HPV Enquiries

[paul282]

Hi,

I have a few questions, I cant ask the doc as too many have been asked today.

My story:

Noticed a small lump on penis, thought nothing of it really, not being an std expert i just forgot about it... Anyway months later I had unprotected rather drunken sex with a girl I know and like ...... it was a one off but things have been moving along & i would like to forge a relationship, we have not had unprotected sex since, so i thought it would be sensible before we did again to get checked out...... All ok for everything other than being told that the small lump was indeed a genital wart!! So I would like to know this:
If i passed on the HPV virus how likely is she to devolop warts herself?
Obviously I am going to have to find a way to tell her, any help on this will be greatly appreciated, im worried sick to be honest.


Thanks in advance

[youngskeptic]

well, that is a toughy. i had to tell my man aswell and it was pretty rough, i have had my warts removed so i chose the coward's way out by telling him i had HPV and then explaining to him how HPV can also cause genital warts (among other things), since i no longer have visible warts i chose not to tell him i ever did, we regularly use protection and he has not shown signs yet. i know thats pretty shady, but i dont feel that i have 'lied' to him; i DO have HPV and we did discuss in depth the possible risks he would be taking in sleeping with me.

if you'd rather be a coward aswell then i suggest that you tell her that you noticed a small bump on your penis, but that you dont remember having it before you started sleeping together. tell her that you're going to have it looked at, and encourage her to get looked at aswell. (you are not accusing her of giving it to you, because you could have contracted it long ago and only recently started to shouw signs)
i know thats shady too but it's clearly an easier approach because you would seem like a victim yourself rather than the culprit (knowingly spreading cooties). i think if you were to approach it like that you would be greatly reducing the risk of rejection.

[paul282]

Yeah that is kind of what i am thinking of doing, it is a toughy though you are right....I dont really consider it lying more like self preservation.

Lets hope she is as understanding as your man.

Thank you for your comments, it has helped.

[youngskeptic]

im so glad i could help, good luck to you man

[paul282]

Well as i say, fingers crossed she is ok.... Im not seeing her now till monday so i will put it off till then, I dont think a text will go down to well. I am 99% sure though that she will tell me she wants nothing to do with me, and if she does i cant really blame her, i feel horrendously bad about the whole situation, never simple is it.

[ibizan]

having genital warts removed and not visible not waiting for time frame for body to clear them having sex and not telling ur partner is so dishonest in my book.Virus can live in skin all around genital area for 6-18 mos. and still be transmitted in an area not protected by a condom.Sad that u think more of being rejected and self preservation than having respect/regard for anothers health.Very self centered..must be a sign of youth!I'm an old fart 52.Was celibate for 10 years...and stupidly b-lieved my x's claim of no sex for 3 years but then he admitted never using a condom in his life.He was also a heavy smoker which coulda suppressed his immune system.I got high risk HPV..had a LEEP which sucked and have chosen to not bother with relationships for so many conceal and  want multiple partners...monogomy is a thing of the past it seems.....do shady stuff such as described here....my health is not worth some genital twiddling for a short period of time.But then u guys r the young ones which vocal hormones....and i've been around the block 2 much and have no use for what someone else could be bringing me.Hope as time and maturity sets in u get more honest in ur relationships.....how about if the shoe was on other foot?someone had sex with u that has genital herpes and did not shady tell u?u'd be stuck with that **** for the rest of ur life...ponder on that!:)))))

[youngskeptic]

yes i am well aware of the obvious ethical fallacies in how i handled this situation. However my decision was based on alot of other personal factors, such as him already being a carrier for HPV, also i cant stress enough how much we talked about HPV, warts, and cancer before we started having sex again. we didnt have sex for months, during which time i encouraged and helped him do research. in anycase there will always be more to a story than can be disclosed in a internet forum, so w/e thanks for your feedback. have you any suggestions as to how to address having genital warts with your partner, that was the original point of this forum.

