As some of you know, I got this job a month ago…. (19th) and I am really liking it. I am 20w 2d preggers with my little princess and not showing much….
This morning, my boss told me (all via e-mail) that I was missing a lot of time for doctors appt.’s and that she was wondering what was the problem!?
So, my ‘trial’ period of a newbie (60 days) hasn’t finished yet….until Jan 19th…. And I am scared shootless I am gonna get dismissed because of being preggy.
Anyway, so I just went in and talked to my boss and she acted really cool (apparently) with the news, she congratulated me and all…. but I talked to another girl (that had a baby recently) about maternity leave and she said they don’t pay for it! Plus they got upset she left for 12 weeks (she had a C-section)…. So, we’ll see…. I guess it’s time to start saving!!! =S
We also been looking for childcare… when I was working at the other company, my boss was so good! She told me I could work from home some days out of the week! But now, I won’t, so, we haven’t found anyone who would care for our princess…. And a childcare center is SOOO outrageously expensive! $800 a month!!! We just can’t do it! =(
What do you ladies do???
Man, Im kinda nervous, but nothing will be more important than my little princess…. So, I know something will work out at the end…
I live up here with you only an hour or so away and your right it is at least 800 or more. The rate I got was 223 a week. I got lucky and my sis is watching Ryan for $125 a week. I don't know what to tell you about daycare because I got lucky just wanted to say i know how bad it is in our area. You will figure it out. how about family? My work did not pay for any leave - i had to use four weeks vac and three sick days and brought ryan to work for two weeks and two days till he was about 15weeks old.
I'm glad your boss was okay with you being prego, although she isn't allowed to fire you for being prego.
But as far as daycare, you could apply to get vouchers for daycare from your county. I know almost every daycare center in cincinnati and surrounding areas accept vouchers. The vouchers pay for all or most of the monthly cost depending on your salary. You might want to check into that. Also at some colleges they have daycare that is less expensive because its considered clinicals for early childhood development students. Some YMCA daycares are based on your income. Thats all I can think of right now. If I think of something else I will let you know. Good Luck.
Have you checked into finding out where you can get a list of state licensed home day care providers? That's what I use here. In my area child care is much cheaper than where you are and my provider is compirable with the centers here BUT in your area you may find that home daycare is cheaper. It IS also more risky but it's more personal too if you find a good one. If you decide to go that route...ask for the person to present you with their motor vehicle history and do a background check. If the person refuses to give you the information in order to do so...well there's your answer :)
As far as work, be careful, while they can't fire you for being preggo, they CAN find another excuse that would hold up such as the amount of time you miss for appts, they can say that it affects your work productivity or some such. If you don't already try scheduling appts as early in the morning or late in the afternoon as possible so you don't waste as much work time in travel. Or schedule during your lunch break.
Another thing, check the phone book for church day cares....some churches provide a daycare facility. Also, if you income allows for it the childcare assistance helps tremendously. I have it. Otherwise my ENTIRE paychecks plus some would go to childcare.
V!! I'm so glad to see you! Where have you been? So you are having a girl? Me too! I'm 23 weeks today. Doesn't time just fly? I'm glad you said you're not showing much. I'm 3 weeks ahead of you and damn, you can hardly tell I'm pregnant. I just look fat. =( As for the child care thing, sometimes, you spend so much in daycare that it's all you work for. I'm lucky enough to be able to stay home for a year, which is what I want to do but can't do it forever. Have you thought of a private sitter? They are usually a little cheaper and if you have a friend or family member recommend them, they should be reliable. My mom did it for many years and the families loved her so I know there a good people out there. You just have to look for them. I hope it works out for you, which I'm sure it will. Glad to see you on. I've been wondering about you! Take care and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy! You're half way there!!!!!
um i was in your shoes 6 years ago when i was prego with our first daughter. i got a great job when i was 5 months pregno, and i wasn't showing much yet so i got away with it. i ended up telling them when i was 7 months cause i couldn't hide it anymore. well i was on a probationary period. well, what happened was when i was about 8 months along, they laid me off. understand you and i both know i got laid off cause they didn't want to keep me since i was going to be taking off for 12 weeks. well, i claimed unemployment on them for 12 weeks......... i was getting paid while i delivered and everything. lol. the company didn't fight me for unemployment cause they knew all i had to do was say i got laid off so they didn't have to keep me around while i was on my leave. the company had a lot of problems with females taking 12 weeks off after baby, and then never coming back.
they got me, but in the end i got them back for it.
