are they still high or not as high as when there is penatrative sex? I have warts in my anus but there's still a chance that there could be HPV present around the front. Is that area as high risk as the back area as that is where the warts are?

Really I don't want to have to tell casual sex partners about my HPV. If I found someone I wanted to settle down with, I would definitely tell them. But I do not want to ruin my sex life because of warts, which from everything I have read are generally harmless. So the main things I want to know are: what are the chances of me passing it on to a partner and what are the chances of them developing warts? I need to know the answers to these questions before I can really make a decision. And, if I do decide to tell, it would be easier to say I have it but the chances of developing warts are very low. No one will want to have sex with me if I say that there's a 50% chance I am going to give them warts!

Thanks a lot. :)
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Avatar universal
Thanks for all the advice. I am just trying to work out what my chances are of passing the virus on so that I know what to tell a sexual partner. I want to be honest but, at the same time, if the chances of passing it on are very low, I would want my partner to know that.

I only have warts in my *** and not on my penis so, once those warts are clear, it seems like I have a relatively low chance of infecting someone (I dont have penetrative sex, just oral and rubbing, etc.)

Also, the statistic that over 50 people have HPV; I am sure that refers to the genital kind only.
Helpful - 0
1067212 tn?1353960402
I'm someone who was given HPV by a (what I thought to be) serious partner. Even after I discovered I had got it from him, he never told me himself or apologised. I actually think he felt pretty smug with himself. From my experience, it's horrible not to be told and very scary to go through this alone. I have met someone new and told him straight away, 8 months on we are still going strong and madly in love. I'd never doubt telling someone my history. It is difficult, and there is always the risk of stereotypes being thrown at me but that is a risk I have to take. I couldn't live with myself if I made someone go through what he made me go through. If there small minded enough to leave you, it's there loss.

You will be deemed 'clear' if you've not had warts for 6-24 months. However, it's always a guessing game so in my opinion you should still use condoms just in case. You don't need to refrain from sex until you think you are clear, if I was you and I still wanted to have casual sex I'd only do it when there are no warts present and with a condom (as both reduce the risk significantly of passing the virus on). I'd also tell my partners as a heads up as I stated above. Also, having sex in the middle of treating the warts is thought to make it harder for the treatment to work.

The penis area will be significantly less contagious compared to the anal area in which there are visible warts. The places where there are no warts may still be contagious, but a lot less, as warts bring the virus to the surface of the skin. Oral sex is a very unlikely mode of transmition, I've never heard of someone getting it like that before. The same goes for touching.

Also, some people won't want to have sex with you if you tell them you have warts. But some will. There are many people in the world living with warts who have healthy sex lives despite telling partners there history. The reason for this is your right, warts are harmless in terms of health and very common. In saying that, not everyone is as open minded as that, and those people wont want to have penetrative sex.

Lastly, as harmless as warts are, they can still cause a very emotional journey for a person. Some people don't know much about the virus and therefore they are petrified, and many people feel depressed after being diagnosed. For that reason, I wouldn't not tell people I had HPV because everyone should have the choice as to whether or not they have sex with someone who has the virus, I'd at least tell people if I was active at the time of exposure. Some people can't handle it, and it can be very lonely going through treatment etc on your own.

But at the end of the day, it is your personal decision and there is no law telling you you have to disclose your history.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Of course it is up to you.  I personally would feel like a total scumbag if I didn't tell people they were at (even low) risk for getting warts on their privates because of me.  I've had this condition for over a year, and I've told each of my casual sex partners, and they were okay with it.  It is always scary to tell someone something like that, but it is the right thing to do.

When you see statistics that say most people get HPV at some point in their life, you must understand that does not merely refer to the sexually transmitted strains.  Anytime anyone gets a wart anywhere on their body, it is due to the human papillomavirus.  That is the virus that causes warts, end of story.  Different warts are attracted to different parts of the body.  Mine, for instance, have no interest straying from an inch-wide band at the base of my penis.  I've never had one anywhere else.  So it's a plus that you can tell girls that you don't have a strain that will increase their chances of cervical cancer, and you can tell them that their contracting HPV from you is extremely unlikely.

It's a bummer, and it's not fun, but my advice is that you man up and don't be a jerk.  You would want someone to be upfront about that, too, right?
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I guess it is your ultimate decision. You won't go to jail for giving somebody warts, and a lawsuit is unlikely.

Having said that, I think notifying partners that you had a warts diagnosis is the right thing to do, especially in the months following treatment. I think a lot of your facts and stats are right, though if you have visible warts, the chance of passing them on may be higher than 50%.  Whether everybody with warts notices that they have them is another question.

You are right that oral warts are rare.
You are also right to suspect a possible infection on your penis in addition to anal warts.....there is really no way to know for sure.
Penetrative sex is much higher risk than oral sex or a bit of rubbing.

If your warts return, they will probably return within the 3 months following treatment. If they don't come back within 6 months, then you are probably clear.

Informing your partners is the considerate and responsible thing to do. Some may be understanding, others (particularly casual partners) may not want to take the risk. If a partner contracts warts, their sex life will be affected. I think it is important that you give them the choice to determine if the risk is worth it . While most of us can agree that warts are not a really big deal, we can only make that judgement regarding our own health, not somebody else's.

My advice is to either take a 3 to 6 month break from sex, or inform partners. It is an inconvenience,  but it is the right thing to do.

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