Aa
i was the other woman
I started dating this guy a couple years ago and we had mutual friends which is how i met him. I knew he had a girlfriend who lived in another state and as attracted to him as i was i wasnt about to cross that line. Well we became friends and started to get to know eachother within the next few weeks, he later told me that he & his girlfriend split. He said she left him & she dumped him in an email. He and i became close and started a relationship. I ended up falling in love with him. I later found out that he and his GF, who i thought was an ex, break up and get back together alot! He confessed that he was still with her and that he loves me but he would never leave her. I was already in love with him though and i wasnt going to give him up! He saw her once a year, i was with him almost everyday! Dont get me wrong, i have broken things off before, but we just got back together. He told me he loved me and that he was going to leave her, he just was with her for so long that it was hard for him and yes he loves her too. At first i didnt push the issue of leaving her because i felt that she was far away and he was with me...but then when my love for him got stronger i couldnt handle it anymore. I told him that if he wanted to be with her he could and i wouldnt be mad, i would just move on...he did love her before me after all. I know after reading this you might all say some bad things about me...but i loved him too. We were in love and as guilty as i felt about what i was doing, i just couldnt let him go, i loved him too much. He and his GF fought way too much and he was happy with me and i with him. I have been hurt so many times and walked on in past relationships, he made me feel secure and loved and he not only was my boyfriend, but my best friend. I do not feel like i was a homewrecker, just someone who fell in love with someone who was in a relationship. He finally left her...we are still together. But i am always thinking he is up to no good. I try not to think about him doing to me what he did to her. But its hard and now we have a beautiful little girl, but i still question him, if he does cheat on me, it will be my own fault. I know he loves me, so that is what i have to believe in.
Just thought id give my side of the story seeing as i was the other woman.
FYI even though he was in a relationship, if he was engaged or married i would never have held on...not saying it makes it any better, but he said it just wasnt there with her anymore. so yes i did hang on even though everyone said i should just leave him...i held on and im happy that i did.
Just thought id give my side of the story seeing as i was the other woman.
FYI even though he was in a relationship, if he was engaged or married i would never have held on...not saying it makes it any better, but he said it just wasnt there with her anymore. so yes i did hang on even though everyone said i should just leave him...i held on and im happy that i did.
Oh believe me, I still can't stand her and do wish her a life of pain and misery. But instead of focusing my energy at being angry at her, I looked at her as pathetic. She was stupid and for a woman who is almost 40, it seems incredible juvenile to do what she did. Life experience should teach you more than that. But if I found out to this day that is unhappy, I would also chuckle...because karma is a b!tch and when you've caused someone else heartache and pain, it will no doubt come back to you. I love Richie but he has suffered a lot for what he has done. He feels guilt all the time and I will never be the woman I used to be because of it. I will never love him the way I used to. He knows he's lost that.
i do not know if I will ever feel pity for my husbands W hore! I can not stand her. I at time wish evil things would happen to her. I just found out her n
ew live in guy was arrested and in jail. I feel evil for laughing about it but you know............
Brice, give your wife time and do not be surprised if at times things seem to be getting worse instead of better. Just bare with it and her. I know I hated my husband for what he did to us, not him but what he did and I could be a real B at times but he took it all in stride. This forum really helped me vent and I received excellent advice.
ew live in guy was arrested and in jail. I feel evil for laughing about it but you know............
Brice, give your wife time and do not be surprised if at times things seem to be getting worse instead of better. Just bare with it and her. I know I hated my husband for what he did to us, not him but what he did and I could be a real B at times but he took it all in stride. This forum really helped me vent and I received excellent advice.
Yeah, don't bother with the husband. Normally I would say go for it but in actuality if it's going to do more harm than good in your marriage, then don't go there. You don't need this other woman being an interference any longer.
In all fairness, this has only been a week or so and your wife has just now begun the process. If you google the steps of grieving, you will see what you're wife will be going through. As much as she wants to know all the horrid details, I would not recommend it. Even though I think you've already told her. I wanted to know but when I started to ask I didn't like the answers so I realized it was best not to know too much. Perhaps your counselor can work directly with your wife on that. As time goes on, your wife will not feel the need to bother with this other woman. She will look at her as being pathetic and miserable. That's what I feel about my fiance's w hore. She was in her late 30's, single, childless and desperate. I eventually felt pity for her. You are so desperate that you will try to come between a family. A man who is with someone else, a man who can't give you a real relationship, a man who is having a baby with another woman. It was sad that she felt that this was all there was out there. She was really the one in need of therapy. Now she was left alone, to search out new men and lost out on a lot of time to find someone who will love her. Can't really be angry at her anymore, I just feel sorry for her.
Good luck, it will take time but I think you both can get to a better place.
