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Bonding While in NICU
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Bonding While in NICU

Ladies I am afraid that me and my baby won't bond much while he is in NICU.  My mom just got off the phone with me and told me that I wasn't up there enough.  I make one trip a day for 1-3 hours, but I have just been trying to heal after my c-section.  Is that wrong of me?  Should I be up there more?  I know that he knows when I am there and knows my voice.  Do you think I should be concerned?  She said that I should be up there for hours at a time (more than what I do), for like a whole day, and if I get tired to sleep in the chair in his room.  I want to bond with Isaac and see him more, but I also like to be at home to rest so I am feeling good when he gets home so I can focus on him and not him and me... she said when she had me and had a c-section she went right back to cleaning and laundry once she got home... should I be doing the same?
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12 Comments Post a Comment
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278664_tn?1319843759
I think you are the best decision maker for your self.  You were able to bond with him during pregnancy and the few hours you go and see are just fine.  Some people may have a different feeling (like your mom) but like you said you need lots of rest to right now.  It sounds like your mother was trying to super mom, but that was her decision and her body.  If you don't feel like doing laundry, cooking, cleaning, then don't do it take a couple of days off and just rest.  You need to do what is best for you and for your baby, just take the advice from your mom, it doesn't mean you have to use it.  When you feel more rested you may want to stay up with your baby longer, but for now just take it one day at a time. Good luck to you and your baby. :o)
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120255_tn?1197070547
I have 2 babies in the NICU right now and have been for a month. I have been spending all day every day there, but the exhaustion is catching up to me.  The nurses have all been telling me to take care of myself first so I can take care of my baby later.  They keep reminding me that the babies are well cared for, so it's important that if you feel like you need to rest at home, then do so.  If you feel like spending more time later on after you've healed some more, then you can.  Everyone is different, and I'm sure you'll have plenty of time to bond with your baby later.
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Avatar_n_tn
You have to do what you feel right with doing. And you do need to take time to make sure you are healing. My daughter was also in the NICU, and for me. I was there for every feeding during the day 6am, 9 am, 12pm, 3pm,6pm 9 pm. I couldn't leave until she was sleeping again because it was to hard for me. The first night I was discharged and she wasnt me and dh   stayed in the nicu and just slept in the rocking chair next to her. Dh also would get up and call after her midnight feeding, and if she ate good, then he went back to sleep, if she wasnt eating and they were going to do the feeding tube I wanted to get up and be at the 3 am feeding to see if that would help. I think as long as you are there, seeing him, holding him loving him then thats good. my daughter was the youngest in the NICU (34 weeks) and the only one who could eat with a feeding tube we think its because we were at every feeding (when I was still in the hospital we got up for every feeding) the little girl net to my daughter, the mom only came every other day and she would wake up and look around when I would be visiting my daughter. I think she was getting used to my voice instead of her mothers. It was hard for me to be at every feeding, I bled for a long time because I was always running back and forth, or walked around Target inbetween feedings, but I couldnt walk away from her. Thats just what I felt right doing, and Im glad I did that. You need to do what you feel right doing and be glad for your decision. Believe me your child knows you, and you are bonding when you are there and once he's home you'll have plenty of time to bond. You know how you are feeling, and if your body needs more time to heal and rest then give it that. Believe me there wont be any time once hes home =)
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Avatar_f_tn
Well and I realize that I won't be able to just rest once he is home, which is why I feel comfortable doing that until he is.  It just bothered me that she told me I wasn't there enough, because that is one of my fears that he won't know who I am and that I won't be able to take care of him well.  But... I know he knows who I am right now.  I tried to come up with something that I did that no one else did so he knew it was me, so I stroke his nose when I come and talk to him.  I didn't realize how many other moms had babies in NICU- that is very encouraging to me.
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Avatar_f_tn
I think a good idea would be to sing or talk to him when you are there.  He knows your voice from being inside of you. I'm certain it would be comforting to him to hear you speak or sing.  
I'm sorry your going through this. It's really unimaginable. I wish you guys all the luck in the world.  
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167_tn?1374177417
I just sent you a private message. I was hospitalized due to exhaustion a week after my son was born and in the NICU. I was doing too much too soon. I wanted to bond with him and didn't want to leave his side and they told me that I was going through so much and being too hard on myself and I was exhausted. Take care of you. Your son will be home with you soon and you will have lots of bonding to catch up on. I'm not sure if you have family and friends that can help out, but if so, have them go up there also, to hold and love him. The nurses I found were very loving in the NICU too. Get your rest. You are going to need it.
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127529_tn?1331844380
I is not the amount of time you are spending with him it's the quality of that time. Ask the NICU nurses about kangaroo care; it has been shown to be very helpful when getting NICU babies to bond with thier parents. I am shocked that your mother hasn't been more supportive.
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167_tn?1374177417
Kangaroo care is an awesome, amazing experience. And mum2beagain is right. It's quality, not quantity.
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Avatar_f_tn
Why doesn't your mother go down there and spend some quality time with her new grandson?
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172023_tn?1334675884
I agree totally with everyone else.  You have to heal and recover yourself, or you won't be able to care for him when he comes home.
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173820_tn?1224939758
Its deft the hardest situation for a mother to have her child in the NICU..my son was there for 2 months and he was two hours away..I did make the drive there every day and I did sit there ALL day at first..we spent thousands on hotels near the hospital bc I couldnt leave his side...then I stared to hemmorage (sp?) because of NOT resting...which made it impossible to sit there even for a few hours bc i was in so much pain...I agree with the other girls..its deft the quality of time you spend with your son..not how much time...because when he gets home you deft need to be well rested and ready...dont feel guilty..dont let your mom guilt you..i know our nicu allowed grandparents in with the parents permission...try to go during his primary care hours..are you far from the nicu?  if his cares are every three hours...try to stay for a few hours..go home and rest and make it back for his next care..this way you can take part in the feeding, bathing, diapering..etc...best of luck..and it will get better..and remember he's well taken care of when your not there : )
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193609_tn?1292183893
My son spent 6 1/2 weeks in the NICU over an hour away. I had a c-section as well. I spent about 4-5 hours a day with him. However, about a week after I got released, my incision got infected and I was back in the hospital. Two weeks after that, they found 9 blood clots in my leg and I was again hospitalized. Being away from Ashtyn KILLED me, and I would just sit and cry about not being there for him. I called about every 2 hours, and especially after feedings, to get updates from the staff. I had to pump because he was 2 months early and was not able to breast feed, by order of the doctors. So, basically, I felt like i got NO bonding time with my little man, and it tore me up. Hpwever, he is home now, and he and I do GREAT!!!! Don't let anyone tell you that you are not there enough!!! Becasue all I could do for my son was at each feeding, I took his temp, changed his diaper, and held his tube for his feeding. Its really hard having a baby in the NICU and its important for people to understand that.
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