2 questions totally different topics

Does anyone else feel overwhelmed with working and trying to do everything at home?? Lately I have just been feeling overwhelmed, exhausted and run down. I feel bad feeling this way because I have a beautiful, healthy little girl and I know things could be much worse but I am so tired by 9:00 PM that I literally feel sick. I feel like when I am at home there is always so much to do that I can't spend as much time as I would like playing/entertaining Avery. Then I feel guilty because I work all day that I should give her my undivided attention. I don't know how mothers with 2, 3, 4, 5+ kids do it. Maybe I will go to the doctor for the extreme fatigue but I am sure there is nothing wrong with me.
Also my dd likes to bite me. She thinks it is a game even when I tell her No! Does anyone else have children that like to bite?? Sounds stupid I know but she just started doing this. It really hurts and my arms have bruises on them from her biting. She laughs after she does it. I tell her no sternly and it doesn't seem to do anything. (She will be 1 next week). I just needed to vent. Thanks ladies!!

[lfb]

I feel the same way about work.  I feel so guilty that I can't give Anna my undivided attention in the evenings.  I also have a 4-year-old, too, and trying to make sure I spend time with both of them is even more of a challenge.  I have been in tears several times when I think about how much time they spend in daycare versus how much time they spend at home.  Luckily, I am a teacher and only have four weeks of school left.  I am counting down the days until I get to stay home with my kids for the summer.

[cantwait4baby]

YES YES YES - I feel horrible because I try to get someone to take her for a walk or just entertain her for an hour or so just so that I can get some houseword done afterwork.  If I dont pick her up at my mom's right after work she gets mad at me so I have to go right there.  Then I feel bad because in my mind I am thinking I have all this stuff to do when i should be thinking LETS PLAY!  I try to give her two nights a week all to her afterwork.  Then they other three nights I try to get someone to entertain her so I can get stuff done and the weekends are all hers. - maybe try that.  It is helping.  My house is a mess but who cares.  Also, I took off this Friday - My inlaws are watching her and I am paying my mom to come over to do some major spring cleaning.  Between the two of us I should have a good start to the summer.

No biting here but she does think it is funny when I tell her no.  I started to grab her when she throws a fit and sit her real tight on my lap facing me.  She is throwing herself back and crying at this point and I COUNT real loud.  1 - 2 by the time I get to 3 she stops but then starts again so I do it again.  After about three times she calms down and then I put her down.  That is her time OUT.  It really has worked well so far.

We were talking agian last night about having another.  I am so afraid of being too overwhelmed but then again that is ME and MY problem I should not let that stop her from getting a little brother or sister right?  I dont think it is fair to have her as an only child but at the same time I really could be fine with just her.  

Hard choices - very thankful for what I have but hard choices.

[GNicole]

I hear you! My mom gets mad also if I don't come right there after work or straight home if they are at my house. I know this will probably sound selfish but I feel like I never do anything just for myself. I guess that ends when you become a mother and I feel bad saying it but I never do anything with friends unless Avery is with. Occasionally Shane and I will go out to eat by ourselves but we usually take her because we feel like we should spend as much time as possible with her. I actually cherish getting to eat lunch at work because I don't have to feed anyone else. I know that sounds terrible. I will be off part of the summer because I work at a Vocational School. I am counting down the days. I used to work another job but last summer and this summer I am not! I don't think I am ready for another one. I thought I was but I am so overwhelmed by life with one, I don't think it would be fair.  I don't want Avery to be an only child but I think we will wait awhile.  All of this being said I am thankful for what I have and I know my life could be terrible so I will stop complaining. Sometimes it just helps to vent!

[cantwait4baby]

Everything you just said is how I feel too.  I never eat without making little bites for her. My food is always shoved down.  Her father gets to relax because she only looks at me for food.  No time for me EVER.  Not until she goes to bed and then I get a shower.  I have a date with three friends on May 31th.  We are going to NY for the day on a bus trip.  I have a babysitter (her dad works Saturdays) so I will have that day all to me no babies no men.  I am sure I will buy her a billions things while I am there.

[newbie2b]

Oh lady, I'm totally there with you.  I was just talking to my mom about this too. I told her, "I dont know what is wrong with me, but I'm always tired, no matter how much sleep I get"!  She said " Welcome to motherhood".  Great mom, thank for the help.  

It's just so hard.  I feel like there is never enough time or I just dont have enough engergy to do what needs to get done.  And if I were to do everything, I wouldnt sleep.
It's almost depressing sometimes.  And as you said, I have no reason to feel sad because we're so fortunate with healthy beautiful babies.  

