Baby Name & Venting a little about ex

Ok, my Ex has gotten out of control.  Now he has chose not to help me at all - not going to buy the crib for me or anything else.  He says since i lived with him in the past and didn't pay anything, I can get everything on my own.  He won't even consider buying anything and he has money in the bank and I have very little.  He told me last night that I he doesn't make enough money to help me.  Funny, he has about 35000 in the bank and another 7500 in tax refund coming to him.  All I want is some things that the baby needs and some help with my medical bills.  I told him he would have to pay me back for some of the money that I spend on getting ready for the baby and money for medical bills - he said no way - he will just be forced to by the courts - now should I still let him have a say in the baby's name?  He doesn't like any of the names I like, but really I'm not sure he is even going to be in the baby's life.  What last name should he have?  I really don't want to give him his dad's last name if he is acting this way.  I don't know if he is going to change or if he was just out of control last night.  I am so confused.

[deanne11]

All I know is that when we were expecting, we were not married yet.  If we didn't get married prior to the baby's birth the baby would have my name....no questions asked.  Then formally change the name later.

I would give the baby your name and he doesn't need to be involved.  He doesn't want to be involved financially now then he doesn't/shouldn't get the other privledges either.

Good Luck.

By the way....I like the name

[Hulahut]

Hi Kris - I love the name, and I absolutely 100% agree with some of the posters that you should give your child YOUR name.  You can always change it later, if things get better.  This must be so tough for you - I feel for you, and I hope you can stay strong and RELAX as much as possible during these last weeks of pg.  Hang in there - for you and your baby's sake.  Good luck, and I'm thinking of you.

[ika]

I don't know your laws? But if you are not married the baby should take your surname. That's how it works in South Africa.

[marra]

for me , he would not get a say in anything ! he has refused to support you and your child so he has no say in names . officially you are a single mum so baby has your name anyway . good luck x x

[kris123]

that is what I think - I want to name him Nathan Douglas.  The middle name is my dad's name.  

[LisaLuke]

I agree with Marra if hasn't supported you in any way then he shouldn't have a say until he starts taking responsibility for his child.  He sounds like a very selfish man

[mslkpage]

I don't think he should have any say in the baby's first name, but I'm not so sure on the last name. A good friend of mine gave her son his father's last name (they were not married and kind of on again, off again at that time). There were times that she wished she hadn't, but overall she's glad she did. Her son does have a relationship with his father (he's 9 now), so it's not confusing for him to have a different last name than his mom.

What is your gut telling you to do? You're definitely justified if you want to give the baby your last name, so do what's right for you.

[kris123]

My gut is kinda leaning towards his last name because some where deep down inside I think he will have something to do with him.  His issues as far as I can see are with me and money - i think he thinks I'm after his money.  He did say he would be there for the birth.  It is the money issue that gets him very upset.

[ImmortalOne]

I agree, he shouldn't have any say at all.  And as for him helping, make him, take him to court and be done with it.  You'll need some of that cash he is hording and not willing to use for his kid.

[marra]

could you double barrell his surname ? if he wants to be at birth then he needs to step up and be a dad not just the farther .he should buy direct things for baby ie pram /cot instead of giving you cash so he can never say you spent his money .

[taysmommy]

i would give him your name, my mom was in your situation and back when i was born the child ALWAYS got the dads name, and he had nothing to do with me, i despiratly wanted my moms name growing up, i almost felt like i wasnt a whole part of thier family (of course i was) but my mom has four brothers, so all my cousins had their last name, i still hate my maden name, it kinda has a stigma in my family since my father was such a dog,

just wanted to show you a glipse into the future if this guy chooses not to have anything to do with the baby

and this was just my experience, it may turn out to be nothing like this in yours

good luck on everything!

[brittany smithson]

Hey i just wanted to run this by you, first off when my son was born me and his dad were not married (and together) but i gave him my last name and when we got married i changed it. I live in Arkansas and i have a friend and she gave the baby the dad's last name and she would let him and his parents see the baby and one day she went to get him and they would not let her have him, so the she called the police to see if they would go with her to get her son back and do you know they said there is nothing they can do because the baby's last name was the same as his so he had rights and she would have to go to court to get him back it was awful and she was very upset it even hurt me i could'nt imagine someone having your child and the police would'nt even get him back so any how i wanted you to hear that story.

[kris123]

Thanks everyone.  I think I will name him Nathan Douglas with my last name.  You know when you have the right name and I feel like this is his name - it just fits for me I can't explain it.  I do have a 11 year old with her dad's last name so I don't want to have two children with different last names then mine.  My daughter father doesn't have much to do with her but she is to the point where she don't care.  I asked if she wanted to change her last name she said no because my last name doesn't sound right to her - funny in a way.  She said if it sounded right she would change it.  

[Gohawks]

Sorry to hear that your ex is being an a**hole!  Mine is just confusing me so much right now.  We agreed on a name we both like before we seperated, but never talked about last names.  Well, my son will be having my last name and then his last name second.  Because my ex says and seems like he wants to be in the babies life.  If he wasnt at all supporting me or helping me I wouldnt give my baby his last name.  Good luck girl!