Advice Needed on Sterilization Options

[BearHitch]

It looks like I might be coming up on yet another miscarriage.  I will find out for sure on Monday, but I am preparing myself for the worst and DH and I have been talking about where to go after here.  I am not sure that after 5 miscarriages and 1 successful pregnancy with many complications that I want to continue doing this and DH does not want to at all.  We have discussed that perhaps after this pregnancy we just be done whether it ends prematurely or goes to term.  If I miscarry I am being referred to a reproductive endcrinologist (sp?) but I know that only 50% of women find out why they have continual miscarriages.  

I have been doing my research on birth control options and have come to the conclusion that none of them are what I want, so DH and I are considering sterilization.  Now, both of us are under 30 and like I said we only have our one son.  We both can be content with the fact that we have only 1 child but I cannot discuss this with my family as they all want us to have at least one more... seemingly regardless of how many D&Cs or miscarriages I need to have to do that.  My doctor told me that I am bound to have a successful pregnancy again because I've had 1, but I just... I can't keep doing this.  

So my question is this.  Obviously we are still young and I realize that tubal litigation and vasectomy are both permanent decisions.  From what I have read, TL will be much more costly than a vasectomy.  At some point down the road I am sure that I will be like "oh I want to have more" but then I get into a situation as I am now.  I have a tendency to forget how painful a miscarriage is.  Of the two options of sterilization which is the more logical, for lack of better word, for us in your opinion?  Or better yet perhaps stories of someone else who was in this position adn how they made their decison?

Thanks!

[amberd5191]

I think as for recovery the vasectomy is a better idea. I also think you have to go through the other procedures let him do the rest.

If by any means you are thinking that you may change your mind maybe you could try an IUD; the non-hormonal ones can stay in for 10 years.

My prayers are with you, keep your head held high.

[BearHitch]

I had an IUD once I will never do it again - it was an awful experience.  I appreciate your response - when you read about both procedures a vasectomy seems so much simpler.  Upon calling my insurance company I also discovered that a vasectomy could be a simple $15 procedure whereas mine would be over $5,000.  

Has anyone else had 5+ miscarriages and decided to stop the cycle?  Sometimes I feel weak like I am giving up, but I feel like I have to draw the line somewhere.  I want children but I have a beautiful son and it was never a top priority for me to have several.  

[Quinns momma]

I am just so sorry to read all you have gone through. I can understand your desire to stop trying. BUT if there is any inkling that you may down the road want to try again sterilization is just not right for you.

How about condoms or the nuva ring?

[tatorbug40]

I hating my IUD too-  but that would have been mu suggestion too...  I had two miscarriages-  first pregnancy- m/c; second- healthy full term baby; third- m/c and then I had another healthy pregnancy...  but my doc told me the same thing on my second m/c-  that I was bound to have another healthy pregnancy because I already had one...  but that one m/c inbetween the kids was very painful...  I had decided then that I would try once more and if it was another m/c, then I would stop and we'd only have once child...  I was blessed in that the next pregnancy was a healthy one...  but I admire your trying so hard-  it would have been difficult to make either decision- to keep trying or to just stop...  but I completely understand how you feel and I never experienced 5 in a row...  I am so sorry you are going through this, again, and I wish you the best of luck-  my advise---  you and your body have been through enough-  it is less expensive and less invasive for him to have it done,  so I would go that route...  best of luck to you... and I am sorry...

[amberd5191]

I too hated my IUD, I just thought maybe you may like to try again later on down the road. I agree with you the vasectomy is way cheaper, and they tend to heal quicker.

[peekawho]

BTL's are usually covered by insurance.  Will your insurance not pay for it at all?

In my opinion, the only reason to consider any permanent method of birth control is if you never, ever, under any circumstances, want another child.  

If you are at all hesitant, or feel in the future you might be tormented by the "if only's" or the what ifs, then you may not want to do it.

[kikicoates78]

I have a very dear freind who went through 5 miscarriages within 2 years, She did not give up and now she has 5 beautiful healthy children. She now for obvious reasons :) opted for sterilization. Good luck dear, do what your heart feels is best.

[BearHitch]

I really appreciate everyone's responses!  I am actually allergic or something to condoms, and for both medical and personal reasons have eliminated most forms of birth control as an option.  I would like to have more children but I am not bound by having them through pregnancy - we have always wanted to adopt and perhaps that would be something we could look into in a year or so.  I found out today the reproductive endrinologist will probably not be an option for us because of the expense and how little is covered by our insurance.  I think tomorrow I will call the hospital to see what it would cost roughly and go from there.  

