Help Telling The Person I'm dating.

[Lilacismyfavoritecolor]

I was diagnosed with HPV-Genital Wart strain April of 2007. Two courses of Aldara didn't work for me. I then had the warts treated with TCA.They were gone, but eventually more popped up in a new areas. I saw another doctor and he used electrocautery to remove them. I had that done 2.5 months ago, and I've been free of warts since. I've been eating right, not stressing out, and taking vitamins trying to improve my immune system.

I met someone 2 months ago, and I'm really into him. In the beginning he told me that he doesn't believe in having intercourse until he's in a committed relationship. At the time when we met, I didn't feel it was an appropriate time to tell him that I have an STD. We are only dating each other, but we aren't officially boyfriend/girlfriend.

We haven't been physical beyond kissing. I feel obligated to tell him of my STD, but I don't know how. Well, I'm more scared of chasing him away. Can you please help me? When is an appropriate time to tell him? How do I tell him about this? After how long of being free from a break out of warts do you think it's not longer necessary to tell a partner of past HPV infection?

Thank You in advance..

[ibizan]

yes it is a greyt one....relationships are risky things...no guarantees in anything.....i like accept ur defeats with the grace of a woman and not the grief of a child......i usually do the child thing first then morph in2 the woman role!!!

[POAEX]

How true are the contents of the poem.....All of this we learn as we all get older or as time goes on....Yes this poem is soooo true.........I will be copying it and leaving it out so I can see it everyday........My favorite part is accepting defeats with your head held high, kisses are not contracts and presents are not promises...........Great poem..................Thanx

[ibizan]

So glad u like!it is so cool and true yes?i have a aged yellowed copy of it on my vanity for years!Have it committed to memory!

[POAEX]

Thanks for the bringing the poem to my attention..........You are a wise woman....Going to look at things in a different perspective.............

[ibizan]

how did he react when u asked him his hx of std's?get antsy?think that a stupid question?the next time around for me.....and i am FAR from that..just no interest....i will really take my time to get to know someone well....and the sex will not come quick....and i do know that there are many who just won't bother with that for this culture is like the McDonalds drive-thru of relationships/sex it seems.they want it and want it now and if u ain't gonna give it someone else will......fine go for it!I flew solo for 10 years and did not die minus companionship.....my self respect and dignity i won't trade off for anything!And i know i will fly solo again for some time.And that is ok.My very good friend is married to a doctor who has been unfaithful to her for 20 years.And she knows it,has had women knocking on her front door.Another good friend of mine...b-utiful woman stays with a man who has sex with other men and pays a dominatrix for pain.I said to her aren't u afraid of getting something?Wail...but i love him!Makes me shake my head!i probably live on another planet with what i'd like to have....and i also have friends who have met good men in their 60's and 70's for companionship..so heck i'm still young!:)So we plant our own garden decorate our souls and stop waiting for someone  to bring us flowers........Google this poem Comes the Dawn!i think u'll like it!

[POAEX]

Thanks for the info and support..............I figured he would bolt and I do realized he wasn't worth it............but you have to admit if someone told you this and you thought you were clean wouldn't you bolt.............Remember this is at the beginning of a relationship so not too many roots are planted in the relationship yet...........Lucky for me my ex gave me this gift that gives forever...(being sarcastic).........so yes I am a little PO'ed..........I am so tired of giving everyone the benefit of the doubt ...........no more...............My past relationship was, let's say, pushy...........so I have come a long way myself...............He was not a very nice man......You are so right............These relationships are soooo draining................I too have put my energies in my children and myself..............but you have to agree that when you do meet someone you immediately think great, positive thoughts..............Thinking it is a new start.............but then.............you have in the back of your mind...............I need to tell this person at sometime or another about my HPV...............and this just grates on you.........always in the back of your mind................Now...........This is totally draining............Sometimes I feel after they find out............I feel like I set them up or I feel guilty for knowing my history......Like I tricked them into dating me...................I know stupid HUH..................but these are the emotional things I toy with..................

