Baby Jake is here - questions please help

[cantwait4baby]

I now have a 2 year old and a newborn and my 2 year old (turned 2 May 10th) hates her brother.  I did everything the doctor told me to do and I include her in everything but she still hits him every chance she can get.  Up until her brother came home she was this sweet and innocent little girl now she is a crazy 2 year old.  She is always in time out and I just dont know what to do.  Did anyone else go through this?  How long will it last?  Poor Jake, I have to keep him in his pack n play all day so she does not hurt him.  

Also, wow, nobody warned me about circumsicision boy did I cry when they brought me my poor baby boy back after that.  I had the "blues" for about 2 weeks after that.  My first c-section was the best experience, my 2nd c-section was so painful.  I had a horrible recovery.  They said it was because it was my 2nd.

Just wanted to stop in and say hi - I dont get much time on the computer anymore.  Hope all of you ladies are doing well.

[tatorbug40]

Hi-  first of all Congratulations!!!  

I have a 4yo dd and a 18m ds---  so dd was 3 when ds was born-  but I think I would have had the same problem if she had been a year younger.....   she was a lot easier to reason with at 3 then at 2!  When I got pregnant first, she was just turning 2 (I actually had a d&c on her second birthday)-  we told her there was a baby in my belly, and she just kept saying "no, no baby- I no want a baby"....  I lost that baby, and 5 months later I was pregnant again-  and even in those 5 months she matured so much that she was more accepting of the baby (her brother)---  so in time I am sure she will outgrow it-  but I am sure there are lots of moms on here who have two closer in age then mine who will give suggestions!

My pedi does not do circumsicions-  only 1 doc in that office does them, and he was out the week Colten was born-  I was so upset,  I wanted it done in the hospital, and over with!  I was so worked up out the whole thing-  I just didn't want to think about it-  thank god my mom was still here when we took him into the office the following week to have it done-  I waited in the waiting room and my mom stayed in there with him-  she is a mother of 2 boys-  my first was a girl too-  and they come ready to go....  :)  it was hard for me too!  

Lastly,  did the same doc do both of your c-sections?  I had 2 c-sections and a myomectemy (sp?)---  the latter first-  so I had 3 similar incisions---  my last recovery was the easiest-  but I had 3 different doctors preform the surgeries....  I figured it was because the last doc was the best....  but who knows...  it is also probably harder for you because you have 2 little ones now, and not just a new born....

make time for grown up time-  I didn't have the "blues" so much after my dd-  but I think I had a little ppd following my ds, just because it was a lot more work with a newborn and a toddler....  there were some days that I thought I would lose it.....   luckily I had good friends-  some in real life and some on here who helped me out a lot!  so make sure you get time for you too----  I think that is what lead mostly to my feeling down at first after ds birth!  

Again congrats!!!!  

[jenstam]

WOW...already!? I can't believe how fast time flies! Do you have pictures posted? Welcome baby Jake! Congrats!
Have you talked with a pediatrician about your daughters behavior? She must be quite jealous to be sharing the attention. Try including her, asking her to get you a diaper, asking her to help you bathe him, etc, etc...maybe she feels left out? I hope my Brody doesn't act like that! I didn't have a negative experience with any of my girls but Brody might be a different story. He is so spoiled by us!
I'm sorry you had a bad experience with your c-section. Are you feeling better now?

[have 2 kids]

Congratulations!
My daughter was 4 when our son was born.  At first she was very excited but then she
decided he was boring and cried too much.  She asked us to send him back.  
It will just take time.  

[lovethebops]

Nice to hear how you are doing. Congrats on the little boy! He is adorable.

My oldest was 2 1/2 when I had my second, and I went through a little of what you have described. It can be tough, that age and dealing with a newborn. My baby is now almost 19 moths old, and I still feel overwhelmed- I think just the fact that going from 1 child to 2 is more difficult than I ever could have known. But, your dd looked like she was being really sweet in the pics. I would just keep including her, and try to spend time with her alone whenever you get a chance. I know that is easier said than done. It is a period of adjustment for all in the family, so bumps are bound to come up. I think all of us have gone through this, those that have more than 1 child. My mother told me when I was younger that I was horribly jealous when my brother was born, but we are nearly 4 years apart.
My dd had moments, and they still do now, they fight over toys and attention all the time. I just take one thing at a time. Your dd will adjust in time, it may take a while, since she is used to being the baby and having the spotlight on her.

I have no advice on circumcision, as I have only girls and I don't believe in them. The only way to have avoided that, is well, not doing it. I hope he is healing well and just fine. I have no experience with c-sections either.

But, congrats on the healthy baby boy!

Bops

[mami1323]

Congrats, was waiting to hear from you.  I think it's all about adjustment.  She's so used to being the only child that she wants no part of the new baby.  I guess for now just keep your eye on them and try to give her some alone time as often as you can.

