Aa
Hpv and virgins
My husband and I starting dating when he was 14 and I was 15. We were both virgins with absolutely no sexual type encounter with anyone else. We didn't have any form of sex until we were 18 and 19. I am currently 34. I recently got diagonised with cervical dysplasia and was told it was caused by hpv, an std. Imagine my shock and horror at that moment. My husband confessed to receiving oral sex while at a drunken frat party in college. He knew I would know I got hpv from him because I have never been with anyone else. I read expert advise on this site telling a man who cheated on his virgin wife about not needing to confess that she could have got it from someone else. Really? There are still actual virgins out there -- no oral,no touching, no skin to skin, no kissing, with anyone other than my spouse. Do you believe I could have got it some other way? My husband swears no to all other forms of sexual encounters, is it possible he got it from receiving oral sex once?
Stay positive! I know it's easier said than done, and it is difficult because it's a very confusing infection but believe me stay positive and you will get through this!!! Both you and your husband.
Thanks for your responses to my questions and concerns. You pretty much expressed all the things I have read and all the frustration that comes with the lack of consistent information. To be honest my obgyn, whom I love, didn't even tell me what caused cervical dysplasia --- I am sure he is aware of the psychological anxiety it causes in many women. When I asked, he told me that it was caused by hpv, that many people have it, and that I have most likely had it since my first sexual encounter. I understand that many people are untruthful about their sexual experiences and therefore research on such infections are complicated, however I have read numerous articles stating that both partners hold strong to their statements of being virgins and that "in theory" these couples should not have hpv. It does make me question if other modes of transfer should be looked at more closely or reexamined.
My husband is truely my best friend and the shame and guilt that he feels is as real as the sadness and pain that his actions have caused me. It is difficult to read how this infection has had such negative effects on the lives of so many people. I guess I can only hope that the cryotherapy worked and that we can move on from this.
My husband is truely my best friend and the shame and guilt that he feels is as real as the sadness and pain that his actions have caused me. It is difficult to read how this infection has had such negative effects on the lives of so many people. I guess I can only hope that the cryotherapy worked and that we can move on from this.
I got my info in the now defunct Doctor's Forum for STDs here. For some reason, the doctors are no longer supporting it. On that Forum, a few women asked the same question: After decades of neg results, suddenly I am positive. Did my spouse cheat on me?
Every time, both doctors would write that the odds are always better it is from a recent encounter but that there is always a remote chance it is from a very old encounter (either person). I was just stating the odds. Some people are just unlucky and they defy the odds. You may be that unlucky.
There are no real rules for HPV. No one size fits all. No FDA approved test for oral HPV, no blood or smear test for men, no proven vaccine for anyone over 26, no FDA approved drug for recovering from HPV, a vaccine that only protects you against the 4 most popular strains which means it has no effectiveness against the other 36 strains. No agreement on the cause of it (oral sex, kissing, genital sex, fingering, rubbing of genitals, etc). No agreement if the virus remains in your body forever or not. Since men cannot be tested, regular checkups by doctors help but the high risk strains have no symptoms (warts). Statistics that are old and questionable (80% sexually active adults have it, most people will clear it in 3-6-12-24 months, etc). No real understanding if booster shots are needed for people someday for those that got the vaccine. On top of that is the crap spoken by some doctors (No need to tell anyone that you have it since nearly everyone does). Or when a GYN tells their patient that they are HPV negative after being positive and that they don't have to tell their future partners, even though the CDC thinks its forever. A proctologist once told a friend they were not infectious anymore after he removed an anal wart, even though the CDC says that people may always be infectious. About the only thing they agree on is that they are seeing more cancers caused by HPV and that condoms do not provide much protection.
If you think your husband has it too, yearly checkups with his urologist may be necessary since men cannot tell if some cancer may exist in their genitals. Yearly dental check-ups should occur too. For both of you.
