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Child support and feeling bad
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Child support and feeling bad

I know this may not be a baby or pregnant question but you girls always help me out.  I had an appt. with the court on Tues. for child support for Ryan 11w and didn't go because Craig's mother died and I went to the viewing - I felt bad and thought is was not the best time.  We went and he was so so nice to me in front of everyone and acted like we were togeather.  We haven't lived togeather since Ryan was born and no sex for 8 months.  How is that togeather.  Now I asked him to help me out because I have spent $213 so far in the last two weeks and he has a $490 dr bill, I got a $1300.00 hospital bill, formula cost $27 a can, and he told me he didn't work last week.  When I was off I was getting less then half my pay and he told me my car payment wasn't his problem.  I should have went Tuesday.  Even the death of his mother can't change him.  He is moving Oct. 11 so I don't want to go to court now because by the time they try to serve him he will not live where he is.  So I have to be nice so I know where he is going.  How am I to act toward him.  The drs are after me.  I'm so upset.  It takes everything I have not to call and ***** him out.  I know how it is to loss someone that is why I chose not to go.  If I go without his help for another month, it will be so tight.
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Avatar_f_tn
I am not sure your state laws and how they work, but in WV we have a child advocates office at the state capitol and you would not have to be present for the support to be enforced. Possibly for the first court date, but from then on the advocate can do it all at for you. Please check. Dead beat dad's rub me the wrong way. It gives those dad's, like my husband, a bad name. He was so easily stereo-typed. He has a daughter from a previous marriage that just turned 18 in July and he HAS paid all of his child support and then some. It just sickens me that some can make babies but not be resposible enough to care for them. Having a baby is expensive and stressful enough without having to wait on the other parent to send money. You should make sure that he pays 1/2 of the medical bills as well. Do you carry the insurance? I can't remember, I'm sure I read something in another post about the problems, but can't remember at the moment. I wish you the best of luck, dear.
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145992_tn?1341348674
kris123, this is exactly why we advised you to go to the court appointment regardless of the situation he was in with the death of his mom.  This man is never going to change, he is a loser.  I'm sure he was devastated at the loss of his mother but he used that situation to his advantage.  You can't feel bad for him because he certainly doesn't feel bad for all the stuff he put you through during your pregnancy, or even now.  He helped make this child and yet doesn't feel the least bit responsible for taking care of him financially.  It really sickens me.  Go to the court house, tell them the situation, tell them that he is moving and maybe they can put a rush on serving him with papers.  You can't sit and wait on this.  If I were you, I wouldn't even have gone to the viewing.  You need to start separating your feelings from this man.  I'm sorry if this sounds a bit harsh but this man makes me sick.  Good luck hon and I hope you get the financial help you need for your son.
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13167_tn?1327197724
kris - you really need legal help with your questions.  Besides getting emotional support here,  you actually need answers about your state's laws and child support.  Is there a family law center or something like that in your town?  

Did you cancel your appointment with the court and schedule another one,  or did you just not show up?   You need to call them and ask for a reschedule if you haven't already,  and ask for advice on what to do if he moves in the meantime.    It might be they could serve him with papers immediately.

Best wishes.
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Avatar_n_tn
You should be able to set up your doctor bills on monthly payment plans. You need to be the one to request this.
I do it all the time.
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142722_tn?1281537216
I did get another appointment which is on the 27th.  I have his work address and SSN and W2 and just about all I need.  I got the his license number, tage number, photo, ect..  The only thing I worry about is that they will not back date the payments.  Make him pay what he should have been.  My total med bills were 1800.  He gave me $300 two weeks after he was born and $900 two weeks later and told me not to bother him till end of Sept.  I paid off one dr, but owe hospital $1300.  900 is half the med bill but $300 of support for formula and diapers and daycare for three months is not far to me.  We have division of child support as far as I know and they take forever.  The best is for me to go to court myself because that is what I have done with my daughter.
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Avatar_f_tn
Yes, they should post date them. Best wishes.
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Avatar_f_tn
Oh, one more thing, Kris. I feel like your big sister as my youngest sister went through about the same thing 11 years ago. Do not let him manipulate you with emotions. Stick to the facts and that is he has not supported his baby. Keep it "just business, nothing personal". Stay strong and good luck to you.
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184674_tn?1360864093
First of all, you've got to toughen up, girl! I replied to your post about this issue in the Relationship forum--that just because his mom died does not give him an excuse to bail on his financial responsibilities to his son.
Isn't it irritating how dead-beat dads can be SO nice to you and give you all kinds of sob stories or excuses as to why they can't pay the child support? Then in the next moment, they say something like, "Your car payment isn't my problem," when you're the one using that car to transport THEIR kid (that they're so eager to be the "fun-times daddy" to) to doctor's appt's, daycare, etc. Meanwhile, good ol' dad is taking the work week off and then telling you his money is tight!