[addysmom]

OH wow....do I ever feel you!  I am a stay at home mom and I still feel like I never have time for myself and there is NEVER time to get everything done.  When I WAS working (until she was about 5 months) it was just as bad....then my hubby comes home and I just want 5-10 minutes without preparing dinner, cleaning up dinner, putting her to bed, etc.  He spends time with her when he gets home while I am doing all those things...but I want to go take a dang bubble bath or something!  ITS SO FRUSTRATING!

Addyson LOVES to bite....and she too thinks its a game.  What we have started doing is lightly tapping her mouth with two fingers and saying "no no" that seems to help...but NOW we are getting into the temper tantrum phase and when she does that we just ignore her....she eventually stops.  

To top this all off...I am on my way to the doctor for a pregnancy test!  I was on the IUD and on Sunday I checked the strings (they are gone!) and I am 3 weeks late, have morning sickness, extreme fatigue, etc.  So...baby #2 might be joining our crazy little world!

[Cheyenne_08]

I am on this band wagon.....! I am with ashtyn 24-7 and I love him to death but sometimes I just want a break! I too am tired all the time and it is very stressful. Mike is a lot of help, but half the time I feel like I am running around behind him making sure he is doing things right lol.

[GNicole]

Wow that sounds like fun!! I feel like Shane gets to relax all the time but not me! When she goes to bed I do a little work and then I fall into bed. Most evenings are just Avery and I. I feel like the only me time is driving to and from work-how fun!! I never want to ask my mom to watch her on the weekend because she has her all week. And when Shane's mom watches her,  his grandpa and his aunt have to come along(don't ask, it has been like this since his grandma died) but they come and make a mess and then leave. So then I have to clean up their mess and take care of Avery. Beggers can't be choosy right?? Arghhh! I can't win maybe I need to go on medication because I get too stressed!

[GNicole]

Sorry I had to stop typing earlier and I didn't realize other people had posted. The wow that sounds like fun was regarding your girls only trip!! :)

[newbie2b]

OH and regarding dinner.. lol I also do the same thing.  We all sit down to dinner, wheither I find time to cook or ordering out by around 7.  Soraya goes in her high chair, daddy eats his food with no interuptions, mommy feeds baby and shovels food down her throat while baby is chewing.. I have to laugh some times because it's crazy how fast I eat.

And to be really honest, I think that our schedules are starting to affect our relationship.  I dont know if you guys have the same issues but, we really have NO time for each other. Now that my bf changed his schedule at work, he works on Saturdays which use to be our days as a family.  Now we have only sunday and we're usually scrambling to do laundry or whatever needs to get done. I feel so distant from him lately.  Sometimes I over think things so I'm sure if I bought it to his attention, he's going to say his usually, "what are you talking about"?

Cantwait, great idea for when the tantrums kick in. I think I'll try that.  I usually take Soraya and put her in her Crib and leave her there.  I know it sounds bad but, It's really the only way.  Her crib is only for sleeping (to her anyway) and so, it's a form of punishment.

Gnicole, Soraya bites sometimes, but not enough that I feel like it's a problem.  She is starting to hit.  Which I always thought they did because someone hits them or they see someone hitting someone else in the family. But of course, we dont ever hit her.  I dont know if she knows that it hurts and it's bad. I do hit her dad sometimes, but in a playing way (you know sorta like play wrestling) so I wonder if maybe she saw that and picked it up?

[mami1323]

I totally feel you on this one.  I get home and I rush because I know my mom is exhausted.  She won't get mad but she's desperate for me to come home by this point.  I get home and I always have to make dinner, wash bottles or baby clothes, bathe the baby, put away his clothes.  I don't really eat unless he naps during this time.  He's still young so I do get about an hour nap out of him to eat.  Then when he goes to bed at 9:30 or 10 I shower.  Sometimes I don't even feel like doing that.  It's exhausting and since my fiance works until midnight, it's all on me and I have no one to help.  The house is a mess because I'm too exhausted during the week to clean and then when the weekends come, we are always out and about.  No one will clean unless it's me and I just have limited energy.  Plus you are right on the money about missing out on playing time if we take the time to clean.  I put the cleaning aside but the house is disgusting.  I am as confused as you as how to spread myself out.  If I had my fiance's help then I guess I wouldn't feel as bad but I don't.  

[GNicole]

Thanks ladies! It helps to know that I am not alone and I am human! ha lol.

Newbie- I am so sick of people telling me that too-Welcome to Motherhood!
It doesn't help that both of my SIL's stay home and constantly tell me how stressed they are. My brother even said that Michelle would love to go to work-then get a job!! Ahhh! I am just having one of those days!

To all the SAHM's I know how hard it is to stay home also, I stayed home for the first 9 months but my SIL's stay home and they both get a ton of help with housework and grocery shopping etc. I get annoyed because I do all of this (dh works alot and is out of town most of the week) and work full-time.

