Inform [potential] partner of HPV before kissing?

Dear Doctor OR to whom it may concern:

First and foremost, thanks in advance for your help.  HPV has been a constant source of stress in my life, and it'll be nice to finally get some answers to my questions.

I'm 24, and contracted HPV almost 3 years ago.  I initially showed signs of genital warts, which have been confined to the base of my penis and are very small.  I half-assed oral sex on the "infected" girl once with the tip of my tongue.  I later started dating a different girl for 2.5 years, who I broke up with recently.  She got the vaccine a few months after we started dating, and never showed signs of having vaginal warts.  Her Pap from a 1.5 years ago showed up normal.

Presently, I am ready to venture out again.  However, being somewhat obsessive-compulsive, I'm not sure if I should tell the new potential girlfriend about my HPV before we even kiss.  I fear that telling her prematurely will scare her away since she won't have invested much in me anyway and is risking catching genital warts (not a good trade-off).

I've never shown what I would deem as signs of oral HPV (an occasional canker sore), but would feel extremely guilty if I kissed her and she got something before I even gave her the requisite HPV talk.  From an ethical standpoint, should I tell her before we kiss?  OR, given that I've never shown symptoms of oral HPV, should I just wait until after we kiss?  Presumably, if I contracted any other strand of HPV and performed oral sex, I would've gotten it in the mouth as well, right?  Thoughts?  This is stressing me out!

P.S.  Also, I've heard mixed things about whether the body can ever completely rid itself of gential (genital) warts?....

I appreciate your time and consideration.

[lving4today]

First off, there are no doctors here, just people who are going through the same thing. Let me try to help as I've done a fair amount of research.

You can't tell who "infected" you so you can never pinpoint one person to being the culprit. Unless you actually licked a wart (gross) on her vagina then you'd never know for sure if that's where you got it.

If you were legitimately diagnosed 3 years ago, then it's safe to say you are no longer contagious, being that you haven't had a wart since.

Genital warts usually don't cause changes in the cervical cells so of course her pap will come back normal because that's where they look.

Like I said above, 3 years ago is longer than even the maximum time for hpv to be contagious, so telling her before you kiss would be redundant and in fact, some of the experts say there's no need in even disclosing that info since you're not contagious. Up to you morally though.

Oral HPV is rare, so I highly doubt you have it so put that aside and stop fretting over something as small as HPV.

Read some of the posts on the experts forum for more information. And the CDC says, that HPV typically runs it's course between a few months to 2 years. It's unclear whether or not it rids itself completely or just lays dormant, or just becomes so small that it can't be contagious, either way, rest assured you're ok and try to let your mind rest. Just live life and don't fret the small stuff!

[InNeedOfAdvice19]

Thanks for your insight.  While it does make me feel better, I'm fairly certain that I'm still showing symptoms.  Quite frankly, I dread going back to the doctor to hear the news, and I was hoping my body would heal it naturally--which doesn't seem to be happening.  I saw 2 or 3 doctors regarding it long ago, and one of them said: "Anybody that you ever have sexual contact with will have to wear a glove."  

Anyhow, does the fact that I'm still showing symptoms change your advice as to advising pre-kiss (I'm assuming not) or otherwise?

[lving4today]

Whether you have symptoms now or not wouldn't matter as far as kissing. Unless you have warts in your mouth. But don't start checking like a mad man because it's not of importance. If it starts moving towards getting romantic below the belt, then please inform her then. Most people don't react badly as you'd think. Most are understanding, given that they are properly educated on the subject.

Are you positive they are warts that are showing back up? Because unless you've been reinfected by a different genital wart causing strain, then I doubt it, but then again I'm not doctor.

It's embarrassing, yes, but necessary to get a proper diagnosis/treatment. It'll at least put your mind at ease, because I can guarantee the mind will make you sick with worry if you think too much.

So, summary, telling her before you kiss isn't necessary, but is if it moves towards getting intimate.

[alexdelong]

Yeah, don’t worry about kissing.....at all!

The comment about the "glove" was wrong. See a different doctor. While family physicians should be able to treat and diagnose warts, dermatologist and sexual health experts tend to have the latest information. There doesn’t seem to be much debate over clearing. Most experts agree that HPV infections are temporary.


If you care about this girl you are seeing, get a diagnosis. If you don't have warts, then you are probably good to go. If you do have warts, have them treated and inform your partners of the risk.

[lving4today]

That's what pisses me off about the medical field sometimes. Important issues like this are handled so poorly that it sends the poor soul into a fret for no reason. Making you sound like a walking infection is not how anyone should be treated.

[InNeedOfAdvice19]

Just an update: I went to a doctor, who seemed not to be too concerned about my HPV--though I still have small warts, which the doc treated.  He said that I shouldn't worry about transmitting HPV through kissing--he's only seems oral HPV 2 times in 15 years--and that transmitting it from hand to genitals would be rare but possible.  As a result, it's up to any futures comfort level what they do.

That being said, hopefully my immune system will repress them within the next couple of years.  After having had HPV for 3 years, I feel fairly comfortable talking about it with future partners, and I also feel comfort in saying that the girls that are worth my while will not shy away from me because of it.  

Thanks for all the input!

[Sweets9790]

well i dont think u could give any1 Gw by kissing my doctor said that its not common at all.....but i get where u comin from dont tell em to early i made that mistake i meant he didnt look at me like sum freak even though i felt like it my experience was horrible im an emotional person so i think its best to take things slow so she can actually care and wont run offf ....its ezier for u cus ur a guy and guys are usuaklly the one pushin sex so u control when it happens... so good luck i havent really had that much luck with it.....but i had ppl who took it ok...i just found out i had this a couple months ago so i kno im probably still contiguous