Can't take it anymore;(

My DH is driving me nuts!!!!!!   He had been a non smoker for a year in December, but was drinking one night at a Christmas party and smoke one. Which led to two then three and so on.  So he was hiding it behind my back that he had started up again.  I noticed one day b/c I could smell him.  I went throught the ups and downs with him the first time around and now having to go through it again.
I can't take it anymore.  Lately he has been sooooo mean and ill towards me.  He smokes during the week although he says he is trying super hard to quit, but not really.  And then on the weekends he is no fun to be around.  He says things I am sure he doesn't mean and just is a pain in the a**.  
I posted earlier today about having contraction and hurting.  I am 34 weeks today and so last night we went to dinner at a friends house for a baby shower.  I was hurting pretty bad, but just wanted to go to be around others since I was cooped up in the house all day.  On the way home I decided I wanted to go in to the hospital (which is 5 mintues from the friends house and mine) b/c I would rather be safe than sorry.  I was having contractions every 3-5 mins and they checked me and I am 2 cm dilated and 75% effaced.  The whole time DH was complaining about it and saying that I probably wasn't even in pain...WHAT????  He just was saying the meanest things to me, b/c I had gotten onto him today about smoking and then he was being very rude to our 19 month old as well. The whole time she wanted her Mommy instead of him and so he got offended I am sure.  It was 10 and she usually is in bed, but of course wasn't b/c there was a lot going on.  She was screaming for me and he would pop her.  What for????  If he would've just told her things would be ok and try and calm her she wouldn't have screamed for me.  This made me very upset.  He just kept going on about me....like it was retarted I even went to the hospital. What does he know.  He has never experienced anything remotely close to labor.  This made my BP go up to 143/93. So they kept me longer.  I am about to have a mental break down now.  HE was just complaining about having to get up to go to work @ 5...well sorry I was in pain.  I just want to cry, but I know that will just cause me to continue to have more and more contractions.  Everything turned out fine...no infections!  So that was good, but he then said, oh we should've just stayed home...we could've done that at home.  Whatever!  Sorry for this being so long, but I have no one else to talk to about this.  He tells me one thing and then turns it around.  I told him if he didn't stop smoking I was going to take my DD and myself to my parents, b/c I can't handle him being edgy every single night, tired and complaining, and whining about things I didn't do.  When he tells me to take it easy during the day..then gets onto me for not doing anything. I wish he would make up his mind. I went through this while preggo with my first DD and I can't do it with my second DD.  PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!  I need some advice.  I am so miserable with our relationship right now.  He makes me hate it, b/c of the smoking.  He needs to make up his mind.....smoking... or his family.  HE is 40 and will be 41 on Thursday. His BP has been high lately causing him to be dizzy and off balance and he still doesnt care about his health and being here for his DD"S!

[BabyHardiman]

I am sorry things are so ruff for you right now.  Smokers usually do not quit just because we ask them to, most of the time the pressure we put behind them makes them want to smoke even more.  Is he stressed out at work right now?  Is he always like this, or just recently since your confronted him about smoking?  

Reading how he popped your daughter angered me.  I will never allow anyone to take out their frustrations out on my child.  There will be hell to pay!!  I know you were sitting in the hospital IN PAIN, crying, and probably feeling guilty for being cautious because he was being a butthead about having to be out later.  Boy, what a crazy night for you.

I have an ex that the world revolved around too, so I can somewhat see how you feel, only I was not pregnant.  I really wish I had some great advice for you.  I am sure you will be given all different opinions about the matter.  Your DH is probably stressed because of work and the new baby and the fact that he was BUSTED fo smoking.  Can I ask why you feel so strongly about him smoking?  Does he have health problems?  Were you ever a smoker?  My Fiance' is a smoker and he wants to quit, but I never hassal him into quitting.  He knows that he needs to quit for his health.  Right now is a tuff time for him with the visitation battles, work, and new baby on the way.  I'm not making excuses for him, he is a grown man and can make his on choices, forcing him to quit will only make him want to do it more... I am supportive of his wishes to quit, and I tell him to take his time, and don't set a goal that is unrealistic... he will only set himself up for failure and more frustration.

I truly am sorry for all you are suffering with right now.  You need to take your focus off of him and put it on yourself and your baby.  Do you have someone who is sitting with you during the day?  Take care of yourself and your babies.  Let that man suffer with his own thoughts, and I am sure he is beating himself up right now for being such a jerk!  