I don't have any medical background. I just did a lot of online research for the past 3 years. One thing for certain is that most people cannot play detective on where they got it. Most people are not as sexually inactive in their past as you or your husband were. More sex occurs in college than people admit. It is impossible for most people to point to one sex act or one sex partner and say this person gave it to me. Since condoms provide little protection, it has become the "common cold" of STDs.
Every time, both doctors would write that the odds are always better it is from a recent encounter but that there is always a remote chance it is from a very old encounter (either person). I was just stating the odds. Some people are just unlucky and they defy the odds. You may be that unlucky.
There are no real rules for HPV. No one size fits all. No FDA approved test for oral HPV, no blood or smear test for men, no proven vaccine for anyone over 26, no FDA approved drug for recovering from HPV, a vaccine that only protects you against the 4 most popular strains which means it has no effectiveness against the other 36 strains. No agreement on the cause of it (oral sex, kissing, genital sex, fingering, rubbing of genitals, etc). No agreement if the virus remains in your body forever or not. Since men cannot be tested, regular checkups by doctors help but the high risk strains have no symptoms (warts). Statistics that are old and questionable (80% sexually active adults have it, most people will clear it in 3-6-12-24 months, etc). No real understanding if booster shots are needed for people someday for those that got the vaccine. On top of that is the crap spoken by some doctors (No need to tell anyone that you have it since nearly everyone does). Or when a GYN tells their patient that they are HPV negative after being positive and that they don't have to tell their future partners, even though the CDC thinks its forever. A proctologist once told a friend they were not infectious anymore after he removed an anal wart, even though the CDC says that people may always be infectious. About the only thing they agree on is that they are seeing more cancers caused by HPV and that condoms do not provide much protection.
If you think your husband has it too, yearly checkups with his urologist may be necessary since men cannot tell if some cancer may exist in their genitals. Yearly dental check-ups should occur too. For both of you.
I don't have any medical background. I just did a lot of online research for the past 3 years. One thing for certain is that most people cannot play detective on where they got it. Most people are not as sexually inactive in their past as you or your husband were. More sex occurs in college than people admit. It is impossible for most people to point to one sex act or one sex partner and say this person gave it to me. Since condoms provide little protection, it has become the "common cold" of STDs.
Where do you get your information? I am curious because you say that the odds are always better that it is from a recent incident. Everything I read says that high risk hpv can lay dormit for years without being detected. The American social health orgazation says it can even go a lifetime without showing its presence. I question whether or not it can come from oral sex alone, but many sites include it as a means of transmition. Believe me, we had this discussion and when I told him it was "not likely" he told me he could not walk down that path with me, he can only tell me that he received oral once from someone else and that "not likely" does not mean impossible because that is how he believes he contacted it. Honestly, reading about hpv leaves me with more questions than answers and it seems that experts seem to still be figuring it out.
If you really had no kissing or any other form of sexual stimulation from anyone else, then he passed it to you. The odds are always better that it is from a recent (less than 2 years) incident of his. But there are some unlucky people who get a positive result years/decades later and their first thought is their spouse cheated on them. It is possible but remotely with no real explanation why their lover become infectious years later except perhaps a weakened immune system.
Some doctors they say deep kissing can spread it. They also say fingering, frontage (rubbing of genitals) can spread it. That means "virgins" who don't go all the way or just have oral sex or hand sex or who kiss infected people still have a chance to get it. It isn't the norm. Oral sex isn't safe but it isn't the most probable way of getting infected.
http://www.cdc.gov/std/hpv/stdfact-hpv.htm
Some doctors they say deep kissing can spread it. They also say fingering, frontage (rubbing of genitals) can spread it. That means "virgins" who don't go all the way or just have oral sex or hand sex or who kiss infected people still have a chance to get it. It isn't the norm. Oral sex isn't safe but it isn't the most probable way of getting infected.
http://www.cdc.gov/std/hpv/stdfact-hpv.htm
You are reading content posted in the Human Papillomavirus (HPV) Community
Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.
Millions of people are diagnosed with STDs in the U.S. each year.
STDs can't be transmitted by casual contact, like hugging or touching.
Syphilis is an STD that is transmitted by oral, genital and anal sex.