You can only get unemployment if the company is big enough. OP didn't say how large the company is, if it's small, all the things like getting your job back after maternity leave and so forth are just privileges, not entitlements. Some companies literally can't afford them.
Thank you ALL MY GIRLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! man! it's so great to have such valuable feedback!!!!
marie1210- Hey sweetie!!! I'm here!! lol... i missed you girl!!! I mostly post on the 35+, and here.... yes! we are having a little princess!!!! that's awesome you are too!!!! GIRL i am so excited for you!!!!!!!!!!! so glad to hear you are doing good and are already 23 weeks!!! BIG HUG to you sweetie!!!
=( it's a smaller business.....
But this lady that had actually 2 babies in less than 3 years said they weren't happy but retained her job after the 12 weeks....
man, i am nervous.... plus i won't get paid for that long?? how in the hell are we gonna afford that?!?!
Most companies do not have paid maternity leave. I saved up my sick days and vacation and worked a little from home while I was on leave.
Have you lookid into disability?
About Childcare....no solution for you. Do you want to be a stay at home mom? Do you have relatives who can help you?
V, whatever you do, don't stress about it! Everything will work out just fine. We had an at home sitter lined up when I was 12 weeks and she bailed when I was three weeks away from going back to work! I cried and cried and stressed. Turns out, we have a WAY better situation now. I have a girl in my neighborhood watch Bella and she is wonderful. She is $25/day and she only watches her own daughter, Bella and one other boy twice a week. It is perfect. Just ask around and network. Someone is bound to know someone that is intersted and who will do a good job.
I don't know much about unemployment... GOOD LUCK!
As for leave, I had 4 weeks paid leave (although I was working a lot from homw) and then I worked from home and brought Bella to work with me until she was 10 weeks old. I know I was very blessed to have an employer who allowed me to do that.
well, each person who works pays into unemployment, I mean my husband use to work for a small construction company that only had 4 people on it, and they still got unemployment. The company doesn't actually pay it usually.......... it is your previous employer who would. Every person if they are laid off for a good reason and not fired for not wanting to work can get unemployment because you pay for it when you get your paycheck. many people don't realize this, and they assume that local citizens pay it, and that is not true.
and again, i am not stating that she would even be able to get unemployment because unless you work through a temp service or union you have to be actively searching for employment while on it. I just stated what happened to me cause I pretty much had the same problem she is having now.
So many people loose their jobs for reasons that have nothing to do with how they do their job, and many don't realize that they can get unemployment because many don't know all the facts. I am stating what the laws are for Indiana and Indiana alone, it is different in all states. But never think you can't qualify for it unless you try if you get laid off from your job. Anyone!
oh yeah medical leave is hard to get.... expecially if you were already pregno when you got hired there. Most companies have stopped paying for it cause women take their time leave and then never come back.......
Thank you girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =))
It's not an option for me and dh to stay at home with baby. I wish i could, but can't possibly afford it!! I bring half of the income home. We both make about the same in average a year.... =(, and we have a lot of bills... house, cars,CC's, school loans, plus....my mother's accident in the States last summer with no insurance, we still have to pay a lot of money on that!!! =(
When we were TTC I still had that job... the day I got laid off... I got my BFP! lol... i wasn't so bummed about my job that day, I'll tell you what! lol but, now all the baby short term future are moved....
Im a little nervous about the unpaid 4+ weeks.... (we might be able to make it if we start saving from now...). What if I need a C-section and need more than that!? =(
Ok,... im just having a rain of hormones today i think.... poor Maddy, im just stressing her out! she's been squirming around all day! my poor baby!!! =((
we just sucked it up and will have to cut corners but i am staying home!! if i cant get my hair done as often o well and i will buy the cheaper canned food and no clothes for awhile. i love being home!!!
I remember about your mom. Remember my mom broke her wrist and flew hom to get it taken care of in July. They are coming back next week.
