Bi-racial children, how tough is it?

[shell317]

I know this subject can be tough to discuss, but I'm curious about some things and would like any input or experiences.

A little history first. I 40 years of age and 12w 2d pg with my third child.  My other two daughters are from a previous relationship and both are African American (black).

ISSUE #1: I married a German man a few years ago and we are expecting our first together.  I'm really curious of what the baby may look like.  I know that the brown gene is dominant and the child will probably be "malto".  My skin is a medium reddish brown and for some reason I have fine blonde to red hairs that are all over my body (arms, legs and more blonde on the abdomen).My Doctors have always commented on this.  My husband, is not the typical German because he as  brown hair and light brown eyes. I have a friend that I work with who is Hispanic and husband is caucasian.  Her husband has brown hair green eyes and she has dark brown eyes and dark hair (darker than mine) and a dark skin tone (olive).  Well her son (my god-son)is very fair skin with blonde hair and blue eyes.  This cause problems in TX, on many occasions people have ask if she was his nanny and looking for a new job.  They are shocked that she is the mother and sometimes she is hurt by the insensitive comments.

ISSUE #2:  My youngest daughter is 5 and the oldest is 18 years of age.  How will the 5 year old view this difference, she is aware of color and know that her stepfather is not her father due to the color.  Her response is "its okay that you are my white daddy".  How do you think she will feel about the new addition or how should I explain it to her?  I don't want to pretend that there is no difference, because I feel it's better to be truthful and deal with the situtation head on.

I apologize for the length of this topic, but really would appreicate diffrent views on the subject.

[babyprayers]

the world is tough these days. MY ADVISE AND OPINION.. do not let color interfere in your life, it doesnt matter what color your children are or are not, stress that to your five year old. I know nothing about you and I dont know if you believe in a higher being,. But Tell her we are all gods children and this is what was meant to be, Later, there may be problems if her friends are black and they give her a hard time about things teach her to defend her younger sibling and her family. not easy I know, but well worth it in the end, my neighbor is as pale as a sheet of paper and has 3 children of mixed race. my daughter who is friends with her middle child (9 years old) asked only once why is **** darker then me, I gave her a long lecture,.NOW when kids pick on her friend because she is different then them (primarly white school) my daughter is right there to stick up for her friend, and the kids will listen. so thats my opinion.

[shell317]

I aprreicate your thoughts and comments.  Yes I believe in a higher being and I think that was great to tell my five year old that we are all God's children.  I honestly have not thought of that. She is lucky because she speaks German and goes their twice of year.  The baby will likely be bi-lingual as well.

[anxiousmomtobe?]

I really think that this will work out fine.  I have mixed ancestry cousins, nieces and nephews.  They are very accepting of their relatives who obviously are of a differant race.  I find in our large extended family the differances are often noted with humor (my 3 year old cousin telling me that white folks don't know how to do hair).  The reality is that there are many ignorant folks out there who will have rude things to say, teach your kids to ignore them.  Surround your family with people of all colours, sizes, ages and ethnic groups and they will have a rich full life.

It will be really interesting to see what this new baby looks like.....it's kind of like opening a treasure chest.

God bless you and your family.

[DollChina]

My baby is mixed race as well.  You will just have to tell them we are all equal and your children are no different than the others.  Teach them to be proud and teach them to respect people's differences.  I really don't have an answer as today's world being so complicated and evil at times.  All you can do is to teach them your value and guide them to make the right decision.  Only if all parents are doing the same....

[BusyMom92960206]

I have two kids from a previous relationship that are white.  I have two boys that are mixed and a little girl on the way that will also be mixed.  I am white, my husband is a pretty brown (african-american).  My kids look white, all of them, but the boys look just like their father.  You can go to myspace and check it out if you want(http://www.myspace.com/busymom92960206
or  http://www.myspace.com/mommie2moni -this one is my sister's but she has a lot more pics of the kids that are up to date.  You can also see how dark her little boy is as well.  Anyway, my kids consider my husband their father, because he has had them since they were smaller.  I raised them not to see color, even though they know the differences in races, but they do not look at their brothers as being any different than they are.  My daughter (the oldest who is white) gets a lot at school about, is she bi-racial because they know my husband is her dad, and then she is shaped like I was when I was younger (and I do believe there are some different races in my family, but I don't know a lot about my biological dads side of the family).  So nowdays, she tells them yes just so they will leave her alone.  Other than that, we really don't have a lot of issues, except a lot of times people wonder if my two youngest are actually my husbands since they are so fair.  Anyway, I wouldn't worry to much.  This is the 21st century, people need to get over certain things, you know?  Everything should be fine.  I wish you the best of luck.

[pixijal]

Sorry, I can't help you....
But I think bi racial children are soooo beautiful!
Congrats on your pregnancy!!!

