19 month old insists on sleeping in our room....

My child always has fallen asleep in my arms, it has never been a problem, slept the whole night since she was about 1 yr...... slept in her crib, didnt fuss at night, nothing,...... now for the past couple of days (about a week) she gets put to bed, wakes up an hr or two later and yells mama, when i pick her up she points to our room, and insists on sleeping there. i mean if i pick her up when shes sleeping to put her in her own crib, she wakes up and crys til i put her down on my pillow......... last night i even tried to bring her into the living room when she woke up and called out for me...... she fell asleep in about 15 min, i got up to put her back in her crib, again cryyysss and points to our door.......... and she moves a lot in her sleep, very noisy,moving baby since birth...... i can not fall asleep. I dont know where to begin. she is big already, 19 months now. she has slept in her crib since birth. do i let her cry it out for a couple of days? or what???!!! any advice is appreciated. And please dont tell me that "co-sleeping" is totally beneficial, i keep coming across how ppl let their kids sleep with them up until they go school, my child has her own beautiful room, and she should get used to sleeping in there. ........... i wouldnt mind if i wasnt a light sleeper but i can not sleep when she is in our bed......

[julianovak]

again im sorry its so long.....

[melimeli]

good luck my daughter is in our bed still and she is 20 months.. I would love to kick her out hahaha

[AnnieBrooke]

I bought the Dr. Sears book about toddlers and sleep (got it used on Amazon, so not expensive) and it is a wellspring of great ideas for getting kids out of your bed.  There are so many suggestions that I can't even recap them here, and they are all kind.  (No trauma, no cry-it-out.)  There is also the No-Cry Sleep Solution book, which is also tremendous and talks a lot about how much sleep a child needs at night and in naps, and how that can impact their night wakings.  I'd try both books.

[tiredbuthappy]

I think cry it out wouldn't be fair to her. While some may see it as her manipulating you, to her it's you changing the rules completely halfway through the game. She's been allowed to do this all along, and to go from snuggling to sleep in mommy's arms to being left alone in a crib screaming is a pretty dramatic transition. Of course, others may disagree, but I'd take other steps first to see if they work. i personally would make it a more gradual process.

I'd say step 1 is to help her adjust to falling asleep when not in your arms. I am making sure that my 5 month old can do that so I don't end up in the same place. That doesn't mean she has to be alone, or not even touching you. I'd start out by rocking her until she's drowsy and then putting her in her crib. Place her on her tummy and keep a firm hand on her back, while you rub and speak to her soothingly. Try different movements with your hand. Some kids prefer a firm hold, others prefer a gentle circular rub. Some kids prefer you bouncing them gently by putting their bottoms. you may need to do this for several days. Next step is to put her in before drowsy and repeat procedure. When that seems to be working, then do the process but stop before she's completely asleep. Stay near and you can shush her (always keep communication to the minimum- good night and i love you was all i would say). After that works (several days, maybe longer) move further away from crib after putting her in, until you can get to standing in the doorway. For us, the last step was shouting "night-night" and "i love you" occasionally from our room or downstairs. She just needed to know that we were there.

I did this with my daughter whenever we had sleep set-backs due to illness or vacation. She's got a good temperament and it only took a couple of days to do the whole process. Since she is so used to be rocked to sleep, it may take you much longer. But if you are not big on trying to let her cry it out, then I'd try something like this.

[Ashelen]

yeah I'm with melimeli on this one..my daughter's still in my bed most of the time and she's 16 months. i love it, but there are nights....

she doesn't sleep on me anymore, but at some point during the night she inevitably tries to steal my pillow and that's getting really old, lol.

if you figure it out...let me know!

[decogrl]

If you are going to CIO, do it right away.  I have the world's most persistant child, and it did not work for us.  I started but laying next to her at the bottom of the bed, then moving to the floor, eventually I moved with a pillow outside her bedroom door (this took a whole lot of patience).  It will work, but you have to be consistant.  Occasionally, however, they need to be retrained.  (My daughter is now 3 and 1/2 and is now this morning in our bedroom with my husband--- They tend to sneak out now and then.) Good luck.  I am still battling this and it just takes patience and retraining, heck I have a friend who's child is 6 and still visits them now and then.  

[mami1323]

Yeah, I'm struggling with this as well.  We went so far as to place our son's crib up against our bed as a sidecar and getting him to stay there is the challenge.  I'm awoken several times during the night by him either rolling onto me, head butting me, kicking me in the face or calling out "mommy" so that I can find his pacifier or blankie or whatever.  I haven't had a good nights sleep in forever.  It's gotten to the point where I'm going to swap sides with my fiance because I just need one night of uninterrupted sleep.  I pay for it all the time because I'm always tired and have no energy during the day.  Thank goodness my fiance takes him out of the room in the mornings so I can get some sleep on the days I don't work but I've just reached my limit.  My son is 2 and I'm desperate to get him out of our room.  Let me know when you find the answer.

[julianovak]

LOL, WELL LADIES, some funny stories you have got !!!! haha, mami1323 --- the kick in face is the worst!!!


ANYWAY, LAst night i tried telling her that mommy and daddy sleep in her and isabella has her own crib and pillow, and she also has a cow that sleeps in her crib along with her.......  Guess what she said ......... " NO NO NO NO NO NO" she just did NOT want to hear that she had her own bed. the reason why i want her to stay in her bed is mainly bc she is still in a crib, which she cant climb out of and come for a visit..... i mean when she gets into a toddler bed i do not want to lock her in her room....... keeping her in her toddler bed will probably be close to impossible.

LAter when she fell asleep i brought her into her room..... i should probably stop letting her fall asleep in our bed...... thats probably the problem......... it never has been but ill change that tonight, and ill update.......    ANYWAY.....2 am i here that little bird chirping momma momma momma, i didnt answer her and she kind of freaked out, so i came in there and layed on the floor near her crib, she again freaks yelling no no no.....
I couldnt but laugh, they are way too smart as to what they want.............   But a co worker told me if i dont get her out of our bed soon, it is going to be something thatll happen up until she goes to school, or later............ and my hubby (works 11 hrs) and us two could all use a full nights sleep..... i guess ill have to be creative, prehaps give her my nightgown or something...... .and ill stop letting her in our bed, ill stay in the livivng room now, then hopefully we will work on getting her to fall asleep when drowsy......... IM sooo SORRY this is this long....... any more suggestiuons????

[AnnieBrooke]

I really suggest those two books.  They have SO MANY good ideas.

[Ashelen]

OH man the kicking in the face is absolutely the worst...except that now that I'm pregnant my daughter will flop over and I'll get a foot on the belly, which *****, but she doesn't weight enough for it to do any damage so it's just annoying more than anything...especially when she wakes the baby up and he starts kicking me from the inside. they're already teaming up on me....

I don't know, all the methods I read about in books and see on TV just don't seem like they would work for us.... I'm just glad to hear that I'm not alone with this problem.

I really wish I had some better advice julia but obviously this is not my strong parenting area, LOL.

[julianovak]

yeah, lol, what helps actually, i try to put her to sleep in my arms, ----- instead of our bed, which isnt the greatest, but at least it has worked for this week, :)))))) shes in her bed til morning....... for me its easier that way, bc she goes to sleep earlier then us, while were watching a movie or something, after her bath, she drinks her milk, and i tell her everyone is sleeping, trun off the lights and shes out!!!! :)))) then i put her in her bed. :)))))

[mami1323]

Well that's excellent.  Keep trying different things.  As she gets older, it will get easier because they understand a little bit more.