Peek - what is a BTL?  I am not sure what that is  :S  

Kiki - that is wonderful that your friend was so blessed.  I have come to the point where I just... miscarriages are so hard and my are usually right at that time when you are about to enter the 2nd trimester.  The 1st trimester is a time of awful worry and problems and finding OB care that understands and is thorough is next to impossible.  DH told me the other night he did not want to do this anymore, and I feel the same.  I think you have to come to that point where its not that you don't have faith, because in a way I do... I just need to do something to prevent this.  

[wannabenana]

BTL...Bilateral Tubal Ligation

[Pearl99]

If you are currently pregnant and don't know the outcome, it may not be the best time to think about this topic. Give yourself some time.  You need to recover emotionally to know you are making a good lifelong decision. I had 2 mc's in a row and then 2 babies--it was very hard to think straight in the mc phase, which lasted over a year. I know that's nothing compared to 5. Hormones plus trauma plus not knowing--it seemed very stressful on the relationship too--do you find that?   I think you might try an easy noninvasive temporary method, maybe pills, ring, and don't rush the decision. Sorry you're going thru this; hope it works out.

[AndiJ78]

I would vote against it, not one thing you said would impress a doctor enough to go forward.

This is not the right time to consider it, you are in pain, your emotions are raw, and you may not be thinking clearly.

You should never consider sterilization as reversible. Despite some success in reversing them, no insurance covers it, the success rate is under 10%, and it is very expensive.

I adored my IUD, but my dh and I decided 3 boys was plenty and he had a vasectomy done 2 months after CJ was born. No birth control woes now. I had 5 losses as well and the thought of going through more not to mention the other potential problems led us to our decision.

I suggest you find a birth control you can live with until you have really thought this through and come to a decision together.

[40smama]

i agree w/Andi - if you're even thinking that you might want to try for another baby way, way down the road, a tubal's not for you.  Having been there myself, we had to opt for IVF which is even more expensive than a reversal.

I'm very, very sorry about your m/c's.  I've only had two but they were horrendous.  I don't blame you at all for not pursuing another pregnancy but as Andi said, wait until your emotions are better under control.

[kikicoates78]

BLT's I think are bilateral tubal ligations, (tubes tied)

[BearHitch]

Well I had a nice lengthy response but then it refreshed and lost it all so to sum up what I had wanted to say - thank you everyone for the responses and advice!  Thankfully today we found out at the doctor's that the baby is fine and doing great, so it is no longer a pressing issue.  DH and I talked last night and I think we will do something more permanent after this one is born and I feel complete peace about that.  It is refreshing for me to think I just need to get thru this pregnancy and then we can be done.  I will have two children and I am completely okay with that... I just wanted more than one.  Thank you all again!  

[Whitneylauren]

Firstly let me say how very sorry I am that you have gone through such trauma! My older sister is a Keloid scar former, which means that her body over scars whenever she is injured. She had a baby young and gave her up for adoption. Well, after that pregnancy she developed numerous scars- way too much to every carry a baby to term again. I know that she has had 23 miscarriages.... she really wanted to have a child for a long time, but decided that she couldn't take the pain anymore. She had a procedure done where they burn the inside of your uterus and your tubes. It is way less invasive than a hysterectomy, less painful and you don't have to take hormones the rest of your life.

I have had an IUD and would recommend it to any younger woman who is not sure if she is going to have more children. This is because it is always reversible unlike vasectomy's, tubal ligations etc.

[Quinns momma]

So happy you updated I was thnking about you today... Congrats on the healthy pregnancy I am so happy for you and your DH.

[noeleen53]

congrats on ur good news, i know the heartache that a miscarraige can cause but there is always hope. my husbands sister had 9 miscarriages, one after another and then got pregnant. all throughout her pregnacy they kept telling her that she was having a healthy perfect baby boy. her heart was soaring over this new, then the day she was booked in to have her section they were worried as it seemed he was destressed.... then when the opened her up they discovered there was not only one perfect boy but TWO!!!!  one twin had been hidding behind the other twin the whole time and not even a scan could pick it up. u can imagine their joy when they were handed thier TWO perfect boys.

just wanted to assure you that there is always hope and to say that u should do what makes you happy... if that is sterlasition then so be it.... u know ur own heart, soul and mind.  im so happy for you both  and best of luck for the future

[tatorbug40]

That is awesome that the baby is healthy!!  I am so excited for you!  What great news!!!!! Congratulations!