Just need to start saving and you can look into WIC (sp), it's for low income families to get free baby stuff. I read it on here before. Register on Nestle, Similac, Pampers, Luvs, Huggies, etc.
Oh man!!! perty, I would sell my soul to the devil to stay with my little one!!! we just cannot make it! it's half!!!!! I promised dh i'd keep on working full time otherwise he'd freak out with all the bills on his shoulders!!!!
Dolly, I remember about your mommy too! how's she doing?? my mom is still limping around, but much better.... she tryes to play the 'pity me' and makes us all baby her a lot! lol... but she's just fine.
The bad part is that I don't think we'd qualify for WIC... we don't have that low of income... =( we bring about 90K a year between him and I....
we are not the smartest probably, and don't make the best financial decisions... that's why we are hurting... on top of that... those medical bills are killing us!!! but we refuse to let my parents pay for it! they are retired, their money is theirs!! I wanna take care of them now.... ya know?
i work for a small business in new jersey. my boss didnt pay for maternity leave, but i obtained disability from the State for the time i was out. in new jersey, you are allowed 2 weeks before you deliver and 6 weeks after. i started collecting 2 weeks before my due date and my boss paid me under the table (shhh, dont tell!). then, i collected for the 6 weeks i was out. 6 weeks definately wasnt long enough, but better than nothing. i came back to work part-time after 8 weeks and then went full-time when he was about 5 months or so.
as for daycare, a girlfriend of mine who is a SAHM helped me out and watched him 3 days a week which was a big help, until the summer when my mom had off b/c she is a school teacher. then she watched him for the whole summer and i went back to work full-time. when september came and my mom had to go back to work, we found edwards daycare that he attend now and i looove it! my mom knows the director personally, so im very comfertable with it. it is a professional daycare (not out of a home) but very small, which i like.
well, here is another option you might need to consider, bankruptcy? Or you do know that you can go to the docs for the docs bills, and ask them if they will write off any of it for you. You would be surprised how many actually will do this.
Another thing you need to consider is you don't know how quickly you are going to be able to go back to work after baby is born. The norm is 4 weeks at least, but things do happen that are out of our control, so you need to be prepared that something might change.
Heck I remember when I got pregno with our first daughter, she was a surprise, and a week before my hubby and I bought a seadoo to play with cause we weren't planning on children yet. We had just got married 3 months before hand.
So, let me tell ya I even called the boat dealership and asked them if they would take the stupid thing back cause I couldn't ride it now that I was pregno, and then I knew after the baby was born we wouldn't have so much free time to do it.... lol
My mom is doing better, the doc put her on Prozac as well as she's been depressed and has emotional issues. I am a little nervous about them coming back but I think this time around will be better since we know what to expect.
It's nice of you to pay for your mom's bill.
I don't know what else you can do about the daycare and leave situation but to save money and start buying diapers. You can for sure check out disability. Try to do a budget and limit what you can spend on.
Thank you girls..... you have been TREMENDOUSLY helpful with this!!! =) I checked on disability (we have Aflac) but you have to work here for at least 6 months before even get preggers! I came here with my bun in the over already... so, they won't pay. =(
I will tho, make a plan with dh. Sit down and cut off some bills.... the good thing is that Maddy will be born in May....which is not too terrible bad (not cold, so no heating bills!) but the thing is that my parents wanna come for when she's born... and as you know Dolly, it's a heck load of money here and there that goes off the cliff.....just to have them here.
I am glad your mommy is doing fine with her wrist. I am sorry, tho, about her emotinal issues. You are just describing my mother!!! She is an emotinal train!!!! she is on antidepressants as well. She is a dificult person to deal with. The greatest mother! but a little tough sometimes...... she comes up and tries to rule my home, world, health.... actions!
we got into it the other day because she literally has been riding my behind about putting on stretch mark body lotion... ALL the time! so, i told her i read somewhere that you can prevent them to a point but if they will appear, they will appear!!! and ... I was fine with it! i prefer to make a little human being and be capable of, than having a stretch mark free body! (i do have them anyway!!!)
oh did she get mad.... she was like: you are too young for those things! blah blah blah....
i was like: i told you I use it! and you won't believe me anyway!
she goes: that's because i know you!
so, we ended up irritated, and at the end i think she realized she can't control my life, she can suggest, but not take control over it...