As for circumcisions, yep, I bawled my eyes out when we had Jayden's done.  He cried so much every time we changed him.  Finally it healed but I vowed never to do it again.

[Tanker Chic]

Sorry about your troubles.. If I carry to term, my son will be 17 to 18 months when his little brother is born.  I hope hope hope he is accepting of the new baby...  I also didn't get him circumcised, so I can't help you there either.. I basically just wanted to congradulate you and wish you the very best!!

[mum2beagain]

Congratulations on the birth of Jake. I think it is quite nornal for a 2 year old to not be too happy about the baby, it's a big change for everyone and big changes affect toddlers the hardest. Right now he isn't much fun for her to have around but wait and see, once he gets a bit older they will become the best of friends.
Best wishes

[AnnieBrooke]

Don't try to force her to interact with him, or with you on his behalf (like asking her to help you with diapers, etc.)  She wants YOU, not him, and what she wants from you is reassurance that she is your special little wonderful one, just the way she used to be, and that nothing can break into that.  

A book that I thought was very helpful is Siblings Without Rivalry, which is readily available on Amazon.  They make tremendous and useful points about the displacement an older child feels when the younger, obviously needier, one comes along and gets all of mom's energy.  Try really hard to spend time with her alone.  Do her favorite and special things that can't be done with the baby, and especially, let her talk to you about the fact that she doesn't want the baby to be there without judgment.  (One woman in the book, when she finally broached this subject with her 4-year-old, said she was so overwhelmed with the anger and misery her daughter blurted out that she was really relieved when the phone rang and she had to answer it, because she doubted she could have taken any more.)  But giving kids the chance to vent and learn that mommy understands and won't be mad or the ceiling won't fall in, actually allows them to make room in their heart for the attraction and affection they also have for their sib.  I strongly recommend the book.

There is also a good book on adding a second child to the family whose author is Judy Dunn.  I think it the best of the lot on that topic, though if I had to go with just one book it would be Siblings Without Rivalry.

[AnnieBrooke]

Oh, one of the reasons I thought of Siblings Without Rivalry is that the authors don't recommend timeouts because they say they don't work.  Since that sounded like your experience too, their advice might be just generally on a better track for getting through to your daughter.

[peekawho]

My oldest son hated my youngest, but he got over it in about 30 years or so.

[AnnieBrooke]

And I'll bet they started sharing bunkbeds and stuff.  So heartwarming.

[cantwait4baby]

haha - thank you all for your posts.  I think Eva is going to be the type of Big Sister that always beats her brother up but if someone else tries to hit him she will beat the **** out of them.  She is so good with other kids, she shares her toys and everything just not happy about sharing her parents I guess.

Peek, can I take these sticker stitches off yet?  You know those things they put on after they take the staples out?  It has been 4 weeks and they are pretty much hanging off.  

I am going searching on Amazon now to find help :)

[peekawho]

4 weeks?  Didn't your doctor see you at 2 weeks post partum?   good grief, they usually fall off long before this.

[cantwait4baby]

no I dont go back until 6 week weeks post partum - they are starting to fall off but I could not remember when I took them off the last time.  I am just now 4 weeks post partum.

[Me2mommy2b]

Congratulations!  DD was 18 months when I had DS.  She screamed every time he cried at first.  Then she got used to him and wanted to help.  Then she wanted nothing to do with him b/c he was boring and slept too much.  Then she didn't want to share me with him and was unhappy when I was breastfeeding him/changing his diapers, etc.  Now, almost 16 months later, they're best friends.  They all go through this love/hate and you gotta give it some time.  I wouldn't put her in time outs b/c it aggravates the whole thing, IMO.  Good luck and I'd read the book that Annie recommended.  I heard good reviews.  Good luck.

[daisymomlove]

I understand completely what you're saying.  My daughter is two and my step daughter is two as well.   My daughter was used to helping with the babies and all that stuff.  Once in a blue moon shell get alittle jeliouse but she acts out like a baby.  But my step daugher.......that's  a different story.  She will act like she is all lovey dovey one moment then the next like she hates the newborn.  It's actually very normanl and they'll out grow it.  But in the same time you just feel so guilty because as much as you try to devide your time the baby obviously needs it the most.   What I've been doing to help this situation is getting some me and mommy time with my two year old.  Yeah they might feel good about helping mommy do big grown up help and being the big sister or brother that helps.  But if you can get someone to watch the baby a couple days out of the week for a couple of hours, go take your son or daughter out somewhere where they like to go or do something to where the baby isn't around.  This makes them be assured that although mommy is very busy with the new baby, you didn't forget about your ds or dd and still love them just as much.  Keep us posted and try that and let me know if that works for you as well.  Good luck!