Does it or Should it?

[spiritwolf31]

So I went for my 20wk scan at 19wk 5days and everything was great. The u/s tech kept telling me the baby looked beautiful tho she was surprised at how far up he was and the length. She just kept saying, "Wow he is really up there" and "He is a really long boy!"

I was happy...well momentarily disappointed that she is a he but hey...another football boy to join his brothers is great. I am happy boy or girl cuz to me...healthy is all that truly matters cuz this lil one is part of me regardless. Here is the kicker...the happy "oh its a boy!!!" never came. I got to hear the whole day how everyone was disappointed and upset that the baby is a boy and not a girl. I even got the comment from the mother-in-law to the effect of, "Aw dang. Well I will love him too." Where that sounds genuine what I heard was a need to reassure me of the fact to the point that it hurt my feelings. I would have assumed this but the need to say it makes me think she is forcing feelings she doesnt really feel (of course you would have had to hear the way it was said). Then if that wasn't bad enough daddy dearest has been moping around all day since we found out. He hasnt looked at me hardly or talked to me.

So the happy day has turned to a day of nothing but crying and being upset to the point that I made daddy swear to never repeat a word about this day to this lil bundle cuz I want him to know only the love and feelings of wanting of him than to hear how everyone was disappointed about him. Totally not fair to him. I even made the decision that if dad and in-laws attitude dont change before baby is born that I will not even tell them when I go for the c-section cuz I would rather my lil man be surround by those wanting him than those who wished for someone else.

I know hormones are wicked at this stage but I would love an outside opinion. Is this totally wrong for people to express and should I feel the way I do or am I just over thinking it all?

[cowboyslady88]

I'm glad you and daddy are doing better about it. At least you guys are working together against the outside forces a.k.a. in-laws. When my sister-in-law found out she was having a boy and not a girl she flipped out and started yelling at her husband in the ultrasound room. She told him off for the rest of the ultrasound, in the lobby, out in the parking lot and the whole way home apparently. She's blaming him. My hubby got mad at his sister and told her that it's not like the poor guy has a switch that can control which sperm come out. It's ridiculous for anyone to get mad, upset, or hurt over the sex of a baby. I am hoping for a girl this time around but as long as the baby is healthy that should be everyone's main concern. Hope the rest of your fam starts being more supportive. Best of luck =)

[mmeriche]

glad you feel better and that all is well! ;) it sounds like you and daddy-to-be have a great  method of dealing with comments from family members, and i am sure it will be effective and they will all come around.. i really think it is cool that you guys are handling it in a positive way, props to you! :)

[spiritwolf31]

Well daddy-to-be has actually gotten over the shock because we all thought for sure this one was a girl so now everything is good between us. In-laws called a few times and once they started talking about being disappointed about another boy again he was polite and just cut them off saying he had things to do. We have agreed instead of making a big fuss we would give em some time to come around and in the meantime we would steer the conversation in a positive way or stop the conversation politely. I think they will be fine after awhile as well so after shock, hormones, and hurt feelings have worn off I am thinking a little better and am not so affected by the comments now.

Thank you all...you were such a big help cuz at the time I really felt bad and was doing nothing but crying...now I am ok!!   ^_^

[Sweet_Monti]

I'm sorry as well that your having to go thru this but trust me your not alone. This is baby number 4 me & my family said the same thing. Another boy. Oh well it's boy number 4 and I love him already.I am thousands of miles away from my family & I go home& answer my phone when I get ready. For those who cause you discomfort keep them far away from you. I wish you well and congradulationss on your baby. I hope things get better for you and you feel better!!

[DPAW]

Well if it's any consolation my hubby is the eldest of 3 boys in his family and my mother in law torment he and his brothers everyday  just as if she had daughters lol!! Now she has 2 daughters in law and one on the way.

Apart from the experience of having both genders to rare I think we secretly believe our daughters will be there for us when we get old more than our sons will. But my in laws don't have that concern. Our husbands are so connected to their parents that we probably will have to fight over who they get to live with if its comes to that in the future.

Yes the family members are insensitive but I would give them a free pass on this one, they are just being honest and if they really knew that it offended you they would ease up. Life has a funny way of making the "rejected one" the greatest blessing and joy so take heart as you will be responsible for raring another gentleman in this crazy world he will be born into, God bless and take heart, the fruit of your womb is always blessed regardless of the gender.

[rbohl01]

I am sorry you are going through this. Little boys are great as I am sure you already know. Just like you said, forget about yesterday and start over new knowing that he will be a perfect little miracle. I am really happy for you!!!

[spiritwolf31]

Thank you both and you're right! This little man is a blessing cuz I am 34yrs old and this is my ninth pregnancy in which so far this is only the 3rd I am managing to carry. GOD does have a plan and after waking up I do have a different attitude. I already talked to daddy-to-be and he did say that he really wanted a daughter but he is fine with a 3rd boy. He was only concerned if HE was healthy not he or she anymore. He has been nonstop apologizing for his attitude yesterday and even cried once he realized the effect it had. I think we are going to be just fine..however in-laws are continuing to "spread" the news to other family members that this is a boy and how "disappointed" they are. I do see issues in the future cuz his family or not..they can be a little tactless sometimes and I will not let their opinions or attitudes affect this lil man when we finally get to meet him  =)

KylesMom09 - hun I know your pain..not personally on the girl part by thru my cuz. She has 4 girls and wants a boy so bad. She had a tubal reversal and is on fertility meds to get pregnant one last time but she is terrified of having another girl. We talked last night and agreed maybe this was the way it was supposed to be. She has the cheerleading team and I the football team so it works out just fine. Not only that but we also enjoy each other's children so we aren't actually missing out once you look at it  ^_^

Ty for your words..they helped immensely!!

[kylesMom09]

I am truly sorry you have to go through this, but I too am afraid this is what is going to happen if we find out we are having another girl...My husband and I are going to be thrilled either way, but when I tell people I think it's another girl they look at me like I shouldn't even be speaking that way.  My mother-in-law keeps telling me that we really need a boy for my husband like it's something we can just go and pick out.  I'm already frustrated with the whole situation so in a way I feel your pain.  Mmeriche said it perfectly though and I hope you take her words to heart.  You always have us girls to talk to when the nasty people of the outside world are getting to you :)  ((HUGS))

[mmeriche]

i am so sorry that family members have been so cruel. how selfish of them! this tiny miracle is no accident and neither is his gender. i don't know if you are the religious type, but my beliefs are that god knew this baby would be conceived long before he was, and that HE is meant to be. ignore those comments. they probably don't mean any true harm, but regardless, should have the sense to be more sensitive towards you, kinder, and more supportive. james ryan will be amazing! just let his birth and his life be a constant reminder to you of the gift of love. daddy-to-be will get over it. his shock of other-than-expected news will fade and in time will surely show his enthusiasm. don't let these attitudes rob you of the joy you are feeling about this little man growing inside you! allow yourself to be upset tonight but wake up tomorrow with a "you will not tear me down" mindset. your strength will show and they will see that there is nothing that will break you from your experiencing the happiness affiliated with this pregnancy. if their ways don't improve, do what you have to do.. i am with you on surrounding your baby with love and acceptance.. just know that YOUR love and YOUR acceptance of him is what matters the most.. which he obviously has, so he won't be without a thing. don't worry, it will all work itself out and i am sure your family will open their arms and fall in love with him when they meet him. xo