[ibizan]

if the man u were dating went south because of this then he doesn't deserve you.And would not make a good supportive person.U don't need  that in ur life.I watch many women remain in situations like that for they don't want to be alone and hope the other will change.Unrealistic thinking!Many women get high risk HPV but the men don't show any symptoms in this strain....they don't even know they have it unless they get warts.I'm not dead......i think i'm a good person 2...but there seems to be a overabundance of males out there that are as i described......it seems to be the way of this world....and its very hard for women our age to meet a good man.....i jokingly say but seriously believe the good ones are married,dead or gay!:)i was alone for 10 years,met a man i wanted to be my lifetime companion.Like the songs sings how can something that started so good go so bad?We had a wonderful fun loving year together.... then he relapsed with cocaine. after 3 years clean....thought i would put up with him cuz of being alone so long and loved him.....he was so wrong.then i got the HPV told him and he shouted/cussed me out saying it wasn't him!It is a hard thing for me to open up take risks with another and this entire xperience has made me all the more wiser and more cautious if there is a next time around.I will tell any prospective partner what happened with the HPV and how i don't want this again....and want to know their history.if they wanna run i'll hold the door open for them!life is too short to have an immature unsupportive person with u!Very draining!I tried very hard to help my x....to try to work things out and it was good that i got rid of him and he left.....i have done a lot of healing over the past year and have good radar now for another that may be like him!I have a blessed life many friends......loving animals.....lot of interests.....i focus on that!if a good person is meant to be in my life i guess it will cross my path...someday!i hope u believe that 2!:)

[POAEX]

I am 52 and I am hoping for sometype of a relationship in the future......I am not dead and refuse to act like I am............I have a lot of life to live............The whole treatment thing is not what I want to go thru again either........but I enjoy life and don't plan on leaving anytime soon.........................I just can't understand how only 1% of the population  acquires symptoms and it seems like so many people have symptoms.....Is it truely only 1%...................and men are only carriers and there are quite a few men that are infected with symptoms...................I just went thru a dating situation that went south b/c of all of this...............not too many people are understanding............but I guess I would probably have the same reaction...............I am still the wonderful person that I use to be.......................

[ibizan]

lilac u r 21 and PO don't know ur age!I am 53 and have tired of the foolish immature no wish for monogomy men my age i encounter so i don't bother with the dating thing.I am very wary of getting this again...i don't want another LEEP.But u gals r probably young and naturally more in2 the dating scene.......it will be a very hard find but well worth it if u encounter someone who will understand and be forthcoming about themselves and in the process really care about u 2!i hope for the best for the both of u!:)

[POAEX]

Be prepared for him to bolt..b/c...it seems to be an immediate response to your honesty....I totally believe in being upfront and I was angered when I found out of my wonderful std.....It is just hard to be prepared of the reaction you get when you share this info with a person you are very interested in.....I think the hardest adjustment with this whole situation is handling the emotional side of this......I, too, am looking for someone to give me tips on dating/and telling.....I could never, ever be intimate with someone and not tell them I have HPV.......b/c.....after all I would never want to subject anyone to the misery that was given to me without my knowledge........

[ibizan]

Drs.Hook and Handsfield and other doctors have stated once u've been wart free for 9 months u have no ethical obligation to tell a partner of ur status.I would want to know of my partners status past.....and also would hope that if my partner cared enough for me he would be supportive.I got high risk HPV a year ago had LEEP and awaiting results of 4th pap in a year to see if i can go a full year tween paps.I am very concerned what some other man could give me...and the fact that i could get high risk many times is scary to me.My LEEP colps biopsies were no small deal to me.....and the commonality of HPV today will never minimize it to me.I would want a prospective partner to be knowledgeable about std's and show a concern for HPV and my situation..if he wasn't i would forget about any relationship with him.U must decide for urself what to do..it is a very individual decision!