*sighs* ah..... and just to think i'll have a little girl ... and i will probably be repeating the pattern in 20 years! lol
literally half my paycheck goes to daycare. here in NJ i pay $360/week. but, at least i have the other half of my check to help pay other bills. plus, we get benefits from my employer. i don't know if PA lets you collect disability for having a baby. NJ does, except for some reason public schools don't pay into it, so i couldn't collect, even though at every job i worked 10 years prior i paid into disability (i started my new job when i was 10 weeks preggo. i also didn't reveal my pregnancy until later on).
i use a large chain daycare (kindercare). it's ok in my eyes, but dd LOVES it. i worked in daycare for too many years, so i know how things should be ideally and how things are in reality. i personally felt more comfortable going with a large center. they are always open, and staffed. they follow strict guidelines. i was afraid of having her go to someone's house, because there are way too many news stories about babies being hurt/dying at the hands of a neglegent in-home provider. it costs too much to have someone come to my home. plus, if i don't like something, i can complain to someone and have it addressed.
no they wouldn't let us return the seadoo, but they did say we could exchange it for a family one. lol..... we ended up selling it to my brother a year later.
I always wished it would have been within the 3 days you have to return something, but it was a week or so after so we were stuck with it.
Congrats on the little princess. I did not know you were looking pink!
I think FMLA only counts after you have been with a company for year, but it may be diff in diff states. Also, just be careful at work about taking time off or giving them a reason to lay you off.
I cant remember if your parents are retired or not. If they are, why dont you fly them in for the time after she is born and then fly them back for an extended stay when you go back to work. They could be your daycare until you decide what you want to do for permanent daycare or at least long enough to save up a little more. Cut the corners now, girlie...AND SAVE, SAVE, SAVE.
OMG i didnt know that you were that far along already and with a little girl you have stopped coming over to the fertility board and i dont visit here much you should really come over there once in a while we miss you:) Again congrats do you have any names picked out for her yet? how exciting!!!!
As for daycare, I would never send my child to a daycare center! I grew up at a home daycare and LOVED it and it's so much cheaper or if there is someone in your area that is a nanny, that might be the way to go. I am a nany and it is nice having that one-on-one time with the little ones, and again much cheaper, although they should get paid the most. For some reason daycare centers are the most costly although they should be the cheapest, then home daycare, then a nanny! Whatever you do know the place or person watching your child, there are some horror stories out there and you want your little one safe! Good luck!
Hi Vanessa - shot you a private message - I'm so sorry about all of your dilemna! Gosh don't I know all about it with three in college and one at home!
I wish I had some good advice - sounds like you've already gotten some thanks to all of the ladies who've posted here. Try not to worry too much, hunny - these things have a way of working it out. This is one idea - have you thought of consolidating bills like through an unsecured loan at your bank? They usually can cut interest rates of credit cards HUGELY and your payments on one loan can be lower than all of your payments put together. That helped us out a year ago and we were able to get our heads 'above water' so to speak!
Take care, girl, & tell Mom that if you get stretch marks, it's genetic - LOL!!!!!! - jen
V,sorry I can't help you much on disability & daycare.But just wanted to say YAY,I'm so exited your so far along.And Maddy????YOU HAVE A NAME????Tell me how are you?Miss you so much.Juliana & the kids miss tia V too :(
When you are lookn into in home daycare, really really do your research..... So far this year in my city alone, 5 have been shut down because of molestation cases. It wasn't the actual owner of the daycare, but the husband whom was doing it...... Just do your back ground checks, and call alot of the parents...... I am sure there are some great ones, but there are also some horrible ones too.
That is the best advice I can give ya. I got lucky cause I can stay home with our girls. But I don't think daycare is bad as long as you do your research.
In order to received WIC your income can not exceed $2600 gross a month :-( that is what it is in VA. I was able to get it for a year for Ryan. His formula is $26 a can and he goes through 12-13 can a month. I get 8 free a month. That saves me big time.