[GNicole]

Sorry I didn't see your post until after I wrote my last post. Thanks for the sympathy!! I know it is exhausting and I guess I will have to learn to have a messier house or I might just go crazy! lol

[newbie2b]

It's to bad that we all dont live close to each other.  We could have totally helped each other out.  Or at least, like one day a month, have a mommy's night out.  All my friends either have a newborn, are pregnant or are so not even thinking of having a baby that, it's so hard to get us all together.  I dont see them anymore.  I need friends :(

Mami, My house is disgusting also.  I have a baby gate to block the baby from my kitchen because I just cant bare her touching anything in there.  I'm worried about germs and all.  It will never all be clean and stay clean.

[Tanker Chic]

You ladies are breaking my heart.  I have to go back to work the first week of may and am dreading it.  I keep thinking of all the things I might miss.  Like his first words or first steps or sits up or rolls over .... I want to see all those things the first time they happen.  

[newbie2b]

I dont think you will miss them at all.  We've all been there and so, we understand what you are going through.  Words and steps and rolling over, happen so gradually that, you will see when they attempt to do them over and over again.  Like words for example, it started so gradually, that by the time I kept trying to get her to say "mama" (she said dada first) she was ready to say it.  Now she doesnt ever stop saying it.  I bet you will be fine. It is hard but you will adjust and I'm sure you wont miss a thing.  Good luck to you.   Although I miss spending time with her during the day, I dont feel like I missed any of those things.  :)

[deanne11]

I think we all feel this way....no time to eat, clean, shower....etc.

I know my life has been extremely stressful since going back to work.  And hubby, he always wonders why I don't sit down to eat.  Because everytime I do, the baby needs something or Abby needs something, or he needs something.....ugggh

I know stay at home moms feel the same, they truly never get a break.
But at least, during nap time some cleaning could get done.  I can't even explain, how backed up I am on cleaning....

As for the biting...never had a biting stage with Abby....I feel for you.  But boy did we have a hitting stage.  Ugliest 2 weeks of my life.

[girliegrl1723]

oh ladies...i am in your same boat as well! i remember we talked about this a little while ago and nothing has changed here! i even feel like my weekends are truly weekends because i am running around like a crazy person trying to do all the stuff i couldn't do during the week. edward is in daycare until 3:30 or so when my mom picks him up from her house. she usually feeds him dinner, which is a huge help, but by the time th ebaby and i get home, it like 6:00/6:30 most days. i then have to hurry up and try to prep. dinner before bathtime. if my husband is home, it s a lot easier, because i do one thing and he does the other, but its maybe once a week, if that, that he is at home much before the baby goes to sleep. then, there are all the things that build up during the week if you dont try to do a little bit here and there - laundry, cleaning, just to name a few. generally on saturdays, edward will take a 2 hour nap, if im lucky and i blow through cleaning the entire house like a tornado only to be exhausted when he wakes up and not feel like doing anything else! it is so hard to balance it all and i dont think there really is any magic answer, besides trying hard to let some of the little things go, which with me, is much easier said than done. i feel like my like is in constant chaos and everytime i have the chance to sit down, i realize how exhuasted i am! i like what GNicole said about lunchtime at work. i feel the same way! its the only time i ever really remember to feed myself. on the days im home, i sometimes realize half-way through the day that i havent eaten a thing. it is nice to know we're not alone in this...yet it doesnt make things any eaiser to deal with...!

[girliegrl1723]

sorry, i meant "my weekends AREN'T truly weekends"...its one of those days for me!!

[GNicole]

Thanks ladies! You all make me feel so much better!

Newbie- I know what you mean about needing friends. I rarely ever see any of my friends anymore and it is never alone.

Tanker Chic- It will be an adjustment but I am sure you will be fine. Ok you will have your stressed out moments but you will be fine and your little guy will be fine too!

Deanne- I hope we can skip the hitting stage!

[GNicole]

I know what you mean about cleaning your house like a tornado and then being exhausted. I sometimes stay up late on Saturday nights cleaning and then I am exhausted on Sunday. I know what a fun thing to do on a saturday night. Get a life right? lol Thanks for the sympathy!! :)

[pertykitty]

wow it sounds like your dh need to help a bit more, you are working full time as well.  i have 2 kids and my dh is gone for months at a time this is what i have learned:

the house can be a little dusty, i will get to it.  grocery shopping (even with dh is here) is a fun time together not just a chore.  i have a 9 yr old so he is very helpful with the trash and cleaning up dinner dishes or even cooking some, but still forgets to put his shoes away and without fail every morning asks "mom where are my shoes" lol.  i worked full time with my son, i am staying at home now and even so i dont get everything done.  i think once we give in to the fact we dont HAVE to accomplish every little thing, we enjoy ourselves more.  winter is hard, its dark early, summer time is more fun you can enjoy the day longer.  

