Behavioral advice for my 3 year old PLEASE!

Let me start with background information. I am a single mother who works 40 hours a week, my sons father and I ended our relationship when he was 1. Things were very rocky after that his father never sees him and has had no contact for a year and a half. However I have been in a healthy relationship for close to 2 years now. My current bf works crazy hours so we don't see alot of each other. My son is a loving, VERY smart boy, however his behavioral issues are driving me CRAZY. If he doesn't like something you say or a punishment it could be throwing things , hitting, PEEING or POOPING on the floor (peeing is the most common when he is isolated in timeout in his room).This has been going on to this extreme for close to a year. I have taken everything out of his room and closet even his curtains because he wont stop pulling them off the wall when he is supposed to be sleeping or in timeout. I also work crazy hours so its hard to have a definite routine and I will admit that there are certain weeks when I am burnt out that I do lack on discipline. I can't spank him anymore I feel so awful with the extreme I have to spank him for misbehaving or simply not listening.He doesn't respond to toys being taken away or to timeouts. He responds to isolated timeouts like in his room but then he goes and pees on the floor or pulls down his curtains. I was thinking that maybe something was wrong with him but then I look up the things he does and it always says its a toddler  issue. I NEED ADVICE PLEASE before I go crazy. THANK you so much!

Katie

[mchicha]

Let me first say that this too shall pass!  As a mom of 4 kids ranging in age from 26 to 5, and solo parent for the vast majority of the time,  I don't know why everyone carries on so much about the "terrible two's", when it's really the "terrible three's" that are the worst!  

Schedule is very important to kids and can help a lot with behavior.  Try to follow the same routine, i.e order and pattern of things that are done, even if they occur at different times.  For example, if some nights bedtime is at 7 and other nights it is a different time, you should still do all the same steps regardless of time (bath, brush teeth, story or quiet playtime with mom, then sleep).  

Also, start rewarding good behavior - I will tell you that my 5 year old is without a doubt the most pigheaded of all my kids and I absolutely swear by cheap bribery.  :)  The Dollar Tree (where everything is just a buck) is my favorite store and his too.  He thinks he's gotten a real treat when I tell him that if he doesn't throw a fit (over whatever it may be) we will take a trip to Dollar Tree and he can choose ANYTHING in the store.  

At three, they are old enough to be learning not to throw, etc., but they also are still immature enough that the behaviors are going to happen.  Since timeouts seem to be counterproductive at this point, try going back to earlier basics and just redirect him to doing something else after reminding him that throwing is not allowed.

Accidents at age 3 are not uncommon at all, particularly with boys (again, my own experience!).  Don't get mad about it - just say something like "oh no!  you had an accident!"  Don't make him feel bad about it or you may be dooming yourself to a longer wait for full training.

Last bit of advice - it sounds as though you have a really hectic schedule.  Make sure you take some time every day to focus just on him - get down in the floor and play or read stories.  Let him help you some in the kitchen (away from the stove, of course) or let him help you sweep or mop (my kid is obsessed with using the Swiffer right now).  Get some non-toxic watercolor poster paints and let him paint in the bathtub.  I think you are both feeling the stress of you being stretched too thin.

I hope some of this helps.  Again, just hang in there - it's hard work being a single parent.

[melimeli]

I suggest reading love and logic for toddlers it is great!