For those who have been a victim of an affair and are trying to get their life back on track. This group can discuss the feelings and emotions behind it and also support those who are trying to recovery from it.
He did find me several times before I gave up and signed those papers. I simply wanted what was fair, but today a little over a year later, where am I? Well, I had to run for my life to another state because he wasn't happy enough to divorce me. He isnt happy that I am still breathing. I had a new home in a beautiful area before my divorce. I now am in a one bedroom apartment that faces the parking lot in a state as far as I could get away from him,barely making it with gas money. I had nothing but what I could fit in my car. Yes, I moved away, though it's not far enough away in my mind. I have an 8 1/2 year old car, and I signed off to one year of support. One year.I had "no" choice. I didn't even get all of that. I got six months then he quit paying. He now lives in a 500 thousand(yes 500 thousand) sq foot home on two hundred acres and keeps the home we lived in, as rental income. Me? I can't find a job, because I never was allowed to finish my degree, and people with degrees are fighting one another for minimum wage jobs. I'm not in my 20's anymore, not in my thirtys either. I don't have health insurance and am heading to the free clinic to wait all day tomorrow, the day before Thanksgiving for some news the doctor needed to tell me in person about an abdominal scan they did last week. I'm truly on my own and the money is gone. I don't know how I will pay January's rent. It's out of my hands. I always thought that I would rise above all of this and I WOULD make it,and I would somehow get back a little of the life that the tough girl I was,had missed so much of. Way back then, when I was so young, with so much life ahead of me. I actually have less now, than I did at age sixteen. Trust? Are you kidding me? I know that my situation involves abuse of an extreme nature, and it goes far deeper than that, with the good old boy system protecting him the way they did. But how do I get past this? I won't. I know that. I have nightmares all the time. I am surviving one day at a time. It's even worse that the economy tanked at the very time this occcured. I have tried so damn hard to find work. I'm not stupid. I did work twelve years in a very difficult, pressure filled field. I wish you all well, but please don't give up even "one" day of your life to someone who doesn't cherish you the way that each of us deserves to be! One day could be the last one you have. Don't go over it all in your head. Get your mind straight, get a grip, secretly if you have to, on the financial situation and what's necessary for you to begin a life and get the hell out. No one deserves to be cheated on. NO ONE. If there's a problem in the marriage, that is what "talking" to each other is about! I used to believe in those vows. Oh God yes. I stayed through hell, because of those vows. But it takes "two" who really love each other enough, to stick it out, and to turn to "one another" during difficult times, and not turning to someone outside the marriage for some kind of ego stroking, lust in the moment, or "she understands me BS!" BTW,I'm not just talking about women. I know men can be on the losing side of this as well! My opinion, get out and get on with it, while you have the life and breath in you to do it! I wish I would have been strong enough to do that long ago, but fear ruled over my life, for good reason. But still, I am angry and sad. I know that I have been emotionally damaged to such a level that it would be difficult to get past all this, even if I had gone through a quote, "normal divorce" situation! That's my story. Take care.
I am so sorry that you went through so much "hell". You sound so depressed. If that's the case as well as what had happened before, please don't do anything drastic. If not for yourself, for someone else who cares. Like me.
You're right, it does take two working together as one unit to work things out. Each one in the relationship is not a ship onto themselves. It's taken myself and my spouse a long time to figure it out. In fact, I think we're still trying to figure it out.
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