im still trying to perfect this mom thing lol, but every day i figure out this or that from what another person has told me.  one thing i read or saw on tv was every day after dinner (or whatever time works) for 30 min its a family clean up time.  so kids, moms, dads, everyone has a chore and they go .like mad and get it all done so its not all up to mom.  i babied my son for so long, i did it all for him, but after my dh left on cruise last year and i was sick from pg with addy all day i put an end to that.  i feel for you all, at one point i was living 45 min from work and my sons school so we left at 545 am, so i could get him to grandmas, get to work by 645, then work till 5-8 depending if i did dental and massage, then get home by 9pm!!! poor kid was no life for him so we moved and now dh has to commute.   i love a neat and clean house, but im learning to not stress if i dont get it done every day.  you ladies need to plan a sat, every other weekend you have some time to yourself, be it lunch out , movies, having your hair done (i did that this weekend!).  a happy mommy is a nicer mommy HAHA  and wife.

[pertykitty]

one thing i can do with addy is she goes from room to room with me while i clean.  she sits in her carseat or swing and i talk and sing to her while i clean and she is as happy as a clam.  

where did that saying come about?  who knows if  a clam is happy?

[cantwait4baby]

Hey Newbie - when is the trip?  I know you are going to miss Soroaya like crazy but I think that will help your relationships.  My boyfriend and I stuggle too.  It is very hard to keep a relationship up to the standards it was before baby but we try.  We actually both just said how a vacation away could help us but then in the same breath we would both be so worried without her.  I envy you - go and enjoy yourself.  Soraya is in great hands.

I wish we all lived closer together too.  We could have playdates and one of us just go REAL crazy with three or four and take turns. haha


It is funny how we all feel the exact same way.  This is going to sound real bad but sometimes I enjoy work.  Just to get away.  I would like to work 3 days a week not 5.  Time for adult time and time for baby.  But we cant choose that right?  

Now I know why people with kids have messy houses.  Gnicole - you are not alone - sounds like you are about to hit a boiling point. I did a few weeks ago - I think you remember - washer in the middle of it all - well I flipped and took baby out for a walk to gather myself.  Funny how I need her with me to get myself together.  It is very hard but we will all be fine.  Get a sitter and go on a date with your hubby's?  I have been trying that but it is not working.  so one of you do it for me.

[GNicole]

Thanks for the advice. You gave me some good ideas. I will at least try to make some little changes. :)

[GNicole]

I am so glad I have you girls to talk to. It seems like no one else understands. You were typing your post when I was in the middle of typing a response to perty so I didn't see it until now. Dh just called me here at work and I started crying. I felt so bad crying because he works so hard for us but sometimes I feel like no one (even our dh's, boyfriends, signigicant others) realizes what it is like to be mom. I just think I am at my breaking point today so maybe I should go to the doctor. I am so jealous of Erin and the big trip!! I would probably just worry though so I wouldn't have much fun. That being said I am sure you will have a great time and Soraya will be fine!! Thanks so much girls!! :)

[deanne11]

I ditto...the time at work comment.  It's my only time to be Deanne again and not momma or wife.

[GNicole]

I hear ya! :)

[mami1323]

OMG!!!  I feel the same way about work sometimes.  I miss my son a ton but some days I feel like it is easier to be here behind a desk then it is taking care of him.  

[mami1323]

Don't worry, when you work you don't miss out on major milestones.  I still see new things that my son does and sometimes before my mom and she's with him all day during the week.  You will learn to enjoy your son when you are home with him.  I actually can't wait to see him and I know this sounds horrible but when I was home with him everyday I was stir crazy and needed more of a break.  Now, I don't necessarily need a break from him I need a break from doing everything.  

Like for once I would love if my fiance would wake up with him on a sunday and let me sleep in.  He works crazy hours and is exhausted as well and Sunday's are his only day to sleep but I think a swap every now and again would be nice.  

GNicole - I miss sleep also and I feel like even though my son may sleep wonderfully one day, I'm still ready to crash at 9 pm.  I don't think we will ever catch up but I'm told one day we will sleep again....lol.  But then here comes #2 and bye bye sleep all over again.  Don't you feel like motherhood is amazing yet somewhat tortureous?  You love your children but they drain any bit of energy you have.  It's amazing that we survive it all....lol.

[GNicole]

I know what you mean. I just wish I could work and then come home and have fun time with Avery. I wish I never had to clean, cook, do laundry, pay bills, go to the grocery store and the list goes on....... Wouldn't life be wonderful?!

[mami1323]

Aaaahhh, yes.  The life of a rich wife.  She doesn't have to do anything.  Plus she has a full time nanny to take care of the wee ones and mommy can sleep in.  I wish I had money....life would be sooooo different.  Then I probably wouldn't care if my fiance was around or not...I would be out shopping...lol.