Career mom-stay at home dad

Happy Friday everyone.  My DH and I have been thinking about this for a long time.  Due to the circumstances, my DH wants to quit his job and stay at home with our DD full time (probably do something part time from home) and I'm going to go back to work full time.  I know it's not commonly practiced but we want to do what's best for us (since me working full time makes more sense in terms of $$$)...What do you think?  Anyone heard of similar stories?

[kris123]

If you make more money and you are fine with your man staying home, I think it is fine.  That is if it is fine with you.  I think it is great for parents to stay home with their kids if they can.  I don't think it matters if it is the mom or the dad.  I wish I could stay with my baby when he or she comes.

[have 2 kids]

We have close friends in that situation.  She works full time - makes GREAT money and he stays home with the kids.  It was quite an adjustment for them at 1st but now it's 2 years later and they are all happy.

[newbie2b]

More power to you chica!  If this is ok by you and your dh then why not?  The main concern is your baby and so, if your ok with it, and he's ok with it, then what a great thing for your baby to have daddy home with him?  I would rather have my bf home with our baby then both of us working, if it were possible. Just remember, that there are ignorant people out there. So prepare youself just incase you get a stupid comment when someone asks about your family.  But you always do whats best for your child.

[newbie2b]

Sorry I just reread, I meant your daughter, not son. :-)

[sheddybear]

Yeah, why not?  I makes sense to have the person making more money to keep working.  If it doesn't bother either of you I don't see a problem.  The idea of only the mom staying home is really old-fashioned to me!  Personally, I'm in a situation where I make less than my DH so I'll be the one staying home.  Whatever is best for you family go with it.

[jd1419]

Go for it.  My husb and gets days off during the week and he stays home those days with my boys.  If I made more money and didn't need his income he would probalby be a full time stay at home dad.  If it works for your family and there is no resentment after a while do it and be happy--at least you know that a person who loves your baby as much as you is taking care of her.

[low22]

My gf is an attorney and will be working and her husband is going to stay home with their baby.  I think it's fabulous if you can make it work!  My gf seems to think she can go back to work after two weeks.  Uh, I think that is a little unrealistic.  You do need bonding time with the baby too!

[boogaloo]

That's how it is in my house.  My husband is with the kids and I work.  He's networked with other men in the same situation and is fine with it.  It was rough for him in the beginning because he was home and that was it.  He went back college at 35 and is very content.  He feels like he has something for himself as well as being able to help with the kids.

[ajemmom]

I think you have to do whatever works for your family.  How lucky your DD will be to have her father around so much.  My husband works all the time and I feel my kids barely know him!  Best of luck to you!

[trekchick]

Well from 1st hand experience it works!

I am active duty military and so was my DH...he got out 2 yrs ago and has been a stay home daddy ever since.

The best thing that I can say is that my kid is never sick and I don't have to worry about rushing around to take him or pick him up from daycare.  

We are in Washington DC so it is pretty hectic around here and we are loosing out on a lot of money (b/c he could make alot of money as a cop here) but the fact of knowing that my child has a parent at home for him makes it better!  

And since we are getting ready to have our second in March....saves on daycare big time!

Good luck with whatever you choose, just please let you and your hubby make the decision...don't worry about what your friends and family think.  They are not in your financial business!

[Me2mommy2b]

Thank you all for taking time to reply.  We haven't decided for sure but most likely that's what will happen.  DH wants to do some work from home, I've taught him well how to take care of DD, he's becoming very good at caring for her.  Of course, I will miss being with her 24/7 terribly but unfortunately, if I don't work, I don't get paid, period!  And we can't survive on DH's salary alone.  We'll give it a try and see how it works out.  Hopefully it will be fine.

[aridza]

A friend of mine's DH does it and he loves it.
They have 2 boys, 3 1/2 and 2 1/2 and he's been staying home with them for almost a year now, she used to stay home with them until then but got a good job offer she couldn't refuse.
I think it's great and if you can trust DH being alone for hours with the baby, go for it (DH stays home with our DD when I work but he falls asleep watching TV and then DD goes crazy in the house, this week I came home to a door painted with green sharpie pen and all over her, my cool whip full of salt and cinamon...)
But it's great, you will be able to be the one bitching because the house isn't clean!

[Wooly25]

My husband is a teacher so in the summers and breaks he is also planning on staying home. So I say go for it if it works for you.

[2songbirds]

hey, we did it for 1 1/2 years, then I supported him when he went back to school too. It was a lot of burden on my shoulders, but it was really nice not having to do all the household work, and bathing the kids. I'm still supporting us now, as I make more money than he does. I give him an "allowance" every week from his paycheck, then I keep the rest of his pay for the bills, which just supplements my income.

Nothing wrong with it, although when people found out about my Mr.Mom, people did think it was odd, but they're not me.

[foxy1220]

When the woman is or becomes the "Bread Winner" it could be excellent or it could be a disaster.  I think you and your DH need to sit down and have several discussions about the arrangement before you decide to do it..  

Yall should discuss housework, and cooking etc.  Because many women take on the dominant financial role only to find that they still have to take on the dominant household and parental role...which can be extremely exhausting and could lead to resentment.

Also finances, you need to create a new budget, since you are the primary breadwinner and right now and you are not so sure if DH will infact be making any income.  The budget must be based solely on YOUR income, emergencies, car gas everything as far aas bills that hubby used to do with his income you must be prepared to take all of that on including giving DH an "allowance" every month.
Because in some situations when the financial aspect of the arrangement is not discussed openly and frankly, it may turn into a situation where DH may still be spending what he is used to spending...and that can leave you in a bind.

You also have to accept right off the bat, that YOU and only YOU are responsible for the bills now.  You will not be rescued by Hubby paycheck if things get in a bind....You will also realise that all the little bills add up and you may start to feel overwhelmed, because everytime you turn around there WILL be another bill.  If you do not accept this immediately you will find yourself getting very frustrated because everytime an unexpected bill comes up that you have not budgeted for....guess what, you have to find that money yourself or that bill will not be paid.

Also, discuss with DH the plans after your child starts going to school.....will he go back to work or will he continue to be home.  If he does decide to go back to work a time line needs to be set e.g. When DD starts going to school please find a job within six months.  You don't want to find yourself in a situation where you are assuming he will go back to work and he is assuming that he will continue to stay home.

I know all these things will be uncomfortable to talk about....but I guarantee you that it is easier to talk about all of these things NOW before you and he even make the decision for him to stay home....because if you wait for a situaion to arise before discussing these things..you will find that you are not dicussing anymore you will be argueing....and all th resentment and frustration will come out in that argument.