[ibizan]

thank u for the clarification and so good u have addressed it and u/ he is aware of the risks....for those of us who have been lied too...we have burrs up our butts and at my age and the mess of post -op LEEP plus pre-cancerous cervical cells minus HPV and now with it i am beyond wary of whats out there .....if i have a relationship again.....i will fully disclose and demand it of my potential partner....and if there is balking i will end it there......I'm too old for anything more!again thank u and the best to u and ur guy!:))))))

[paul282]

To be perfectly honest, I am absolutley petrified of talking to her about this, she is a young woman with the rest of her life ahead of her & I have potentially caused something that may cause her no end of problems, of course I understand it is as much responsibility to practice safe sex as mine, but still I am feeling guilt like I have never ever had before. I will do the right thing and tell her the whole story, she will undoubtedly hate me though and who can blame her, I have thought of nothing else for the past two weeks, i am pretty much rock bottom, so Ibizan although I appreciate your comments, it is not always as cut & dry as you think....... I know its not a life or death issue but it kind of feels like that, as we all know i meaningful relationship is hard to come by, and this one I think had promise, so I have have to face losing her and ruining her sexual life etc etc. The trouble is without knowing about the subject people just think 'urghhhhh warts', she will have that for the rest of her life & I am to blame...

[ibizan]

i understand ur fears but look at it this way ur honesty with her coupled with ur anxiety of losing her just may well prove to her hey this guy really cares!he cares about me and my health!That is a rare find is this culture today and u can tell her this old dame said so!:)and if she really cares about u she will respect this ,care even more 4 u and be willing to work it out with u!:)Genital warts are a common thing today.....she would risk this out in the dating/mating world with someone else if she hadn't of met u!Have u read the doctors comments in the Experts Forum-std's?It blows my mind the prevalence of herpes and warts out there......thank God u didn't get that(herpes)!it could always be worse.....so i hope this girl sees the quality guy u appear to be....and wants to work with u.....if not it will be her loss and she will encounter this again with someone who may not disclose a std history and it could always be worse!This is why i am so for the blunt honesty up front...but then i am a blunt person....it save a lot af anguish later on!The best to u.......good luck!

[paul282]

Thanks for that, I genuinely hope she does, but your kind words are very much appreciated. I will face the music on monday face to face (friends batchelor/stag party in Hungary this weekend), Ill try and enjoy the weekend, put it out of my mind until then, and prey for a miracle!!

[ibizan]

I will pray for u as well......i have a lot of good fortune in my life but securing a good mature honest partner has not been one of them.Difficult world out there and the older u get the harder it is.I think it is so cool too particularly see the concern some of the men have noted here for their partners.....it is refreshing..i have a job situation where i work mainly with men and care,concern for partners is gravely lacking as well as that for themselves!So enjoy the party.....try.....it will be in a corner of ur mind......and i hope this girl will work/stay with u on this!

[alext08]

I know it is a difficult situation. I am in a different but similar position myself. I think it is very responsible that you are thinking about her. I wouldn't make up any stories - as in the end that is a lie. As I understand, you did not know it was something before you were together, you found out after. If you are honest, hopefully she will understand. From what I understand the % of getting an HPV is very very high and most people have had it and do not know. I was just married and was told after I have HPV and mild displasia. Now I won't do anything until have all the facts. He thinks there's something wrong with me because I can't be close. I am still trying to understand myself how the whole thing works because I am checked regularly (not for HPV because this was the first I heard of it) and up until now have not had anything show up. Did your Dr. tell you that you can get HPV even if you use a condom and that many people have it for a long time without knowing? I still do not understand if it will ever go away or is it there for life? They told me my immune system may kick it out. I, like you, need to and will tell my  partner but I am not sure that I did not get it from him.  It brings up such bad feelings and questions of where it came from. So I empathize with you.  I really hope it works out! If I find out more...I'll let you know. If you can shed any light would be great! The Dr.s are so easy going about it .... but I am freaking out.  

[ibizan]

i like u was freaking out when i found out i had HPV..it came on the heels of so many bad things that avalanched all at once.for me i was celibate for 10 years with clean paps and know where mine came from..now an x.But prior to u getting married it depends on length of time u were with partners,condom use...and yes u can get with condoms but it greatly reduces the transmission. 60-90%..i foolishly didn't use them b-lieivng my x's claim of 3 yrs.of celibacy.so mine had to come from him!ur hpv coulda come from ur hub or an x-partner....its hard to track if u were in the dating scene but whats most important is that u follow treatment for it and if u have a good loving understanding partner that is another great asset.yes the doctors are very cavalier about it because they see so much of it!Guess thats what i got for being celibate 51 yr.old woman in the dark....LOL! thought HPV was for ppl who had a lot of sex...it is yes but it takes one time to get it!i learned so much from reading the archives to the right of this post Experts Forum-std's with dr.Hook and Handsfield.Google HPV transmission.Another website i learned so much from is reccomended by them and the leading source on std's in USA since 1914.....www.ashastd.org.it is important ur hub be included in ur treatment .sure hope he does..ur a team right?