13 year old son

Okay I have a problem. I am 29 years old, married have a 13 year son (adopted from the state)and am 25 weeks pregnant. The problem is my 13 year old. I know it is probably the age but he has recently got the biggest attitude known to man. He is very cocky and seems to roll his eyes over everything. Well this is my second pregnancy (first ended in miscarriage) and I feel that I am very short tempered with him. I have attempted to sit down and speak with him, that I am so sore and still feel awful most of the time and that I hate yelling at him, but I can not take how rude he has recently became. He is doing awful in school and even though I will sit down and help him with his home work he just dosn't finish it and half the time he doesn't turn it in. i will sign his papers and weeks later they are still in his folder. Could someone please help me, he is such a good child (he has never been in a fight, doesn't pick on other children, and very polite to other adults). But I find myself getting very annoyed with him very easily. Any suggestions????

[decogrl]

Maybe ask him how he feels about the baby.  Does he feel like he is not that important anymore, will be loved less?  If he has been the center of attention for a while, perhaps he foresees this new baby as a threat to him???

[Jenny77]

Welcome to the teenage years. Sorry, I am pregnant with my first right now so don't know what its like, but if I have teens that are like I was, wow, I will be in trouble.
Anyway, my dh sister has 3 teenage girls and she became pg a few years ago, all 3 girls were so mad that their mom was pregnant again, then my SIL miscarried and the girls said some pretty heartless things to her about they were glad the baby didn't come to be. Then she got pregnant again and that baby was healthy, but the oldest girl said she wasn't going to acknowledge the new baby because it was embarrasing to have a baby brother when she was 17. I think they ignored the baby for a week, but he was so cute they couldn't help it and now just love him. SIL is pg again with her 5th baby and the girls are much better this time (maybe they are maturing and toward the end of the teen years). But all this to say that those teen years will make ordinarily good kids go crazy and do hateful things for attention or who knows why.
I don't really have any advise, but I do remember being mean to my mother when I was a teen and all I can say is that it will pass, even though it may seem like forever now.

[toyml99]

Gosh....I hear ya.  I have an 11 yr old step son (and a ten yr old stepson but he is always great). My eleven yr old is just smart mouth lately too.  I am very testy for example the other day I dropped a peice of pizza down my shirt and onto my pants (nice outfit) he says "way to go"  Then I misplaced my dh debit card....I was really nerved out about that...he says "way to go, that was smart...blah blah blah.  I finally just lost it.  I find my self just constantly arguing with him then I yell.  My dh comes to my defense and tells him look your not helping or stop it...then says I am sick of hearing her yell at you please just listen.  (these have been my step kids since they were 2 and 3)  Then when they are at their moms i feel guilty because I know I am just sooo moody and he is going thru his stage too and we are just butting heads.  We were out to dinner the other night and I was talking to a girl friend and I said "if I make it thru this pg and they don't hate me I will be shocked."  He from acrossed the table says I already hate you.   Just to be a smartalic.  We normally get along really well.  Who knows, I don't have any answers except the count to ten method I use.  I try to count to ten before I say anything to him.  Other than that just to let you know your not the only one.

[Berko]

i don't have kids so this advice isn't coming from a mom, but i have worked a lot over the years with teenagers with attitudes - and let me tell you they were Attitudes with a capital "A"!!! my guess is he's very nervous about you having this new baby in your life - that is if you've noticed the changes in his attitude since you've become pregnant - and also your pregnancy is probably taking up a lot of your time right now and he may already feel left out or something. i'm not saying you're actively doing anything to make him feel this way, but it could be the whole reality of it all. It seems to me that he's been your only son for 13 years - it's quite scary to all of a sudden have to share you with someone new and not only that it's someone new that's growing inside of you. he may be anxious about the fact that this baby is yours biologically - now's probably the right time for any adopted kid to wonder and now's exactly when his whole life is changing. i'm sure you love him tons and show him that whether he grew inside of you or not, but kids can come up with crazy ideas and then their insecurities run wild. and i doubt he's even up to talking about it cuz he probably consciously doesn't even know what's eating at him. I would say even though your patience is growing thin (and with due reason)to try to be extra patient with him during this time - now's probably when he needs proof that he's still very important to you (and of course when the baby comes too). I would suggest to try to spend some extra time with him - take him out to a movie, dinner, skating in the park or something - i don't know what he likes so just suggesting. do what you can to show him noone's taking his place (of course you should try to do this in the coolest way possible - i mean he is 13 years old after all - his ego is definitely involved :) Just do what you can to reassure him, but he should also know rude behavior is uncalled for - my guess is if he feels more secure with where he stands with you his rudeness will cool off.  I hope that nothing i said in here is offensive or makes you feel like i'm telling you what to do - i'm not - i don't know you or your son or what works for you, and i don't have kids yet so have never dealt with this in my home, but i'm basing these ideas on the fact that i've dealt with teenagers and all their inner battles over the past few years and also i wasn't adopted but did live with family that wasn't my biological parents (wonderful place and felt at home) but there's always that inner feeling of where do i belong so i can relate a little bit. Good Luck with everything!!

[jifnif]

my daughter had a jerky kind of attitude from 13 to 15.  By no means am i saying there is anything wrong w/ your son, but maybe counseling is an option.  My daughter went and hated it at first but then got used to the idea.  And then one day she just said I dont really wanta go anymore and I didnt complain because she was being much better around the house.  She is 16 now and we are expecting after a m/c.  I have to say at first she was worried cuz she wouldnt be the "baby" any more.  The more we involve her in ultrasounds and check ups the more she is excited to have a baby brother.  I'm sure it will all work out.  good luck

[myproblem]

Because your son is adopted, he may have some very real fear that he will be loved less. He may not be fully able to recognize that this is why he is acting badly. He probaby feels awful at how he is behaving, but doesn't understand what he is feeling. All this on top of being a teenager, junior high school etc. equals a very stressed kid. Maybe some counseling will help, and some special time out with mom. The bottom line is that one semester of bad grades will not ruin his life, and if you get his emotions under control, he may pull it together for next school year.