In all fairness, this has only been a week or so and your wife has just now begun the process. If you google the steps of grieving, you will see what you're wife will be going through. As much as she wants to know all the horrid details, I would not recommend it. Even though I think you've already told her. I wanted to know but when I started to ask I didn't like the answers so I realized it was best not to know too much. Perhaps your counselor can work directly with your wife on that. As time goes on, your wife will not feel the need to bother with this other woman. She will look at her as being pathetic and miserable. That's what I feel about my fiance's w hore. She was in her late 30's, single, childless and desperate. I eventually felt pity for her. You are so desperate that you will try to come between a family. A man who is with someone else, a man who can't give you a real relationship, a man who is having a baby with another woman. It was sad that she felt that this was all there was out there. She was really the one in need of therapy. Now she was left alone, to search out new men and lost out on a lot of time to find someone who will love her. Can't really be angry at her anymore, I just feel sorry for her.
Good luck, it will take time but I think you both can get to a better place.
Mami, thanks for your words of encouragement. We are both in thereapy and in couples therapy as well. its in the early stages, as the bomb got dropped a week ago yesterday. My wife knows I am 100% committed in getting to the bottom of this and repairing our marriage. Nothing besides our children are as important as this, nothing.
WE try to discuss these ongoing confrontations. Our therapist has told my wife that it's not healthy to keep confronting this other woman because it brings us back to the start and moving forward becomes impossible. This has brought about a bit of an OCD with my wife. She asked for and got pretty much all of the horrible details, but she is having a hard time moving forward.... I guess I can almost understand that.
This truly was a mistake. I did not mean for this to happen. As dumb as this sounds, I thought I could run that relationship (minus sex) concurrently to the relationship with my wife. Nothing was missing from my relationship with my wife! There's so much that I cannot answer for my wife, and I guess therapy will uncover the underlying problems.
My wife too wants to beat this biatch senseless.... but she also doesnt want to waste the time doing it. The other woman isnt worth it. I have a urge to tell this other womans husband and fess up to him, but the other woman claimed that their relationship is sexless/loveless and I cant help but think that nothing good will come from it. In fact, knowing this horrid *****, it would probably encourage her to keep up all of the crap on her end, and direct more **** our way. (*excuse the language, please)
In closing, there is no further contact with the other woman, and I intend to keep it that way. I believe that letting her husband in on the thing would enable or encourage more interaction with her and know that it would be counter-productive.
WE try to discuss these ongoing confrontations. Our therapist has told my wife that it's not healthy to keep confronting this other woman because it brings us back to the start and moving forward becomes impossible. This has brought about a bit of an OCD with my wife. She asked for and got pretty much all of the horrible details, but she is having a hard time moving forward.... I guess I can almost understand that.
This truly was a mistake. I did not mean for this to happen. As dumb as this sounds, I thought I could run that relationship (minus sex) concurrently to the relationship with my wife. Nothing was missing from my relationship with my wife! There's so much that I cannot answer for my wife, and I guess therapy will uncover the underlying problems.
My wife too wants to beat this biatch senseless.... but she also doesnt want to waste the time doing it. The other woman isnt worth it. I have a urge to tell this other womans husband and fess up to him, but the other woman claimed that their relationship is sexless/loveless and I cant help but think that nothing good will come from it. In fact, knowing this horrid *****, it would probably encourage her to keep up all of the crap on her end, and direct more **** our way. (*excuse the language, please)
In closing, there is no further contact with the other woman, and I intend to keep it that way. I believe that letting her husband in on the thing would enable or encourage more interaction with her and know that it would be counter-productive.
Brice, I know all too well how your wife feels, I was the victim of my fiance's long term affair. It's tough to recover from. We are almost 2 years from the day I found out and we are in a much better place now but not without it's ups and downs and certainly I still struggle with my trust. Your wife will be ok, as long as you keep showing her your commitment. People make mistakes, they grow and sometimes don't realize the consequences until after it comes out. I hope your wife one day stops talking to this woman. There is no point. This woman is a witch and knew what she was doing, your wife is only prolonging her pain by going back and forth with this woman. This woman is nothing, she is not competition. I remember I just wanted to beat my fiance's wh ore to a bloody pulp but unfortunately I had to be the bigger woman since I had a son to think about. I had so much anger for her but in the end, he didn't want her, he wanted me and our family. She had to deal with the loss of that relationship and the time she wasted thinking that she was going to be with him. So your wife will have to come to terms with this and let that biatch go...lol. I thought I saw somewhere you said you were in counseling, do you both discuss these ongoing confrontations? It really could be a hinderance to you both moving forward.
Heather, I too was the other person but also the cheater at the same time. i began an online relationship with an exgirlfriend from high school. I've been married for 17.5 years at the start of this relationship. The other woman lived 1800 miles away and I assumed that that would be a safe distance to be a bit sneaky and keep the relationship online.
The relationship developed. All the while my wife had an inkling of a clue but didnt bring it to my attention until after this other woman and I actually had a face to face encounter.