Anyway, as far as how you should act towards him, be as nice as you can, but without cutting any slack. Next time you talk to him, be curt and honest--you need X amount of money in child support for the month of Sept, *please.* Here's why: this is my budget. This is what I spend on our son for his needs. I'm doing all I can on my part, which includes taking up most of *your* responsibilities. I could really use your help; this is your son too.
Offer him a payment schedule that works for him, if needed, such as a bi-weekly payment of maybe $100. Keep on him for it, otherwise he'll most likely conveniently forget. Keep record of what he pays you, if he pays--I make xerox copies of my ex's checks he writes, or I write him a receipt and have him sign it if he pays in cash. RECORD EVERYTHING.
If he doesn't help, I'm really sorry. I know how it is to have a budget that's so tight you don't know if you're going to even make it through the next day without literally having to beg. I'm not kidding--I've been there in the last few months.
I had to have a real heart-to-heart with my ex and tell him he'd better pay the child support on time every month. Otherwise, I'd turn the tables on him and play his little games of manipulation and threats right back--like taking him to court to get the mandated $300/month or more (which I've done, but he doesn't know it; now I'm just waiting to hear back from DHR because I couldn't afford a lawyer to do it), or calling his parents and asking if they could kindly help me out for their grandson's sake, since their dear son won't step up to the plate because of Excuse A or B.
I've learned (finally) the hard way that I don't have to be broke on account of being a single mom with an ex who wants to be "fun-times daddy." I got to the point where I don't care about his woe-is-me issues, which always got to me before. Bottom line, he's a father and wants to be one, so I'll make sure he gets what he wants, and everything that comes with it (mainly, a check). I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but if my ex's mother died and child support was due the next day, I'd have absolutely no issues about demanding it the next day. None at all. If he didn't pay, I'd give him 10 days to come up with the money before I'd record it and report it to the court on the 11th day.

Like I said in your other post--if your mother died, that would not give you an excuse to neglect financial responsibilities to your son.

Oh, and if he moves, that shouldn't be a problem. If he wants to keep getting mail, he has to record a fwding addy to the post office, along with changing his driver's license and other legal stuff. He'll be trackable if he moves. Don't worry about that.
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134578_tn?1404951303
Kris, don't be relaxed about court appointments -- if you don't show up, sometimes that means that the other party gets everything they want.  This can apply in divorces, in restraining orders, in everything.  I have seen a dad not show up for the appointment where the wife was asking for a divorce and joint custody not with him but with his parents (who didn't like him), and since he wasn't there, that was what the judge awarded.  This was OK in that case because the dad was a felon (and a very bad boy with little children to boot), but you don't want anything like that to ever happen to you.  When you get a letter about ANY date or deadline that has to do with the courts, do what it says or get a lawyer to file to have the date moved.  There are doubtless law-school supported legal clinics where you can get a lot of help, they do this kind of work all the time...please call around and see if you can find one.  Good luck, honey, making all your court dates will save you way more in the long run than the cost of formula or even back costs of doctor appointments.  (((HUGS)))  Annie
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93654_tn?1247502934
Go to the next court date. They'll be able to find him if he moves. Don't miss another day in court though- even if the rest of his family kicks the bucket between now and then.
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175662_tn?1282217256
Kris, if you receive(d) any help from the state at all then they will most certainly go back to the date Ryan was born for child support.  Keep your appointment and follow through thoroughly.  Don't do what I have done, I got so frustrated with the courts and my ex's, I haven't received child support in about 8 years.... Please, for the sake of your children and yourself, follow through.
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246850_tn?1246163948
Yes they will go back, but the "back" child support will go to the state. (if thats the situation) girl as long as you have his ssn, you are in the clear! thats all you need and they will do the rest! best of luck to you!
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