[mami1323]

Wow, what a horrible thing to deal with while you are about to give birth.  I understand 100% about how mean they can get.  During my whole pregnancy I was crying because I felt as if my fiance was being moody all the time.  I was moody and that meant he was not allowed to be moody because the two of us like that together was trouble waiting to happen.  His was easily controlled, mine was hormonal and I was pregnant so geesh let me be moody.  They will never understand what it's like for us.  They can't grasp how uncomfortable and painful contractions can be.  Even the small ones are painful.  How would they feel if their stomach was tightening up and they were getting sharp pains up their spine.  They would be little babies about it.  I think that he may be resenting you for making him quit smoking.  The only thing that I can recommend is let him be.  BabyHardiman is right, the pressure of having to quit when he's not ready is causing him to lash out.  As long as he's not smoking around you or the girls then you need to let him quit on his own time.  I hate smoking.  My fiance's entire family practically smoke.  Everytime we come from their houses we all stink.  Even if they are smoking away from my son because I don't want him anywhere near the smoke, he still smells like it.  Is your dh mean because he is smoking or is he being mean because you are making him quit?  I think he will quit when he is ready,unfortunately he won't do it even though he knows how unhealthy it is for him.  Just try and let him be, but the next time he smacks your daughter for no reason I would take off with the kids until he promises never to touch them again.

[bjbbeauchamp]

Thank you both for being encouraging!  He did apologize this morning...which I wasn't expecting at all!  But still there was no reason behind his behavior.  He is never mean to me or our DD, EVER!!!!  So this was really hard on me.  
As far as the smoking.  He is much older than me (around 12 years) and so I am just worried about his health a lot.  My dad works with cancer patients so I grew up thinking smoking was a terrible thing to do and that it caused cancer.  I know it doesn't always and that cancer is cause from other things as well. But this was a great lesson for me when I was young.  I just hate it adn think it's nasty. I hate how you smell and how you put others in danger.  Its unattractive to me as well.  And he knows this.  He had smoked while he was in the navy for about 5 years and then quit and then his fiance (before I met him) drove him to smoke again.  He just stopped smoking right after our DD was born..no patches...no drugs!  So I was super proud of him.  I blame his mom and dad for his problems.  They smoked for years and his mom still does as well as his brother.  I just hate that people know its horrible for them but they do it anyways. We went to the bodies exhibit while in Las Vegas last year and we saw the lungs of a smoker and a non smoker and my DH was in shock.  But yet again he is smoking again.....uuuuggghhh!  I know I don't need to get onto him. I know it's his battle, but when he tells me he is going to give it his all and then he comes home and tells me he was good, but smoked about three that day...to me..that's bad..that's not good...that's not giving it his all.  But I need to back off. I think I am going to talk to him one more time tonight about it...not in a mean way, just in a concerning way and let him know how I feel and let him take it from there.  You both are right...as long as he isn't doing it around me and the babies we should be fine.
I go to the doctor today @ 2pm so I am waiting to see what she says.  I am wondering if my BP is still high.  With DD it was really bad and they had to induce me, btu I was 38 weeks. Right now I am 2cm and 75% effaced. Does this mean I will go into labor most likely before 40 weeks?  

[BabyHardiman]

My entire family, at one time, smoked.  I have 2 brothers and 2 sisters, and all of them smoked at one point or another.  I am the only sibling that did not pick up the habit.  We are in tobacco country here in NC.  So, eveyone either smokes or dips (skoal).  I hate it as well, but I tolerate it for the ones that I love.  I have an aunt who had lung cancer, and she smoked, but she was told that her lungs were clear and that the smoking did not cause her cancer... so, it is possible to have lung cancer that is not caused by smoking.  There are SSOOOOO many things that cause cancer these days!!  I say, you only have one life to live, and you should be able to do what makes you happy.  My Grandmother smoker her ENTIRE, she will be 76 this year, one day she just put them down 2 years ago, and never picked them back up.  No one asked her to, no one even brought it up, we are ALL shocked!  It was a great thing for her!

Any how, I hope that everything goes good at your Dr.s appointment today.  It looks like you probably want make it to 40 weeks, I hope you are ready for baby.  =)  Though this is my first baby, so I do not have experience to give any advice on that.  =)

Good luck!!

[mami1323]

Well good luck with talking to him.  Once the new baby comes, maybe he will decide to quit.

As far as going before 40 weeks, you probably will.  Since you are still 34 weeks and you are dilated already, you most likely will not make it to 40.  I didn't start dilating until I was 37 weeks and I was like 1 cm for 3 weeks.

Congrats on the new baby and good luck.