I knew and know that I love my wife. She is all that ever mattered to me. Even when talking to the other woman, I thought about my wife and the possible damage I was doing to our relationship. Still, with the 1800 miles between us and a face to face encounter in which I found that this married woman/ex-girlfriend was not all she portrayed herself as was behind us, I still kept that relationship going. There were plans to meet again, but I kept squashing them.
4 months after the face to face meeting, my wife began her interrogation and inquiry. She asked little questions at first that I could put off and then she told me that I needed to come clean.... BUSTED!!! I knew I loved my wife and now felt as if I had everything to lose where before I thought I would never lose anything..... AFter 2 sleepless nights, I finally came out and told her about the face to face meeting.
It was the worst day of my life, and obviously hers. I dont care so much about my feelings, but I couldnt stand tto see her hurting. Nothing I could say or do was consoling. She kept wanting to know the details, and I kept divulging the information, truth by bloody truth.
Anyhow, they have never had a face to face encounter, but niether will stop confronting the other.
The relationship developed. All the while my wife had an inkling of a clue but didnt bring it to my attention until after this other woman and I actually had a face to face encounter.
I knew and know that I love my wife. She is all that ever mattered to me. Even when talking to the other woman, I thought about my wife and the possible damage I was doing to our relationship. Still, with the 1800 miles between us and a face to face encounter in which I found that this married woman/ex-girlfriend was not all she portrayed herself as was behind us, I still kept that relationship going. There were plans to meet again, but I kept squashing them.
4 months after the face to face meeting, my wife began her interrogation and inquiry. She asked little questions at first that I could put off and then she told me that I needed to come clean.... BUSTED!!! I knew I loved my wife and now felt as if I had everything to lose where before I thought I would never lose anything..... AFter 2 sleepless nights, I finally came out and told her about the face to face meeting.
It was the worst day of my life, and obviously hers. I dont care so much about my feelings, but I couldnt stand tto see her hurting. Nothing I could say or do was consoling. She kept wanting to know the details, and I kept divulging the information, truth by bloody truth.
Anyhow, they have never had a face to face encounter, but niether will stop confronting the other.
Thank you ladies. I am sorry you have all went thru what your men put you thru...i have too been on that side. My high school sweetheart left me for another woman. After high school we moved in together, and then when we graduated college he told me he had someone else and he chose to be with her. I was devastated and swore id never do that to any woman, take her man! But with my boyfriend now, he and i were friends and i would stand by and watch him punch things, walls, cars, anything that was close to him. He was suffering because they fought all the time. I never once told him to leave her, it wasnt my place. i just told him that if he was so unhappy then he should re-evaluate their relationship. He said he had trouble leaving her because he was comfortable with her and he didnt want to start over with someone else because he knew no matter how bad the fight got, she would always take him back. He and i have our share of fights, but when we arent arguing about something stupid, we are very lovey dovey lol. We are good for eachother, but sometimes my mind wanders and i think hes up to no good. I just think my jealousy is getting the best of me...i have a right to question tho right?? i just dont want what happened to her to happen to me because he did love her.
Thanks for posting. I think your situation is a bit different because they were only dating. The other woman in my situation knew my husband was married. I understand why you feel the way you do about your relationship, maybe you should look for some help for it now before it is to late. Like in the form of books or video series on strengthening a relationship.
I have actually been on both sides of this as well. Although I never knew I was the other woman until after we were married. I also found out that I was not the only one he cheated with. He married me because I got pregnant, and we had a very miserable marriage and some more wonderful children (who now suffer from our divorce), so be very careful, it is never a good relationship when you go from the other woman to the one being cheated on. My ex was very good at lying to all of us (have talked to a few of his affairs), nothing feels worse then holding you beautiful child in your arms when you answer the phone to hear some smug woman tell you how your childs father just left her bed, and start to explain their love etc... and after you put up with it all, to later be told he never loved you, you were just the one he got pregnant. I hope this never happens to you, but believe me, my husband made me feel like a princess, and the woman calling me were just jealous because I had him and they couldn't etc.... Cheaters are masters at lying and are usually very lovable and charismatic.
I wish you well, and good luck, I hope for you and your daughters sake that your man is the exception to the rule (I thought mine was).
I wish you well, and good luck, I hope for you and your daughters sake that your man is the exception to the rule (I thought mine was).
I applaud you for your honesty. It's not easy to post here especially since it's filled with women who were on the other side of infidelity. I'm sure it's not easy to admit that you were the other woman. I understand why you worry about him being faithful to you, he didn't start off the relationship in the best of ways. In your situation it seemed like their relationship didn't really exist much since they never saw eachother. I don't think what you did was right but I'm sure you didn't feel very good about the situation either. In my relationship we were engaged but the other woman didn't know we were engaged, she just thought we were boyfriend and girlfriend but during their affair I became pregnant, and that's when she should've walked away but she didn't. It's very painful when the man you love is deceiving you and becoming emotional with someone else. You don't really understand that pain unless it happens to you. Again, thanks for sharing your story.
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