I cut a lot of stuff and worked parttime but am going to work at least 42hrs starting Jan. Ryan, Kala, and me are getting our own place to live - FINALLY I don't have to live with my mother anymore.
grammy and mommyluv!!! OH GIRLS!!!! i miss ya 2!!! what you've been up to!?!?! I am sorry i don't post on the fertility! i will visit i promise!!! =)) miss my girls over there!!!!!
Jenny! you CRACKED ME UP girl! can you imagine the fit my mom would throw if i'd say that?? i swear i hear one more 'put lotion on, kid!!!' and i'll rip that off!!!! LOL!!! that was great!
I will ask Bryan about it... i am sure about something tho, we got a double loan on our home and can't refinance until 3 years after bought (bought it 1 1/2 ago...), is that the same??
Comadre!!!!! que paso mamacita!!!?!?!?! I miss you too girl!!!! How's little Julie and the kiddos doing?? tell them tia V send muchos besitos!!! and a big HUG to my girl (osea, tu tontita)!!!!
Yes girl! we have a name!!! Madison!!! we don't have a middle one yet.... any suggestions??
Thank you all my girls here... I've been inquiring about all your suggestions and I do agree with k1990, I prefer a more personable envirionment for my little one!
Hey V - nah, don't refinance your home. It sounds like you have two mortgages on it (we do too) & you wanna leave it alone. Just approach your bank for a kind of debt consolidation loan (you don't have to call it that). You definitely want to see if you can get it unsecured (no collateral) if at all possible. Go to your bank not to any of these other 'debt consolidation' programs - just my advice, anyway. You'll be okay - it's just hard right now but things have a way of turning around really fast! I've learned that in my 44+ years of living. I'll pm ya later - take care girl!!!- Love ya, jen
That's how much they cost esp. special formula. I nurse for 7 months and DS was on formula for only 4-5 months. A can of Regular Nestle Soy is $25.00.
V: I totally get what you meant about your mother. I know we are from different countries but we have similar family values and we will always take out famil in but my god, they just won't leave you alone and still treat you like a 3 year old. Our moms want to control every aspect in our lives but they have forgotten we've grown up, have our own families and are supporting them.
I have talked to her counselor and she said it's not likely she will change, I will have to learn to live with it and just ignore her antics. I think she is better after Prozac. I hope it last.
Jenny- thank you girlfriend!!! I will definitely talk to the bank, we know a lady (Bryan does) that used to baby sit him or something and have a special friendship with the Sentz family.... so, she might be able to help us and not pay our butts off into interests... damn banks!
Dolly- he he he... they are so similar! the resemblance is sooooo close! I know exactly what you mean, our cultures are very tight as far as bonds, and mothers being overly protective!
She just doesn't care, and sometimes doesn't respect! we tell her let's just meet in a place (say, we are all at the mall...) at certain time, she doesn't show up!.... or she 'gives just her opinion' and tells you what you HAVE TO do (like 'you have to have 3 rags to clean your house instead of paper towels....' and then go out and buy them so she makes sure you do it! ahhh!!! and she tells me 5 times about how to use a G-damn rag!! lol), or how about calling my dog 'Mollie' when her name is 'Maggie'.... and me telling her every stinking time... 'it's Maggie mom....' and she just gets MAD AT ME!!! she's like 'oh!!! you understand!'.... urgh.... she even told me the other night 'you frustrate the hell out of me! why you keep correcting me! you know i mean your dog!'... im like: 'ok, so might as well name your granddaughter Mollie, instead of Madison so you get her right!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!' lol
Anywho.... we have them around...and that's what matters the most.... and crazy ladies or not, they are loving and 'in their very own way' they want the best for us.... (or them???) lol.....;)
Hehe, I like your last comment they want the best for us.... (or them???) lol.....;)
I am a little nervous since we argued so much the last time they stayed ( just her not my dad), how do you tell your mom she is wrong while not hurting her feelings and pride?
Hey, wait until Maddy is born, your mom might advise you to use cloth diapers.
no, really... I honestly know! and ask myself million times the same question you just asked! how can you say it nice enough so you don't hurt her (cuz boy! she cryes for about everything i say in 'the wrong' way!) or make her feel like c.rap!? What i do is pull out a truth with a joke...