[Pamed34]

You know don't worry about what other people think about your children if they are bi-racial because it's the way you raise them and what you teach them as their growing up.  I am 23w pregnant with my first child and I'am white and my husband is black.  I live in TX and I have more people thinking I am hispanic because of my olive skin tone because of having American Indian and Cajun in my family.  Yes it is tough at times especially when you go to Mexico and visit and they think your Mexican.  I don't worry about things like that anymore because after being married to my husband for 14yrs I overlook ignorant people.  So enjoy your first baby with your new husband and don't worry about other people because their not the ones raising your children.  Take care and enjoy.

[shell317]

All of your comments just about bought me to tears, I know I am emtional wreck and cry all the time anyway.  

Your comments are so supportive and gives me an excellent way of looking at this stituation.  When I'm in Germany with my husband's family it is so different, it is like no one notices my color but notice my acient when I butcher their lanuguage (lol).

Thank you so much for your comments.  If it's a boy it will probably be the first biracial kid who name starts with "Hans", but that is okay.

Michelle

[sheddybear]

My husband is eastern indian and I am caucasin but I have olive skin and dark brown hair/eyes.  We had our first child 3 months ago and she is light skinned like me.  Surprisingly she doesn't look mixed based on her skin tone.  SHe has indian features like her dad though. But we thought she'd be born with dake olive looking skin tone especially since the darker gene is most dominant. But she wasn't.

My brother in law and his wife (also white but really pale skin, blonde hair and blue eyes) had a child and she is as dark as her father was when he was a baby!!  And her hair is basically black!

My point is you can NEVER tell which way the genes will go when it comes to inter-racial children.  

As far as the issue with having inter-racial children....   Quite frankly I'm used to getting stares every now and then from some people (especially elderly) when me and my husband go out so it doesn't really bother me.  I personally can care less!  But I also understand the impact it can have on a child.  I believe in raising my children to not "see" color as God doesn't see color.   I will teach them to understand that some people are closed-minded and anything they may say to them derogatorily doesn't matter.  They need to have self esteem and be proud of their culture and where they came from.  Plus, in general most people nowadays aren't like they used to be.  But i think that might be dependent on where you live too.

[blessed_mommy]

I have two multi-cultural children, a boy and a girl.  I say multicultural because I am black and DH is mexican and white.  I live in Cincinnati and this is not  a racially friendly city.  We are raising our children to be proud of all of their heritages but it will be difficult.  DH's Mexican side of the family wants nothing to do with me because I am black and only wanted to see the children when they saw they had light skin and fair hair.  Luckily for me, they live in California so my children will never have to be a witness to this. I'm not sugar-coating anything with my children because a lot of the world does not go for the "we all bleed the same blood" speech and they need to be prepared for that.  A lot of people in my city expect one to define themselves by a specific race if they are mixed.  Heck, my DH considers himself to be Mexican only.  It's going to be a never ending story because no matter how far along we have come, society is not ready for race mixing.  My children are blessings and they are beautiful.  I don't make excuses for my family but I will prepare them for what is out there.  You cannot worry what other people say or think.  If you love your partner, that is all you should be concerned about and you raise your children to the best of your ability and everything will fall into place.  There is always going to be some difficult avenue in life and this just happens to be one of them.  Expand your family and continue to be blessed with happiness :)

[tiredbuthappy]

i have been working with young children (up to age 5) for many years. it's amazing how they really don't care about skin and hair color (as long as they're not exposed to negative influences from others). my guess is that at 5, your daughter may notice the difference, but won't care or be affected, especially since she has been exposed and has relationships with people of different races (like your dh). as far as other children commenting... for years i worked in a preschool in an upper-class, predominantly white community. there were a few black children in the school, but most classes had only one or no black children. even in such a homogenous setting, i never heard a negative racial comment among the children. today's early childhood classrooms and teachers are required to incorporate character education and tolerance into every aspect of daily life (not just Martin Luther King Day). Racial differences are addressed very matter of factly, and i have heard children discuss who's skin is the same as whose, whose is darker, etc... but in a very innocent, observant way. (just like these days 4 year olds will sit at the snack table and matter-of-factly discuss who celebrates which holidays at home). i honestly hope that all of these efforts are producing a generation of tolerant, educating children who will carry these values throughout life.

(i do have throw out there that i also agree that some of the most beautiful children i have seen are of mixed races- they always seem to get the very best features of each race!)

[vsentz]

I absolutely LOVE the name Hans.......
I married a whiter than white german/irish/norwegian descendant 'gringo' (very very handsome, by the way ;)) and I am dark (not too terribly looking) mexican....=)......i honestly believe my kids are gonna be GORGEOUS!....dark or not....blue eyed or black like mine......i think they are gonna be angels! =)
I am very curious too about what my angel baby girl looked like.......before she grew wings.....but i know i will meet her real soon........and see her little face......and then, I am gonna type here and brag about how beautiful my baby turned out! =)

And if I ever have a boy, please don't get mad if i name him 'Hans!' =))