She knows i never take anything serious, and im always laughing and making jokes... so, what i say in a sarcastic way, i laugh it right there infront of her and pretend i am laughing WITH her... you see? sometimes it backfires and she gives it to me right back... but usually she doesn't do a good job and just throws a fit on me instead of give it back with a sarcastic joke.... so we laugh 'with' (at) her even more... it's just funny!!!
then, she doesn't have any other choice than just laugh with us about whatever she did...or said....
other times i just have to 'cave' myself out to breathe and relax... or else i'll snap real nasty at her.... and then Troy war will be little compared to mommy's drama....
You are lucky, my mom is not the comic type. That was my dad's suggestion too. She just get so defensive then she shuts you out. I really hated it when there was time that she was pissed about something and "hide" downstairs and be pissed.
DH and I bought and apartment in China in hopes that when we need a break they can go back for a while. Can you image living in a country that you don't know the language, have no friends or relatives and they don't drive so they are stuck in the house all day?
Another thing is I feel like I am oligated to spend my weekend with them since they have been so bored......I resented that. I did it anyway but we live in a small town with limited things to do. I spent all this money subscribing online Chinese newspaper, Chinese TV stations via satelite, etc.. but it's still not a way to live....
Someday, I just want to cook a good old pot of gumbo that DH and I enjoy but they don't like it....
I am sorry, I am ramblingon but what can I do? I think I need to see a shrink.
ooh no dear, she's not comical.... we make it look like it is! she does the same thing!!! but she goes to 'her bedroom' and throws a hissy fit there.... either she's barking orders to everyone, or when we tell her to stop, she gets pissed, gets 'depressed' and goes to cave up in her room and not come out the entire damn day!!!!
I feel the exact same way!!!!! like I HAVE TO keep them entertained! specially in the winter! OMG!!!!!
I mean, my daddy 'speaks' some english, enought to get around... she doesn't, nor she tries...=/ but, my dad can adapt to pretty much ANYTHING! he's so awesome, he's one of those people who has a good time everywhere and uder any circumstance! he just enjoys life so much! my mom complains, barks orders and makes him miserable!
Anyway, so, I told them yesterday (since it wasn't gonna be as cold or windy) to just go grab the bus and go to the mall or something and I could go pick them up after work... then, go to grab some groceries and done! that way, we get home early, they would spend their day out and about and we are all happy at the end of the day.....
oh no..... not with my mother... i came to pick them up, went to walmart... and my mom is taking her SWEET A$$ time right? so i tell her to hurry up and all i hear is: 'uh... like always, you always rush me!!'
Im just like 'are you kidding me?' 'you spent all day out... i am butt tired, pregnant, hungry, just worked 9 hours straight.... and you tell me this cr.p????'
all of a sudden, im the bad guy of the movie.....
she throoooows a fit telling me the reason (i was feeling sick of starving!!) my belly is hurting is because i get mad too much.... so.... i of course got PISSED! and told her 'mom, you just don't have respect for me do you?? i am telling you i am hungry, i am tired, my belly hurts, i am 5 months pregnant, my back aches... all i wanna do after a loooong work day is go home, devour a cow and sit my fat tooshie on the couch and see my hubby!!!' 'we tell you to hurry up and you just blow us off, do your c.rap, and not care, and i have some bad news for you..' i said 'when baby comes, it's not gonna be all about what 'gramma' wanna do anymore!! it's gonna be about baby and her mother!!! we are gonna be tied at home, and we won't go shopping every stinking day anymore!!! so, you decide!'
she just kept quiet,.... and then said 'ok ok.... i might be wrong.... ok, just forget it ok???'
im just like... 'unbelievable'.....
this is SO much BS.... she does NOT have a bit of consideration for anyone else.... i mean, even to the point of yelling at my dad for eating the strawberries out of the sundae we are sharing!!!!!!!
so, i do feel what you do girl.... i resent my mother for being so selfish and all she thinks and is worried about is her her her!!!! =( and guess what... if i talk to her, she takes it all wrong and throws a fit, cryes and tells me she's such a burden to us... blah blah blah.....
ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!!! and i can't even get drunk right now.......... *sighs*
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